Do I tell her she's gaining?
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I'm sure she knows she's gaining weight. Even if she doesn't weigh herself, if you can tell, her clothes must be getting tighter.0
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She doesn't own a scale?0
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just tell her in the most subtle way u know of, or ask for some good abs workouts and see if she can do them with u to make sure u do them rightI have a family member who lost a lot of weight last year. At that time, she told me to let her know if she started gaining again.
Well, she's gaining again. Do I dare say anything? Doubt she'll take it well and it probably won't change her ways.
What to do, what to do???0 -
Support does not mean telling someone else when they've gained weight, or even that they are eating a certain thing, or not exercising enough. Support means you are there as a friend giving kudos, accepting them in their journey, treating them as you would any friend or person you love.
So, basically, support is ALWAYS being positive, and avoiding the truth, if it's negative. Sort of like, how it's supposed to be at MFP ?
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People are weird. If I asked someone to tell me if they noticed I was gaining I would actually expect them to do it. Not that I don't notice myself, but sometimes by the time I do it's gotten worse than it needed to and my pants don't fit.0
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Lol!!!!! That was a good one ;-D0
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Oops responded to the wrong thing.. LolLol!!!!! That was a good one ;-D0 -
invite her to join mfp with you, tell her how helpful it is................................................ AFTER you delete this post that is!0
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I am more of a male than female on my opinions and attitudes on stuff, but my opinion:
She needs to know that it is to the point of being obvious...
I like my hubby to be honest (tell me if my shirt is too snug or too high-school, etc).
I think I would take it best if I was told it in a manner like-
'I know you tried so hard and long to lose your weight and I have noticed that you are having to go back to your old clothes... you still look great, but I was wondering if you decided to not worry about it anymore or do you need some help getting back on track. Remember that you asked me to point it out if it appears that you are sliding off your goals...'
We can ignore the scale for a very long time...then, when we motivate ourselves, we have backslid a long way. I personally would like a 'hey, it's obvious' alert from a trusted friend or from my hubby.0 -
I have told a bunch of people (I lost track) that if I ever did something, just shoot me. No, I don't actually want to be shot.
Lol, funny I agree. But she did ask. Blunt honesty may help.0 -
These are all very good suggestion and thank you!
I think she was on MFP but didn't take it seriously. She lost weight but didn't stick to the lifestyle change. She went back to her previous ways of eating and not exercising as much.
I will definitely let you know how it turns out but give me a few days.
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Tell her and offer to work out with her.
I see you plan to say something, just marking my place to see how it goes.0 -
I would definitely tell her. It's not so much because she asked but because you agreed to tell her.
The weird thing about weight is that everyone feels free to say what they like when you're losing and looking better but pretty much everyone clams up when they see you're gaining. Or those that do say something don't usually do it in a nice way so it's not helpful.
The great thing about your situation is that she asked for the feedback AND you have time to come up with a great way to break it to her. Only you know her personality but I think if you come from a very nice and helpful place, she'll take it well. Let her know you're only saying anything because she asked you to and that you're there to help and support her when she needs it. Even offer to work out together if the idea appeals to you.
Once you put it out there, leave it be. You've followed through on your promise and at that point, it's up to her. If she continues to gain, I wouldn't bring it up again unless it gets to the point that you're truly concerned about her health.0 -
I have a family member who lost a lot of weight last year. At that time, she told me to let her know if she started gaining again.
Well, she's gaining again. Do I dare say anything? Doubt she'll take it well and it probably won't change her ways.
What to do, what to do???
YES!!!!!!!! If she asked you to tell her, then tell her!0 -
That's a really bizarre request. She's responsible for her own weight management. If you've noticed that she's put on weight, she is certainly capable of stepping on a scale to confirm it.0
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Okay, I'm baffled by those replies saying she should tell her friend. Why would it be anyone's responsibility to tell someone else they are gaining weight?
No offense intended to anyone, but accountability does not mean having someone else tell me I'm goofing up. It means I'm paying enough attention to my own behavior to see when I'm goofing up and take immediate action to remedy the situation if I so choose to.
