sabotagers... are real
Replies
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Well done for resisting it. She must have her own issues. I wonder what they are? Maybe best to stay clear of her for a while - just while you are trying to lose the weight.
Stay strong!0 -
Here's a crazy thought: why don't you talk to her about it? Everyone here on this forum are complete strangers, they have never met your friend and know nothing of her character. Talk to her, and try to do this calmly.0
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Here's a crazy thought: why don't you talk to her about it? Everyone here on this forum are complete strangers, they have never met your friend and know nothing of her character. Talk to her, and try to do this calmly.
^^^ this
espeically as there's a possibility that it was all a misunderstanding (ambiguous sentence thing that I already commented on)
murderers get a trial, but on here, people who have the audacity to offer people food are hung drawn and quartered as saboteurs... I mean there are friendships at stake here, why just assume the worst motive without considering other explanations.
definitely the OP should talk to her friend0 -
2 points:
Number 1. I think when we embark on a lifestyle change we truly start to notice everything food related more. Some of us turn into robots with calorie counting screens in front of our faces.
Number 2. All the smart arses coming up with all sorts of metaphors to why it's not sabotage, I would be interested to know your stance on this if the substance in question was not food, but heroin.
Food is an addiction.
Personally, I think maybe just find an activity to do with her that doesn't involve too much food. Anyway, if she is a real friend it won't be deliberate, or hell maybe it is. Maybe she knows how food has made you so happy in the past and doesn't know any other way to put extra smiles on your face. Good luck with everything x
Does anyone have a bingo dauber? Mine ran out and I really need to get that food=heroin reference. Thanks.0 -
2 points:
Number 1. I think when we embark on a lifestyle change we truly start to notice everything food related more. Some of us turn into robots with calorie counting screens in front of our faces.
Number 2. All the smart arses coming up with all sorts of metaphors to why it's not sabotage, I would be interested to know your stance on this if the substance in question was not food, but heroin.
Food is an addiction.
Personally, I think maybe just find an activity to do with her that doesn't involve too much food. Anyway, if she is a real friend it won't be deliberate, or hell maybe it is. Maybe she knows how food has made you so happy in the past and doesn't know any other way to put extra smiles on your face. Good luck with everything x
Does anyone have a bingo dauber? Mine ran out and I really need to get that food=heroin reference. Thanks.
Do you even Hitler?0 -
Maybe you were being a hangry b!tch who blames other people when something is difficult then talks about them behind their back, and she just wanted her friend back?
Seriously, talk to her, not us. Here you'll just get smoke blown up your @ss or attacks. With her you may get resolution and possibly avoid losing a friend.0 -
Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
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Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
She didn't say she wanted to regain her former shape…she said weight. Regain can mean to gain weight. I believe both definitions have already been provided and explained.0 -
For me, the sabotagers are generally family. Sad, but true. I can handle it, most times.0
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Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
She didn't say she wanted to regain her former shape…she said weight. Regain can mean to gain weight. I believe both definitions have already been provided and explained.
Yeah but in a realistic context, one is just silly. Did YOU think OP's friend thought she meant she wanted to gain weight?0 -
This is a great idea, that's what I will do. She normally has only one meal a day, usually evening meal but yesterday was breakfast, ordinarily after having breakfast out she wouldn't eat again until the following day so the ice cream twice in one day is very unusual.If it comes up again, you could ask her, " you know its almost as though you don't want me to lose weight, the way you are trying to entice me off diet with all these foods that you nearly never eat normally. What's going on? "
She will of course deny everything. Maybe she's not totally conscious of what she's doing. Or maybe you don't normally notice what she eats as well as you think you do. anyway just bring this out into the open should nip any further attempts at sabotage in the bud.
If she only eats once a day, i hope she pigs out to get enough calories in the day. Guess we know why she's so slim. Don't copy her unhealthy diet and eat the occasional treat. 0 -
Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
The OP doesn't actually look fat in her picture. You look at her profile picture and tell me if you think she looks fat? I don't think she does. I certainly wouldn't describe her as a "bigger gal".... maybe it's an old picture up for motivation, or maybe it's current, I don't know. But there are plenty of people on here who just want to lose 5-10 lb or even 20lb who don't look fat at all.
And she said she'd like to "regain her former weight" - regain weight usually means get heavier. I get that the sentence has another meaning, but that's the trouble with ambiguous sentences.... they can be taken two ways and they lead to misunderstandings and poor communication.
Sorry you find my efforts to possibly save a friendship to be so amusing........ suppose, just suppose, that the OP really does look like she does in her picture (i.e. not fat) and that what she said to her friend was just as ambiguous as what she typed, and that the friend really did misunderstand her and think she wanted to gain weight....... none of that is far fetched, but it seems everyone just wants to jump on the shame the "sabotager" (sic) witch hunt bandwagon rather than consider the possibility that the whole thing may have been a misunderstanding.
