How old is too old?
Options
Replies
-
NotJustADieter wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »NotJustADieter wrote: »He's 33. So if he were a very messed up 12 year old, he could technically be my parent. We're very similar, culturally and interest-wise, and have been very close for quite a while.
My main worry about it isn't me thinking he's too old for me- it's the reaction we will eventually get from our parents and families.
The fact that you draw the "he could be my father" card makes me wonder......
If you are old enough to date him you are old enough to deal with people's reactions! This include your and his families.
I only mention it because an above poster asked if he was old enough to be my dad. I don't doubt the relationship at all- he's been a stalwart friend to me for years and means the world to me. I trust him above all other men and for someone with my history that's a big thing. I just worry that reactions will be less than positive.
You are 21 and used "stalwart" to describe the guy. You sound old. Like you've been hanging out with an older crowd. The only problems I see have already been mentioned - he's more than a decade older than you. Men already think they know everything, now he'll have experience to back him up. He might treat you like a kid and less like an equal if you share a home. Second, he might be eager to settle down, and you might have kids pretty soon. There is nothing wrong about that - have kids while you are fertile and not pushing 40, but you may resent committing early once he starts acting like a jerk. (Some take longer than others). My advice? Pray about it until you have peace about making a decision either way.0 -
29. for some reason if you told me you were dating a 28 yr old I would see that as valid but if you said 29 my "OMG he's almost 30" redflag would combine with "you are BARELY old enough to drink" buzzer and equal....*danger* *danger*.
Strange really, but yeah, I guess that's the cutoff. Pretty sure though if you were 23 and he were 31 I might not care at all.
It's a numbers game.0 -
CJisinShape wrote: »NotJustADieter wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »NotJustADieter wrote: »He's 33. So if he were a very messed up 12 year old, he could technically be my parent. We're very similar, culturally and interest-wise, and have been very close for quite a while.
My main worry about it isn't me thinking he's too old for me- it's the reaction we will eventually get from our parents and families.
The fact that you draw the "he could be my father" card makes me wonder......
If you are old enough to date him you are old enough to deal with people's reactions! This include your and his families.
I only mention it because an above poster asked if he was old enough to be my dad. I don't doubt the relationship at all- he's been a stalwart friend to me for years and means the world to me. I trust him above all other men and for someone with my history that's a big thing. I just worry that reactions will be less than positive.
You are 21 and used "stalwart" to describe the guy. You sound old. Like you've been hanging out with an older crowd. The only problems I see have already been mentioned - he's more than a decade older than you. Men already think they know everything, now he'll have experience to back him up. He might treat you like a kid and less like an equal if you share a home. Second, he might be eager to settle down, and you might have kids pretty soon. There is nothing wrong about that - have kids while you are fertile and not pushing 40, but you may resent committing early once he starts acting like a jerk. (Some take longer than others). My advice? Pray about it until you have peace about making a decision either way.
I tend to get that. I grew up around scholars and such. Not much interaction with many kids. People my age bore me- I don't drink. I don't party. He and I are working on teaching ourselves Yiddish and correspond via letter in Yiddish to keep that up. We discuss philosophy, religion, culture, history. He's helping push me towards considering a PhD in what I am truly passionate. I'm helping to push him into a healthier life and a more successful one.
I want to settle down fairly soon, to be honest. Once my masters is done, I absolutely want to start having a family. In fact, I want that moreso than he does- he's never been around kids much, but I'm from a large family and love children and have always wanted quite a few.0 -
Split your age in half, and if theyre that or more, they're too old.0
-
Sometimes older relationships work well... Others ... not so much. I know a couple that have been together for over 20 years now (married). The lady in the marriage was best friends with the man's wife before she died of cancer. For years, they just went to church together with no seeming romantic relationship... Then one day.. wham. They hit it off romantically and got married and have been together for over 20 years. There is 25 years difference in their age, but they have continued to prosper in their relationship.
That being said, I think that is the exception and not the rule. In this case, there is 12 years difference... You are essentially 2/3 his age. That is a big difference at this stage in your life. 10 years down the road, he will be 43 and you will be 31... That is not as big a difference... 53 to 41, 63 to 51... You get the picture...
