Rudeness of a total stranger!
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I agree that the situations are not really comparable. But I still think it's quite possible that he feels remorseful about it. Is there any way we can find him and ask him?
there's always missed connections on Craigslist!0 -
Something to remember. We have all been rude to someone else in our lives, most of the time it's not intentional.
Yes, I happen to agree that his actions were rude. However, after the interaction, your coworker went back and told him how rude it was, and I bet he feels absolutely terrible about it now. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't over-analyzing the situation himself and trying to see how he could have handled it better.
Example: Seven years ago an elderly woman that I was ringing up sales for asked me when I was due. I was not pregnant but I had recently put on some weight and I burst into tears. She was mortified and immediately apologized. She called back later that day to talk to me and I didn't want to take the call because I was still so upset and she spoke with my boss who came out to tell me that the lady felt really bad and doesn't think I'm fat, it's just that when she was a young woman, only pregnant women wore baby doll styled blouses. It didn't make me feel that much better though. And I don't think it made her feel much better either, because she showed back up to the store the next day to talk to me some more. She had called her granddaughter to ask her opinion about it and her granddaughter said, no you shouldn't ask strangers about pregnancy, it's rude. So she wanted to tell me that she learned her lesson and she was super sorry.
I will never forget it, it reminds me that people care, even if we do or say thoughtless things, it's not always about US. I never did wear that blouse again though.
I think there's a big difference between making a comment that came out the wrong way and walking up to someone sitting with people at a table and commenting on her weight with intent. I just don't think these situations are comparable.
That guy should feel like a**. If he ran into her at the gym, I could MAYBE buy into it, but the food court at the mall? C'mon now.
truth- there was a TON of intent- it wasn't an accident or a "mispoke"
I would NEVER walk up to someone at a table full of people to "help with their problem"...maybe tell her she had fabulous shoes- but that's it.
Guy's going to be single for life me thinks.
I know you're just trying to be nice, but this logic always amuses me.
Why do people say that individuals who are "mean" (for lack of a more humorous term) to them are doomed to a life of misery?
This guy may be in a fulfilling relationship. Hell, his significant other may even like the fact that he goes out of his way to preach fitness to fat people!0 -
Something to remember. We have all been rude to someone else in our lives, most of the time it's not intentional.
Yes, I happen to agree that his actions were rude. However, after the interaction, your coworker went back and told him how rude it was, and I bet he feels absolutely terrible about it now. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't over-analyzing the situation himself and trying to see how he could have handled it better.
Example: Seven years ago an elderly woman that I was ringing up sales for asked me when I was due. I was not pregnant but I had recently put on some weight and I burst into tears. She was mortified and immediately apologized. She called back later that day to talk to me and I didn't want to take the call because I was still so upset and she spoke with my boss who came out to tell me that the lady felt really bad and doesn't think I'm fat, it's just that when she was a young woman, only pregnant women wore baby doll styled blouses. It didn't make me feel that much better though. And I don't think it made her feel much better either, because she showed back up to the store the next day to talk to me some more. She had called her granddaughter to ask her opinion about it and her granddaughter said, no you shouldn't ask strangers about pregnancy, it's rude. So she wanted to tell me that she learned her lesson and she was super sorry.
I will never forget it, it reminds me that people care, even if we do or say thoughtless things, it's not always about US. I never did wear that blouse again though.
I think there's a big difference between making a comment that came out the wrong way and walking up to someone sitting with people at a table and commenting on her weight with intent. I just don't think these situations are comparable.
That guy should feel like a**. If he ran into her at the gym, I could MAYBE buy into it, but the food court at the mall? C'mon now.
truth- there was a TON of intent- it wasn't an accident or a "mispoke"
I would NEVER walk up to someone at a table full of people to "help with their problem"...maybe tell her she had fabulous shoes- but that's it.
Guy's going to be single for life me thinks.
I know you're just trying to be nice, but this logic always amuses me.
Why do people say that individuals who are "mean" (for lack of a more humorous term) to them are doomed to a life of misery?
This guy may be in a fulfilling relationship. Hell, his significant other may even like the fact that he goes out of his way to preach fitness to fat people!
At least you really hope so, right?0 -
Something to remember. We have all been rude to someone else in our lives, most of the time it's not intentional.
Yes, I happen to agree that his actions were rude. However, after the interaction, your coworker went back and told him how rude it was, and I bet he feels absolutely terrible about it now. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't over-analyzing the situation himself and trying to see how he could have handled it better.
