How do I tell him what he says hurts?

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  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    pickledeggy wrote: »
    btw OP. If when you first got married you were fit, i wouldnt be too surprised by the things he said. Sometimes we let ourselves go, i hold my hand up to that one! I got fat when i was pregnant. I was fit before. Simple! I dont expect my man to find me super attractive as that would be lying to myself. I dont blame him not to, because if i look at myself and think, woah i got fat! Do you think hell be thinking PHWOAAAR?? when he looks at me. lol. No. Weve been dating since we were like 12. I was chubby then but we loved eachother. I got super fit at 17 and he did find me irresistable to say the least. Im in my twenties now. i got pregnant and got fat. Dont lie to yourself, i bet if your man was fit and got super fat you wouldnt find him as sexy. Just be honest. Doesnt mean you dont love him any less. And hey, if your husband isnt fit? WORK YOUR BUTT OFF! Make yourself fit, and when hes the chubby one. put him down if thatll make you feel better. Afterall, its just a joke..right?

    Wat
  • blktngldhrt
    blktngldhrt Posts: 1,053 Member
    edited November 2014
    pickledeggy wrote: »
    btw OP. If when you first got married you were fit, i wouldnt be too surprised by the things he said. Sometimes we let ourselves go, i hold my hand up to that one! I got fat when i was pregnant. I was fit before. Simple! I dont expect my man to find me super attractive as that would be lying to myself. I dont blame him not to, because if i look at myself and think, woah i got fat! Do you think hell be thinking PHWOAAAR?? when he looks at me. lol. No. Weve been dating since we were like 12. I was chubby then but we loved eachother. I got super fit at 17 and he did find me irresistable to say the least. Im in my twenties now. i got pregnant and got fat. Dont lie to yourself, i bet if your man was fit and got super fat you wouldnt find him as sexy. Just be honest. Doesnt mean you dont love him any less. And hey, if your husband isnt fit? WORK YOUR BUTT OFF! Make yourself fit, and when hes the chubby one. put him down if thatll make you feel better. Afterall, its just a joke..right?

    Is this serious?

    op, I don't know your husband. Does he have trouble understanding emotions? I would definitely talk to him about it again. The next time he does it, right after the comment is made, tell him his words hurt and aren't helping anything. They're hindering your progress and your views of yourself. You are not being overly emotional and don't need to lighten up. You are allowed to feel exactly how you feel and don't need to apologize for that. If you tell him something he's saying is hurtful, he should stop immediately whether he thinks he's joking or not. Bottom line, the people you love and let in need to respect you and your feelings.

    ..I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be too happy if you negatively commented on the size of his penis every time you saw it..even if you later told him it was a joke. Edit..not that you should. I'm just sure he wouldn't think it was funny just as you don't think his weight comments are funny
  • jasonmh630
    jasonmh630 Posts: 2,850 Member
    pickledeggy wrote: »
    btw OP. If when you first got married you were fit, i wouldnt be too surprised by the things he said. Sometimes we let ourselves go, i hold my hand up to that one! I got fat when i was pregnant. I was fit before. Simple! I dont expect my man to find me super attractive as that would be lying to myself. I dont blame him not to, because if i look at myself and think, woah i got fat! Do you think hell be thinking PHWOAAAR?? when he looks at me. lol. No. Weve been dating since we were like 12. I was chubby then but we loved eachother. I got super fit at 17 and he did find me irresistable to say the least. Im in my twenties now. i got pregnant and got fat. Dont lie to yourself, i bet if your man was fit and got super fat you wouldnt find him as sexy. Just be honest. Doesnt mean you dont love him any less. And hey, if your husband isnt fit? WORK YOUR BUTT OFF! Make yourself fit, and when hes the chubby one. put him down if thatll make you feel better. Afterall, its just a joke..right?

    And the award for most conceited and unhelpful comment goes to...

  • allanakern
    allanakern Posts: 245 Member
    _dracarys_ wrote: »
    Tough love is one thing, being a douche is another.

    this.
  • lightmouse
    lightmouse Posts: 175 Member
    I had a boyfriend in my late teens/early twenties that constantly mocked my small chest, pointed out curvy girls and repeatedly told me he would find me more attractive if I had a boob job. (I didn't, and haven't, but did seriously consider it for a long time. If I'd had the money I'd probably have gone for it I think.) Anyway, ten years on, I've got rid of the boyfriend but unfortunately not the emotional issues he caused. I have terrible problems with body image and self confidence. I have done something about it this week, and it looks like I'll be diagnosed with body dysmorphia. Would this have happened had I not met him? Who knows. But he certainly made it worse. I'm not saying leave him, I know it's not as easy as that, but please remember that no one is worth potentially damaging your long term mental health for. I hope things get better for you, whatever you decide to do. x
  • jasonmh630
    jasonmh630 Posts: 2,850 Member
    lightmouse wrote: »
    I had a boyfriend in my late teens/early twenties that constantly mocked my small chest, pointed out curvy girls and repeatedly told me he would find me more attractive if I had a boob job. (I didn't, and haven't, but did seriously consider it for a long time. If I'd had the money I'd probably have gone for it I think.) Anyway, ten years on, I've got rid of the boyfriend but unfortunately not the emotional issues he caused. I have terrible problems with body image and self confidence. I have done something about it this week, and it looks like I'll be diagnosed with body dysmorphia. Would this have happened had I not met him? Who knows. But he certainly made it worse. I'm not saying leave him, I know it's not as easy as that, but please remember that no one is worth potentially damaging your long term mental health for. I hope things get better for you, whatever you decide to do. x

    Sorry for what you went through! No man should ever say things like that to his SO...

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