sabotagers... are real
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Wow, this has been an eye-opening thread. OP, it does sound like your friend may have has some ulterior objectives. Good for you for resisting and staying strong. She probably does mean well or at the very least, THINK she means well.
For me, the hardest calories to resist are alcohol. I'd get a lot more sympathy, I think, if I posted the OP and complained about a friend who knew I was avoiding alcohol trying to push cocktails on me, even if the friends motives were completely helpful. I'd still say no and if I caved in, it would be all on me. But I wouldn't feel as comfortable hanging out with them again, I'd have to keep my guard up. It's would be easier and more comfortable to be around people who don't tempt me, and I'd feel better about myself at the end of the day. Oh, and I have absolutely no problem turning away food and drink that I don't want, so it's not like my opinion here is because I blame other people for succumbing to temptation.
Just a hint for those who show love by wanting to share food: you're offering a gift that someone doesn't want, and while it's the thought that counts, it kind of sucks when someone wants to give you something you really, really don't want in your house. Or your stomach, as the case may be. Oh, and I
Addressing it with her in an up-front manner will probably be most productive; if she's a true friend, she means well and hasn't realized that she's doing more harm than good. If you do have that conversation, go into it with the attitude that you know she cares for you and could she please help you?
If you can't address it up front, try to make a pointed joke about it. "Hey, if you're training to be a pusher, get your feet wet with weed first. That way when you start with the food pushing I'll at least have the munchies."
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Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
The OP doesn't actually look fat in her picture. You look at her profile picture and tell me if you think she looks fat? I don't think she does. I certainly wouldn't describe her as a "bigger gal".... maybe it's an old picture up for motivation, or maybe it's current, I don't know. But there are plenty of people on here who just want to lose 5-10 lb or even 20lb who don't look fat at all.
Sorry you find my efforts to possibly save a friendship to be so amusing........ suppose, just suppose, that the OP really does look like she does in her picture (i.e. not fat) and that what she said to her friend was just as ambiguous as what she typed, and that the friend really did misunderstand her and think she wanted to gain weight....... none of that is far fetched, but it seems everyone just wants to jump on the shame the "sabotager" (sic) witch hunt bandwagon rather than consider the possibility that the whole thing may have been a misunderstanding.
You don't think it's a good idea that the OP just talks to her friend to find out what she thought she was doing? You know, just to be sure that it wasn't all a big misunderstanding, before carrying on ranting about how horrible she is on the internet and ending the friendship?
Her ticker says she wants to lose 43 lbs. assuming her friend has known her for any length of time, 60 or 70 lbs overweight is likely to not be her "former healthy weight". I don't have a pitch fork. I just thought you were joking, and ultimately found your stance and incredulity at what to you perhaps just had to be a difference between American and British communication to be a tad ludicrous.
But hey, if she used to weigh 90 lbs at her "healthy weight" and is 5'10", perhaps getting back to 150 could be her healthy weight after all!! Amazing
I didn't look at her ticker, I just looked at her picture (not fat). I posted what I did because I thought there's a chance the whole thing could have been a misunderstanding and that this should be considered before concluding that the friend was deliberately sabotaging her.
I would take "I want to regain my former weight" as wanting to gain weight or at least as a sentence I'd question someone about to find out what they really meant... I wouldn't use "regain" in that context (I'm British) - I'd say "I want to get back to my former weight" so "regain my former weight" sounds weird and ambiguous to me, and sounds even more weird being used to mean getting back to a former weight that's lighter than your current weight.
I believe that if there is a possibility that any dispute between friends was a perfectly innocent misunderstanding - even when that's the less likely of two possible explanations - talking about it is a vital step. Then at least you know where everyone stands, and if it wasn't a misunderstanding you can take it from there... but if it was a misunderstanding then talking about it and clearing up the misunderstanding saves the friendship.0 -
Tried posting a link to a you tube video of Captin Kirk saying sabatoge >
http://youtu.be/nlOTRxt-dIw 0 -
Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
The OP doesn't actually look fat in her picture. You look at her profile picture and tell me if you think she looks fat? I don't think she does. I certainly wouldn't describe her as a "bigger gal".... maybe it's an old picture up for motivation, or maybe it's current, I don't know. But there are plenty of people on here who just want to lose 5-10 lb or even 20lb who don't look fat at all.
