People on here need to stick to feedback the user asks for?!?!
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Ummm what?? What is negative about that statement? I don't get it. I just don't get it.rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »This site is full of cry-babies
As I say to my children: toughen up buttercup
The people I see shedding 90% of the tears are the ones engaging in near-constant whining drama about being perceived as "mean". Either be a d-bag and accept that people are gonna think you're a d-bag, or don't be one and then people won't think you're one. Pretty easy, IMO.
The responses on those threads were still taken as being mean even by people genuinely trying to help (I was one on the exercise one).
The fact of the matter is, this OP specifically is opening threads and playing a victim.
Ah, link pls? I'm thinking of the recent 'how not to lose fat' and 'tough love' threads...remind me of the exercise one?
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/search?adv=&search=Thcguy123&title=&author=&cat=all&tags=&discussion_d=1&comment_c=1&within=1+day&date=
Here are the threads in question.
Also, I don't think those other ones relate to op at all. I mean to be fair, it looks like people were trying to be helpful and many gave helpful responses.
One of the negative ones?
"I know you are looking for a book to tell you what to do... Have you considered doing your own research and making a list of foods and recipes that you like? Also, what about joining a gym and highering a personal trainer? The two of you could then discuss your goals and the trainer can work up a personal plan just for you.
Edit: You could also schedule time with a nutritionist and get food ideas and recipes from them as well."0 -
diannethegeek wrote: »DiabolicalColossus wrote: »Did you not say that the one response was negative?
If not, I'm wrong and retract my response.
I think you're missing some sarcasm.
Yeah... OP was claiming these people are negative for responses of this fashion.
I said "OP specifically is opening threads in this fashion and playing a victim" because the responses received were in no way rude or negative as they claim.
Someone asked for the threads in question and I provided it along with one of the "negative responses".
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rainbowbow wrote: »diannethegeek wrote: »DiabolicalColossus wrote: »Did you not say that the one response was negative?
If not, I'm wrong and retract my response.
I think you're missing some sarcasm.
Yeah... OP was claiming these people are negative for responses of this fashion.
I said "OP specifically is opening threads in this fashion and playing a victim" because the responses received were in no way rude or negative as they claim.
Someone asked for the threads in question and I provided it along with one of the "negative responses".
Ah. I need a sarcasm font.0 -
I totally missed the sarcasm too...oops!rainbowbow wrote: »diannethegeek wrote: »DiabolicalColossus wrote: »Did you not say that the one response was negative?
If not, I'm wrong and retract my response.
I think you're missing some sarcasm.
Yeah... OP was claiming these people are negative for responses of this fashion.
I said "OP specifically is opening threads in this fashion and playing a victim" because the responses received were in no way rude or negative as they claim.
Someone asked for the threads in question and I provided it along with one of the "negative responses".
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The forums are just CRAAAAAAAAZY since the new format....
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sigh0
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levitateme wrote: »LEVITATEME's post above is a good example of what I mean. Not the positive feedback most people need.
It's great it takes you 45 seconds to make a shake - I don't have that time so I am looking for something I can grab from fridge and walk out door. But I didn't ask that anyway so don't comment unless you know of a good pre-made shake suggestion.
Eat less - move more - really?!?! Yes it's true but it's about the least helpful thing I have ever heard. What people on here need is something in depth - links to a website you use, a book that really turned things around, some tales from your journey that might inspire them. Eat less and move more doesn't help lay out any specific plans which is what people here need.
And "you don't need a grocery list". Do you realize people who go the store without a grocery list tend to overeat and buy fattening items they don't need. Your always better shopping with a list. Yes - many of us DO need a grocery list and don't know how to make a healthy one ourselves.
POSITIVE FEEDBACK IS WHAT WE NEED! Not just you telling us it's all so simple and acting like why can't we all just figure this out.
Why is it my job to tell you how to make a grocery list? and why is it rude of me to say you should be able to figure that out yourself? This is a website that tells you the calorie content of every single food on earth. Pick out foods you like that fit the calories provided to you and go to the store and buy them.
