My fiance keeps gaining weight !

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Replies

  • RotterdamNL
    RotterdamNL Posts: 509 Member
    moya_bleh wrote: »
    It's ok, he's bulking!
    That comment made my day

  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    JoRocka wrote: »

    I don't think it makes you a crappy person wanting to be sexual attracted to your partner- especially at a really young age- I mean come on- that's what 18-25 is all about.

    I agree. Sex is important. Weight doesn't impact my attraction as much as it does to my husband's but does that mean he's "wrong" or a bad person? No. He still loves me and has sex with me when I'm heavier (and/or pregnant) but doesn't find me as attractive and that's understandable. Now if he tells me in 10 years that he's no longer attracted to me because i'm old, we'll then we have issues because I can't change that, and he'll be even older.
  • FitOldMomma
    FitOldMomma Posts: 790 Member
    Atkins800 wrote: »
    his weight, his eating problems...not yours. Only worry about you.

    since I sleep with the person and going to marry this person then his weight is my business and my concern

    Quite true. But perhaps you should rethink the getting married part for now. Seriously, don't enter into a marriage if you're not attracted to the man any longer. I don't think it's vain at all. If it really turns you off, things are only going to get worse and you'll just make HIS life miserable too.
    But by all means, be honest with the guy. Some people will say that you love them 'no matter what'. Sure, you love them. But you don't have to like their bad habits and forevermore hold your tongue about how you feel.

    Couples should be completely honest with each other about their expectations about their future lives together.
  • lilyann001
    lilyann001 Posts: 75 Member
    moya_bleh wrote: »
    Love him for who he is, not what he looks like! Handsomeness at all sizes!

    Oh, it doesn't apply to fellas? That's a bit sexist, isn't it readers?

    There are guys who complain about the same thing about their significant other. Not really sexist. It's just some people can be superficial.

  • lilyann001
    lilyann001 Posts: 75 Member
    jofjltncb6 wrote: »
    moya_bleh wrote: »
    Love him for who he is, not what he looks like! Handsomeness at all sizes!

    Oh, it doesn't apply to fellas? That's a bit sexist, isn't it readers?

    You get it.

    Can you imagine how this thread would play out if the OP was male and posting about his girlfriend/fiance?

    [dumpsterfire.gif]

    Actually there are guys who do say those types of things. There are plenty of online sites of guys being jerks about women's looks. It's just that some people are superficial.
  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    You can't force someone to change their habits. They need to do that on their own. If you're no longer attracted to him because of this reason, then you need to be honest with him about it.
    It's not uncommon for people to gain weight when they feel comfortable with their relationship statis. It's funny how when people split up, that they become more concerned about their weight and how they look more seriously.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    9285851.png
    This 100% I think that when you are comfortable in your relationship you need to work on keeping yourself looking good if not better not worse. People need to keep in mind that our looks are part of what attrackted the other person to begin with.

  • keithmustloseweight
    keithmustloseweight Posts: 309 Member
    Atkins800 wrote: »
    when I met him he was 175 lbs but now he is up to 250 pounds. He used to be obese when he was younger and I am concerned he might be heading the same path. He eats big potions of food, eating out of boredom and little to no exercise since we moved in together. He now has a big gut and I am no longer attracted to him. I tried suggesting myfitness pal and invite him to the gym but he gets angry when I bring up his weight.

    Anyone ever been in this situation?

    I havn't ,but if I were this is what I would be doing if they didn't listen

    aeyzqitrwy9x.jpg
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    edited October 2014
    You're not married yet, and probably shouldn't be, so there's time to rethink the engagement. He may not be the right guy for you. Find someone who shares your lifestyle values and you'll be happier in the long run.

    ETA: My advice would be the same, regardless of gender.
  • 50sFit
    50sFit Posts: 712 Member
    edited October 2014
    Atkins800 wrote: »
    when I met him he was 175 lbs but now he is up to 250 pounds. He used to be obese when he was younger and I am concerned he might be heading the same path. He eats big potions of food, eating out of boredom and little to no exercise since we moved in together. He now has a big gut and I am no longer attracted to him. I tried suggesting myfitness pal and invite him to the gym but he gets angry when I bring up his weight.

    Anyone ever been in this situation?
    When one party in a relationship changes significantly, you may need to reevaluate things.
    You can't make yourself become attracted to a fat body, so be glad you're not yet married.
    Only you can make this decision.
    Good Luck!
    <3

    PS: This is my take regardless of gender; what's good for the goose is good for the gander...
  • SudoNate
    SudoNate Posts: 1 Member
    Change what food you have in the house. Stop buying easy to make things and have portions of chicken and rice all ready to go in the fridge. People like to grab things and just eat so give him some good things to grab and eat not processed junk and candy/chips.
  • TossaBeanBag
    TossaBeanBag Posts: 458 Member
    edited October 2014
    Accept him at whatever weight he is, or let him go so he can find someone who will. Then, he might just go to the gym.