Sorry you find my efforts to possibly save a friendship to be so amusing........ suppose, just suppose, that the OP really does look like she does in her picture (i.e. not fat) and that what she said to her friend was just as ambiguous as what she typed, and that the friend really did misunderstand her and think she wanted to gain weight....... none of that is far fetched, but it seems everyone just wants to jump on the shame the "sabotager" (sic) witch hunt bandwagon rather than consider the possibility that the whole thing may have been a misunderstanding.
You don't think it's a good idea that the OP just talks to her friend to find out what she thought she was doing? You know, just to be sure that it wasn't all a big misunderstanding, before carrying on ranting about how horrible she is on the internet and ending the friendship?
Her ticker says she wants to lose 43 lbs. assuming her friend has known her for any length of time, 60 or 70 lbs overweight is likely to not be her "former healthy weight". I don't have a pitch fork. I just thought you were joking, and ultimately found your stance and incredulity at what to you perhaps just had to be a difference between American and British communication to be a tad ludicrous.
But hey, if she used to weigh 90 lbs at her "healthy weight" and is 5'10", perhaps getting back to 150 could be her healthy weight after all!! Amazing
I didn't look at her ticker, I just looked at her picture (not fat). I posted what I did because I thought there's a chance the whole thing could have been a misunderstanding and that this should be considered before concluding that the friend was deliberately sabotaging her.
I would take "I want to regain my former weight" as wanting to gain weight or at least as a sentence I'd question someone about to find out what they really meant... I wouldn't use "regain" in that context (I'm British) - I'd say "I want to get back to my former weight" so "regain my former weight" sounds weird and ambiguous to me, and sounds even more weird being used to mean getting back to a former weight that's lighter than your current weight.
I believe that if there is a possibility that any dispute between friends was a perfectly innocent misunderstanding - even when that's the less likely of two possible explanations - talking about it is a vital step. Then at least you know where everyone stands, and if it wasn't a misunderstanding you can take it from there... but if it was a misunderstanding then talking about it and clearing up the misunderstanding saves the friendship.
Yeah I think the main difference was you went by her picture and I went by her ticker. Which I would agree the woman in the picture does look quite nice. With statements like "you can never be too rich or too skinny" floating around... it just seems pretty clear that most women wouldn't want to get fatter - especially when, in context, they're already bigger than the "skinny friend" offering them treats. I'm not disputing whether or not they should have a potentially friend saving conversation. Matter of fact, many people on this very topic have suggested the same0 -
Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
The OP doesn't actually look fat in her picture. You look at her profile picture and tell me if you think she looks fat? I don't think she does. I certainly wouldn't describe her as a "bigger gal".... maybe it's an old picture up for motivation, or maybe it's current, I don't know. But there are plenty of people on here who just want to lose 5-10 lb or even 20lb who don't look fat at all.
Sorry you find my efforts to possibly save a friendship to be so amusing........ suppose, just suppose, that the OP really does look like she does in her picture (i.e. not fat) and that what she said to her friend was just as ambiguous as what she typed, and that the friend really did misunderstand her and think she wanted to gain weight....... none of that is far fetched, but it seems everyone just wants to jump on the shame the "sabotager" (sic) witch hunt bandwagon rather than consider the possibility that the whole thing may have been a misunderstanding.
You don't think it's a good idea that the OP just talks to her friend to find out what she thought she was doing? You know, just to be sure that it wasn't all a big misunderstanding, before carrying on ranting about how horrible she is on the internet and ending the friendship?
Her ticker says she wants to lose 43 lbs. assuming her friend has known her for any length of time, 60 or 70 lbs overweight is likely to not be her "former healthy weight". I don't have a pitch fork. I just thought you were joking, and ultimately found your stance and incredulity at what to you perhaps just had to be a difference between American and British communication to be a tad ludicrous.
But hey, if she used to weigh 90 lbs at her "healthy weight" and is 5'10", perhaps getting back to 150 could be her healthy weight after all!! Amazing
I didn't look at her ticker, I just looked at her picture (not fat). I posted what I did because I thought there's a chance the whole thing could have been a misunderstanding and that this should be considered before concluding that the friend was deliberately sabotaging her.
