Rudeness of a total stranger!

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Replies

  • No_Finish_Line
    No_Finish_Line Posts: 3,661 Member
    what did he say that was rude?


    Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

    Does your church ever go around offering to "help" nonbelievers with their "problem?" Do you consider that rude?

    After this comment I would have to say "Amen"

    Church people do make life hell knocking on door and wanting to "HELP ME".

    OP, I'm wondering have you or the Church you believe in ever went around trying to help people revisit their belief.

    If yes, Karma is a beautch. What goes around comes around.

    Above posters comment hit me so hard b'coz jus' this Sunday they flocked in wanting to "Help Me" and I kept saying "Nope". And then the lady wanted to know "What was that I believe in"

    i can see someone being irritated by obnoxious religious evangelists

    but i don't see how you equate it to being hurt or emotionally humiliated.
  • LiminalAscendance
    LiminalAscendance Posts: 489 Member
    what did he say that was rude?


    Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

    Does your church ever go around offering to "help" nonbelievers with their "problem?" Do you consider that rude?

    After this comment I would have to say "Amen"

    Church people do make life hell knocking on door and wanting to "HELP ME".

    OP, I'm wondering have you or the Church you believe in ever went around trying to help people revisit their belief.

    If yes, Karma is a beautch. What goes around comes around.

    Above posters comment hit me so hard b'coz jus' this Sunday they flocked in wanting to "Help Me" and I kept saying "Nope". And then the lady wanted to know "What was that I believe in"

    This argument is a tad bit ridiculous.

    Being atheist, agnostic, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, or whatever is socially acceptable for the general public. However, being obese is not. If someone assumed you were a non-believer and attempted to share their religious beliefs in public, you would not be offended because you are entitled to your beliefs. You are not embarassed of those beliefs.

    Because obesity isn't socially acceptable, then most obese people are embarassed of it. Therefore, singling someone out in public about something not socially acceptable is embarassing. It doesn't matter if his intent was to help or harm.

    It has nothing to do with the "general public."

    It is still a situation of one group (and the church folks don't usually arrive alone) shoveling their implied judgment on top of you.

    How did the guy know she was uncomfortable with the way she looked? I know a lot of fat people that are quite happy with themselves.

    Maybe the guy assumed that the only way someone would allow themselves to stay fat is due to ignorance (or laziness...perhaps he was giving her the benefit of the doubt).

    Being overweight is as much of a choice as whether or not you believe in a higher power (oh, unless you're one of those "food addicts," apparently).
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    what did he say that was rude?


    Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

    Does your church ever go around offering to "help" nonbelievers with their "problem?" Do you consider that rude?

    After this comment I would have to say "Amen"

    Church people do make life hell knocking on door and wanting to "HELP ME".

    OP, I'm wondering have you or the Church you believe in ever went around trying to help people revisit their belief.

    If yes, Karma is a beautch. What goes around comes around.

    Above posters comment hit me so hard b'coz jus' this Sunday they flocked in wanting to "Help Me" and I kept saying "Nope". And then the lady wanted to know "What was that I believe in"

    This argument is a tad bit ridiculous.

    Being atheist, agnostic, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, or whatever is socially acceptable for the general public. However, being obese is not. If someone assumed you were a non-believer and attempted to share their religious beliefs in public, you would not be offended because you are entitled to your beliefs. You are not embarassed of those beliefs.

    Because obesity isn't socially acceptable, then most obese people are embarassed of it. Therefore, singling someone out in public about something not socially acceptable is embarassing. It doesn't matter if his intent was to help or harm.

    It has nothing to do with the "general public."

    It is still a situation of one group (and the church folks don't usually arrive alone) shoveling their implied judgment on top of you.

    How did the guy know she was uncomfortable with the way she looked? I know a lot of fat people that are quite happy with themselves.

    Maybe the guy assumed that the only way someone would allow themselves to stay fat is due to ignorance (or laziness...perhaps he was giving her the benefit of the doubt).