You don't think it's a good idea that the OP just talks to her friend to find out what she thought she was doing? You know, just to be sure that it wasn't all a big misunderstanding, before carrying on ranting about how horrible she is on the internet and ending the friendship?0 -
I haven't read the replies...but perhaps your friend has an unhealthy relationship with food? You say she doesn't eat much (if at all), eats once a day...you told her you're on a diet... perhaps that "triggered" something in her....Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??0 -
OP if I were you I'd just not mention weight loss the next time. My family are a little bit "over-protective" of me in that regard, I don't tell them I'm losing. I just tell them I'm eating a little healthier because candy and stuff makes me feel ill lately. If they notice I'm smaller I tell them it's because I'm "toning". They're not smart enough to know better
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Yes, sabotagers are real. But that's their problem. If people are trying to sabotage your weight loss, it's up to you on how to deal with it. I would've just said, no I can't fit those treats into my day and moved on. Clearly she didn't tie you up and try to force ice cream down your throat, so who cares if she offered you several treats? Just say no, or yes. It's just that simple sometimes. If she doesn't agree with your weight loss journey, that's her problem. In life there's always going to be situations like this, it's up to you on how you handle it. I would just have a grown up conversation if it really bothers you and let her know how you feel.0
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Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
She didn't say she wanted to regain her former shape…she said weight. Regain can mean to gain weight. I believe both definitions have already been provided and explained.
Yeah but in a realistic context, one is just silly. Did YOU think OP's friend thought she meant she wanted to gain weight?
the first time I read it I understood it as wanting to gain weight. Then I realised the sentence was ambiguous and could be taken either way. The sentence really is ambiguous and the OP doesn't look fat either, so I do think it's possible that the friend could have misunderstood and thought she wanted to gain weight.
Additionally, lets look at the possible outcomes of either situation.... if she was deliberately sabotaging the OP then the friendship is probably over already........ OR if it was a misunderstanding, then the OP could save the friendship by talking to her friend and clearing it up, and saving both of them a huge amount of heartache.
This isn't a theoretical thing or trying to win an argument.... if I was that friend and I'd thought she meant she wanted to gain weight, I would be extremely hurt that she just ranted about me on the internet rather than giving me a chance to explain it from my point of view.... I mean all I'm saying is the OP should talk to her friend just in case it was a misunderstanding........ I think it's very unkind to cut someone out of your life and say bad things about them on the internet over something like that when there's a possibility that there could have been an innocent explanation........0 -
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Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
The OP doesn't actually look fat in her picture. You look at her profile picture and tell me if you think she looks fat? I don't think she does. I certainly wouldn't describe her as a "bigger gal".... maybe it's an old picture up for motivation, or maybe it's current, I don't know. But there are plenty of people on here who just want to lose 5-10 lb or even 20lb who don't look fat at all.
Sorry you find my efforts to possibly save a friendship to be so amusing........ suppose, just suppose, that the OP really does look like she does in her picture (i.e. not fat) and that what she said to her friend was just as ambiguous as what she typed, and that the friend really did misunderstand her and think she wanted to gain weight....... none of that is far fetched, but it seems everyone just wants to jump on the shame the "sabotager" (sic) witch hunt bandwagon rather than consider the possibility that the whole thing may have been a misunderstanding.
You don't think it's a good idea that the OP just talks to her friend to find out what she thought she was doing? You know, just to be sure that it wasn't all a big misunderstanding, before carrying on ranting about how horrible she is on the internet and ending the friendship?
Her ticker says she wants to lose 43 lbs. assuming her friend has known her for any length of time, 60 or 70 lbs overweight is likely to not be her "former healthy weight". I don't have a pitch fork. I just thought you were joking, and ultimately found your stance and incredulity at what to you perhaps just had to be a difference between American and British communication to be a tad ludicrous.
But hey, if she used to weigh 90 lbs at her "healthy weight" and is 5'10", perhaps getting back to 150 could be her healthy weight after all!! Amazing0 -
Ever notice people who will push food on overweight people but leave skinny people alone? Who really needs the food?0
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I am not a French professor, but I play one on TV, and if we can say "sabotage," we can learn the correct word for those who commit it, which is "saboteurs." Thank you! Have a great day.0
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Wow, this has been an eye-opening thread. OP, it does sound like your friend may have has some ulterior objectives. Good for you for resisting and staying strong. She probably does mean well or at the very least, THINK she means well.
For me, the hardest calories to resist are alcohol. I'd get a lot more sympathy, I think, if I posted the OP and complained about a friend who knew I was avoiding alcohol trying to push cocktails on me, even if the friends motives were completely helpful. I'd still say no and if I caved in, it would be all on me. But I wouldn't feel as comfortable hanging out with them again, I'd have to keep my guard up. It's would be easier and more comfortable to be around people who don't tempt me, and I'd feel better about myself at the end of the day. Oh, and I have absolutely no problem turning away food and drink that I don't want, so it's not like my opinion here is because I blame other people for succumbing to temptation.
Just a hint for those who show love by wanting to share food: you're offering a gift that someone doesn't want, and while it's the thought that counts, it kind of sucks when someone wants to give you something you really, really don't want in your house. Or your stomach, as the case may be. Oh, and I
Addressing it with her in an up-front manner will probably be most productive; if she's a true friend, she means well and hasn't realized that she's doing more harm than good. If you do have that conversation, go into it with the attitude that you know she cares for you and could she please help you?
If you can't address it up front, try to make a pointed joke about it. "Hey, if you're training to be a pusher, get your feet wet with weed first. That way when you start with the food pushing I'll at least have the munchies."
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Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
The OP doesn't actually look fat in her picture. You look at her profile picture and tell me if you think she looks fat? I don't think she does. I certainly wouldn't describe her as a "bigger gal".... maybe it's an old picture up for motivation, or maybe it's current, I don't know. But there are plenty of people on here who just want to lose 5-10 lb or even 20lb who don't look fat at all.
Sorry you find my efforts to possibly save a friendship to be so amusing........ suppose, just suppose, that the OP really does look like she does in her picture (i.e. not fat) and that what she said to her friend was just as ambiguous as what she typed, and that the friend really did misunderstand her and think she wanted to gain weight....... none of that is far fetched, but it seems everyone just wants to jump on the shame the "sabotager" (sic) witch hunt bandwagon rather than consider the possibility that the whole thing may have been a misunderstanding.
You don't think it's a good idea that the OP just talks to her friend to find out what she thought she was doing? You know, just to be sure that it wasn't all a big misunderstanding, before carrying on ranting about how horrible she is on the internet and ending the friendship?
Her ticker says she wants to lose 43 lbs. assuming her friend has known her for any length of time, 60 or 70 lbs overweight is likely to not be her "former healthy weight". I don't have a pitch fork. I just thought you were joking, and ultimately found your stance and incredulity at what to you perhaps just had to be a difference between American and British communication to be a tad ludicrous.
But hey, if she used to weigh 90 lbs at her "healthy weight" and is 5'10", perhaps getting back to 150 could be her healthy weight after all!! Amazing
I didn't look at her ticker, I just looked at her picture (not fat). I posted what I did because I thought there's a chance the whole thing could have been a misunderstanding and that this should be considered before concluding that the friend was deliberately sabotaging her.
I would take "I want to regain my former weight" as wanting to gain weight or at least as a sentence I'd question someone about to find out what they really meant... I wouldn't use "regain" in that context (I'm British) - I'd say "I want to get back to my former weight" so "regain my former weight" sounds weird and ambiguous to me, and sounds even more weird being used to mean getting back to a former weight that's lighter than your current weight.
I believe that if there is a possibility that any dispute between friends was a perfectly innocent misunderstanding - even when that's the less likely of two possible explanations - talking about it is a vital step. Then at least you know where everyone stands, and if it wasn't a misunderstanding you can take it from there... but if it was a misunderstanding then talking about it and clearing up the misunderstanding saves the friendship.0 -
Tried posting a link to a you tube video of Captin Kirk saying sabatoge >
http://youtu.be/nlOTRxt-dIw 0 -
Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
The OP doesn't actually look fat in her picture. You look at her profile picture and tell me if you think she looks fat? I don't think she does. I certainly wouldn't describe her as a "bigger gal".... maybe it's an old picture up for motivation, or maybe it's current, I don't know. But there are plenty of people on here who just want to lose 5-10 lb or even 20lb who don't look fat at all.
Sorry you find my efforts to possibly save a friendship to be so amusing........ suppose, just suppose, that the OP really does look like she does in her picture (i.e. not fat) and that what she said to her friend was just as ambiguous as what she typed, and that the friend really did misunderstand her and think she wanted to gain weight....... none of that is far fetched, but it seems everyone just wants to jump on the shame the "sabotager" (sic) witch hunt bandwagon rather than consider the possibility that the whole thing may have been a misunderstanding.
You don't think it's a good idea that the OP just talks to her friend to find out what she thought she was doing? You know, just to be sure that it wasn't all a big misunderstanding, before carrying on ranting about how horrible she is on the internet and ending the friendship?
Her ticker says she wants to lose 43 lbs. assuming her friend has known her for any length of time, 60 or 70 lbs overweight is likely to not be her "former healthy weight". I don't have a pitch fork. I just thought you were joking, and ultimately found your stance and incredulity at what to you perhaps just had to be a difference between American and British communication to be a tad ludicrous.
But hey, if she used to weigh 90 lbs at her "healthy weight" and is 5'10", perhaps getting back to 150 could be her healthy weight after all!! Amazing
I didn't look at her ticker, I just looked at her picture (not fat). I posted what I did because I thought there's a chance the whole thing could have been a misunderstanding and that this should be considered before concluding that the friend was deliberately sabotaging her.
I would take "I want to regain my former weight" as wanting to gain weight or at least as a sentence I'd question someone about to find out what they really meant... I wouldn't use "regain" in that context (I'm British) - I'd say "I want to get back to my former weight" so "regain my former weight" sounds weird and ambiguous to me, and sounds even more weird being used to mean getting back to a former weight that's lighter than your current weight.
I believe that if there is a possibility that any dispute between friends was a perfectly innocent misunderstanding - even when that's the less likely of two possible explanations - talking about it is a vital step. Then at least you know where everyone stands, and if it wasn't a misunderstanding you can take it from there... but if it was a misunderstanding then talking about it and clearing up the misunderstanding saves the friendship.
Yeah I think the main difference was you went by her picture and I went by her ticker. Which I would agree the woman in the picture does look quite nice. With statements like "you can never be too rich or too skinny" floating around... it just seems pretty clear that most women wouldn't want to get fatter - especially when, in context, they're already bigger than the "skinny friend" offering them treats. I'm not disputing whether or not they should have a potentially friend saving conversation. Matter of fact, many people on this very topic have suggested the same0 -
Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
The OP doesn't actually look fat in her picture. You look at her profile picture and tell me if you think she looks fat? I don't think she does. I certainly wouldn't describe her as a "bigger gal".... maybe it's an old picture up for motivation, or maybe it's current, I don't know. But there are plenty of people on here who just want to lose 5-10 lb or even 20lb who don't look fat at all.
Sorry you find my efforts to possibly save a friendship to be so amusing........ suppose, just suppose, that the OP really does look like she does in her picture (i.e. not fat) and that what she said to her friend was just as ambiguous as what she typed, and that the friend really did misunderstand her and think she wanted to gain weight....... none of that is far fetched, but it seems everyone just wants to jump on the shame the "sabotager" (sic) witch hunt bandwagon rather than consider the possibility that the whole thing may have been a misunderstanding.
You don't think it's a good idea that the OP just talks to her friend to find out what she thought she was doing? You know, just to be sure that it wasn't all a big misunderstanding, before carrying on ranting about how horrible she is on the internet and ending the friendship?
Her ticker says she wants to lose 43 lbs. assuming her friend has known her for any length of time, 60 or 70 lbs overweight is likely to not be her "former healthy weight". I don't have a pitch fork. I just thought you were joking, and ultimately found your stance and incredulity at what to you perhaps just had to be a difference between American and British communication to be a tad ludicrous.
But hey, if she used to weigh 90 lbs at her "healthy weight" and is 5'10", perhaps getting back to 150 could be her healthy weight after all!! Amazing
I didn't look at her ticker, I just looked at her picture (not fat). I posted what I did because I thought there's a chance the whole thing could have been a misunderstanding and that this should be considered before concluding that the friend was deliberately sabotaging her.
I would take "I want to regain my former weight" as wanting to gain weight or at least as a sentence I'd question someone about to find out what they really meant... I wouldn't use "regain" in that context (I'm British) - I'd say "I want to get back to my former weight" so "regain my former weight" sounds weird and ambiguous to me, and sounds even more weird being used to mean getting back to a former weight that's lighter than your current weight.
I believe that if there is a possibility that any dispute between friends was a perfectly innocent misunderstanding - even when that's the less likely of two possible explanations - talking about it is a vital step. Then at least you know where everyone stands, and if it wasn't a misunderstanding you can take it from there... but if it was a misunderstanding then talking about it and clearing up the misunderstanding saves the friendship.
We need to get some British folks to chime in. Would "regain" only refer to weight in this context, or can it be used (as most educated individuals associate it) to refer to "reacquire?" (Oh, and if you have a very limited vocabulary, let the grownups handle this one.)
As far as the rest goes, it's already been refuted upthread. As is typical with forums, most believe the last word wins the argument.0 -
I have learned to not share things with most people. I feel like people are ready to pounce on whatever it is - you say you got a good deal on something, they point out how you could have gotten a better deal ... If i am now happy about something - and i want to remain that way - I keep it to me and a few others. I think I have friends with an unhealthy level of competition.
I think sabotage is real - it would throw me off balance as well.0 -
Glad you said it.:flowerforyou:I am not a French professor, but I play one on TV, and if we can say "sabotage," we can learn the correct word for those who commit it, which is "saboteurs." Thank you! Have a great day.0 -
Here's a crazy thought: why don't you talk to her about it? Everyone here on this forum are complete strangers, they have never met your friend and know nothing of her character. Talk to her, and try to do this calmly.
Because that's logical.
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