Wife upset I am losing weight

pknjhh wrote: »

She doesn't exercise hardly at all
eats junk food in small potions
takes phentermine or relies on it I should say.
she can't stick to a proper diet.
I eat for performance not pleasure. She is the opposite.
I try to say lets go workout together or how about you try this.
I can go 6 months with no cheat meals and not caring about them.

Look at what you are saying about her and what you are saying about you. To summarise, you are saying that she does everything wrong and you do everything right and the only way for her to succeed is for her to do what you do.

Now, leaving aside who has the best diet and fitness regime, think about the emotional impact of constantly suggesting, implying or just believing that she cannot do this right. It is simply going to negatively affect her self-esteem, and low self-esteem never helps anyone get anything done. What's more, she is picking up on your judgmental and superior attitude, even when you don't say anything, and this is what is causing the friction. Every time she fails, she has to face you knowing that you see her failure and that you think you've got it all sorted. Remember that a good relationship is not about who is most right, it is about loving a real, flawed human being and supporting them with their efforts, even if those efforts seem futile or useless to you.

If you want to support your wife, you have to be her *friend* and not her trainer. Put aside every single thought you have about how she *should* do it, and simply listen to her. Listen to how she feels, give her a hug, give her positive self-image messages 'I know how hard you try' and recognise her efforts as *she sees them*, not as you see them *You did really well not to go back for that second slice of cake, I know how tasty it was!' Ask her what her plan is and then praise her when she sticks to it. If she sticks to her plan and it doesn't work, ask her what her opinion is. If she doesn't stick to it, don't point it out - you're not the policeman of her life - wait for her to volunteer that she didn't stick to it and then ask her why she thinks that is. Do not interject with your own opinions, it is not about her coming up with the answer you want, it is about giving her a space to discuss, think and explore her own ideas with someone she loves and trusts. It is not about convincing her that you are right because if that was going to work, it would have worked already. Ask her 'how is your plan going, sweetheart?' and celebrate what she sees as her successes 'that's awesome! Well done baby, I'm proud of you.' If she says she couldn't or didn't do something, reassure and remotivate her 'Never mind, you had a long day and we can't always get everything done. You can always go back to it tomorrow.' When you get into the habit of asking someone how their diet and fitness went, they'll usually ask you in return. Celebrate what you feel are your successes and admit what you feel you could have done better on, and enjoy getting her support in return. Remember that relationships are about emotional support, not cold, hard, indicators of success.

Ultimately, people are always more open minded when they feel supported, valued and free to choose their own options. I guarantee that supporting, praising and valuing her will increase her feelings of wanting to come to you for advice, because she knows that she is still free to choose whether or not she takes it. Valuing her hard work and praising it will make her turn the compliment around on you, and it may encourage her to try one or two things that you do. If she wants to eat a certain way, support her in this, help prepare her meals the way she likes them, tell her what you did and ask her if you got it right - you will be helping her with her eating plan and helping her stick to it and she will feel supported and loved. Pick one thing she does (or plans to do) that you think is a good idea and tell her you'd like to do that too and then do it with her - when she sees you being flexible and reasonable, she will be inspired to be more like that too.

Sorry for the long post, but you seem like you really love your wife and want to make it work and I just wanted to give you some advice. Good luck!

Don't you still have to work with steroids? You don't just inject and wake up hulking, right? Why discount his results? I never got that but admittedly I know little about both narcotics and bodybuilding.

So instead of complaining you are self centered, cause that is between you and her, I will say this, I have been on phentermine and it sucks, sure it seems like a great pill, because it works on a persona mentally to make think they are not hungry. It also makes blood pressure higher (which I wish my DR would have shared that nugget with me before I started) I was on it for about three weeks and noticed my blood pressure getting higher each time. I said screw that done with this crap, took myself off it. What it did do though is it made me aware of my hunger cues, she needs to listen to her body. It is okay to have junk food if you can limit it to 1 serving and count those calories. But can't eat it all day. I realize you are into bodybuilding which is fine, but maybe take her out for a thirty minute walk everyday. Don't change your goals, but help her with hers. I think everyone goes to a point where they realize what there doing, isn't working and until each person has the idea to change it won't change. I know my opinion probably doesn't mean anything, but since you asked, maybe you both can work out a plan, on what food is in the house, and what exercise she is willing to do. Thirty minutes a day for walk is all she may really need, or workout some kind of plan for you to exercise together.
" If you always do, what you always did, you always get, what you always got" - author unknown.
So this is my two cents.

Wait...I thought this thread died...

Maybe print all of the responses, have her highlight the good, the bad, and the derp. So another way of saying this is: "Ask her what makes sense" then step 2 and this may be really difficult for you "LISTEN and IMPLEMENT"

I'd say try giving her the same amount of attention you are giving yourself. It would work wonders, if you were up to it.

Hay bro, good numbers, what are yur big 3?

Maybe you should take some time to ask her what you can do to make her feel better. Just sit down and talk and listen to everything she has to say and let her vent her frustrations and headaches to you and let her tell you everything that is on her mind and you simply just listen and when she is done ask her what she thinks would be best for you to do to help her in anyway that you can. Maybe then she will open up more to you.

I understand you offered to workout with her but when you keep losing weight like that and she isn't losing as much as you did it can be discouraging I know because my best friend and me used to work out and before I knew it he was ripped like hell and I was still struggling to get weight off. That never motivated me to want to go back out and workout with him so maybe your wife feels the same way.

I think listening to her and asking what you can do to make her feel better and supporting her other then just offering to workout with her will help the situation but that is just my thoughts. Good luck I hope it all works out for the best for you both in this situation.

pknjhh wrote: »

What can I do to help her feel better and stop her frustration with me?

Just show her your "v on the bottom" and flex for her. If that fails, do some arm curls and wink at her. YOU GOT DIS BRAH.