    Yes, the people we love may not care about being healthy in every respect. You have to let them live their lives, though, at some point. It is an effort in futility to change people into the way you want them to be; that change has to come from within them. Without any internal motivation, your external motivation may be motivating him in a way you never intended. It may just reconfirm he is a failure in his mind.
  • veganbettie
    veganbettie Posts: 701 Member
    Change what food you have in the house. Stop buying easy to make things and have portions of chicken and rice all ready to go in the fridge. People like to grab things and just eat so give him some good things to grab and eat not processed junk and candy/chips.

    he's not a child and she's not his mother...he's a grown man and can eat whatever he wants.

    Ya but if she is the cook of the house and he doesn't put forth the effort to cook or go shopping then this is a good option. Doesn't always work as cheap fast food is pretty accessible outside of the home but...

  • deluxmary2000
    deluxmary2000 Posts: 981 Member
    JoRocka wrote: »
    JeriAnne84 wrote: »
    Atkins800 wrote: »
    JeriAnne84 wrote: »

    Agreed. You talk more about how he isn't attractive anymore than his health. Seriously break it off with him if you don't find him attractive anymore and are upset that he has gained weight. It will save you both money on a divorce in the future because chances are, he might gain more after getting married because a lot of married couples gain weight.

    Also, he's probably going through some emotional stuff as well and you nagging him about his weight and working out isn't going to help, only piss him off and probably make him eat more. People will change when they want to and no amount of nagging will fix that.

    Thank you for posting this...so very true!

    Umm I don't why you are getting touchy about this. If I am no longer attracted to someone that they gained weight then I cant help it. I clearly stated in my question that he used to be obese when he was younger and it seems like he is heading that way. I am concerned because I care about this person.

    where is this anger coming from? did you eat too many cookies and cant lose weight? Well don't take it all out on me.I work hard to stay in shape and I will dammed if my SO let themselves go to a point were their health are at risk and they are no longer attractive

    I'm not angry, you're just being kind of a crappy person to someone you supposedly love and I'm pointing that out to you. You're being very selfish. You want him to get in shape so you can like looking at him again.

    And no I didn't eat too many cookies and can't lose weight, as I said before, I'm not angry, I just think you are being super crappy to him and want him to fit your needs instead of just loving him for him.

    I don't think that's crappy. It's a reality. I can tell you right now my BF would get way more tail if he was in shape. I love him- and I'm still with him- and will continue to be with him- but he isn't as sexually appealing to me as he could be- and it's 100% his choice and he knows it- I have done my best to help without nagging- and he finally said stop nagging me (which I totally gawffed at because compared to anyone else- I was absolutely NOT nagging) whatever- he said I don't want your help- so I dropped it.
    - Completely.

    Tough titties for him- he just doesn't get laid that often- which sucks for me- sucks for him- but it's his choice- I'm not going to sit here and pretend it's all about his health- yeah I wish his health was better- I know what his dad looks like-and it aint pretty and I already told him if he got that way I was gone- but reality is-he'd get way more a&& if he wasn't so damn squishy.

    That's on him.

    I don't think it makes you a crappy person wanting to be sexual attracted to your partner- especially at a really young age- I mean come on- that's what 18-25 is all about.

    I think I like you.
  • Cortneyrenee04
    Cortneyrenee04 Posts: 1,117 Member
    At least you have a fiancé.
  • Change what food you have in the house. Stop buying easy to make things and have portions of chicken and rice all ready to go in the fridge. People like to grab things and just eat so give him some good things to grab and eat not processed junk and candy/chips.

    he's not a child and she's not his mother...he's a grown man and can eat whatever he wants.

    Ya but if she is the cook of the house and he doesn't put forth the effort to cook or go shopping then this is a good option. Doesn't always work as cheap fast food is pretty accessible outside of the home but...

    I won't say what I want to say about the OP...just suffice to say...HE needs to leave the relationship
    Jiao
    Change what food you have in the house. Stop buying easy to make things and have portions of chicken and rice all ready to go in the fridge. People like to grab things and just eat so give him some good things to grab and eat not processed junk and candy/chips.

    he's not a child and she's not his mother...he's a grown man and can eat whatever he wants.