    Being overweight is as much of a choice as whether or not you believe in a higher power (oh, unless you're one of those "food addicts," apparently).

    I just love when judgmental people go around crying about other people judging them.

    Presenting an alternative belief system is not judgment. You may have encountered some judgmental religious people, but you assume that the entire lot is judging you. Which is untrue and simply returning judgment.

    Also, not everyone is overweight by choice. Hormone imbalances interfere with weight loss/gain and occur far more often than you think.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    what did he say that was rude?

    Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

    Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.

    And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.

    he offered to help, he didnt point and shout 'fatty'... misguided yes, but hardly the worst thing someone could say!

    So now she can't vent unless it was the worst thing someone could say?

    Why do you get to decide what she finds offensive?

    I can totally see the original poster's point of view.

    I think that stranger was completely rude. He doesn't know her, he doesn't know what she's doing and he is incredibly presumptuous. You don't go up to total strangers and make the kind of comment he did. If she happened to be in a conversation with him and mentioned something about fitness or diet then sure, he could have interjected something at that point. But going up to random people, intruding on their private moments to tell them he can help them..no way.. rude.

    and in front of co-workers? Or family- it could have been with her fiance's future in-laws and she was trying to make a great impression for them- could you even imagine.

    HORRIBLY mortifying- I would be mortified as well OP.

    So 100% inappropriate. Stay the course- know you ARE doing the right things. And he's an a**.
  • shankasaurus
    shankasaurus Posts: 116 Member
    Something to remember. We have all been rude to someone else in our lives, most of the time it's not intentional.

    Yes, I happen to agree that his actions were rude. However, after the interaction, your coworker went back and told him how rude it was, and I bet he feels absolutely terrible about it now. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't over-analyzing the situation himself and trying to see how he could have handled it better.

    Example: Seven years ago an elderly woman that I was ringing up sales for asked me when I was due. I was not pregnant but I had recently put on some weight and I burst into tears. She was mortified and immediately apologized. She called back later that day to talk to me and I didn't want to take the call because I was still so upset and she spoke with my boss who came out to tell me that the lady felt really bad and doesn't think I'm fat, it's just that when she was a young woman, only pregnant women wore baby doll styled blouses. It didn't make me feel that much better though. And I don't think it made her feel much better either, because she showed back up to the store the next day to talk to me some more. She had called her granddaughter to ask her opinion about it and her granddaughter said, no you shouldn't ask strangers about pregnancy, it's rude. So she wanted to tell me that she learned her lesson and she was super sorry.

    I will never forget it, it reminds me that people care, even if others do or say thoughtless things, it's not always about us. I never did wear that blouse again though.

    Edited: Wrong tense. Tried to fix.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Something to remember. We have all been rude to someone else in our lives, most of the time it's not intentional.

    Yes, I happen to agree that his actions were rude. However, after the interaction, your coworker went back and told him how rude it was, and I bet he feels absolutely terrible about it now. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't over-analyzing the situation himself and trying to see how he could have handled it better.

    Example: Seven years ago an elderly woman that I was ringing up sales for asked me when I was due. I was not pregnant but I had recently put on some weight and I burst into tears. She was mortified and immediately apologized. She called back later that day to talk to me and I didn't want to take the call because I was still so upset and she spoke with my boss who came out to tell me that the lady felt really bad and doesn't think I'm fat, it's just that when she was a young woman, only pregnant women wore baby doll styled blouses. It didn't make me feel that much better though. And I don't think it made her feel much better either, because she showed back up to the store the next day to talk to me some more. She had called her granddaughter to ask her opinion about it and her granddaughter said, no you shouldn't ask strangers about pregnancy, it's rude. So she wanted to tell me that she learned her lesson and she was super sorry.

    I will never forget it, it reminds me that people care, even if we do or say thoughtless things, it's not always about US. I never did wear that blouse again though.

    I think there's a big difference between making a comment that came out the wrong way and walking up to someone sitting with people at a table and commenting on her weight with intent. I just don't think these situations are comparable.