I would take "I want to regain my former weight" as wanting to gain weight or at least as a sentence I'd question someone about to find out what they really meant... I wouldn't use "regain" in that context (I'm British) - I'd say "I want to get back to my former weight" so "regain my former weight" sounds weird and ambiguous to me, and sounds even more weird being used to mean getting back to a former weight that's lighter than your current weight.
I believe that if there is a possibility that any dispute between friends was a perfectly innocent misunderstanding - even when that's the less likely of two possible explanations - talking about it is a vital step. Then at least you know where everyone stands, and if it wasn't a misunderstanding you can take it from there... but if it was a misunderstanding then talking about it and clearing up the misunderstanding saves the friendship.
We need to get some British folks to chime in. Would "regain" only refer to weight in this context, or can it be used (as most educated individuals associate it) to refer to "reacquire?" (Oh, and if you have a very limited vocabulary, let the grownups handle this one.)
As far as the rest goes, it's already been refuted upthread. As is typical with forums, most believe the last word wins the argument.0 -
I have learned to not share things with most people. I feel like people are ready to pounce on whatever it is - you say you got a good deal on something, they point out how you could have gotten a better deal ... If i am now happy about something - and i want to remain that way - I keep it to me and a few others. I think I have friends with an unhealthy level of competition.
I think sabotage is real - it would throw me off balance as well.0 -
Glad you said it.:flowerforyou:I am not a French professor, but I play one on TV, and if we can say "sabotage," we can learn the correct word for those who commit it, which is "saboteurs." Thank you! Have a great day.0 -
Here's a crazy thought: why don't you talk to her about it? Everyone here on this forum are complete strangers, they have never met your friend and know nothing of her character. Talk to her, and try to do this calmly.
Because that's logical.
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I don't know about you guys, but around here, we are frequently confused about what people mean because words get used the wrong way. It is why many people run around saying someone was "literally on fire" when, of course, flames had never come near them. People have misused the word "literally" so much that the "figurative" definition had to be added into the dictionary. There is barely a distinction between literal and figurative anymore.Oh my goodness, I didn't really believe that people who care about you really did this... but diet sabotagers are actually out there.
I spent the day with a friend who doesn't usually eat much (if at all), I divulged to her I was on a serious mission to regain my former healthy weight... she spent the whole day trying to feed me junk food, unbelievable! The person who will sit in a restaurant and eat nothing was suddenly in and out of shops eating cr@p... she even ate two ice creams, all the while trying to persuade me to do the same. At one point she was begging me to eat rum and raisin, making me look at all the lovely flavours and willing me to break!
What is that all about??
if you told her you were on a serious mission to regain your former weight, then she was trying to help you because "regain my former weight" means get heavier.... i.e. she thought you considered yourself to be underweight and to need to gain weight to get healthy....
Is there some difference in British and American English or something that changes the meaning of the bolded text? Because I really think if that's what the OP said, that her friend may have thought that she *wanted* to gain weight, and that her actions were trying to help.... it's an ambiguous sentence that could be interpreted both ways.
OP: have you even asked your friend about this, i.e. found out what she thought you meant? You could be throwing away a perfectly good friendship over a miscommunication. You're attributing some pretty bad motives to her behaviour, when there could be a much simpler explanation, i.e. she thought you wanted to gain weight. Usually it's best to talk to people rather than ranting about them online. If I was that friend, I would have thought from the words you used above that you wanted to gain weight, and then if you'd not meant that and interpreted my attempts to help you gain weight as sabotage and then ranted about me on the internet rather than talking to me, I'd be extremely hurt, angry and upset. Seriously, talk to her, find out what she thought you meant, if it was a miscommunication then you can both laugh about it and still be friends. Otherwise you're at risk of losing a good friend over a simple miscommunication....
Oh I seriously assumed you were joking and was gonna make a "nice one!" Post. You really think a bigger gal meant she wanted to get fatter when she said "I'd like to regain my former shape"? Is this some health at every size alternate universe or something?
The OP doesn't actually look fat in her picture. You look at her profile picture and tell me if you think she looks fat? I don't think she does. I certainly wouldn't describe her as a "bigger gal".... maybe it's an old picture up for motivation, or maybe it's current, I don't know. But there are plenty of people on here who just want to lose 5-10 lb or even 20lb who don't look fat at all.
