I got my feelings hurt.
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IF the extra skin is from stretch marks, no amount of lifting weights is going to take care of it. A stretch mark is a place that your body actually MADE more skin because the skin your body had couldn't stretch as far as it needed to. It's frustrating when people assume it can be made to go away by lifting weights. It's there to stay. You can tone the muscle beneath the skin, but you can't lose skin, short of surgery. For me, surgery was not an option either. Not because of finances, but because it's not something that's wrong with me and NEEDS to be changed. Explain it to your husband; He may not have known. I didn't know until my doctor explained it to me when I finally asked out of frustration why I couldn't get rid of my loose tummy no matter how much I worked my abs. Acceptance is the key! Love your body, and just think of the beautiful life that those stretch marks are the result of.
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_dracarys_ wrote: »I feel like there is a lot of information being left out.
I feel the same way, but I don't think she's going to answer any questions asking for more detail. It would be nice if she did though.
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MonikaBori wrote: »IF the extra skin is from stretch marks, no amount of lifting weights is going to take care of it. A stretch mark is a place that your body actually MADE more skin because the skin your body had couldn't stretch as far as it needed to. It's frustrating when people assume it can be made to go away by lifting weights. It's there to stay. You can tone the muscle beneath the skin, but you can't lose skin, short of surgery. For me, surgery was not an option either. Not because of finances, but because it's not something that's wrong with me and NEEDS to be changed. Explain it to your husband; He may not have known. I didn't know until my doctor explained it to me when I finally asked out of frustration why I couldn't get rid of my loose tummy no matter how much I worked my abs. Acceptance is the key! Love your body, and just think of the beautiful life that those stretch marks are the result of.
Uhm, no.
A stretch mark is where your skin stretched, losing elasticity. Go stretch out a rubber band... it didn't magically make MORE rubber band. It pulled apart under stress and now the elasticity is gone and it will not regain its prior shape.0 -
So my husband and I were talking this morning about liposuction and tummy tucks. He proceeded to ask me how I got all that excess skin on my belly. I was so hurt and I cried. I'm trying to be forgiving but it's hard. I weigh 130 now but still need to lose a little more. Surgery is not an option and in comparison to what I've seen, mine isn't really that bad.
i guess your assuming that he knew the answer and making you say it was somehow a hurtful act? I guess thats probably a safe assumption.
On the other hand its not like he said 'how did you get that disgusting skin there...'0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »To those who are suggesting lifting weights, how would that help with loose skin? As a woman she's unlikely to build up so much muscle that it stretched the skin back out, especially in her belly.
i wouldn't think it would do much for a man either. if some have better luck with lose skin then others, its probably because of genetics, how long the skin was stretched, how old they were when they lost weight, and how long they've had it off.0 -
I don't think we should be bashing this guy, unless he saw the impact the question had on his wife and didn't follow up with an apology for even asking the question. The guy may have been curious and ignorant to the results of what having a child does to a woman's body. It seems to me that he asked the question because the issue was never raised prior. It actually may have not even been an issue for him, just curiosity. From the post it doesn't seem that he made any negative comment about it, just that even bringing it up was a sensitive issue for her. I admit he could have raised the question with a little more tact if he really wanted to know but people don't always put a lot of thought into the things they say before they say them. She should just let him know that the extra skin on her belly is a sensitive topic for her and that any discussion about it raises negative emotions and have an adult conversation with him about it.0
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Yes. He and I had the discussion about me wanting to have a tummy tuck. He is supporting me having it done and not so supportive of me not having it done. Does that answer your question?0
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Is it too soon for gifs?0
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Yes. He and I had the discussion about me wanting to have a tummy tuck. He is supporting me having it done and not so supportive of me not having it done. Does that answer your question?
In other words, both of you want you to have a tummy tuck, but you're mad at him for wanting what you want. Got it.
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This makes more sense now.Yes. He and I had the discussion about me wanting to have a tummy tuck. He is supporting me having it done and not so supportive of me not having it done. Does that answer your question?
He might have seemed a bit too eager, but again, cut the guy some slack. If you decide to have this procedure, fine, and if not, your husband will still love you.
If it were me, I'd go for it!
Hope you feel better..
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Can your husband read this thread and comment for everyone's benefit? Something definitely isn't correct here.0
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Awww dont feel hurt. Men are black and white. If he never had a woman with kids he really didnt know and was asking a genuine question. You're married to him you should be comfortable enough to explain why you have excess skin and that your feelings were hurt. And if he cares enough he will apologize for hurting your feelings.0
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Yes. He and I had the discussion about me wanting to have a tummy tuck. He is supporting me having it done and not so supportive of me not having it done. Does that answer your question?
I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. But has he said he isn't supportive of you not getting a tummy tuck? That's not cool. It's one thing for him to agree with you about it, and support you in doing it...but being unsupportive of you not getting a tummy tuck is a different story.0 -
AmandaHugginkiss wrote: »Yes. He and I had the discussion about me wanting to have a tummy tuck. He is supporting me having it done and not so supportive of me not having it done. Does that answer your question?
In other words, both of you want you to have a tummy tuck, but you're mad at him for wanting what you want. Got it.
this.
You can always get him back by asking him about shrinkage the next time he steps out of the shower.0 -
AmandaHugginkiss wrote: »Yes. He and I had the discussion about me wanting to have a tummy tuck. He is supporting me having it done and not so supportive of me not having it done. Does that answer your question?
In other words, both of you want you to have a tummy tuck, but you're mad at him for wanting what you want. Got it.
this.
You can always get him back by asking him about shrinkage the next time he steps out of the shower.