    That guy should feel like a**. If he ran into her at the gym, I could MAYBE buy into it, but the food court at the mall? C'mon now.
  • amandzor
    amandzor Posts: 386 Member
    Was it rude? Yes. Inconsiderate? Absolutely. Do I genuinely believe he -thought- he was being genuine and helpful? Sure. Maybe he was.

    But unsolicited advice, help, etc. is usually unwanted and leads to uncomfortable embarrassment.

    If a complete stranger walked up to me and said the same, I'd be upset, embarrassed, but only because I'd know he was right. I do need help with my problem, because it is a problem. Many people don't even know where to start. They think they have to eat salads three times a day, every day of the week. As a country our nutritional education is severely lacking.

    That being said, I hope you use his unsolicited "advice" as a motivational tool.
  • kmorales_4
    kmorales_4 Posts: 208 Member
    I completely agree with amandzor. Some people just don't know when they're being inappropriate.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    Something to remember. We have all been rude to someone else in our lives, most of the time it's not intentional.

    Yes, I happen to agree that his actions were rude. However, after the interaction, your coworker went back and told him how rude it was, and I bet he feels absolutely terrible about it now. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't over-analyzing the situation himself and trying to see how he could have handled it better.

    Example: Seven years ago an elderly woman that I was ringing up sales for asked me when I was due. I was not pregnant but I had recently put on some weight and I burst into tears. She was mortified and immediately apologized. She called back later that day to talk to me and I didn't want to take the call because I was still so upset and she spoke with my boss who came out to tell me that the lady felt really bad and doesn't think I'm fat, it's just that when she was a young woman, only pregnant women wore baby doll styled blouses. It didn't make me feel that much better though. And I don't think it made her feel much better either, because she showed back up to the store the next day to talk to me some more. She had called her granddaughter to ask her opinion about it and her granddaughter said, no you shouldn't ask strangers about pregnancy, it's rude. So she wanted to tell me that she learned her lesson and she was super sorry.

    I will never forget it, it reminds me that people care, even if we do or say thoughtless things, it's not always about US. I never did wear that blouse again though.

    I think there's a big difference between making a comment that came out the wrong way and walking up to someone sitting with people at a table and commenting on her weight with intent. I just don't think these situations are comparable.

    That guy should feel like a**. If he ran into her at the gym, I could MAYBE buy into it, but the food court at the mall? C'mon now.

    truth- there was a TON of intent- it wasn't an accident or a "mispoke"

    I would NEVER walk up to someone at a table full of people to "help with their problem"...maybe tell her she had fabulous shoes- but that's it.
    Guy's going to be single for life me thinks.
  • shankasaurus
    shankasaurus Posts: 116 Member
    Something to remember. We have all been rude to someone else in our lives, most of the time it's not intentional.

    Yes, I happen to agree that his actions were rude. However, after the interaction, your coworker went back and told him how rude it was, and I bet he feels absolutely terrible about it now. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't over-analyzing the situation himself and trying to see how he could have handled it better.

    Example: Seven years ago an elderly woman that I was ringing up sales for asked me when I was due. I was not pregnant but I had recently put on some weight and I burst into tears. She was mortified and immediately apologized. She called back later that day to talk to me and I didn't want to take the call because I was still so upset and she spoke with my boss who came out to tell me that the lady felt really bad and doesn't think I'm fat, it's just that when she was a young woman, only pregnant women wore baby doll styled blouses. It didn't make me feel that much better though. And I don't think it made her feel much better either, because she showed back up to the store the next day to talk to me some more. She had called her granddaughter to ask her opinion about it and her granddaughter said, no you shouldn't ask strangers about pregnancy, it's rude. So she wanted to tell me that she learned her lesson and she was super sorry.

    I will never forget it, it reminds me that people care, even if we do or say thoughtless things, it's not always about US. I never did wear that blouse again though.

    I think there's a big difference between making a comment that came out the wrong way and walking up to someone sitting with people at a table and commenting on her weight with intent. I just don't think these situations are comparable.