From now on, my canned answer to every thread will be "you are doing everything exactly right. Good job."
And then people will be like "but wait you didn't answer any of my questions" and I will be like "You're so smart and strong."
I just wonder, why do you get off so much on making people feel like crap? If we can stop all of the weak pretending for a moment - you're not trying to help, you're not trying to offer advice or wisdom or share any of your own experiences for the betterment of mankind. You're just deliberately and constantly taking craps on people who are asking for help. Whether or not they come across as annoying, lazy or stupid, I really want to know why is it so very very very important to you to let them know that you find them annoying, lazy and stupid?
I guess this is probably the Question at the Heart of the Internet: Why can't anyone just STFU if they don't have anything to add to a thread?
I understand that - its not "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" it should be "If you don't have anything useful and detailed to say, don't say anything at all". I see no point in replying with lines like "you are doing everything exactly right. Good job." unless you mean it. If you don't think anyone is going to listen to you... just don't post. It's not like it's a one on one conversation where someone is expecting an answer specifically from you. If you don't comment, someone else will. And the someone will have thoughtful advice.0 -
LEVITATEME's post above is a good example of what I mean. Not the positive feedback most people need.
It's great it takes you 45 seconds to make a shake - I don't have that time so I am looking for something I can grab from fridge and walk out door. But I didn't ask that anyway so don't comment unless you know of a good pre-made shake suggestion.
Eat less - move more - really?!?! Yes it's true but it's about the least helpful thing I have ever heard. What people on here need is something in depth - links to a website you use, a book that really turned things around, some tales from your journey that might inspire them. Eat less and move more doesn't help lay out any specific plans which is what people here need.
And "you don't need a grocery list". Do you realize people who go the store without a grocery list tend to overeat and buy fattening items they don't need. Your always better shopping with a list. Yes - many of us DO need a grocery list and don't know how to make a healthy one ourselves.
POSITIVE FEEDBACK IS WHAT WE NEED! Not just you telling us it's all so simple and acting like why can't we all just figure this out.
I haven't made it through all the pages yet (trust me, I will when I have the time) but I think the answers you got were actually very helpful. Maybe if they elaborated more you wouldn't have thought they were so mean?
Like your questions about shakes, premade shakes are very costly compared to powders and few and far between. It doesn't take long to make your own and you have a lot more variety available if you do.
Eat less and move more is extremely helpful in my opinion. When I first came on here if someone had told me "you need a structured plan. Learn to love grilled chicken and veggies for lunch and dinner everyday. You'll never be able to eat Taco Bell again." I would have kindly told them to stick it where the sun don't shine and continued my life being fat.
I think people continue to try to give the types of responses you call mean because the people who ask the questions think this has to be a miserable experience and they can't enjoy food. I know I for one am pissed off at how easy it actually was for me to lose weight. I'm pissed off that for 20+ years of my life I was overweight and tortured myself every time I tried to lose weight only to give up because I made it so difficult. The answers you're calling mean are mostly people trying to tell you that it doesn't have to be so hard. What could be more supportive than that? I know I wish someone had given me that sexy pants link when I a fat teenager starving myself everyday trying to lose weight only to crash and burn and stuff my face because I couldn't take being hungry anymore.
As far as your grocery list comment, I think they were saying you don't need a specific list. I make a list every time I go to the store but it's based off my dinner schedule that I make every two weeks. Yes, I need a list. No, I don't need someone to make a list for me because I wouldn't know what to do with someone else's grocery list.
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THIS IS NOT CANADA.0 -
I agree with the O.P. in a way. SOME of the people on these boards are angry and egotistical beyond belief. Its their way is the best and they know it all. HOWEVER, I find the majority of the people on this site are sincere and really trying to help their fellow peers on here improve their lives and health. I guess it is a microcosm of our american culture and society today. I have got many many kind responses on this site from a lot of good,caring people,and the sarcastic,non-helpful comments I get I just ignore. About 1 week ago I asked a question about maintenance,(which I just started) and the thread got way off on a tangent to the point that only 1 person really bothered to answer what I had asked. I thanked the person that answered me and ignored the others. Just my 2 cents0
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Which thread was that? I'm curious.indianwin2001 wrote: »I agree with the O.P. in a way. SOME of the people on these boards are angry and egotistical beyond belief. Its their way is the best and they know it all. HOWEVER, I find the majority of the people on this site are sincere and really trying to help their fellow peers on here improve their lives and health. I guess it is a microcosm of our american culture and society today. I have got many many kind responses on this site from a lot of good,caring people,and the sarcastic,non-helpful comments I get I just ignore. About 1 week ago I asked a question about maintenance,(which I just started) and the thread got way off on a tangent to the point that only 1 person really bothered to answer what I had asked. I thanked the person that answered me and ignored the others. Just my 2 cents
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GothyFaery wrote: »I think people continue to try to give the types of responses you call mean because the people who ask the questions think this has to be a miserable experience and they can't enjoy food. I know I for one am pissed off at how easy it actually was for me to lose weight. I'm pissed off that for 20+ years of my life I was overweight and tortured myself every time I tried to lose weight only to give up because I made it so difficult. The answers you're calling mean are mostly people trying to tell you that it doesn't have to be so hard. What could be more supportive than that?
This is exactly right. The OP threw a snit fit in his other post and said he can't possibly eat the same foods he eats now, are you all crazy? I only wish someone had told me this a long time ago. I'm losing pretty slowly at a pace that I would not tolerate if I were miserable and having to cut out sugar or carbs or something.0 -
A grocery list from a book really wouldn't be helpful.
Your kitchen already has some food in it, but the book doesn't know what you have.
From MY kitchen, if I want to make seafood-vegetable risotto tonight, I need to buy some lobster and squid, because I already have arborio rice, kale, frozen shrimp, garlic, onions, celery, spinach, mushrooms, salt, cooking wine, and seasonings. However, if you don't cook, you'll need all those things, plus a decent stockpot.
For recipe ideas, the one I hear most about here is skinnytaste. I don't even USE recipe sites, so why do I know that and you don't?
So I think the problem is that your questions are trivial. You're asking the wrong things such that there's no satisfactory answers, or you could get them in 5 minutes on Google. The questions you're asking are ALSO in total opposition to what most of us have learned is part of the solution to weight loss.
1. "Tone up fast" is going to get you a bad reaction around here. There are no quick solutions. Exercises to "tone up" in general? You need us to tell you that?
2. Yes, there's a place for quick shakes and convenience foods. I use them (I carry protein bars in my bag for when there's nothing else I care to eat). But I research them, and figure out which ones will meet MY goals, and then learn where to buy them. If you can't do the research for that, we doubt you'll be successful.
3. If you don't cook, you should learn. Making your own food is part of taking responsibility for your eating habits. A shake (or anything else) you make yourself will be fresher, tastier, and better suited to YOUR goals than a commercial one. I make mine with almond milk instead of dairy because I'm trying to slim down; my husband uses extra whey because he's bulking; and I put kale in my kids' because I'm a BAD MOM who hates them (but wants them to get their vitamins). You didn't say you never make your own shakes, but that's the impression we get. And if you can't or won't make a shake, you're sure as heck not making other awesome healthy/low cal/high nutrient stuff like homemade soup, salads, and fresh seafood.
So in short- you don't need grocery lists or packaged shakes as much as you need to learn patience, responsibility, accountability, and some basic research skills. Those are the keys to weight loss and success in almost anything else in life.
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Honestly, I get the OP's point, AND I get the "mean people's" point, too. Honestly, what it comes down to is a difference in communication and the way people interpret things. What one person is asking for and *needs* may been seen by another person in a completely different way. For instance- the OP may truly need someone to say, ok, "you need to eat X, Y, and Z" instead of "anything will fit", or "I use X, Y, and Z, blend and I'm out the door for my smoothie in the morning", when OP is maybe looking for a pre-made protein drink like Ensure? Everyone communicates differently. Everyone understands things differently, and everyone has different needs.
Some of us have skin as thick as a crocodile's scales, so even if we do ask a question, and it's not answered the way we'd like, or we don't get the answers we were hoping for, we just shrug it off, chalk it up to someone didn't know, didn't care, or otherwise, and move along. Not everyone is like this, can, or will do so.
Just like offline, we deal with all personality types, and online, it's even harder to know the person you're dealing with, and what they're needing. Am I saying we need to hold everyone's hand and sing Kumbaya? Absolutely not. But I think this is *why* there are so many misunderstandings and hurt feelings. People don't realize a lot of times people *really* aren't trying to be mean. They're just answering things to the best of their ability, it may just not be the way *you'd* like for them to. Instead of getting upset, try to communicate.
Am I gonna say there aren't people who don't love drama and being *kitten*? Of course. There are those who thrive on that. They're everywhere. It's a fact of life. If you aren't dealing with one offline as well, you probably aren't breathing. But for the most part, most people are trying to be helpful in their own way. Give everyone a break.0 -
hollydubs85 wrote: »mommyrunning wrote: »hollydubs85 wrote: »Sevendust912 wrote: »BENNETINFINITY: your completely right in saying "I think people who want specific advice about their personal course of action are better served finding like minded people in the groups".
That is what we are doing when we post here - trying to find like minded people to help us.
mommyrunning - I love your comment. Not everyone here knows how to design meals, cook, work out, etc. They need help from people (supposedly all of you) who have already learned it, gone through it, know more. They can learn though with your help - not sarcastic comments.
Your supposed to act as teachers, peers, coaches, positive influences and yes - maybe even share some knowledge so we don't have to take forever to learn it the hard way.
Just curious, how does a grown adult "not know how" to exercise?
I'd be curious to see the answer to this question.
I don't think she actually meant "doesn't know HOW". It's more a case of if you grew up with little to no physical activity, didn't play outside a lot, didn't play sports, have no active role models, etc. the "where to begin" can seem overwhelming due to the multitude of exercise programs advertised. I'm sure true beginners wonder, "do I get on the treadmill? what do I do with all those machines at the gym? can I just go for a walk?", etc. That's how I took it anyway.
But it's so simple. You start MOVING. The answer "move more" is not intended to be inflammatory. It's the truth! Try something.
Start walking. Walking becomes boring, then start running. Don't like running? Do cycling. Cardio not your thing? Try a strength program. Not sure which program is best for you? Google. Don't like strength training? TRY SOMETHING ELSE.
I think these were responses to my comment so I will answer. I could have chosen my words better or explained it more when I said some people don't know how to exercise. I didn't mean that people don't know how to walk or run for example. I meant that some people don't know something as simple as a 20 minute walk can help them lose weight or that they don't have to run 5 miles a day and lift hundreds of lbs to get fit. Some people don't have any clue how many calories exercise burns. Maybe something like, "some people don't understand exercise well or how to use it for weight loss" would have been better.
I get that, but how is an answer like "Doesn't matter what you do, just do anything," i.e. move more, an inappropriate response?
I really don't understand the whole "I don't know where to start" when it comes to exercise. Whenever I personally see a thread like that, I always ask the OP what their goals are and what tools they have at hand, and then I try to respond appropriately.
I don't think it's in appropriate. I don't think it's very helpful but it's not appropriate.
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GothyFaery wrote: »I'm pissed off that for 20+ years of my life I was overweight and tortured myself every time I tried to lose weight only to give up because I made it so difficult. The answers you're calling mean are mostly people trying to tell you that it doesn't have to be so hard. What could be more supportive than that? I know I wish someone had given me that sexy pants link when I a fat teenager starving myself everyday trying to lose weight only to crash and burn and stuff my face because I couldn't take being hungry anymore.
