My fiance keeps gaining weight !

NoelFigart1 wrote: »

The reality is that neither of you are going to stay young and hot. If it is required that you be with someone hot, I suggest an arrangement other than marriage might be useful to you.

Truth.

neffme wrote: »

Atkins800 wrote: »

HotMamaInWorks wrote: »

JeriAnne84 wrote: »

PrizePopple wrote: »

Agreed. You talk more about how he isn't attractive anymore than his health. Seriously break it off with him if you don't find him attractive anymore and are upset that he has gained weight. It will save you both money on a divorce in the future because chances are, he might gain more after getting married because a lot of married couples gain weight.

Also, he's probably going through some emotional stuff as well and you nagging him about his weight and working out isn't going to help, only piss him off and probably make him eat more. People will change when they want to and no amount of nagging will fix that.

Thank you for posting this...so very true!

Umm I don't why you are getting touchy about this. If I am no longer attracted to someone that they gained weight then I cant help it. I clearly stated in my question that he used to be obese when he was younger and it seems like he is heading that way. I am concerned because I care about this person.

where is this anger coming from? did you eat too many cookies and cant lose weight? Well don't take it all out on me.I work hard to stay in shape and I will dammed if my SO let themselves go to a point were their health are at risk and they are no longer attractive

HA. You thought people were against you before you posted this. Just wait, my dear. Just wait.

Also truth.

Atkins800 wrote: »

HotMamaInWorks wrote: »

JeriAnne84 wrote: »

PrizePopple wrote: »

Agreed. You talk more about how he isn't attractive anymore than his health. Seriously break it off with him if you don't find him attractive anymore and are upset that he has gained weight. It will save you both money on a divorce in the future because chances are, he might gain more after getting married because a lot of married couples gain weight.

Also, he's probably going through some emotional stuff as well and you nagging him about his weight and working out isn't going to help, only piss him off and probably make him eat more. People will change when they want to and no amount of nagging will fix that.

Thank you for posting this...so very true!

Umm I don't why you are getting touchy about this. If I am no longer attracted to someone that they gained weight then I cant help it. I clearly stated in my question that he used to be obese when he was younger and it seems like he is heading that way. I am concerned because I care about this person.

where is this anger coming from? did you eat too many cookies and cant lose weight? Well don't take it all out on me.I work hard to stay in shape and I will dammed if my SO let themselves go to a point were their health are at risk and they are no longer attractive

Because your main concern is his "health", right? Yeah, c'mon guys, she's just worried about his health...because health.

And once again, just imagine if this was a guy posting about his girlfriend/fiance and her "health". This thread wouldn't even be here by now.

The message should have been "Help! My future husband is going through a rough patch right now and comforting himself himself with food! How can I help him?" and instead it came off as "Help! My fiance has gotten super fat and ugly? How can I make him lose it?" You might want to take a nice long look and evaluate how you communicate.

If you think that your fiance is consoling himself with food then I would ask him if anything is bothering him and NOT mention his weight because that will make it worse. Approach the subject with him in a way that doesn't make you sound shallow and you'll have much better results.

Atkins800 wrote: »

HotMamaInWorks wrote: »

JeriAnne84 wrote: »

PrizePopple wrote: »

Agreed. You talk more about how he isn't attractive anymore than his health. Seriously break it off with him if you don't find him attractive anymore and are upset that he has gained weight. It will save you both money on a divorce in the future because chances are, he might gain more after getting married because a lot of married couples gain weight.

Also, he's probably going through some emotional stuff as well and you nagging him about his weight and working out isn't going to help, only piss him off and probably make him eat more. People will change when they want to and no amount of nagging will fix that.

Thank you for posting this...so very true!

Umm I don't why you are getting touchy about this. If I am no longer attracted to someone that they gained weight then I cant help it. I clearly stated in my question that he used to be obese when he was younger and it seems like he is heading that way. I am concerned because I care about this person.

where is this anger coming from? did you eat too many cookies and cant lose weight? Well don't take it all out on me.I work hard to stay in shape and I will dammed if my SO let themselves go to a point were their health are at risk and they are no longer attractive

I can tell by your last paragraph what this is really about. This is your opinion of any overweight person, especially your spouse.

You think he did it to himself. That he has complete control, and that by being "lazy" and "eating cookies" that he's making a mistake and that being FAT is the WORST thing a person can be. Because it is right? It's right up there with having a big nose. Who cares about greed, murder, etc... so long as he's attractive right?

Here's a reality check for you: do you know when people lose weight successfully? When they want to. If my SO looked at me and said, "hey, drop 15lbs you're getting unattractive," I'd be dropping about 185 instead - him. However, when my SO showed me a picture of us from when we'd started dating 2 years before and I'd put on about 15lbs and said how insanely hot I looked in that photo, I took that to heart (let's be honest, I was just thrilled to be called 'insanely hot'). And because I had been on a nearly 2 year weight loss journey before meeting him, and had never reached my goal, I'm down almost that whole 15lbs, and plan on dropping another 10-15 after. You'll notice something though -- he didn't ultimatum me, and it was my decision to lose. He never told me I wasn't attractive anymore, but he's sure as hell done things since I've started losing weight to show me that he appreciates the effort that I'm putting in. And I know that even if I'd chosen to put on another 15 instead, he'd still be here, because he loves me for the person I am, not the pant size I wear. Get it?