Sorry you find my efforts to possibly save a friendship to be so amusing........ suppose, just suppose, that the OP really does look like she does in her picture (i.e. not fat) and that what she said to her friend was just as ambiguous as what she typed, and that the friend really did misunderstand her and think she wanted to gain weight....... none of that is far fetched, but it seems everyone just wants to jump on the shame the "sabotager" (sic) witch hunt bandwagon rather than consider the possibility that the whole thing may have been a misunderstanding.
You don't think it's a good idea that the OP just talks to her friend to find out what she thought she was doing? You know, just to be sure that it wasn't all a big misunderstanding, before carrying on ranting about how horrible she is on the internet and ending the friendship?
Her ticker says she wants to lose 43 lbs. assuming her friend has known her for any length of time, 60 or 70 lbs overweight is likely to not be her "former healthy weight". I don't have a pitch fork. I just thought you were joking, and ultimately found your stance and incredulity at what to you perhaps just had to be a difference between American and British communication to be a tad ludicrous.
But hey, if she used to weigh 90 lbs at her "healthy weight" and is 5'10", perhaps getting back to 150 could be her healthy weight after all!! Amazing
I didn't look at her ticker, I just looked at her picture (not fat). I posted what I did because I thought there's a chance the whole thing could have been a misunderstanding and that this should be considered before concluding that the friend was deliberately sabotaging her.
I would take "I want to regain my former weight" as wanting to gain weight or at least as a sentence I'd question someone about to find out what they really meant... I wouldn't use "regain" in that context (I'm British) - I'd say "I want to get back to my former weight" so "regain my former weight" sounds weird and ambiguous to me, and sounds even more weird being used to mean getting back to a former weight that's lighter than your current weight.
I believe that if there is a possibility that any dispute between friends was a perfectly innocent misunderstanding - even when that's the less likely of two possible explanations - talking about it is a vital step. Then at least you know where everyone stands, and if it wasn't a misunderstanding you can take it from there... but if it was a misunderstanding then talking about it and clearing up the misunderstanding saves the friendship.
Clarification is often gleaned from context, but sometimes you have to ask questions like, "Do you actually want to gain weight?" In order to figure something out.
We also add "at" to sentences for no reason. "Where is it at?" "Where are you at?" It is usually added to questions. You don't hear people say, "I'm going for a walk at," or "He left it in the car at."
It's how we roll. 0 -
You can always say no. No one is forcing you to eat, you are an adult.
The fact that you call stuff like ice cream crap shows you have a distorted view on food while labeling things good and bad.
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I just hope all of the ads on this site don't start offering images of junk food or fast food. Because if so, we're all doomed!0
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I just hope all of the ads on this site don't start offering images of junk food or fast food. Because if so, we're all doomed!
Are you kidding? I was wondering where to get the cheesesteak sandwich I just saw an ad for, and also wondering where else I could get a good one in town0 -
Definition of Sabotage
Sabotage is a deliberate action aimed at weakening a person through subversion, obstruction, disruption, or destruction. People who sabotage typically try to conceal their identities because of the consequences of their actions. Food for thought...even people who tell you "don't you think you have lost enough" could be trying to deliberately sabotage or obstruct or weaken you in your efforts to be healthier. That doesn't mean they will hold you at gunpoint...They are subtle because generally they have a reason. Even though it's a ridiculous one0 -
I feel you. My husband is on board with me getting healthy but he's all about me having "cheat days" ... Almost everyday.
It takes a lot of self control to not give in to offers of Dairy Queen and chocolate bars everyday.
my husband is like this always asking to eat out and its not very supportive.0 -
What is that all about??
Obviously she was self-sabotaging herself just to make you eat more. That's the only possible logical conclusion.
Because, you know, the universe revolves around you, and everything anybody does is about, you know, you.0 -
I would just talk to her about it, not accusingly or anything like that, but compassionately. Why assume evil intentions? She's your friend, right? Treat her as such.0
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Ok I was venting. She is a lovely friend. I have moved on, maybe everyone else can too.0
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Ok I was venting. She is a lovely friend. I have moved on, maybe everyone else can too.
Here's hoping she wanders by MFP and sees this thread.0
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