sabotagers... are real

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Replies

  • quietattheback
    quietattheback Posts: 84 Member
    Ok I was venting. She is a lovely friend. I have moved on, maybe everyone else can too.

    Here's hoping she wanders by MFP and sees this thread.

    Wtf... I am not scared of her and I never say anything I would be afraid to say to someone's face! Unlike you I don't hide behind cartoons... don't bother replying I have hit the ignore button on you.
  • lexluv101
    lexluv101 Posts: 5
    She is trying to trip the diet up - semantics about terminology others are raising here aside. That would bug me if she was trying THAT hard. Guess she doesn't want you to self-improve. A shame but there are so many like that out there.
  • freshstart180213
    freshstart180213 Posts: 170 Member
    Apologies as prob someone already said this but it sounds like typical female crap and exactly the reason my friends were always male she is comfortable with u being the fat friend it makes her feel attractive next to you thats why she sabotaged u complete insecurity on her part if lose the weight then u make take the attention off of her

    my advice decide how good a friend she is if she is worth it keep her if not then move on but be prepared on your journey as u reach your target she may dump u as u dont serve the comfortable purpose she had for u in which case her loss stick to your guns losing weight is so worth it lately my nsv have been fitting in smaller clothes and nothing beats that feeling
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
    Ok I was venting. She is a lovely friend. I have moved on, maybe everyone else can too.

    Here's hoping she wanders by MFP and sees this thread.

    Wtf... I am not scared of her and I never say anything I would be afraid to say to someone's face! Unlike you I don't hide behind cartoons... don't bother replying I have hit the ignore button on you.

    Generally speaking, if you say that you're not afraid to say it to someone's face, then you're saying that you're willing to deal with the consequences of your words, whatever they may be. Putting someone on ignore, or venting about them online behind their back, completely contradicts that.

    I hope you are able to talk to your friend and resolve your issues.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    Every single time. She would do this kind of stuff, like putting snacks in my face when I would go to her home. specifically for me. I am an inpulse eater and I cannot be around food like that.

    So you know you're an "impulse eater" - and you know she'll put food out - but you went over there anyway.

    How is that anybody's fault but your own?
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    Ok I was venting. She is a lovely friend. I have moved on, maybe everyone else can too.

    Here's hoping she wanders by MFP and sees this thread.

    Wtf... I am not scared of her and I never say anything I would be afraid to say to someone's face! Unlike you I don't hide behind cartoons... don't bother replying I have hit the ignore button on you.

    Generally speaking, if you say that you're not afraid to say it to someone's face, then you're saying that you're willing to deal with the consequences of your words, whatever they may be. Putting someone on ignore, or venting about them online behind their back, completely contradicts that.

    I hope you are able to talk to your friend and resolve your issues.

    Indeed.

    The OP seems to have forgotten she was the one who came on a public forum to talk **** about someone she claims is a "friend".
  • NatalieABH
    NatalieABH Posts: 8
    Wow ...... I am all for taking personal responsibility and all, but as someone who has worked with addiction a lot I know it's not as simple as that - environment and the people in it are a huge factor in kicking a habit. It's a perfectly plausible idea that OP may have a friend who subconsciously tried to "sabotage" her, there are a lot of people out there who feel inadequate when others improve themselves; it doesn't have to be anything to do with weight.

    OP - my advice would be to not be upset with or confront your friend, she may well be trying to distract you from the self improvement you've embarked upon, completely without thinking; keep your goals and reasons in mind at all time and remember that everyone else has their own reasons for their behaviour. I am sure your friend meant no harm.

    As for everyone else - I think it is very negative to make the individual entirely culpable for their weight gain/ loss. Of course it is only one person feeding themselves, however it is not just a case of "willpower" so much else goes into it and lacking support of friends and family IS sabotaging, whether that be the intent or not. It would be so easy for each of us to beat ourselves up over how unhealthy we have become, but I feel that just leads to a lot of unnecessary self hatred. What we all need to understand is why we got to a place we don't want to be, and sometimes the people and circumstances around us are a huuuuge contributing factor. Doesn't mean it's the fault of others, nor does it mean it isn't our own fault, it's just the way it is.

    Be kind and understanding MFP, a lot of the time it is the lack of kindness and understanding in our lives that result in comforting behaviours such as over eating :)
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    Be kind and understanding MFP...

    The OP came on here and publicly trashed a "friend", ascribing all kinds of bad intentions to her/him.

