Rudeness of a total stranger!

Katiegirl1970

Of course that was RUDE..I bet your coworkers did know you were humiliated, I would be sensitive enough to know that such an odd thing would hurt someones feelings.

The good side is MOST people are not that rude. And while he appeared trying to be helpful, there is a tactful way to help anyone, and one rule is to know that many people can be offended by the idea of others thinking/knowing they need help.

Had this stranger walked up to your group and handed out a business card then said he would love to help ANYONE who needed motivation and tips--then it would of been classified as a good thing. His delivery was *kitten* and while he probably meant well he should of known better.

Dont stress it no more than you already have. People do rude things all the time, unfortunately you was recipient of this one.

I think you handled yourself like a professional and out of all you wrote, thats what sticks with me.

Good job!

Archon2

Wow.

Either the guy was socially clueless, but genuinely wanted to help or he had some ulterior motive, which is I think likely.

I bet he found the OP attractive and/or interesting and this was his stupid way of getting to know her.

Nice of the coworker to give the guy a talking-to as well.

Blacklance36

He was trying to sell you something. I can almost bet on it and its probably herbalife.

That was my thought too.

Katiegirl1970

I actually thought the same thing too..

I thought maybe he gets commission on how many people he gets to show up.

Brige2269

I understand, I have had something like that happen to me before. The worse feeling is, strangers do not know what your doing, how far you have come or if you have already lost weigh. It isn't like we will wear a sign that says our acclomplishments. Strangers don't matter anyway, YOU know what your doing, that's what matters.

msf74

As for the person who confronted you...I would've been furious and probably said something like "**GASP** I'm overweight?!!? I had no idea..."

Or she could have said "There are easier ways to get my number you know" or "Nice try sweetness but let's be honest here. I am way out of your league."

I understand that overweight people face a huge amount of prejudice in day to day life and that can be very difficult to deal with. I am not naïve to that fact. However, these negative situations also contain a huge amount of potential for empowerment.

A mental wound is not like a physical wound. If you cut me with a knife I must surely bleed. If you attempt to injure me psychologically then, with the right techniques, I can choose whether I bleed or not.

The OP can use this encounter to her benefit. I hope she does.

msmichelelynn

Rude? Probably.. But it could also be motivational. You are on the right path: You want to lose weight. If you put in the effort, it will happen, and you will see results. If you half-*kitten* your attempt not so much. You should have said: Sure, when can we meet up

I was thinking the same thing. I'm down for any and all motivational help. I probably would have also stated that I am a work in progress and that I just got myself started, but I'm a bit thicker skinned and I'm also open to meeting as many people as I can that are interested in a healthy lifestyle. BUT my friendly receptors would have not been as excited about it due to the fact that I was approached and embarrassed in front of my peers. Not a good approach... at all.

UsedToBeHusky

what did he say that was rude?

Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

Does your church ever go around offering to "help" nonbelievers with their "problem?" Do you consider that rude?

After this comment I would have to say "Amen"

Church people do make life hell knocking on door and wanting to "HELP ME".

OP, I'm wondering have you or the Church you believe in ever went around trying to help people revisit their belief.

If yes, Karma is a beautch. What goes around comes around.

Above posters comment hit me so hard b'coz jus' this Sunday they flocked in wanting to "Help Me" and I kept saying "Nope". And then the lady wanted to know "What was that I believe in"

This argument is a tad bit ridiculous.

Being atheist, agnostic, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, or whatever is socially acceptable for the general public. However, being obese is not. If someone assumed you were a non-believer and attempted to share their religious beliefs in public, you would not be offended because you are entitled to your beliefs. You are not embarassed of those beliefs.

Because obesity isn't socially acceptable, then most obese people are embarassed of it. Therefore, singling someone out in public about something not socially acceptable is embarassing. It doesn't matter if his intent was to help or harm.

seltzermint555

He was rude, of course. And the setting especially was completely inappropriate too. What a fool.

Next time I would not say thank you for the offer though, even as you turned it down. I would say, "My body size is absolutely none of your business and I really do NOT appreciate your comments and suggestions".

No_Finish_Line

what did he say that was rude?

Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.

And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.

he offered to help, he didnt point and shout 'fatty'... misguided yes, but hardly the worst thing someone could say!

So now she can't vent unless it was the worst thing someone could say?