Mentally fast forward through life... Can you imagine yourself being 60 and him being 73? Is that an issue for you? 70 to 83? If not, then perhaps it is not a bad thing... If so, it would be well worth a second thought. Now, think about now... what are YOU looking for in this relationship? What is HE looking for? You will grow quite a bit during the next 3-5 years... He will too but he is much more stable in his development than you are right now (No, this is not a cut down... it is simply a statement of fact... You have relatively recently left your family's household (or not)... You are just now becoming your own person. You are defining during the next 3-5 years who YOU are... Not who your parents wanted you to become... These things are just some things to think about...
All this being said, you are not contemplating marriage at this point... So exploring this relationship need not be a horrible thing.. IF you grow apart in the next couple of years, maybe you had some good times in the process. If not, perhaps, marriage will eventually become something to consider. (I talk the "M" word here only in the sense that any dating relationship should have that as a POSSIBLE goal -- I hold to the concept that one should never date somebody you KNOW you would never marry)...
In the end, only you can really make this decision. Do yourself a favor and discuss this with people who know the two of you... Romantic relationships often carry "blinders"... If there are red flags, often you will not see them as readily as one who can view the relationship in a manner that is more objective. Best wishes and may your decision be the best decision... whatever that may be.0 -
NotJustADieter wrote: »CJisinShape wrote: »NotJustADieter wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »NotJustADieter wrote: »He's 33. So if he were a very messed up 12 year old, he could technically be my parent. We're very similar, culturally and interest-wise, and have been very close for quite a while.
My main worry about it isn't me thinking he's too old for me- it's the reaction we will eventually get from our parents and families.
The fact that you draw the "he could be my father" card makes me wonder......
If you are old enough to date him you are old enough to deal with people's reactions! This include your and his families.
I only mention it because an above poster asked if he was old enough to be my dad. I don't doubt the relationship at all- he's been a stalwart friend to me for years and means the world to me. I trust him above all other men and for someone with my history that's a big thing. I just worry that reactions will be less than positive.
You are 21 and used "stalwart" to describe the guy. You sound old. Like you've been hanging out with an older crowd. The only problems I see have already been mentioned - he's more than a decade older than you. Men already think they know everything, now he'll have experience to back him up. He might treat you like a kid and less like an equal if you share a home. Second, he might be eager to settle down, and you might have kids pretty soon. There is nothing wrong about that - have kids while you are fertile and not pushing 40, but you may resent committing early once he starts acting like a jerk. (Some take longer than others). My advice? Pray about it until you have peace about making a decision either way.
I tend to get that. I grew up around scholars and such. Not much interaction with many kids. People my age bore me- I don't drink. I don't party. He and I are working on teaching ourselves Yiddish and correspond via letter in Yiddish to keep that up. We discuss philosophy, religion, culture, history. He's helping push me towards considering a PhD in what I am truly passionate. I'm helping to push him into a healthier life and a more successful one.
I want to settle down fairly soon, to be honest. Once my masters is done, I absolutely want to start having a family. In fact, I want that moreso than he does- he's never been around kids much, but I'm from a large family and love children and have always wanted quite a few.
From your responses in this thread and our conversations, it sounds like it's positive to me.
0 -
There is a little formula some people use. Take your age, -7 then x2 and that is the oldest.0
-
meliebianco wrote: »To find out what the oldest age you should date is, take your current age, subtract 7, and multiply it by two. So that would make it 28.
Apparently this is the highest age you 'should' go up to. Personally I think as long as he's not old enough to be your parent (I think that is just uncomfortable and weird, personally), and you're both on a similar level mentally then it should be okay. I would think it would be weird for him though to date someone much younger. Idk. You would both be at such different stages of your lives.
By this calculation I could date up to a 56 year old....
Eww.....NO.
0 -
vegasgyrl79971 wrote: »personally I don't care to date a man older than me by more than 5-7 years. I would date a younger man before an older man. But really its a personal preference and like others said if you have to ask then maybe just maybe its not for you. Whenever Ive dated men that were younger than me, I found no reason to justify it to myself or others. I like what I like *Kanye Shrug**
Ditto.