    That guy should feel like a**. If he ran into her at the gym, I could MAYBE buy into it, but the food court at the mall? C'mon now.

    truth- there was a TON of intent- it wasn't an accident or a "mispoke"

    I would NEVER walk up to someone at a table full of people to "help with their problem"...maybe tell her she had fabulous shoes- but that's it.
    Guy's going to be single for life me thinks.

    I agree that the situations are not really comparable. But I still think it's quite possible that he feels remorseful about it. Is there any way we can find him and ask him? :D
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    I agree that the situations are not really comparable. But I still think it's quite possible that he feels remorseful about it. Is there any way we can find him and ask him? :D

    there's always missed connections on Craigslist!
  • LiminalAscendance
    LiminalAscendance Posts: 489 Member
    Something to remember. We have all been rude to someone else in our lives, most of the time it's not intentional.

    Yes, I happen to agree that his actions were rude. However, after the interaction, your coworker went back and told him how rude it was, and I bet he feels absolutely terrible about it now. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't over-analyzing the situation himself and trying to see how he could have handled it better.

    Example: Seven years ago an elderly woman that I was ringing up sales for asked me when I was due. I was not pregnant but I had recently put on some weight and I burst into tears. She was mortified and immediately apologized. She called back later that day to talk to me and I didn't want to take the call because I was still so upset and she spoke with my boss who came out to tell me that the lady felt really bad and doesn't think I'm fat, it's just that when she was a young woman, only pregnant women wore baby doll styled blouses. It didn't make me feel that much better though. And I don't think it made her feel much better either, because she showed back up to the store the next day to talk to me some more. She had called her granddaughter to ask her opinion about it and her granddaughter said, no you shouldn't ask strangers about pregnancy, it's rude. So she wanted to tell me that she learned her lesson and she was super sorry.

    I will never forget it, it reminds me that people care, even if we do or say thoughtless things, it's not always about US. I never did wear that blouse again though.

    I think there's a big difference between making a comment that came out the wrong way and walking up to someone sitting with people at a table and commenting on her weight with intent. I just don't think these situations are comparable.

    That guy should feel like a**. If he ran into her at the gym, I could MAYBE buy into it, but the food court at the mall? C'mon now.

    truth- there was a TON of intent- it wasn't an accident or a "mispoke"

    I would NEVER walk up to someone at a table full of people to "help with their problem"...maybe tell her she had fabulous shoes- but that's it.
    Guy's going to be single for life me thinks.

    I know you're just trying to be nice, but this logic always amuses me.

    Why do people say that individuals who are "mean" (for lack of a more humorous term) to them are doomed to a life of misery?

    This guy may be in a fulfilling relationship. Hell, his significant other may even like the fact that he goes out of his way to preach fitness to fat people!
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Something to remember. We have all been rude to someone else in our lives, most of the time it's not intentional.

    Yes, I happen to agree that his actions were rude. However, after the interaction, your coworker went back and told him how rude it was, and I bet he feels absolutely terrible about it now. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't over-analyzing the situation himself and trying to see how he could have handled it better.

    Example: Seven years ago an elderly woman that I was ringing up sales for asked me when I was due. I was not pregnant but I had recently put on some weight and I burst into tears. She was mortified and immediately apologized. She called back later that day to talk to me and I didn't want to take the call because I was still so upset and she spoke with my boss who came out to tell me that the lady felt really bad and doesn't think I'm fat, it's just that when she was a young woman, only pregnant women wore baby doll styled blouses. It didn't make me feel that much better though. And I don't think it made her feel much better either, because she showed back up to the store the next day to talk to me some more. She had called her granddaughter to ask her opinion about it and her granddaughter said, no you shouldn't ask strangers about pregnancy, it's rude. So she wanted to tell me that she learned her lesson and she was super sorry.

    I will never forget it, it reminds me that people care, even if we do or say thoughtless things, it's not always about US. I never did wear that blouse again though.

    I think there's a big difference between making a comment that came out the wrong way and walking up to someone sitting with people at a table and commenting on her weight with intent. I just don't think these situations are comparable.

    That guy should feel like a**. If he ran into her at the gym, I could MAYBE buy into it, but the food court at the mall? C'mon now.

    truth- there was a TON of intent- it wasn't an accident or a "mispoke"

    I would NEVER walk up to someone at a table full of people to "help with their problem"...maybe tell her she had fabulous shoes- but that's it.
    Guy's going to be single for life me thinks.

    I know you're just trying to be nice, but this logic always amuses me.

    Why do people say that individuals who are "mean" (for lack of a more humorous term) to them are doomed to a life of misery?

    This guy may be in a fulfilling relationship. Hell, his significant other may even like the fact that he goes out of his way to preach fitness to fat people!

    At least you really hope so, right?
  • LiminalAscendance
    LiminalAscendance Posts: 489 Member
    Something to remember. We have all been rude to someone else in our lives, most of the time it's not intentional.

    Yes, I happen to agree that his actions were rude. However, after the interaction, your coworker went back and told him how rude it was, and I bet he feels absolutely terrible about it now. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't over-analyzing the situation himself and trying to see how he could have handled it better.

    Example: Seven years ago an elderly woman that I was ringing up sales for asked me when I was due. I was not pregnant but I had recently put on some weight and I burst into tears. She was mortified and immediately apologized. She called back later that day to talk to me and I didn't want to take the call because I was still so upset and she spoke with my boss who came out to tell me that the lady felt really bad and doesn't think I'm fat, it's just that when she was a young woman, only pregnant women wore baby doll styled blouses. It didn't make me feel that much better though. And I don't think it made her feel much better either, because she showed back up to the store the next day to talk to me some more. She had called her granddaughter to ask her opinion about it and her granddaughter said, no you shouldn't ask strangers about pregnancy, it's rude. So she wanted to tell me that she learned her lesson and she was super sorry.

    I will never forget it, it reminds me that people care, even if we do or say thoughtless things, it's not always about US. I never did wear that blouse again though.

    I think there's a big difference between making a comment that came out the wrong way and walking up to someone sitting with people at a table and commenting on her weight with intent. I just don't think these situations are comparable.

    That guy should feel like a**. If he ran into her at the gym, I could MAYBE buy into it, but the food court at the mall? C'mon now.

    truth- there was a TON of intent- it wasn't an accident or a "mispoke"

    I would NEVER walk up to someone at a table full of people to "help with their problem"...maybe tell her she had fabulous shoes- but that's it.
    Guy's going to be single for life me thinks.

    I know you're just trying to be nice, but this logic always amuses me.

    Why do people say that individuals who are "mean" (for lack of a more humorous term) to them are doomed to a life of misery?

    This guy may be in a fulfilling relationship. Hell, his significant other may even like the fact that he goes out of his way to preach fitness to fat people!

    At least you really hope so, right?

    Well, I know I'm less miserable than if I were fat.

    Is that what you meant? You're not very clear, husky.
  • LiminalAscendance
    LiminalAscendance Posts: 489 Member
    As someone said much more eloquently earlier in the thread (who also left, out of apparent frustration, and whose lead I'm about to follow), most seem to miss the point.

    Instead of doing something about the reason the guy came up to her (however rude he was), let's all spend time giving a bunch of head-pats.

    And when it happens again (which it most likely will), she can get more "support" here (assuming the site hasn't imploded by then).

    It would be crazy to just fix yourself. Madness.
  • shankasaurus
    shankasaurus Posts: 116 Member
    I agree that the situations are not really comparable. But I still think it's quite possible that he feels remorseful about it. Is there any way we can find him and ask him? :D

    there's always missed connections on Craigslist!

    I love missed connections. I read them all the time. My goal is to be hot enough that someday some idiot in a red truck talks about how he saw this smoking hot brunette in the reliable toyota corolla at the intersection this morning and WE HAD A MOMENT, and also reply with what he was wearing so he knows it's really me.