It would help to turn the hot water off first, in theory. I'd never do this though. . .muah ha ha haha hahahahahaha
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LOL, I thought the same thing!AmandaHugginkiss wrote: »Yes. He and I had the discussion about me wanting to have a tummy tuck. He is supporting me having it done and not so supportive of me not having it done. Does that answer your question?
In other words, both of you want you to have a tummy tuck, but you're mad at him for wanting what you want. Got it.
this.
You can always get him back by asking him about shrinkage the next time he steps out of the shower.
"How did that happen?"..."Huh...my ex never looked that small."
But that's mean. If the OP did that, she'd just be stooping to his level. Hard to respect yourself when you behave that way. It would be funny, though.
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That's right Lasmartchika. It wasn't from some random stranger. It was from my husband who knows that I am sensitive when it comes to body issues and should be telling me I'm beautiful no matter what.
The part where he said that his ex didn't have problems is a red flag that he was going into the insensitive, no-filter zone. Sorry that you felt bad, but I trust you know your way around a relationship and these things happen. Try not to hold onto it too long!
It sounds like now you are worried of what he thinks of your tummy where you weren't so worried before. So, ask him if it's an issue for him. That kind of question could be scary for both parties, but it's better to air things out sooner than later. If he is a decent man who loves you and is attracted to you no matter your "flaws", you shouldn't have anything to worry about. And I hope that is the man you married!
Not necessarily - I could easily see the conversation going something like:
OP: <something about lipo/surgery for my loose belly skin>
Hubby: Where did that loose skin come from?
OP: What do you mean where did it come from? I had kids! (assuming that explains all)
Hubby <puzzled>: I had kids with my 1st wife, and she didn't have loose skin ...
He may not have meant it to compare the two bellies as far as good/bad goes, just that he didn't connect having kids with the mother potentially having loose skin afterwards since it didn't happen in his previous experience.0 -
Perhaps some of you are right and perhaps I overreacted. That being said, I've let him know that his comments hurt and he is very, very apologetic and assures me that he loves every bit of me. Thanks you all.0
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pinklotus_56 wrote: »Yes. He and I had the discussion about me wanting to have a tummy tuck. He is supporting me having it done and not so supportive of me not having it done. Does that answer your question?
I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. But has he said he isn't supportive of you not getting a tummy tuck? That's not cool. It's one thing for him to agree with you about it, and support you in doing it...but being unsupportive of you not getting a tummy tuck is a different story.
Actually unless I'm reading what she wrote really wrong then he *IS* supporting her in wanting a tummy tuck.
I'm honestly not sure how it went from talking about a procedure, him agreeing with it, and then OP getting butthurt. Over one question that we have no context for. I'm sure there was more leading to him asking the question. Perhaps in the past OP didn't have as much of a visible mommy pooch (just squishy mom belly like I currently suffer from), and her husband doesn't get how it got worse by losing weight. Frankly those who do not have a problem with excess skin don't necessarily fully understand that it doesn't always just vanish because of diet and exercise.0 -
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Maybe what he said wasn't wrong, or jerky...but that doesn't mean her feelings can't be hurt. Sorry, I'm not quoting one specific person, I saw a few comments about not having thick skin. Some of us just don't, especially when it comes to certain topics.0
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mrsdenno82 wrote: »Case in Point. I am married to the biggest, bearded, mossy oak wearing, *kitten* scratching, tabacco spitting, lifted jeep driving, hunting, fishing, gun shooting, cussing, greasy t-shirt wearing man God has had the nerve of creating. He is also extremely sensitive to my feelings and very complimenting.
But, he did NOT come out of the box like that. There was assembly required. It took time and communication. People don't read minds. You should tell him exactly how it made you feel. No yelling, try not to cry and explain it clearly.
You might be surprised.
Amen, sister. This sounds like my daddy (minus the jeep). My husband is a work in progress. You hit the nail on the head, though, people don't read minds. They don't know what will hurt your feelings, and what won't, if you don't tell them. You've got to communicate and explain to them, what's hurtful, and why, as best you can without the screaming and yelling. If you do cry, it is ok, but trying to do so as calmly as possibly will get the best results for both sides.
My husband as I were raised very differently with what I consider very different "cultural norms" so to speak. What I consider absolutely rude, with lack of common courtesy and manners, is considered normal to him, and in his family or where he's from. Where I'm from, and how I was raised, people would glare at you, and it would be considered rude to act/reply in such a manner. We had to come to a common ground on things and really work through them.
I do my best to be sensitive to his feelings, and things that matter to him, and when he does/says things that are hurtful to me, I speak up.
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Seriously. She's human, and her emotions are valid. Not everyone is the same, and some people are sensitive. I can't believe the lack of empathy I see on here sometimes.arditarose wrote: »Maybe what he said wasn't wrong, or jerky...but that doesn't mean her feelings can't be hurt. Sorry, I'm not quoting one specific person, I saw a few comments about not having thick skin. Some of us just don't, especially when it comes to certain topics.
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laurenjill wrote: »
Seriously. She's human, and her emotions are valid. Not everyone is the same, and some people are sensitive. I can't believe the lack of empathy I see on here sometimes.arditarose wrote: »Maybe what he said wasn't wrong, or jerky...but that doesn't mean her feelings can't be hurt. Sorry, I'm not quoting one specific person, I saw a few comments about not having thick skin. Some of us just don't, especially when it comes to certain topics.
Yeah...I just imagine if my boyfriend brought up my cellulite. He wouldn't be the biggest jerk ever for doing it. Would it make me feel a little sad to hear him mention it? Yes. Would I move on? Yes.0
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