Why do you get to decide what she finds offensive?

I can totally see the original poster's point of view.

I think that stranger was completely rude. He doesn't know her, he doesn't know what she's doing and he is incredibly presumptuous. You don't go up to total strangers and make the kind of comment he did. If she happened to be in a conversation with him and mentioned something about fitness or diet then sure, he could have interjected something at that point. But going up to random people, intruding on their private moments to tell them he can help them..no way.. rude.

Agree with this. Its not like an overweight person doesn't know they have a problem.

have no idea what a perfect stranger would hope to accomplish by pointing out someones weight problem. if they want help, they will seek it. i don't see what it could do other then shame someone into action.

No_Finish_Line

what did he say that was rude?

Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

Does your church ever go around offering to "help" nonbelievers with their "problem?" Do you consider that rude?

After this comment I would have to say "Amen"

Church people do make life hell knocking on door and wanting to "HELP ME".

OP, I'm wondering have you or the Church you believe in ever went around trying to help people revisit their belief.

If yes, Karma is a beautch. What goes around comes around.

Above posters comment hit me so hard b'coz jus' this Sunday they flocked in wanting to "Help Me" and I kept saying "Nope". And then the lady wanted to know "What was that I believe in"

i can see someone being irritated by obnoxious religious evangelists

but i don't see how you equate it to being hurt or emotionally humiliated.

LiminalAscendance

what did he say that was rude?

Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

Does your church ever go around offering to "help" nonbelievers with their "problem?" Do you consider that rude?

After this comment I would have to say "Amen"

Church people do make life hell knocking on door and wanting to "HELP ME".

OP, I'm wondering have you or the Church you believe in ever went around trying to help people revisit their belief.

If yes, Karma is a beautch. What goes around comes around.

Above posters comment hit me so hard b'coz jus' this Sunday they flocked in wanting to "Help Me" and I kept saying "Nope". And then the lady wanted to know "What was that I believe in"

This argument is a tad bit ridiculous.

Being atheist, agnostic, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, or whatever is socially acceptable for the general public. However, being obese is not. If someone assumed you were a non-believer and attempted to share their religious beliefs in public, you would not be offended because you are entitled to your beliefs. You are not embarassed of those beliefs.

Because obesity isn't socially acceptable, then most obese people are embarassed of it. Therefore, singling someone out in public about something not socially acceptable is embarassing. It doesn't matter if his intent was to help or harm.

It has nothing to do with the "general public."

It is still a situation of one group (and the church folks don't usually arrive alone) shoveling their implied judgment on top of you.

How did the guy know she was uncomfortable with the way she looked? I know a lot of fat people that are quite happy with themselves.

Maybe the guy assumed that the only way someone would allow themselves to stay fat is due to ignorance (or laziness...perhaps he was giving her the benefit of the doubt).

Being overweight is as much of a choice as whether or not you believe in a higher power (oh, unless you're one of those "food addicts," apparently).

UsedToBeHusky

what did he say that was rude?

Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

Does your church ever go around offering to "help" nonbelievers with their "problem?" Do you consider that rude?

After this comment I would have to say "Amen"

Church people do make life hell knocking on door and wanting to "HELP ME".

OP, I'm wondering have you or the Church you believe in ever went around trying to help people revisit their belief.

If yes, Karma is a beautch. What goes around comes around.

Above posters comment hit me so hard b'coz jus' this Sunday they flocked in wanting to "Help Me" and I kept saying "Nope". And then the lady wanted to know "What was that I believe in"

This argument is a tad bit ridiculous.

Being atheist, agnostic, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, or whatever is socially acceptable for the general public. However, being obese is not. If someone assumed you were a non-believer and attempted to share their religious beliefs in public, you would not be offended because you are entitled to your beliefs. You are not embarassed of those beliefs.

Because obesity isn't socially acceptable, then most obese people are embarassed of it. Therefore, singling someone out in public about something not socially acceptable is embarassing. It doesn't matter if his intent was to help or harm.

It has nothing to do with the "general public."

It is still a situation of one group (and the church folks don't usually arrive alone) shoveling their implied judgment on top of you.

How did the guy know she was uncomfortable with the way she looked? I know a lot of fat people that are quite happy with themselves.

Maybe the guy assumed that the only way someone would allow themselves to stay fat is due to ignorance (or laziness...perhaps he was giving her the benefit of the doubt).