0 -
But then, I am currently close friends with two dudes who are 8 years my junior. (One with benefits).0
-
NotJustADieter wrote: »CJisinShape wrote: »NotJustADieter wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »NotJustADieter wrote: »He's 33. So if he were a very messed up 12 year old, he could technically be my parent. We're very similar, culturally and interest-wise, and have been very close for quite a while.
My main worry about it isn't me thinking he's too old for me- it's the reaction we will eventually get from our parents and families.
The fact that you draw the "he could be my father" card makes me wonder......
If you are old enough to date him you are old enough to deal with people's reactions! This include your and his families.
I only mention it because an above poster asked if he was old enough to be my dad. I don't doubt the relationship at all- he's been a stalwart friend to me for years and means the world to me. I trust him above all other men and for someone with my history that's a big thing. I just worry that reactions will be less than positive.
You are 21 and used "stalwart" to describe the guy. You sound old. Like you've been hanging out with an older crowd. The only problems I see have already been mentioned - he's more than a decade older than you. Men already think they know everything, now he'll have experience to back him up. He might treat you like a kid and less like an equal if you share a home. Second, he might be eager to settle down, and you might have kids pretty soon. There is nothing wrong about that - have kids while you are fertile and not pushing 40, but you may resent committing early once he starts acting like a jerk. (Some take longer than others). My advice? Pray about it until you have peace about making a decision either way.
I tend to get that. I grew up around scholars and such. Not much interaction with many kids. People my age bore me- I don't drink. I don't party. He and I are working on teaching ourselves Yiddish and correspond via letter in Yiddish to keep that up. We discuss philosophy, religion, culture, history. He's helping push me towards considering a PhD in what I am truly passionate. I'm helping to push him into a healthier life and a more successful one.
I want to settle down fairly soon, to be honest. Once my masters is done, I absolutely want to start having a family. In fact, I want that moreso than he does- he's never been around kids much, but I'm from a large family and love children and have always wanted quite a few.
It sounds like you have things well in hand. My only advice at this time is to discuss in detail your wants for a family and how you want the family to be supported. Do you both want to work and have kids in daycare or a nanny to take care of them, do you want to stay home and have him work, do you want to work and have him stay home.
This doesn't have to be discussed before dating starts, but with the history this relationship could move fast. Just make sure you are able to figure these things out before either of you become too invested.0 -
When I was 19 I hooked up with a 37 year old. Although it didn't last forever as I ended up being considerably more mature than he was, we were together for 7 years and had a lot of great times (holy rockin' sex, Batman!). If you're having fun and happy is what matters most. You're both adults so you're the only two with a say in the matter anyhow.NotJustADieter wrote: »He's 33. So if he were a very messed up 12 year old, he could technically be my parent. We're very similar, culturally and interest-wise, and have been very close for quite a while.
My main worry about it isn't me thinking he's too old for me- it's the reaction we will eventually get from our parents and families.
0 -
NotJustADieter wrote: »He's 33. So if he were a very messed up 12 year old, he could technically be my parent. We're very similar, culturally and interest-wise, and have been very close for quite a while.
My main worry about it isn't me thinking he's too old for me- it's the reaction we will eventually get from our parents and families.
0 -
It's a personal choice, not a formula.0
-
I say tell everyone he is 45. Then as they flip out start laughing and tell them you're just messing with them, he's only 33.0
-
It should not matter now when you are 21 and he is 33 as long as you want the same things and have similar interests and core values, but I would think long and hard if you are ready to handle it when you are 51 and he is 63, or when you are 61 and he is 73, the older you get, the more that 12 years will make a difference. That said, if you love him and can make that commitment, go for it.NotJustADieter wrote: »He's 33. So if he were a very messed up 12 year old, he could technically be my parent. We're very similar, culturally and interest-wise, and have been very close for quite a while.
My main worry about it isn't me thinking he's too old for me- it's the reaction we will eventually get from our parents and families.
0 -
i dated a lady 19 years older than myself, finest woman i ever met, but she was always paranoid i'd find someone younger, and in the end she was the one that cheated.. lol but no regrets...
0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.9K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.7K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 400 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.4K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 986 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.4K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions