How old is too old?

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  • countscalories
    countscalories Posts: 418 Member
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    When he's as old as me!
  • annette_15
    annette_15 Posts: 1,657 Member
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    Id say if hes old enough to b ur dad ur pushing it...lol
  • Fredbruin
    Fredbruin Posts: 17
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    Here’s the thing about getting married to an older person. It’s great when you’re in your 20s. 30s. 40’s and even 50’s. When you get to be over 60, look for some problems on the horizon. I have a friend who is 70 and married to a 55-year-old lady. He needs extra income and wants to do a reverse mortgage on his home, but he has to wait until she is 62 before he can do it. I know some guys who have younger wives and the wives are still working while their retired husbands are playing golf every day. The wives don’t like it.
  • NotJustADieter
    NotJustADieter Posts: 229 Member
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    ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
    NotJustADieter wrote: »
    He's 33. So if he were a very messed up 12 year old, he could technically be my parent. We're very similar, culturally and interest-wise, and have been very close for quite a while.

    My main worry about it isn't me thinking he's too old for me- it's the reaction we will eventually get from our parents and families.

    The fact that you draw the "he could be my father" card makes me wonder......

    If you are old enough to date him you are old enough to deal with people's reactions! This include your and his families.

    I only mention it because an above poster asked if he was old enough to be my dad. I don't doubt the relationship at all- he's been a stalwart friend to me for years and means the world to me. I trust him above all other men and for someone with my history that's a big thing. I just worry that reactions will be less than positive.
  • Basilin
    Basilin Posts: 360 Member
    edited October 2014
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    Don't worry about it. People can mind their own business. Cradle robber jokes are always fun, though.

    I would've said if he were over 40 that would push it into the creepy zone to me.

    I'm dating someone 14 years older that me, and not gonna lie, sometimes it is apparent and you might have to work though some differences in life experience. His mother made some snide remarks to me at first, and some friends/family were hesitant about it, but once they saw what a great relationship we have and how much we care about each other, no one bats an eyelash anymore.
  • christinazaia
    christinazaia Posts: 135 Member
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    old? r we talking dracula >:);) I think it all really depends on maturity level and needs...what u both want out of life...sometimes age matters...sometimes it doesn't
  • JazzFischer1989
    JazzFischer1989 Posts: 531 Member
    edited October 2014
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    27+, generally speaking, too old for you. I know some people like to say "age is just a number", and sometimes it's true, but most of the time, it really isn't. I think there's usually a discrepancy, one way or another.

    Oldest man I'd ever seriously dated was someone who was 32 when I was 20 or 21 I think. And I've had random dates here and there with men 20-30 years my senior. I went through a little phase I guess. But I learned that I relate best to people closer to my age because we're generally on the same wavelength as far as where we are in life and our level of maturity.
  • JazzFischer1989
    JazzFischer1989 Posts: 531 Member
    edited October 2014
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    27+, generally speaking, too old for you. I know some people like to say "age is just a number", and sometimes it's true, but most of the time, it really isn't. I think there's usually a discrepancy, one way or another.

    Oldest man I'd ever seriously dated was someone who was 32 when I was 20 or 21 I think. And I've had random dates here and there with men 20-30 years my senior (I'm 24 now). I went through a little phase I guess. But I learned that I relate best to people closer to my age because we're generally on the same wavelength as far as where we are in life and our level of maturity.

  • ThePhoenixIsRising
    ThePhoenixIsRising Posts: 781 Member
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    NotJustADieter wrote: »
    ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
    NotJustADieter wrote: »
    He's 33. So if he were a very messed up 12 year old, he could technically be my parent. We're very similar, culturally and interest-wise, and have been very close for quite a while.

    My main worry about it isn't me thinking he's too old for me- it's the reaction we will eventually get from our parents and families.

    The fact that you draw the "he could be my father" card makes me wonder......

    If you are old enough to date him you are old enough to deal with people's reactions! This include your and his families.

    I only mention it because an above poster asked if he was old enough to be my dad. I don't doubt the relationship at all- he's been a stalwart friend to me for years and means the world to me. I trust him above all other men and for someone with my history that's a big thing. I just worry that reactions will be less than positive.

    Relationships have to weather rough waters. This one may have to do it because of age

    The only thing I hope is that you are old enough to make your voice heard in the relationship. If he has been a friend a while, there was a time when you were a child and he was an adult. This can be troublesome because it can be easy to revert to those original rolls. I see no reason not to test the relationship if you are both truly wanting to, but I hope you are really ready for it.
  • 50sFit
    50sFit Posts: 712 Member
    edited October 2014
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    NotJustADieter wrote: »
    I'm 21 years old. I've started seeing a guy who I've known for years, before this in a friends-only context. He's substantially older than me. Without me telling how old he is, how old would you think would be too old for me?
    At age 21 I'd say a guy older than 32 is too old for you unless you're honestly attracted to him and do not have hang ups because you were sexually abused as a kid. It's a question only you can answer.
    I've seen too many such relationships fail, because the younger one grows into another person while the old party does not.
    As for me, I always questioned the motive of any significantly younger woman who expressed interest, and usually she did indeed have some hidden motive or secret agenda other than true love.

  • Basilin
    Basilin Posts: 360 Member
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    Wait... I just realized... so how many years is "years"? Because if you knew each other when you were underage, that is pretty suspect on his part that he wants to date you when he knew you as a child. :\
  • vegasgyrl79971
    vegasgyrl79971 Posts: 56
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    personally I don't care to date a man older than me by more than 5-7 years. I would date a younger man before an older man. But really its a personal preference and like others said if you have to ask then maybe just maybe its not for you. Whenever Ive dated men that were younger than me, I found no reason to justify it to myself or others. I like what I like *Kanye Shrug**
  • Basilin
    Basilin Posts: 360 Member
    edited October 2014
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    50sFit wrote: »
    As for me, I always questioned the motive of any significantly younger woman who expressed interest, and usually she did indeed have some hidden motive or secret agenda other than true love.

    I've always questioned the motive of a significantly older man accepting invitations and asking young women out on dates. I'm talking guys making advances when they were in the late forties and I was 18 - 20. Most of them were lonely and delusional, looking for some ideal of a woman that for some reason was "young" and never their own age. Some kind of mid-life crisis I guess. Sometimes they'd find those girls you were talking about; and I don't feel bad for them. They got what they wanted.

  • itsbasschick
    itsbasschick Posts: 1,584 Member
    edited October 2014
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    i'm 11 years older than my husband, and we met playing together in a punk band, so we automatically had something in common. while my family adores him, his parents disliked the age difference so much they never spoke to him again. but you know what? we've been together since 1999, and we're very happy.

    i've dated men who were a lot older than i was, and once had a long term relationship with a guy who was 14 years younger than i. i firmly believe that it ain't about age - it's about the people involved and what they have in common.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    I don't think 12 years is old enough to be your parent. But, it really does depend on the individuals, the circumstances, and the nature of the relationship. Message me if you want to talk more. :flowerforyou:
  • mram3582
    mram3582 Posts: 2,482 Member
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    preferably one that is still alive and kickin'
  • Basilin
    Basilin Posts: 360 Member
    edited October 2014
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    itsbasschick wrote: »
    i'm 11 years older than my husband, and we met playing together in a punk band, so we automatically had something in common. while my family adores him, his parents disliked the age difference so much they never spoke to him again. but you know what? we've been together since 1999, and we're very happy.

    i've dated men who were a lot older than i was, and once had a long term relationship with a guy who was 14 years younger than i. i firmly believe that it ain't about age - it's about the people involved and what they have in common.

    Cool. :) Except not cool that his parents don't talk to him anymore. Really not cool. It looks like you were 41 and he was 30? That's not even that bad!!

    BUT, it is about age, to a point. Age gets less important the more we age, I think. A 25 year old dating a 40 year old is much different than a 15 year old dating a 30 year old. Or a 40 year old dating a 55 year old.

    And my dad was 19 and my mom was 38 when I was born. Age was definitely a problem there. My dad is three years older than my half-sister. >:)

  • daw0518
    daw0518 Posts: 459 Member
    edited October 2014
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    My parents are 13 years apart, with my mom being the older one. I agree that age is just a number, especially as you get older. An 18 year old dating a 25 year old seems weird to some people, but a 25 year old dating a 32 year old usually doesn't, even though it's the same age gap - & it continues to get less weird as you go up in age.

    ETA I don't know why but I initially thought you said you were like 23 and he was only 10 years older than you. Still doesn't really change my opinion, except for the fact that I'm 24 and have just NOW started realizing that dating 30+ year olds is an option and for the first time, that thought doesn't seem weird to me. At 21, I totally would have thought dating someone older than 30 was weird. I think in your case, you being okay with it has a lot to do with the fact that you have known this guy for awhile. Which, I don't really think is as much of an issue do others do. I'm sure he didn't see 10 year old you & think "I'm going to date her someday!" - he probably thought of you platonically for a long time & then suddenly realized recently that it was okay for him to think of you as more than that.
  • NotJustADieter
    NotJustADieter Posts: 229 Member
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    50sFit wrote: »
    NotJustADieter wrote: »
    I'm 21 years old. I've started seeing a guy who I've known for years, before this in a friends-only context. He's substantially older than me. Without me telling how old he is, how old would you think would be too old for me?
    At age 21 I'd say a guy older than 32 is too old for you unless you're honestly attracted to him and do not have hang ups because you were sexually abused as a kid. It's a question only you can answer.
    I've seen too many such relationships fail, because the younger one grows into another person while the old party does not.
    As for me, I always questioned the motive of any significantly younger woman who expressed interest, and usually she did indeed have some hidden motive or secret agenda other than true love.

    Was never sexually abused as a child. Was raped as an adult, but never as a child. Emotionally abused, physically abused, but never sexually. I am genuinely attracted to him. He is a very good looking man- most people also estimate him to be about 26 when they see him. There's no secret agenda. In fact, if you're hinting at money, due to a good family background and a trust fund on my part, I'm far better off than him. This is entirely emotional on my part.
    Wait... I just realized... so how many years is "years"? Because if you knew each other when you were underage, that is pretty suspect on his part that he wants to date you when he knew you as a child. :\

    I've known him since I was 16, but neither of us expressed interest until I was 19. And I was the initial one to express interest.
  • Capt_Inzane
    Capt_Inzane Posts: 733 Member
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    I'm 31 years old and in order for me to date a 21 yr old they would have to be very mature. I have a 12 yr old daughter and to be honest I'd be a little umm protective I suppose when I found out that he's known you since you were so young and then having a relationship.

    I don't know you but for some reason my "something ain't right" vibe is going off. I wish you the best in whatever decision you make.

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