Being overweight is as much of a choice as whether or not you believe in a higher power (oh, unless you're one of those "food addicts," apparently).

I just love when judgmental people go around crying about other people judging them.

Presenting an alternative belief system is not judgment. You may have encountered some judgmental religious people, but you assume that the entire lot is judging you. Which is untrue and simply returning judgment.

Also, not everyone is overweight by choice. Hormone imbalances interfere with weight loss/gain and occur far more often than you think.

JoRocka

what did he say that was rude?

Really? You don't think that approaching a stranger to point out their weight problem is rude? Where I come from - very rude!!!

Agreed you don't just approach some complete stranger in public and point something like that out. Honest private criticism from a friend is one thing but all what he was doing will do is humiliate people.

And good luck OP. I know it can be slow sometimes. But just keep trying things till you find a lifestyle that works for you.

he offered to help, he didnt point and shout 'fatty'... misguided yes, but hardly the worst thing someone could say!

So now she can't vent unless it was the worst thing someone could say?

Why do you get to decide what she finds offensive?

I can totally see the original poster's point of view.

I think that stranger was completely rude. He doesn't know her, he doesn't know what she's doing and he is incredibly presumptuous. You don't go up to total strangers and make the kind of comment he did. If she happened to be in a conversation with him and mentioned something about fitness or diet then sure, he could have interjected something at that point. But going up to random people, intruding on their private moments to tell them he can help them..no way.. rude.

and in front of co-workers? Or family- it could have been with her fiance's future in-laws and she was trying to make a great impression for them- could you even imagine.

HORRIBLY mortifying- I would be mortified as well OP.

So 100% inappropriate. Stay the course- know you ARE doing the right things. And he's an a**.

shankasaurus

Something to remember. We have all been rude to someone else in our lives, most of the time it's not intentional.

Yes, I happen to agree that his actions were rude. However, after the interaction, your coworker went back and told him how rude it was, and I bet he feels absolutely terrible about it now. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't over-analyzing the situation himself and trying to see how he could have handled it better.

Example: Seven years ago an elderly woman that I was ringing up sales for asked me when I was due. I was not pregnant but I had recently put on some weight and I burst into tears. She was mortified and immediately apologized. She called back later that day to talk to me and I didn't want to take the call because I was still so upset and she spoke with my boss who came out to tell me that the lady felt really bad and doesn't think I'm fat, it's just that when she was a young woman, only pregnant women wore baby doll styled blouses. It didn't make me feel that much better though. And I don't think it made her feel much better either, because she showed back up to the store the next day to talk to me some more. She had called her granddaughter to ask her opinion about it and her granddaughter said, no you shouldn't ask strangers about pregnancy, it's rude. So she wanted to tell me that she learned her lesson and she was super sorry.

I will never forget it, it reminds me that people care, even if others do or say thoughtless things, it's not always about us. I never did wear that blouse again though.

Edited: Wrong tense. Tried to fix.

PRMinx

Something to remember. We have all been rude to someone else in our lives, most of the time it's not intentional.

Yes, I happen to agree that his actions were rude. However, after the interaction, your coworker went back and told him how rude it was, and I bet he feels absolutely terrible about it now. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't over-analyzing the situation himself and trying to see how he could have handled it better.

Example: Seven years ago an elderly woman that I was ringing up sales for asked me when I was due. I was not pregnant but I had recently put on some weight and I burst into tears. She was mortified and immediately apologized. She called back later that day to talk to me and I didn't want to take the call because I was still so upset and she spoke with my boss who came out to tell me that the lady felt really bad and doesn't think I'm fat, it's just that when she was a young woman, only pregnant women wore baby doll styled blouses. It didn't make me feel that much better though. And I don't think it made her feel much better either, because she showed back up to the store the next day to talk to me some more. She had called her granddaughter to ask her opinion about it and her granddaughter said, no you shouldn't ask strangers about pregnancy, it's rude. So she wanted to tell me that she learned her lesson and she was super sorry.

I will never forget it, it reminds me that people care, even if we do or say thoughtless things, it's not always about US. I never did wear that blouse again though.

I think there's a big difference between making a comment that came out the wrong way and walking up to someone sitting with people at a table and commenting on her weight with intent. I just don't think these situations are comparable.

That guy should feel like a**. If he ran into her at the gym, I could MAYBE buy into it, but the food court at the mall? C'mon now.

amandzor

Was it rude? Yes. Inconsiderate? Absolutely. Do I genuinely believe he -thought- he was being genuine and helpful? Sure. Maybe he was.

But unsolicited advice, help, etc. is usually unwanted and leads to uncomfortable embarrassment.

If a complete stranger walked up to me and said the same, I'd be upset, embarrassed, but only because I'd know he was right. I do need help with my problem, because it is a problem. Many people don't even know where to start. They think they have to eat salads three times a day, every day of the week. As a country our nutritional education is severely lacking.

That being said, I hope you use his unsolicited "advice" as a motivational tool.

kmorales_4

I completely agree with amandzor. Some people just don't know when they're being inappropriate.

JoRocka

Something to remember. We have all been rude to someone else in our lives, most of the time it's not intentional.

Yes, I happen to agree that his actions were rude. However, after the interaction, your coworker went back and told him how rude it was, and I bet he feels absolutely terrible about it now. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't over-analyzing the situation himself and trying to see how he could have handled it better.

Example: Seven years ago an elderly woman that I was ringing up sales for asked me when I was due. I was not pregnant but I had recently put on some weight and I burst into tears. She was mortified and immediately apologized. She called back later that day to talk to me and I didn't want to take the call because I was still so upset and she spoke with my boss who came out to tell me that the lady felt really bad and doesn't think I'm fat, it's just that when she was a young woman, only pregnant women wore baby doll styled blouses. It didn't make me feel that much better though. And I don't think it made her feel much better either, because she showed back up to the store the next day to talk to me some more. She had called her granddaughter to ask her opinion about it and her granddaughter said, no you shouldn't ask strangers about pregnancy, it's rude. So she wanted to tell me that she learned her lesson and she was super sorry.

I will never forget it, it reminds me that people care, even if we do or say thoughtless things, it's not always about US. I never did wear that blouse again though.

I think there's a big difference between making a comment that came out the wrong way and walking up to someone sitting with people at a table and commenting on her weight with intent. I just don't think these situations are comparable.

That guy should feel like a**. If he ran into her at the gym, I could MAYBE buy into it, but the food court at the mall? C'mon now.

truth- there was a TON of intent- it wasn't an accident or a "mispoke"

I would NEVER walk up to someone at a table full of people to "help with their problem"...maybe tell her she had fabulous shoes- but that's it.
Guy's going to be single for life me thinks.

shankasaurus

Something to remember. We have all been rude to someone else in our lives, most of the time it's not intentional.

Yes, I happen to agree that his actions were rude. However, after the interaction, your coworker went back and told him how rude it was, and I bet he feels absolutely terrible about it now. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't over-analyzing the situation himself and trying to see how he could have handled it better.

Example: Seven years ago an elderly woman that I was ringing up sales for asked me when I was due. I was not pregnant but I had recently put on some weight and I burst into tears. She was mortified and immediately apologized. She called back later that day to talk to me and I didn't want to take the call because I was still so upset and she spoke with my boss who came out to tell me that the lady felt really bad and doesn't think I'm fat, it's just that when she was a young woman, only pregnant women wore baby doll styled blouses. It didn't make me feel that much better though. And I don't think it made her feel much better either, because she showed back up to the store the next day to talk to me some more. She had called her granddaughter to ask her opinion about it and her granddaughter said, no you shouldn't ask strangers about pregnancy, it's rude. So she wanted to tell me that she learned her lesson and she was super sorry.

I will never forget it, it reminds me that people care, even if we do or say thoughtless things, it's not always about US. I never did wear that blouse again though.

I think there's a big difference between making a comment that came out the wrong way and walking up to someone sitting with people at a table and commenting on her weight with intent. I just don't think these situations are comparable.

That guy should feel like a**. If he ran into her at the gym, I could MAYBE buy into it, but the food court at the mall? C'mon now.

truth- there was a TON of intent- it wasn't an accident or a "mispoke"

I would NEVER walk up to someone at a table full of people to "help with their problem"...maybe tell her she had fabulous shoes- but that's it.
Guy's going to be single for life me thinks.

I agree that the situations are not really comparable. But I still think it's quite possible that he feels remorseful about it. Is there any way we can find him and ask him?