How to get my husband to accept me lifting heavy?
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Well there you go, this thread is still going strong!0
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I get how couples settle in to their roles, and it can be threatening if anything changes that. In my relationship it is almost complete role reversal. He's the stay-at-home and I'm the breadwinner. One of my best friends has divided the duties "pink" and "blue". She does all the traditional indoor lady things, and he does all the outdoor manly things. My daughter and her husband on the other hand negotiate everything and chores are swapped back and forth.
I think you are seeing a partner threatened by the change in your relationship. The big question is if he can enjoy the new you?0 -
GothyFaery wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »It is all solved. He just wants more sex.
I know I'm going to get a rash of *kitten* for this but I have never once turned my husband down for sex. I beleive it's my duty as a wife to be there for my husband. I don't care how tired I am or what I feel like, I have not and will not ever turn him down. That being said, he doesn't ask for it if he knows I'm really not feeling well... But if he wants more he knows all he ever has to do is ask.
Now if you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine but please don't tell me I'm wrong for feeling that way. I'm not going to change.
I don't disagree with you and I'm really not criticizing traditional roles at all. I'm not tearing down or making fun of your lifestyle. I just think that since he mentioned that it is interfering, that this must be on his mind. Maybe he doesn't want to have to ask, maybe he'd like for you to initiate more often, or for it to be more spontaneous. As I said above, perhaps he sees your commitment and schedule for the workout and wishes for more regularity in that area too, without having to ask or initiate. I could be wrong. You could try it and see if it makes him happier, or you could sit him down and have a discussion, or you could ignore me entirely. *shrug*
I'm sorry for the snark, it really wasn't directed at you. Most of my views on what I believe a good wife should do have been argued in this thread and it's made me more defensive than I should be. I do appreciate your advice.
The 'joke' about your sex life has come from somewhere though...?0 -
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Damn, and here I thought *my* marriage was out of the norm.
![:\](https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
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Your lifestyle is not what I would choose but whatever. If it makes you happy, do it.
That said, you will really have to think seriously about what it is you really want because I don't see your husband ever being happy with a woman who wants to lift weights.
Relationships are a two-way street. You'll both have to come to some agreement.
Good luck.0 -
I do not know if anyone said this, I stopped reading on page 4, but I am calling bs here! No way this is real....sorry folks!0
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maybe a way to stir up some drama........just a thought0
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Pick him up from a dead lift and throw him to show how strong you are from heavy lifting. Shouldn't have anymore negative feedback after that.0
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I'm so different from the person I was at 25.
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levitateme wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »It is all solved. He just wants more sex.
I know I'm going to get a rash of *kitten* for this but I have never once turned my husband down for sex. I beleive it's my duty as a wife to be there for my husband. I don't care how tired I am or what I feel like, I have not and will not ever turn him down. That being said, he doesn't ask for it if he knows I'm really not feeling well... But if he wants more he knows all he ever has to do is ask.
Now if you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine but please don't tell me I'm wrong for feeling that way. I'm not going to change.
I don't disagree with you and I'm really not criticizing traditional roles at all. I'm not tearing down or making fun of your lifestyle. I just think that since he mentioned that it is interfering, that this must be on his mind. Maybe he doesn't want to have to ask, maybe he'd like for you to initiate more often, or for it to be more spontaneous. As I said above, perhaps he sees your commitment and schedule for the workout and wishes for more regularity in that area too, without having to ask or initiate. I could be wrong. You could try it and see if it makes him happier, or you could sit him down and have a discussion, or you could ignore me entirely. *shrug*
Honestly it seems like his issue is sexual attraction, not the actual lack of sex. He doesn't want her to be "bulky" like her friends. I'm guessing he'd be turned off if she suddenly sprouted visible muscles.
also LMAO at "I never turn my man down," girl this is 2014.
I'm not sure her getting bulky is the actual issue, but an easy excuse. I would guess that the true issue is his insecurity in their age difference, and his fear that if she realizes her strength and vitality, she'll start to see him as an "old man". It would also explain the extreme co-dependence.
I could be completely wrong, but it's just a guess.0 -
jezebelgirl wrote: »Damn, and here I thought *my* marriage was out of the norm.