    /hijacked
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    As someone said much more eloquently earlier in the thread (who also left, out of apparent frustration, and whose lead I'm about to follow), most seem to miss the point.

    Instead of doing something about the reason the guy came up to her (however rude he was), let's all spend time giving a bunch of head-pats.

    And when it happens again (which it most likely will), she can get more "support" here (assuming the site hasn't imploded by then).

    It would be crazy to just fix yourself. Madness.

    Well, I don't think they are mutually exclusive events. She is working on herself. She has said so repeatedly. Not sure why this thread is so frustrating for you. Was he rude? Yes. Should she work on herself? Yes. Is she working on herself? Yes. Has she had some progress? Yes.

    Not seeing a problem...
  • aarnwine2013
    aarnwine2013 Posts: 317 Member
    It was rude of him. Period. I'm sure he meant well and that's fine but like the OP, I would have been very embarrassed since she was with her coworkers....

    OP good luck and I wish you continued success. Everybody should have the opportunity to feel good and be comfortable.

    Best wishes!
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    I know you're just trying to be nice, but this logic always amuses me.

    Why do people say that individuals who are "mean" (for lack of a more humorous term) to them are doomed to a life of misery?

    This guy may be in a fulfilling relationship. Hell, his significant other may even like the fact that he goes out of his way to preach fitness to fat people!

    I'm not "trying" to be nice.

    The guy is a grade a D-bag or a social nit wit. I didn't say I HOPE HE STAYS SINGLE, I was clearly suggesting it wouldn't really surprise me if he stayed single for life.

    I'm kind of B- I'm not blatantly mean just to be mean- but I'm actually a giant sarcastic a**- and I'm in a perfectly happy relationship (tomorrow is 4 years for us actually!).

    But I"m not going out of my way to insult people out of the blue. I'm not saying I think he's going to be single for life because he's mean- Mean = miserable = alone
    The reason I said that is I think either
    A. he thinks so highly of himself he REALLY truly feels like he was reaching down to help the needy, or
    B. he has absolutely zero concept of social interactions.

    Instead of doing something about the reason the guy came up to her (however rude he was), let's all spend time giving a bunch of head-pats.
    SHE IS WORKING ON IT.

    We aren't patting her on the head for being over weight- we are patting her on the back because she's upset b/c someone was rude and mean to her- how is that a problem?

    You're missing the point.
  • No_Finish_Line
    No_Finish_Line Posts: 3,661 Member
    As someone said much more eloquently earlier in the thread (who also left, out of apparent frustration, and whose lead I'm about to follow), most seem to miss the point.

    Instead of doing something about the reason the guy came up to her (however rude he was), let's all spend time giving a bunch of head-pats.

    And when it happens again (which it most likely will), she can get more "support" here (assuming the site hasn't imploded by then).

    It would be crazy to just fix yourself. Madness.

    Well, I don't think they are mutually exclusive events. She is working on herself. She has said so repeatedly. Not sure why this thread is so frustrating for you. Was he rude? Yes. Should she work on herself? Yes. Is she working on herself? Yes. Has she had some progress? Yes.

    Not seeing a problem...

    thats funny, i do sorta see them as mutually exclusive events, in that her problem of being overweight ans his of being rude don't necessairly have much to do with the other (other then the fact they happend to interact).

    in other words, one can she's fat and he's rude, and any nuances of the interplay between the two does little or nothing to change that.

    why the **** am i wasting my time on this?
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    As someone said much more eloquently earlier in the thread (who also left, out of apparent frustration, and whose lead I'm about to follow), most seem to miss the point.

    Instead of doing something about the reason the guy came up to her (however rude he was), let's all spend time giving a bunch of head-pats.

    And when it happens again (which it most likely will), she can get more "support" here (assuming the site hasn't imploded by then).

    It would be crazy to just fix yourself. Madness.

