sabotagers... are real

It is deliberate sabotage, and no, someone does not have to hold you down, lace your food, to do it, if that were true then marketing, propganda would never work, but it does. I have had it done to me, I have heard countless other people, men, women, tell me the same thing. I don't understand it either, the best explanation I heard from one friend is that they do not want to do the work, and do not want to see you doing it either. Jealousy. What can you do? Accept your friend (?) as she is. She is sabotaging you. Tell her, hey, stop sabotaging me, support my goals, what a saboteur you are, that's not appropriate, that's not being a friend and set your boundaries. I told my mom that I guess she wanted me dead because she knew the doctor had told me to lose weight and she knows the heart disease risk. She cut it out then. She was telling me not to lose weight because the doctor had gained weight. (Really? That's why I should stay fat, have a heart attack and die due to high cholesterol?) If they offer you food, say, are you trying to kill me, you want me to stay fat? If you say nothing, they keep on and then blame you saying they thought you were okay with it or laugh saying you were always skinny, you never had to struggle, etc. If your friend keeps it up, you keep your distance. If you dwell on it, you may go and eat as the serotin rush from sugar will make you feel better, so you need to exercise, do some push-ups or jumping jacks, etc. and say that's her, she's being jealous, she does not respect other people's goals, I don't understand it, shift your focus to your goal, and keep the image of a skinny you in a great dress or playing and keeping up with your child in mind.

It is deliberate sabotage, and no, someone does not have to hold you down, lace your food, to do it, if that were true then marketing, propganda would never work, but it does. I have had it done to me, I have heard countless other people, men, women, tell me the same thing. I don't understand it either, the best explanation I heard from one friend is that they do not want to do the work, and do not want to see you doing it either. Jealousy. What can you do? Accept your friend (?) as she is. She is sabotaging you. Tell her, hey, stop sabotaging me, support my goals, what a saboteur you are, that's not appropriate, that's not being a friend and set your boundaries. I told my mom that I guess she wanted me dead because she knew the doctor had told me to lose weight and she knows the heart disease risk. She cut it out then. She was telling me not to lose weight because the doctor had gained weight. (Really? That's why I should stay fat, have a heart attack and die due to high cholesterol?) If they offer you food, say, are you trying to kill me, you want me to stay fat? If you say nothing, they keep on and then blame you saying they thought you were okay with it or laugh saying you were always skinny, you never had to struggle, etc. If your friend keeps it up, you keep your distance. If you dwell on it, you may go and eat as the serotin rush from sugar will make you feel better, so you need to exercise, do some push-ups or jumping jacks, etc. and say that's her, she's being jealous, she does not respect other people's goals, I don't understand it, shift your focus to your goal, and keep the image of a skinny you in a great dress or playing and keeping up with your child in mind.

Whether it was sabotage or not is irrelevant. Each of us need to stand on our own two feet and take responsibility for our own decisions.

Surround yourself with as many positive friends or acquaintances as you can.

This. I've let some friends go to my outer circle but I've made some really awesome new close friends.

Not saying she was deliberately trying to "sabotage" you, but her motivation doesn't have to be that she wants you to be fat with her (which is normally typical for fat women).

Perhaps she likes you around to be the fat friend, so she'll look better in contrast.

^^^^^^THIS

Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??

if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....

Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.

OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....

"Regain my former weight" does not necessarily mean to get heavier, despite what the previous poster thinks.

Regain means to obtain something again. If that "something" was a smaller figure, then to "regain" it is to once again become smaller.

Stop being so literal.

Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??

if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....

Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.

OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....

I thought that, too. Your former weight could mean your heavier one and if you phrased it as "gaining", it could be viewed that way. But then I assumed you were clearer in person.

There are people - even people who love you - that will put you down for dieting.

The sabotaging, insults and put downs, though difficult to hear from people you care about, are much more about them and their emotional problems than they are about you.

People who do that stuff are really telling you that they feel inadequate and insecure. Every attempt to drag you down is motivated by a desire to pull themselves up. I don't know if that helps any.

Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??

if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....

Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.

OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....

"Regain my former weight" does not necessarily mean to get heavier, despite what the previous poster thinks.

Regain means to obtain something again. If that "something" was a smaller figure, then to "regain" it is to once again become smaller.

Stop being so literal.

What if the OP's friend took it literally too? I said the sentence was ambiguous (which means the meaning is either not clear or could be taken in two different ways). If the OPs friend took it the same way I did (too literal or not) then the OP's basically destroying the friendship by ranting on here rather than talking to her friend about it...

I know what the other way that the sentence could be taken means. I said it was an ambiguous sentence, which it is. It can be taken two ways. A friendship is at stake here... to lose a friendship over a simple misunderstanding would be pretty tragic, IMO

Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??

if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....

Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.

OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....

"Regain my former weight" does not necessarily mean to get heavier, despite what the previous poster thinks.

Regain means to obtain something again. If that "something" was a smaller figure, then to "regain" it is to once again become smaller.

Stop being so literal.

Both definitions are actually correct, it just depends on the context.

Who said both definitions couldn't apply (perhaps you missed the word "necessarily" in my post)?

The fact is that if both could apply, you use the one that applies to the OP, and not say the friend is trying to help you fatten up since that's what you requested.

Oh, and let's apply Occam's Razor here.

What is more probable? That the OP is trying to gain, or that the OP is trying to lose? Bear in mind that this friend probably knows more about her personal history than any of us here do.

Everyone's twisting themselves into pretzels, trying to fit this scenario into their box, regardless of how likely it is.

The ONLY person that can sabotage your diet is the person you see in the mirror.

Anchorman and fudge in the same comment. You win at life.

In my opinion, when a lot of people claim their friends, SOs and peers are insecure, it's actually they who are insecure themselves. Insecure about dieting, losing weight, and getting in shape. Therefore, they take everything as a personal attack, insult or sabotage. My mom offers me food every time I visit her, and she knows I don't eat the way I used to. Is she trying to sabotage me? No, she's just a good mother who is nice enough to offer me food.

This.

Or she could have just been teasing you. /shrug

Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??

if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....

Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.

OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....

"Regain my former weight" does not necessarily mean to get heavier, despite what the previous poster thinks.

Regain means to obtain something again. If that "something" was a smaller figure, then to "regain" it is to once again become smaller.

Stop being so literal.

Both definitions are actually correct, it just depends on the context.

Who said both definitions couldn't apply (perhaps you missed the word "necessarily" in my post)?

The fact is that if both could apply, you use the one that applies to the OP, and not say the friend is trying to help you fatten up since that's what you requested.

Oh, and let's apply Occam's Razor here.

What is more probable? That the OP is trying to gain, or that the OP is trying to lose? Bear in mind that this friend probably knows more about her personal history than any of us here do.

Everyone's twisting themselves into pretzels, trying to fit this scenario into their box, regardless of how likely it is.

You seem unnecessarily invested in a situation that doesn't impact you in any way. Someone offered an alternative viewpoint to the "sabotage/insecurity/jealousy" mantra that gets repeated around here every time someone complains that they were offered food. Her friend got food and offered her some - this is normal behavior amongst humans, as eating food in front of someone without offering to share or inviting them to join you for the meal is generally considered rude.

One of the problems with tracking your food and being aware of what you are eating is that you are aware of what you are eating, much more so than you were when you were gaining. OP is obviously going to notice offers of food much more now than she would before, as well as how much people around her eat and what they eat. We all go through it at some point. How you interpret those offers of food is completely individual, and not all of us share the "they're out to get me" mentality.

What f@cked up friends some of you have...

The worst I've ever encountered is some mild teasing or someone waving a french fry in my face, which is always a joke and is pretty easy to "resist."

Make new friends or maybe have a heart to heart. I wouldn't feel too bad about telling them they have problems and letting them know I won't be seeing them much in the future.

Ahh I love the smell of a Sabotage thread on a Saturday...smells like...I dunno, chocolate.

I very much doubt your friend was trying to sabotage you. Most likely you're oversensitive. Maybe your friend was teasing you a little and taking the piss. Lord knows my friends and I do that to each other all the time.

Also, I've never understood why people have to make an announcement to everyone they know when they decide to lose weight. This is your struggle and your responsibility alone. Just do it and don't make a big deal of it

2 points:

Number 1. I think when we embark on a lifestyle change we truly start to notice everything food related more. Some of us turn into robots with calorie counting screens in front of our faces.

Number 2. All the smart arses coming up with all sorts of metaphors to why it's not sabotage, I would be interested to know your stance on this if the substance in question was not food, but heroin.

Food is an addiction.

Personally, I think maybe just find an activity to do with her that doesn't involve too much food. Anyway, if she is a real friend it won't be deliberate, or hell maybe it is. Maybe she knows how food has made you so happy in the past and doesn't know any other way to put extra smiles on your face. Good luck with everything x