+1
Even though I'm still 37 lbs from my first goal, I have no doubt that I'll not only succeed in surpassing my GW, but will also keep it off forever. I spent YEARS thinking I suffered from this and that: food addiction, low metabolism, unusually high hunger response (!), poor self-control, "maybe it's my thyroid", yada yada yada. Because I was always hungry, always restricting, but I kept gaining.
Now it turns out that the only thing I lacked was knowledge. Now that I know how much food I need, how much I'm burning, and how to count it, I don't have to be fat anymore. And it is NOT HARD. Not always easy, but definitely not hard. It just requires a little attention, and is definitely easier if you enjoy / can make time for EITHER cooking healthy food OR exercise. Revelation #1 was that it doesn't have to be both.
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heh. I'll give $5 to anyone who goes there and posts that they gave their darling child some benadryl to help them go to sleep.hollydubs85 wrote: »Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »It's quite a phenomenon. And then it typically devolves into gifs and nonsense. I've moderated forums before, including a TEEN forum. And I've not seen anything with a specific goal and guidelines that goes so oddly awry.
lol, you haven't seen gamer forums then. The inmates run the place so to speak.
I think a lot of it here is teen angst and hangry. Then some of us just want to see the world burn.
Or babycenter.com forums.
I'm from Oklahoma....don't you mean whiskey?
I'm also from Oklahoma but would never dream of giving whiskey to my children... The stuff I drink is way too expensive to waste on the kids!0 -
mean girls were so hot.0
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trinatrina1984 wrote: »If you are such a delicate flower that the slightest disagreement causes upset you should probably not converse with members of the general public - I'm looking at you flaggers!
Why must disagreement so often mean arguing and insults though? Honestly, I don't get it.0 -
I think the point is that post was one of the more negative ones... and it's not negative at all. See? We have an OP who gets hurt easily if people don't cater to him and tell him it'll all be sunshine and roses if he does it the way he wants and a bunch of people joining in and making a much bigger deal out of it than it really is.
Ummm what?? What is negative about that statement? I don't get it. I just don't get it.rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »rainbowbow wrote: »This site is full of cry-babies
As I say to my children: toughen up buttercup
The people I see shedding 90% of the tears are the ones engaging in near-constant whining drama about being perceived as "mean". Either be a d-bag and accept that people are gonna think you're a d-bag, or don't be one and then people won't think you're one. Pretty easy, IMO.
The responses on those threads were still taken as being mean even by people genuinely trying to help (I was one on the exercise one).
The fact of the matter is, this OP specifically is opening threads and playing a victim.
Ah, link pls? I'm thinking of the recent 'how not to lose fat' and 'tough love' threads...remind me of the exercise one?
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/search?adv=&search=Thcguy123&title=&author=&cat=all&tags=&discussion_d=1&comment_c=1&within=1+day&date=
Here are the threads in question.
Also, I don't think those other ones relate to op at all. I mean to be fair, it looks like people were trying to be helpful and many gave helpful responses.
One of the negative ones?
"I know you are looking for a book to tell you what to do... Have you considered doing your own research and making a list of foods and recipes that you like? Also, what about joining a gym and highering a personal trainer? The two of you could then discuss your goals and the trainer can work up a personal plan just for you.
Edit: You could also schedule time with a nutritionist and get food ideas and recipes from them as well."0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »trinatrina1984 wrote: »If you are such a delicate flower that the slightest disagreement causes upset you should probably not converse with members of the general public - I'm looking at you flaggers!
Why must disagreement so often mean arguing and insults though? Honestly, I don't get it.
Why must people get butthurt when someone disagrees with them?0 -
There are some solid gifs in here. I approve.0
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heh. I'll give $5 to anyone who goes there and posts that they gave their darling child some benadryl to help them go to sleep.hollydubs85 wrote: »Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »It's quite a phenomenon. And then it typically devolves into gifs and nonsense. I've moderated forums before, including a TEEN forum. And I've not seen anything with a specific goal and guidelines that goes so oddly awry.
lol, you haven't seen gamer forums then. The inmates run the place so to speak.