What is a normal marriage actually? Ward and June Cleaver went out in the 50's and Lucy and Ricky followed shortly after. Most households today are single parent families or are co-parenting relationships that look just like a marriage without the contract. That's not counting same sex relationships and marriages that are now legal or recognized in most states (about time). I've seen open marriages, closed marriages, marriages where one or both parties have checked out but still stay together. I don't think this relationship is any more unusual than many of the modern relationships that exist today. It's all about choice. If they choose to live this kind of lifestyle, so be it, but you can't complain about wanting to live the lifestyle and then being held to the standard.0 -
I didn't read all 11 pages of replies so I'm sorry if I'm restating something that has already been said, but there's nothing wrong with how you have organized your relationship if it works for the two of you. I would guess that a lot of the issue with your husband comes down to the terminology. People who don't lift really don't have any understanding of what "heavy" really means or what it takes to get "bulky." (I only figured this out after a recent two-day discussion with my BF. We ended up texting a zillion pictures of celebs back and forth until we established his threshold for "bulky" vs. mine).
I would really recommend just not using the term "lifting heavy" around him. It's probably bringing up different mental images for him than it is for you. Keep reinforcing the idea that you still need him and that he's still going to play the masculine role (as you've both defined it) in your relationship. I also don't think it's inappropriate for you to tell him that it's important to you that he find you attractive, and that he can tell you if you get too muscular for him. (Again, if that's the kind of relationship you have, it's okay. That's an open topic for discussion in some relationships and not in others.)
I don't know if this falls in line with your own personal aesthetic, but a lot of the 1950s pinup style models were curvy in a sort of muscular way. That's a look you could easily get with lifting, as long as you don't cut your body fat percentage down too low.0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »GothyFaery wrote: »Some_Watery_Tart wrote: »And if you'd like to avoid the "can of worms" in the future, I would suggest you avoid using the term "Stepford wife". It's not considered a positive thing. It was a horror story. Maybe June Cleaver would be more appropriate.
I'm sorry, I don't see the term Stepford wife as anything negitive. It would be the biggest compliment to me if someone said I was a Stepford wife. I didn't think I was the only one who thought this way.
i like to look after my husband... i'm a great housewife, other than i hate cleaning... but at the same time my husband has never told me what to do or not to do, i think its that part that people are struggling to understand, not the looking after your husband part as such.
At first he didn't. It is a change and it might take him some time to get used to it. Grown ups talk things out and compromise in relationships. Op should be working with her husband on this. Open forums are a horrible place to ask for relationship advice. You get all types and as you can see some people seem to be a little bitter when it comes to men.
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It's YOUR body. He has no say over it. He needs therapy to get his head straight. Just, y'know, from one goth girl to another... you are not going to be happy with some man lording it over you just because he has a weiner and that somehow makes him king of the universe. The fifties thing may LOOK cute at first, but you have already seen in this example how much it actually sucks in real life.0
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So, I am curious, have you made any decisions?
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I'm just going to give him some time and see how it goes. At the end of the day my marrage is more important to me so I'll do what I have to do. If it has to come down to one or the other, I'll gladly chose him but I'm hoping there's a middle ground in there somewhere. Just got to give it some more time.0
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GothyFaery wrote: »It is all solved. He just wants more sex.
I know I'm going to get a rash of *kitten* for this but I have never once turned my husband down for sex. I beleive it's my duty as a wife to be there for my husband. I don't care how tired I am or what I feel like, I have not and will not ever turn him down. That being said, he doesn't ask for it if he knows I'm really not feeling well... But if he wants more he knows all he ever has to do is ask.
Now if you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine but please don't tell me I'm wrong for feeling that way. I'm not going to change.
Yet you made a point of saying it anyway, when it was quite unrelated to the discussion. You've made your postion clear - exercising in tiny clothes, submissive in all aspects to your man and you keep revealing this information bit at a time over your replies.
There are other forums, full of people that feel the same way, would agree with you and wouldn't judge you.
However, you wouldn't get 11 pages of replies from them, would you? Because it's not that unique. Tiresome even.0
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