    "Kindness begins at a home", etc.
  • NatalieABH
    NatalieABH Posts: 8
    Not saying we're not culpable but humans are so much more complicated that just free will ........... else we'd all will ourselves to be how we wanted wouldn't we?

    As for "trashing" a friend who isn't on the forum ; I'd say that's hardly a great crime against said friend. Think everyone ought to be a bit more compassionate. People come here when they're not getting support elsewhere. Don't go feeding them negativity here too.
  • WhatMeRunning
    WhatMeRunning Posts: 3,538 Member
    Even if you want to look at it from the addiction angle, then it is STILL up to the individual. Every...single...day!

    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    The courage to change the things I can,
    And the wisdom to know the difference.
  • Risrisris
    Risrisris Posts: 11 Member
    I think that friends and family aren't ready to handle us changing. My husband does most of the cooking and shopping and during the first two weeks in September he made fancy cheeseburgers and other delicious food with tons of fat. He also bought a bag of sour cream and onion potato chips which I tend to eat the whole bag when they are in the house. It wasn't until I took a smaller portion at dinner and got up and made a salad a few weeks in a row that he got the hint. Then he made zucchini lasagna one night and he found out that it was delicious. The next day I made a point to thank him for finding healthy alternatives and how much I appreciated his support. I think that was when he took ownership of his role in my weight loss and now feels part of it instead of an outsider seeing his best friend change. Be strong in your steadfastness and be kind to your friend. You have to guide her as to what support you need.

    That is a great answer!
  • LifeWithPie
    LifeWithPie Posts: 552 Member
    Ok I was venting. She is a lovely friend. I have moved on, maybe everyone else can too.

    Here's hoping she wanders by MFP and sees this thread.

    Wtf... I am not scared of her and I never say anything I would be afraid to say to someone's face! Unlike you I don't hide behind cartoons... don't bother replying I have hit the ignore button on you.

    Um...you're saying it here because you're afraid to say it to HER face. What am I missing here?
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    Wow ...... I am all for taking personal responsibility and all, but as someone who has worked with addiction a lot I know it's not as simple as that - environment and the people in it are a huge factor in kicking a habit. It's a perfectly plausible idea that OP may have a friend who subconsciously tried to "sabotage" her, there are a lot of people out there who feel inadequate when others improve themselves; it doesn't have to be anything to do with weight.

    OP - my advice would be to not be upset with or confront your friend, she may well be trying to distract you from the self improvement you've embarked upon, completely without thinking; keep your goals and reasons in mind at all time and remember that everyone else has their own reasons for their behaviour. I am sure your friend meant no harm.

    As for everyone else - I think it is very negative to make the individual entirely culpable for their weight gain/ loss.Of course it is only one person feeding themselves, however it is not just a case of "willpower" so much else goes into it and lacking support of friends and family IS sabotaging, whether that be the intent or not. It would be so easy for each of us to beat ourselves up over how unhealthy we have become, but I feel that just leads to a lot of unnecessary self hatred. What we all need to understand is why we got to a place we don't want to be, and sometimes the people and circumstances around us are a huuuuge contributing factor. Doesn't mean it's the fault of others, nor does it mean it isn't our own fault, it's just the way it is.

    Be kind and understanding MFP, a lot of the time it is the lack of kindness and understanding in our lives that result in comforting behaviours such as over eating :)


    Wat.
    We are ALL completely culpable for our weight loss/choices.

    I know right? But wait...does this mean I could blame everyone but myself for making me fat? Does that mean I can sue all of them too? I mean, if this isn't my fault someone should pay!



















    Oh wait...

    It is MY OWN fault. No one to blame but myself. I chose to eat food/drink to deal with situations. I could have said no. I could have chosen not to eat/drink whatever. It IS about free will, because you know what, I'm using my free will to eat better, lift heavy, kickbox and run to lose weight. Those are all things I am choosing to do.

    Just like you can't lose weight for someone else, you can't make someone else lose weight, but you can decide for yourself to lose the weight and you can make the decisions that will directly affect your journey.

    It really is THAT simple.

    ETA: I want to address a couple other things you said...for me it wasn't until I accepted that it was all of my fault did I want to change it. I didn't need friends/family when I started to support me or motivate me. That all has to come from within. I logged on here every day and found the mean people that are awesome who will give you the straight up info that is very helpful. I don't expect them to motivate me now, or when I have my bouts of depression. I'm the one that can pull me out of those. It's not easy, but they could tell me all sorts of things to cheer me up, until I do that within me it won't help.
  • Serah87
    Serah87 Posts: 5,481 Member
    Ok I was venting. She is a lovely friend. I have moved on, maybe everyone else can too.

    Here's hoping she wanders by MFP and sees this thread.

    Wtf... I am not scared of her and I never say anything I would be afraid to say to someone's face! Unlike you I don't hide behind cartoons... don't bother replying I have hit the ignore button on you.

    Yet YOU came on here and talked about her in a bad way.....who is the good friend here??? JS :wink:
  • Serah87
    Serah87 Posts: 5,481 Member
    Ok I was venting. She is a lovely friend. I have moved on, maybe everyone else can too.

    Here's hoping she wanders by MFP and sees this thread.

    Wtf... I am not scared of her and I never say anything I would be afraid to say to someone's face! Unlike you I don't hide behind cartoons... don't bother replying I have hit the ignore button on you.

    Um...you're saying it here because you're afraid to say it to HER face. What am I missing here?

    Yep!!! :drinker:
  • astroophys
    astroophys Posts: 175 Member
    Wow ...... I am all for taking personal responsibility and all, but as someone who has worked with addiction a lot I know it's not as simple as that - environment and the people in it are a huge factor in kicking a habit. It's a perfectly plausible idea that OP may have a friend who subconsciously tried to "sabotage" her, there are a lot of people out there who feel inadequate when others improve themselves; it doesn't have to be anything to do with weight.

    OP - my advice would be to not be upset with or confront your friend, she may well be trying to distract you from the self improvement you've embarked upon, completely without thinking; keep your goals and reasons in mind at all time and remember that everyone else has their own reasons for their behaviour. I am sure your friend meant no harm.

    As for everyone else - I think it is very negative to make the individual entirely culpable for their weight gain/ loss. Of course it is only one person feeding themselves, however it is not just a case of "willpower" so much else goes into it and lacking support of friends and family IS sabotaging, whether that be the intent or not. It would be so easy for each of us to beat ourselves up over how unhealthy we have become, but I feel that just leads to a lot of unnecessary self hatred. What we all need to understand is why we got to a place we don't want to be, and sometimes the people and circumstances around us are a huuuuge contributing factor. Doesn't mean it's the fault of others, nor does it mean it isn't our own fault, it's just the way it is.

    Be kind and understanding MFP, a lot of the time it is the lack of kindness and understanding in our lives that result in comforting behaviours such as over eating :)

    Personal responsibility and accountability don't have to result in self-hatred and neither require self-blame. I think blaming others is more of a sign of self-hatred, to be honest. Seeing others as saboteurs is a bit cruel. For instance, for a moment, I thought my mother was trying to damage my weight loss by bringing me a freshly baked cake. So, I thought about it, read about it, and decided that my perspective was WAY too negative, and I was choosing to make her responsible for my personal choices. She wasn't trying to hurt my weight loss. And even if she was, from a subconscious standpoint, that says more about her own pain and very little about my weight loss journey. I wrote her a letter (just easier) explaining how important weight loss and a healthier lifestyle are to me, that I know she cares, that I would really love her support, and that I also hope she will join me in living more healthily.

    So, my point still is, treat it with compassion. No need to be accusatory or defensive.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    I am not a French professor, but I play one on TV, and if we can say "sabotage," we can learn the correct word for those who commit it, which is "saboteurs." Thank you! Have a great day.
    Glad you said it.:flowerforyou:

    the first time I came into this thread, it was to say this, but then I got dragged into the thread itself. Oh well.
  • lessismoreohio
    lessismoreohio Posts: 910 Member
    Some people are scared to see you improving yourself. few are scared to lose you, many are just jealous. After i give some chances I take distance from people like this.

    This . Very wise.
  • Amestris
    Amestris Posts: 152 Member
    Don't tell anyone you're watching what you eat or exercising, just do it.

    What she said!
  • jaynerebecca1
    jaynerebecca1 Posts: 21 Member
    I understand it is everyone's OWN responsibility of what we put in our mouths, but I totally understand this. If my friends all ate healthy all the time and we didn't go out to eat often, I'd be thinner than I am now. It is hard enough for me to have willpower in my own house, don't get me started if all my friends want to get ice cream! And then to add on that someone is making you feel guilty or silly for trying to eat healthy is very difficult, you definitely have a much better chance of giving in to temptation. Hang in there, if anyone is trying to push you to eat more, it is clearly them being jealous that you are ready to take this impressive jump into a healthier lifestyle!

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