Example: Seven years ago an elderly woman that I was ringing up sales for asked me when I was due. I was not pregnant but I had recently put on some weight and I burst into tears. She was mortified and immediately apologized. She called back later that day to talk to me and I didn't want to take the call because I was still so upset and she spoke with my boss who came out to tell me that the lady felt really bad and doesn't think I'm fat, it's just that when she was a young woman, only pregnant women wore baby doll styled blouses. It didn't make me feel that much better though. And I don't think it made her feel much better either, because she showed back up to the store the next day to talk to me some more. She had called her granddaughter to ask her opinion about it and her granddaughter said, no you shouldn't ask strangers about pregnancy, it's rude. So she wanted to tell me that she learned her lesson and she was super sorry.
I will never forget it, it reminds me that people care, even if we do or say thoughtless things, it's not always about US. I never did wear that blouse again though.
I think there's a big difference between making a comment that came out the wrong way and walking up to someone sitting with people at a table and commenting on her weight with intent. I just don't think these situations are comparable.
That guy should feel like a**. If he ran into her at the gym, I could MAYBE buy into it, but the food court at the mall? C'mon now.
truth- there was a TON of intent- it wasn't an accident or a "mispoke"
I would NEVER walk up to someone at a table full of people to "help with their problem"...maybe tell her she had fabulous shoes- but that's it.
Guy's going to be single for life me thinks.
I know you're just trying to be nice, but this logic always amuses me.
Why do people say that individuals who are "mean" (for lack of a more humorous term) to them are doomed to a life of misery?
This guy may be in a fulfilling relationship. Hell, his significant other may even like the fact that he goes out of his way to preach fitness to fat people!
At least you really hope so, right?
Well, I know I'm less miserable than if I were fat.
Is that what you meant? You're not very clear, husky.0 -
As someone said much more eloquently earlier in the thread (who also left, out of apparent frustration, and whose lead I'm about to follow), most seem to miss the point.
Instead of doing something about the reason the guy came up to her (however rude he was), let's all spend time giving a bunch of head-pats.
And when it happens again (which it most likely will), she can get more "support" here (assuming the site hasn't imploded by then).
It would be crazy to just fix yourself. Madness.0 -
I agree that the situations are not really comparable. But I still think it's quite possible that he feels remorseful about it. Is there any way we can find him and ask him?
there's always missed connections on Craigslist!
I love missed connections. I read them all the time. My goal is to be hot enough that someday some idiot in a red truck talks about how he saw this smoking hot brunette in the reliable toyota corolla at the intersection this morning and WE HAD A MOMENT, and also reply with what he was wearing so he knows it's really me.
/hijacked0 -
As someone said much more eloquently earlier in the thread (who also left, out of apparent frustration, and whose lead I'm about to follow), most seem to miss the point.
Instead of doing something about the reason the guy came up to her (however rude he was), let's all spend time giving a bunch of head-pats.
And when it happens again (which it most likely will), she can get more "support" here (assuming the site hasn't imploded by then).
It would be crazy to just fix yourself. Madness.
Well, I don't think they are mutually exclusive events. She is working on herself. She has said so repeatedly. Not sure why this thread is so frustrating for you. Was he rude? Yes. Should she work on herself? Yes. Is she working on herself? Yes. Has she had some progress? Yes.
Not seeing a problem...0 -
It was rude of him. Period. I'm sure he meant well and that's fine but like the OP, I would have been very embarrassed since she was with her coworkers....
OP good luck and I wish you continued success. Everybody should have the opportunity to feel good and be comfortable.
Best wishes!0 -
I know you're just trying to be nice, but this logic always amuses me.
Why do people say that individuals who are "mean" (for lack of a more humorous term) to them are doomed to a life of misery?
This guy may be in a fulfilling relationship. Hell, his significant other may even like the fact that he goes out of his way to preach fitness to fat people!
I'm not "trying" to be nice.
The guy is a grade a D-bag or a social nit wit. I didn't say I HOPE HE STAYS SINGLE, I was clearly suggesting it wouldn't really surprise me if he stayed single for life.
I'm kind of B- I'm not blatantly mean just to be mean- but I'm actually a giant sarcastic a**- and I'm in a perfectly happy relationship (tomorrow is 4 years for us actually!).
But I"m not going out of my way to insult people out of the blue. I'm not saying I think he's going to be single for life because he's mean- Mean = miserable = alone
The reason I said that is I think either
A. he thinks so highly of himself he REALLY truly feels like he was reaching down to help the needy, or
B. he has absolutely zero concept of social interactions.
SHE IS WORKING ON IT.Instead of doing something about the reason the guy came up to her (however rude he was), let's all spend time giving a bunch of head-pats.
We aren't patting her on the head for being over weight- we are patting her on the back because she's upset b/c someone was rude and mean to her- how is that a problem?
You're missing the point.0 -
As someone said much more eloquently earlier in the thread (who also left, out of apparent frustration, and whose lead I'm about to follow), most seem to miss the point.
Instead of doing something about the reason the guy came up to her (however rude he was), let's all spend time giving a bunch of head-pats.
And when it happens again (which it most likely will), she can get more "support" here (assuming the site hasn't imploded by then).
It would be crazy to just fix yourself. Madness.
Well, I don't think they are mutually exclusive events. She is working on herself. She has said so repeatedly. Not sure why this thread is so frustrating for you. Was he rude? Yes. Should she work on herself? Yes. Is she working on herself? Yes. Has she had some progress? Yes.
Not seeing a problem...
thats funny, i do sorta see them as mutually exclusive events, in that her problem of being overweight ans his of being rude don't necessairly have much to do with the other (other then the fact they happend to interact).
in other words, one can she's fat and he's rude, and any nuances of the interplay between the two does little or nothing to change that.
why the **** am i wasting my time on this?0 -
As someone said much more eloquently earlier in the thread (who also left, out of apparent frustration, and whose lead I'm about to follow), most seem to miss the point.
Instead of doing something about the reason the guy came up to her (however rude he was), let's all spend time giving a bunch of head-pats.
And when it happens again (which it most likely will), she can get more "support" here (assuming the site hasn't imploded by then).
It would be crazy to just fix yourself. Madness.
Well, I don't think they are mutually exclusive events. She is working on herself. She has said so repeatedly. Not sure why this thread is so frustrating for you. Was he rude? Yes. Should she work on herself? Yes. Is she working on herself? Yes. Has she had some progress? Yes.
Not seeing a problem...
thats funny, i do sorta see them as mutually exclusive events, in that her problem of being overweight ans his of being rude don't necessairly have much to do with the other (other then the fact they happend to interact).
in other words, one can she's fat and he's rude, and any nuances of the interplay between the two does little or nothing to change that.
why the **** am i wasting my time on this?
I meant our responses as being mutually exclusive events.
Just because I think the guy is an a**, doesn't mean I think that she shouldn't work on herself. And, actually, she is working on herself, so good for OP!0 -
Maybe he found her attractive and her problem was that they weren't dating so he was using the "you should let me take you to the gym" as a little segue into that play.
Is that an assumption? Sure. Is what you are thinking an assumption? Sure.
Seems to me if I can choose between a negative and a positive view of events in my life where I have incomplete information to make a truly accurate assessment then I will choose the positive...
This.0 -
oh, gotcha!0
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I suspect your colleagues did know how gutted you were. They just didn't know how to address it or maybe thought it better not to.So, today I'm having lunch in a food court with work colleagues. I'm eating my turkey sub from subway and drinking water - all good. Out of nowhere this guy comes to the table and asks if he can speak with us - me in particular. Now this is not overly unusual because we all work at a local church which is heavily involved in the community. So, I say sure. He then proceeds to say to me "I just want you to know that there is help available for someone like you; I'd like to help you". He went on to say how he attends a gym and would be willing to workout with me and help me with my 'problem'!!! I was horrified!! In 38 years this has never happened to me! I was humiliated! I was polite and thanked him for the offer and suggested I probably would not take him up on it - but inside I just wanted to die. None of my colleagues know I'm working so hard to lose weight, and at only 8kg loss, they can't tell. So, I just had to act like this didn't bother me. As we left, one of the men on my team went and spoke to said stranger about the inappropriateness of what he'd done - but no one could really feel how gutted I was. I mean, I know I'm big, but how big must I be that a complete stranger felt so compelled to come and 'help' me!!! I just have to keep moving forward - I've made such great progress and I can't let this ignorant person discourage me - but I just wish people thought before they 'helped'!
Some people have no common sense. I'm really sorry that happened to you and I doubt this idiot is getting much business with that approach.0 -
I guess that's why they're called "STRANGErs. " This one was strange. He has the problem, not you.0
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This guy may be in a fulfilling relationship. Hell, his significant other may even like the fact that he goes out of his way to preach fitness to fat people!
More likely he's a clueless cad who's trying to drum up an income.
Relationship or no relationship is irrelevant. You can't determine his level of miserableness from this interaction. He's trying to make a living taking the MLM business approach. Sadly, some people give in to that so it works sometimes. But probably not often.0 -
I guess after the shock I would have wondered if he was offering some kind of free service. See, if he's gonna train me for free, then I'd go for it.0
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I don't think he was trying to be rude: honestly it sounds like he was trying to be helpful. However, I can certainly understand feeling embarrassed after this interaction. There is a fine line between helpful and hurtful, and I believe this guy inadvertently crossed it.
Or he was trying to sell you some bullsh!t product. Was it Dr. Oz by any chance?0 -
REALLY??
Chin up girlie don't dwell on the" total stranger" he probably mean't well, some people can't switch off from their job.Good luck.
Thanks - but just to clarify - not his job, he just attends the gym.
Wow. Even worse.0 -
Ugh, how horrible! I am sorry you went through this!0
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