I think a lot of it here is teen angst and hangry. Then some of us just want to see the world burn.
Or babycenter.com forums.
I'm from Oklahoma....don't you mean whiskey?
I'm also from Oklahoma but would never dream of giving whiskey to my children... The stuff I drink is way too expensive to waste on the kids!
Touche my friend, touche!0 -
Oh. Well if you want someone to lay out a specific meal plan and exercise program, hire a personal trainer and a nutritionist instead of asking strangers on an internet forum who may take time out of their day to give you advice that isn't specific enough for you, or that you don't want to hear. Can't afford it? Then weed through the responses that you don't like on the public forum until you find one you do.
Help me! Help me! I don't like your help, you aren't being specific enough, you aren't putting enough effort into helping me.... Starts mean people thread. Typical.0 -
I mean... you just... do it. Take a step. The rest follow. I guess it's a matter of, are they self directed individuals or not.
A self directed individual will not say how. They may ask which or why, but not how. A non-self directed individual will ask how, and not stick with it anyway.
When I first walked into a gym,I asked a guy in there the proper form of bench-pressing.That was how do I bench press. That was 33 years ago and I got my bench up to 350lbs. Today I still go to a gym 6 days a week and at 62 years old I can still bench a lot of weight.I never quit the gym BUT my first question was HOW!!!0 -
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Which thread was that? I'm curious.indianwin2001 wrote: »I agree with the O.P. in a way. SOME of the people on these boards are angry and egotistical beyond belief. Its their way is the best and they know it all. HOWEVER, I find the majority of the people on this site are sincere and really trying to help their fellow peers on here improve their lives and health. I guess it is a microcosm of our american culture and society today. I have got many many kind responses on this site from a lot of good,caring people,and the sarcastic,non-helpful comments I get I just ignore. About 1 week ago I asked a question about maintenance,(which I just started) and the thread got way off on a tangent to the point that only 1 person really bothered to answer what I had asked. I thanked the person that answered me and ignored the others. Just my 2 cents
I forgot but is in the maintaining weight section from about a week ago.0 -
indianwin2001 wrote: »I mean... you just... do it. Take a step. The rest follow. I guess it's a matter of, are they self directed individuals or not.
A self directed individual will not say how. They may ask which or why, but not how. A non-self directed individual will ask how, and not stick with it anyway.
When I first walked into a gym,I asked a guy in there the proper form of bench-pressing.That was how do I bench press. That was 33 years ago and I got my bench up to 350lbs. Today I still go to a gym and at 62 years old I can still bench a lot of weight.I never quit the gym BUT my first question was HOW!!!
You mean you asked which way was the right way to benchpress, and not how do you make up a bench pressing program that will have me pressing 300 for reps in 21 days?0 -
indianwin2001 wrote: »I mean... you just... do it. Take a step. The rest follow. I guess it's a matter of, are they self directed individuals or not.
A self directed individual will not say how. They may ask which or why, but not how. A non-self directed individual will ask how, and not stick with it anyway.
When I first walked into a gym,I asked a guy in there the proper form of bench-pressing.That was how do I bench press. That was 33 years ago and I got my bench up to 350lbs. Today I still go to a gym and at 62 years old I can still bench a lot of weight.I never quit the gym BUT my first question was HOW!!!
You mean you asked which way was the right way to benchpress, and not how do you make up a bench pressing program that will have me pressing 300 for reps in 21 days?
correct--I see your point0 -
I didn't post the comments that we're realistic like "it's not possible to tone up in 8 days but try this ________. Or toning up doesn't exist because _____________.
I posted the ones that had no place on the board and the poster should have just kept their opinions to themselves.
And in case you didn't know there are plenty of delicate people on the boards. Maybe the less sensitive people should watch what they say a little more.0
This discussion has been closed.
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