    Ya but if she is the cook of the house and he doesn't put forth the effort to cook or go shopping then this is a good option. Doesn't always work as cheap fast food is pretty accessible outside of the home but...

    I won't say what I want to say about the OP...just suffice to say...HE needs to leave the relationship

    I am sure this lady husband is fat and weighs 400 pounds judging for her answers.I takr care of myself and I expect the same in a partner.I don't see anything wrong to encorage my partner to be healthy.Just to be clear things up, I didn't call him fat to his face.All I did was suggesting Myfitness pal and gym and he got angry.I don't thing its acceptable to let yourself go just because you are in relationship and expect your partner to be still attracted to you.He used to be obese when he was younger .He will end up back where he started if he is not careful.Just because you woudny care if your SO let themselve go doesn't mean we have to be like you

  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
    You need to seriously evaluate where you are with him. You are not going to change him and I guarantee you, what you see now is what you will see later. I for one enjoy sex and let me tell you when they get older and out of shape, their physical stamina is not what it could be. No one wants to have to wait why they heft a gut to find their business (total turn off)!
  • NoelFigart1
    NoelFigart1 Posts: 1,276 Member
    Atkins800 wrote: »
    I don't see anything wrong to encorage my partner to be healthy.Just to be clear things up, I didn't call him fat to his face.All I did was suggesting Myfitness pal and gym and he got angry.I don't thing its acceptable to let yourself go just because you are in relationship and expect your partner to be still attracted to you.

    Okay, straight up. No moralizing about superficiality or not. The reality? This isn't the guy for you. Move on.
  • LabAgility
    LabAgility Posts: 120 Member
    edited October 2014
    It is ok if this is a deal breaker for you. In truth, to me it means that you don't have a real solid relationship if you cannot get past this. If I was this turned off before marriage I would never consider marrying the person.

    Marriage is a "for life" situation and both parties have to grow around each other. That could mean a myriad of things. If you really love the person then you can get over, accept and look past more things. Lots of things can go sideways- injury, medical crisis, etc. If you are bonded to the person, and not the wrapping, you will be able to weather the problems that arise easier.

    It is ok to say that this man isn't for you. Move on and keep looking for someone that fits the mold you are looking for.

    I love my husband, more today than I did eleven years ago. Has he always maintained the same level of weight and fitness as the day we got engaged? No. I do not care. I love HIM. The person under the wrapping is the man I married. During the last eleven years he has been heavier and thinner, more fit and less fit, etc. He has gone through lay offs, new jobs, college education, buying homes, selling homes, promotions, starting our family, etc. I have weathered it all with him.

    I am thankful that we have the type of relationship that we do. Because, let me tell ya- I do not look exactly the same as I did eleven years ago. 2 kids in 14 months, breast feeding around the clock, working full time as a high school teacher, etc. I let myself go a bit... because for a while there I was just treading water- taking care of everyone but myself. Now life is a bit more stable I am carving more "me" time out and losing weight, getting more fit, etc.

    Life is a storm and it takes a really strong marriage to weather it if you are going to stay together.


  • MyRummyHens
    MyRummyHens Posts: 141 Member
    I am currently having a weighty issue with my husband. It's got nothing what so ever to do with what he looks like, I'd find him sexy as hell if he was 100lb heavier than he is, but it's more to do with a health issue he has, which is exacerbated by carrying too much additional weight. I've tried every possible hint at subtly, been making him pack lunches, dragging him over the gym with me, tried straight talking (i.e really worried about your crazy blood pressure etc). Nothing seems to get through for more than 5 minutes. He'll be respectable for a few days and then boom, he's right back on the over eating/under exercising.

    I personally think OP has two issues:

    1. Your problem, which is that you no longer find your SO attractive. Life is about ups and downs so if you can't love him at his worst, then should you really be marrying him? Is this no longer finding him attractive thing an escape route for not marrying him? It's okay if you discover that someone isn't the person you thought they were, or to fall out of love with someone. Look at it this way, if you guys aren't right for each other then it's much better to end things before an expensive wedding and then divorce are required.

    2. His weight has gone up almost 50%. You don't say how tall he is, but I'm assuming that he's put on 75lb from a 'normal' weight rather than underweight. That's not a normal behavior in a short space of time. It sounds to me like more than the 10-30lb 'happy' weight gain lots of couples put on. There is almost certainly an underlying issue there. He is going to need help, especially if there is no signs of it letting up. Unless he is willing to talk to you about it then your options are limited in terms of helping. All you can really do is be as supportive as possible, which is what I am trying to do in the face of my husband being a heart attack risk and constantly scoffing his face with all the wrong things.