Do you not have friends? This is the type of thing that friends do for each other. "Not my problem" might be the right attitude for anyone other than a friend. The OP says the friend specifically asked to be told. You would be a horrible friend to NOT mention it at this point.0 -
People who are gaining weight back know it.
Exactly.
Not necessarily0 -
At that time, she told me to let her know if she started gaining again.0
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What she was really asking was for you to tell if her if becomes *obvious* that she's gaining weight - because it's so, so easy to pretend it's not happening or that no one has noticed. Look at how many people on this site admit they were walking around in denial, thinking they somehow "carried it well" or "weren't that fat" until a long-avoided weigh-in or an unflattering photo opened their eyes. She sounds to me like a woman who knows herself well enough to ask for a little tough love.
EXACTLY!0 -
Removed0
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Maybe you should buy her a scale for Christmas and tell her you're not comfortable being her alert system.
I come from a family of many sisters and we've learned not to comment at all on anyone's physical appearance. Even "You look fabulous!" can be heard as, "I'm judging your appearance and the times I don't compliment you means you don't look so great."0 -
Maybe you should buy her a scale for Christmas and tell her you're not comfortable being her alert system.
I come from a family of many sisters and we've learned not to comment at all on anyone's physical appearance. Even "You look fabulous!" can be heard as, "I'm judging your appearance and the times I don't compliment you means you don't look so great."
I've thought of this.... commenting to someone that 'they look really good, have they lost weight?.......' Then, 6 months later, when they've gained it back, and then some.... things get kinda awkward. :blushing:0 -
Support does not mean telling someone else when they've gained weight, or even that they are eating a certain thing, or not exercising enough. Support means you are there as a friend giving kudos, accepting them in their journey, treating them as you would any friend or person you love.
So, basically, support is ALWAYS being positive, and avoiding the truth, if it's negative. Sort of like, how it's supposed to be at MFP ?
Cute picture.
Of course support is not always being positive. It means honesty, but that's not what the issue is here in my opinion. The friend is asking the OP to take some responsibility for the friend's weight loss. Why?
Why on earth should we ask someone else to tell us if we are gaining weight when we already know it ourselves? The truth is in the tight clothes and the scale a d how our bodies feel.
I am 100% responsible for keeping my weight under control (or not) and recognizing if I'm gaining weight.0 -
Okay, I'm baffled by those replies saying she should tell her friend. Why would it be anyone's responsibility to tell someone else they are gaining weight?
No offense intended to anyone, but accountability does not mean having someone else tell me I'm goofing up. It means I'm paying enough attention to my own behavior to see when I'm goofing up and take immediate action to remedy the situation if I so choose to.
Do you not have friends? This is the type of thing that friends do for each other. "Not my problem" might be the right attitude for anyone other than a friend. The OP says the friend specifically asked to be told. You would be a horrible friend to NOT mention it at this point.
Many friends, and many who are on weight loss journeys. None have ever asked me to tell them when they are gaining weight, or even to monitor their behavior in any way. If the did ask I would have to say no. If the don't want to be my friend anymore then so be it.
Why do I say this? Because in the past I've been in situations like this and it never ends well.0 -
JennedyJLD wrote: »That's a really bizarre request. She's responsible for her own weight management. If you've noticed that she's put on weight, she is certainly capable of stepping on a scale to confirm it.
Totally agree.
Just updating here since we can now see all of our old threads more easily.
This person is actually my step-daughter who made the request so it's dangerous territory.
I have not said anything and she has continued to gain. She's probably 25 more lbs.
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She definitely knows if she's gaining.0
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Why not? Not everyone is aware of how much they are gaining. I don't really understand why people get so sensitive about something that is generally reversible and controllable. I was really grateful for those who were vocal about my weight gain and regretful that they didn't mention it earlier. I was shocked to find out JUST how much weight I had gained.0
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Serious conundrum. How close of a family member is she? As I gained weight, my family members never told me, why would they have to tell me? I have a mirror and clothes that didn't fit.
Maybe you can just ask her how the maintenance is going?0
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