    Well, I don't think they are mutually exclusive events. She is working on herself. She has said so repeatedly. Not sure why this thread is so frustrating for you. Was he rude? Yes. Should she work on herself? Yes. Is she working on herself? Yes. Has she had some progress? Yes.

    Not seeing a problem...

    thats funny, i do sorta see them as mutually exclusive events, in that her problem of being overweight ans his of being rude don't necessairly have much to do with the other (other then the fact they happend to interact).

    in other words, one can she's fat and he's rude, and any nuances of the interplay between the two does little or nothing to change that.

    why the **** am i wasting my time on this?

    I meant our responses as being mutually exclusive events.

    Just because I think the guy is an a**, doesn't mean I think that she shouldn't work on herself. And, actually, she is working on herself, so good for OP!
  • zanne54
    zanne54 Posts: 336 Member

    Maybe he found her attractive and her problem was that they weren't dating so he was using the "you should let me take you to the gym" as a little segue into that play.

    Is that an assumption? Sure. Is what you are thinking an assumption? Sure.

    Seems to me if I can choose between a negative and a positive view of events in my life where I have incomplete information to make a truly accurate assessment then I will choose the positive...

    This.
  • No_Finish_Line
    No_Finish_Line Posts: 3,661 Member
    oh, gotcha!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    So, today I'm having lunch in a food court with work colleagues. I'm eating my turkey sub from subway and drinking water - all good. Out of nowhere this guy comes to the table and asks if he can speak with us - me in particular. Now this is not overly unusual because we all work at a local church which is heavily involved in the community. So, I say sure. He then proceeds to say to me "I just want you to know that there is help available for someone like you; I'd like to help you". He went on to say how he attends a gym and would be willing to workout with me and help me with my 'problem'!!! I was horrified!! In 38 years this has never happened to me! I was humiliated! I was polite and thanked him for the offer and suggested I probably would not take him up on it - but inside I just wanted to die. None of my colleagues know I'm working so hard to lose weight, and at only 8kg loss, they can't tell. So, I just had to act like this didn't bother me. As we left, one of the men on my team went and spoke to said stranger about the inappropriateness of what he'd done - but no one could really feel how gutted I was. I mean, I know I'm big, but how big must I be that a complete stranger felt so compelled to come and 'help' me!!! I just have to keep moving forward - I've made such great progress and I can't let this ignorant person discourage me - but I just wish people thought before they 'helped'!
    I suspect your colleagues did know how gutted you were. They just didn't know how to address it or maybe thought it better not to.

    Some people have no common sense. I'm really sorry that happened to you and I doubt this idiot is getting much business with that approach.
  • RUNNING_AMOK_1958
    RUNNING_AMOK_1958 Posts: 268 Member
    I guess that's why they're called "STRANGErs. " This one was strange. He has the problem, not you.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    This guy may be in a fulfilling relationship. Hell, his significant other may even like the fact that he goes out of his way to preach fitness to fat people!

    More likely he's a clueless cad who's trying to drum up an income.

    Relationship or no relationship is irrelevant. You can't determine his level of miserableness from this interaction. He's trying to make a living taking the MLM business approach. Sadly, some people give in to that so it works sometimes. But probably not often.
  • ValGogo
    ValGogo Posts: 2,168 Member
    I guess after the shock I would have wondered if he was offering some kind of free service. See, if he's gonna train me for free, then I'd go for it.
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
    I don't think he was trying to be rude: honestly it sounds like he was trying to be helpful. However, I can certainly understand feeling embarrassed after this interaction. There is a fine line between helpful and hurtful, and I believe this guy inadvertently crossed it.

    Or he was trying to sell you some bullsh!t product. Was it Dr. Oz by any chance?
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    :smile: Chin up girlie don't dwell on the" total stranger" he probably mean't well, some people can't switch off from their job.Good luck.

    Thanks - but just to clarify - not his job, he just attends the gym.
    REALLY??

    Wow. Even worse.
  • Pirate_chick
    Pirate_chick Posts: 1,216 Member
    Ugh, how horrible! I am sorry you went through this!