Weight loss, appearance, what you wear -- these are all person decisions, and when you comment on them in a way that tears people down, they're a hell of a lot less likely to do something about it.

If you wanted a healthy husband, there isn't a person here who wouldn't want to help you; but you want an attractive husband and if you can't deal with the extra weight, you probably can't deal with the wrinkles, or god forbid something happens to him. What if he develops cancer (with such a high prevalence rate in the population, this is realistic) and loses his hair while going through chemo/radiation? What if he begins to look emaciated? Can't go to the bathroom alone? Would you still love him?

Because the people commenting back would for their SO's. They're in 100%; "in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer". Seriously, before you take your vows, make sure you mean them.

I don't understand why some are getting bent out of shape about OP thread. Everyone is too sensitive. whats the big deal about encouraging your SO to be active and be healthy? From I understand, OP tried to encourage her SO to come to the gym with her and he gets angry. She didn't come right out and say ``You are getting fat and I no longer find you attractive!. I would have no problem bringing this issue if I was in OP situation because I care about about my partner. We both made agreement that we would tell each other if we are packing on the pounds. I don't understand why some of you are acting as its the worse thing since sliced bread. Calm down people

If my SO were trying to get healthier and lose the fat but things weren't working out well for them, I'd still stay. The fact that your SO isn't even trying and is defensive probably intensifies the fact that they are becoming unattractive in your eyes. Their attitude doesn't help endear them to you, and that is likely the basis for your relationship problem. Comparing something that is in our power to change, such as weight... with something we have no control over like going bald or wrinkling or getting cancer... really makes no sense.

canadjineh wrote: »

If my SO were trying to get healthier and lose the fat but things weren't working out well for them, I'd still stay. The fact that your SO isn't even trying and is defensive probably intensifies the fact that they are becoming unattractive in your eyes. Their attitude doesn't help endear them to you, and that is likely the basis for your relationship problem. Comparing something that is in our power to change, such as weight... with something we have no control over like going bald or wrinkling or getting cancer... really makes no sense.

Ecxactly,he is not even trying. I would understand if he was at least making effort but from what I understand, he doesn't even care. It would be different if it was something he has no control over like being in accident and he ends up on wheel chair but that's not the case. He is just choosing to be unhealthy .That would be an issue to me

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I'm with the 'just break up' crew

Way to go, awful gf alert.

Turns out your nagging and disgust for your bf is just an excuse you are putting up to break up with him. Save him the trouble.

You are right to be shallow, you work hard for your body. He should too!

Atkins800 wrote: »

HotMamaInWorks wrote: »

his weight, his eating problems...not yours. Only worry about you.

since I sleep with the person and going to marry this person then his weight is my business and my concern

So it's all about the sex?

I'm so glad my husband still wanted to bang me after I got fat. I'm also glad he respected me enough to wait until *I* was ready to eat better and lose weight. He loved me through all sorts of physical/mental and emotional stuff.

Unless it's a genuine health concern (like his blood work is bad), I think it's s*itty to place so much value on looks. He's going to get old, his ball sack is going to sag and he's going to get more hair in his ears/nose and butt - are you going to demand he change then, too? And will your defense be that you sleep with him so he needs to be what you want him to be?

I'm so glad that I can rest secure that my beloved would love me no matter my weight. I love him regardless of whether he gains weight. Being fit is a means to an end: the ability to maintain an active lifestyle, a very active physical relationship, and an excuse to put our hands on each other while soothing sore muscles.

My ex was very overweight. He was morbidly obese. But he also had beautiful brown eyes and a great sense of humor and I didn't care about his weight beyond the potential health risks. We talked about it, and I encouraged him to make healthier choices, but it never became an issue for us.

If you find that this is an issue in your relationship, you need to be upfront. You need to tell him how you feel so that he can make informed choices. You need to be honest but tactful. And you need to do it sooner rather than later, because it's not just your time that you're wasting if this issue is enough to end the relationship.

Atkins800 wrote: »

when I met him he was 175 lbs but now he is up to 250 pounds. He used to be obese when he was younger and I am concerned he might be heading the same path. He eats big potions of food, eating out of boredom and little to no exercise since we moved in together. He now has a big gut and I am no longer attracted to him. I tried suggesting myfitness pal and invite him to the gym but he gets angry when I bring up his weight.

Anyone ever been in this situation?

Call him fat. Nothing motivates me like my wife saying I'm starting to "fill out" a little. Seriously, he'll get over it or he won't. Problem solved one way or another... right?

Its obvious that no one has a problem with someone that wants their significant other to be healthy or make good choices. And its obvious that no one has a problem with someone that would like to encourage to their significant other to do these things.

Its rather obvious that what people DO have a problem with is someone that is placing so much value on appearance in regards to their relationship. Its a rather juvenile sentiment coming from someone who obviously doesn't know what a relationship requires to be truly successful.

To the original poster, I say this: You are not ready for marriage. By all means, encourage your significant other to be more healthful, but please hold back on a wedding date. You truly have some growing up to do. Don't become the next divorce statistic.