sabotagers... are real
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Well done for resisting it. She must have her own issues. I wonder what they are? Maybe best to stay clear of her for a while - just while you are trying to lose the weight.
Stay strong!0 -
Here's a crazy thought: why don't you talk to her about it? Everyone here on this forum are complete strangers, they have never met your friend and know nothing of her character. Talk to her, and try to do this calmly.0
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Here's a crazy thought: why don't you talk to her about it? Everyone here on this forum are complete strangers, they have never met your friend and know nothing of her character. Talk to her, and try to do this calmly.
^^^ this
espeically as there's a possibility that it was all a misunderstanding (ambiguous sentence thing that I already commented on)
murderers get a trial, but on here, people who have the audacity to offer people food are hung drawn and quartered as saboteurs... I mean there are friendships at stake here, why just assume the worst motive without considering other explanations.
definitely the OP should talk to her friend0 -
2 points:
Number 1. I think when we embark on a lifestyle change we truly start to notice everything food related more. Some of us turn into robots with calorie counting screens in front of our faces.
Number 2. All the smart arses coming up with all sorts of metaphors to why it's not sabotage, I would be interested to know your stance on this if the substance in question was not food, but heroin.
Food is an addiction.
Personally, I think maybe just find an activity to do with her that doesn't involve too much food. Anyway, if she is a real friend it won't be deliberate, or hell maybe it is. Maybe she knows how food has made you so happy in the past and doesn't know any other way to put extra smiles on your face. Good luck with everything x
Does anyone have a bingo dauber? Mine ran out and I really need to get that food=heroin reference. Thanks.0 -
2 points:
Number 1. I think when we embark on a lifestyle change we truly start to notice everything food related more. Some of us turn into robots with calorie counting screens in front of our faces.
Number 2. All the smart arses coming up with all sorts of metaphors to why it's not sabotage, I would be interested to know your stance on this if the substance in question was not food, but heroin.
Food is an addiction.
Personally, I think maybe just find an activity to do with her that doesn't involve too much food. Anyway, if she is a real friend it won't be deliberate, or hell maybe it is. Maybe she knows how food has made you so happy in the past and doesn't know any other way to put extra smiles on your face. Good luck with everything x
Does anyone have a bingo dauber? Mine ran out and I really need to get that food=heroin reference. Thanks.
Do you even Hitler?0 -
Maybe you were being a hangry b!tch who blames other people when something is difficult then talks about them behind their back, and she just wanted her friend back?
Seriously, talk to her, not us. Here you'll just get smoke blown up your @ss or attacks. With her you may get resolution and possibly avoid losing a friend.0 -
Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
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Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
She didn't say she wanted to regain her former shape…she said weight. Regain can mean to gain weight. I believe both definitions have already been provided and explained.0 -
For me, the sabotagers are generally family. Sad, but true. I can handle it, most times.0
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Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
She didn't say she wanted to regain her former shape…she said weight. Regain can mean to gain weight. I believe both definitions have already been provided and explained.
Yeah but in a realistic context, one is just silly. Did YOU think OP's friend thought she meant she wanted to gain weight?0 -
This is a great idea, that's what I will do. She normally has only one meal a day, usually evening meal but yesterday was breakfast, ordinarily after having breakfast out she wouldn't eat again until the following day so the ice cream twice in one day is very unusual.If it comes up again, you could ask her, " you know its almost as though you don't want me to lose weight, the way you are trying to entice me off diet with all these foods that you nearly never eat normally. What's going on? "
She will of course deny everything. Maybe she's not totally conscious of what she's doing. Or maybe you don't normally notice what she eats as well as you think you do. anyway just bring this out into the open should nip any further attempts at sabotage in the bud.
If she only eats once a day, i hope she pigs out to get enough calories in the day. Guess we know why she's so slim. Don't copy her unhealthy diet and eat the occasional treat. 0 -
Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
The OP doesn't actually look fat in her picture. You look at her profile picture and tell me if you think she looks fat? I don't think she does. I certainly wouldn't describe her as a "bigger gal".... maybe it's an old picture up for motivation, or maybe it's current, I don't know. But there are plenty of people on here who just want to lose 5-10 lb or even 20lb who don't look fat at all.
And she said she'd like to "regain her former weight" - regain weight usually means get heavier. I get that the sentence has another meaning, but that's the trouble with ambiguous sentences.... they can be taken two ways and they lead to misunderstandings and poor communication.
Sorry you find my efforts to possibly save a friendship to be so amusing........ suppose, just suppose, that the OP really does look like she does in her picture (i.e. not fat) and that what she said to her friend was just as ambiguous as what she typed, and that the friend really did misunderstand her and think she wanted to gain weight....... none of that is far fetched, but it seems everyone just wants to jump on the shame the "sabotager" (sic) witch hunt bandwagon rather than consider the possibility that the whole thing may have been a misunderstanding.
You don't think it's a good idea that the OP just talks to her friend to find out what she thought she was doing? You know, just to be sure that it wasn't all a big misunderstanding, before carrying on ranting about how horrible she is on the internet and ending the friendship?0 -
I haven't read the replies...but perhaps your friend has an unhealthy relationship with food? You say she doesn't eat much (if at all), eats once a day...you told her you're on a diet... perhaps that "triggered" something in her....Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??0 -
OP if I were you I'd just not mention weight loss the next time. My family are a little bit "over-protective" of me in that regard, I don't tell them I'm losing. I just tell them I'm eating a little healthier because candy and stuff makes me feel ill lately. If they notice I'm smaller I tell them it's because I'm "toning". They're not smart enough to know better
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Yes, sabotagers are real. But that's their problem. If people are trying to sabotage your weight loss, it's up to you on how to deal with it. I would've just said, no I can't fit those treats into my day and moved on. Clearly she didn't tie you up and try to force ice cream down your throat, so who cares if she offered you several treats? Just say no, or yes. It's just that simple sometimes. If she doesn't agree with your weight loss journey, that's her problem. In life there's always going to be situations like this, it's up to you on how you handle it. I would just have a grown up conversation if it really bothers you and let her know how you feel.0
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Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
She didn't say she wanted to regain her former shape…she said weight. Regain can mean to gain weight. I believe both definitions have already been provided and explained.
Yeah but in a realistic context, one is just silly. Did YOU think OP's friend thought she meant she wanted to gain weight?
the first time I read it I understood it as wanting to gain weight. Then I realised the sentence was ambiguous and could be taken either way. The sentence really is ambiguous and the OP doesn't look fat either, so I do think it's possible that the friend could have misunderstood and thought she wanted to gain weight.
Additionally, lets look at the possible outcomes of either situation.... if she was deliberately sabotaging the OP then the friendship is probably over already........ OR if it was a misunderstanding, then the OP could save the friendship by talking to her friend and clearing it up, and saving both of them a huge amount of heartache.
This isn't a theoretical thing or trying to win an argument.... if I was that friend and I'd thought she meant she wanted to gain weight, I would be extremely hurt that she just ranted about me on the internet rather than giving me a chance to explain it from my point of view.... I mean all I'm saying is the OP should talk to her friend just in case it was a misunderstanding........ I think it's very unkind to cut someone out of your life and say bad things about them on the internet over something like that when there's a possibility that there could have been an innocent explanation........0 -
Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
The OP doesn't actually look fat in her picture. You look at her profile picture and tell me if you think she looks fat? I don't think she does. I certainly wouldn't describe her as a "bigger gal".... maybe it's an old picture up for motivation, or maybe it's current, I don't know. But there are plenty of people on here who just want to lose 5-10 lb or even 20lb who don't look fat at all.
Sorry you find my efforts to possibly save a friendship to be so amusing........ suppose, just suppose, that the OP really does look like she does in her picture (i.e. not fat) and that what she said to her friend was just as ambiguous as what she typed, and that the friend really did misunderstand her and think she wanted to gain weight....... none of that is far fetched, but it seems everyone just wants to jump on the shame the "sabotager" (sic) witch hunt bandwagon rather than consider the possibility that the whole thing may have been a misunderstanding.
You don't think it's a good idea that the OP just talks to her friend to find out what she thought she was doing? You know, just to be sure that it wasn't all a big misunderstanding, before carrying on ranting about how horrible she is on the internet and ending the friendship?
Her ticker says she wants to lose 43 lbs. assuming her friend has known her for any length of time, 60 or 70 lbs overweight is likely to not be her "former healthy weight". I don't have a pitch fork. I just thought you were joking, and ultimately found your stance and incredulity at what to you perhaps just had to be a difference between American and British communication to be a tad ludicrous.
But hey, if she used to weigh 90 lbs at her "healthy weight" and is 5'10", perhaps getting back to 150 could be her healthy weight after all!! Amazing0 -
Ever notice people who will push food on overweight people but leave skinny people alone? Who really needs the food?0
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I am not a French professor, but I play one on TV, and if we can say "sabotage," we can learn the correct word for those who commit it, which is "saboteurs." Thank you! Have a great day.0
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