Irrational fears? Weight loss and Infidelity.
Replies
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Sort of off topic/different perspective here:
I think that sometimes when people lose a significant amount of weight and start to gain personal confidence, they may choose to drop unhealthy/toxic relationships as well. When your personal equity skyrockets, its harder to stay with someone who is abusive, manipulative or just "wrong" for you. Whereas, as an obese or overweight individual, its easy to settle for someone toxic as you may not feel worthy of quality relationships. Or perhaps, a person in a good relationship may feel more inclined to nurture it. (One major issue for me while I gained weight was pushing people away, even the "good" ones.)
I think that as a whole, MyFitnessPal users are trying to improve the quality of their entire lives, not just in the weight arena. Sometimes that requires losing unhealthy relationships as well.0 -
LaurenCheek wrote: »Sort of off topic/different perspective here:
I think that as a whole, MyFitnessPal users are trying to improve the quality of their entire lives, not just in the weight arena. Sometimes that requires losing unhealthy relationships as well.
That's a good point, and well-stated.
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I have been married for 39 years. I learned very early on in our relationship that you can not control another person, even your spouse. Trust is the key issue. If infidelity is, or becomes an issue, either openly, or covertly, there is really nothing you can do about it, other than getting yourself out of the relationship, or staying in the relationship, knowing of your partners infidelity. It is your decision whether you want to forgive the person, get some kind of counseling, or get out of the relationship. All I know is, my weight never was an issue that made my husband want to leave the marriage, and losing the weight, while it may have opened up the temptation for me, once, for about 2 seconds, nothing transpired. So total fidelity for me for 39 years.0
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malavika413 wrote: »happysquidmuffin wrote: »malavika413 wrote: »This sounds horribly selfish, but I'm a little bit happy that my boyfriend is out of shape, because most of the girls I know would probably steal him away from me if he was athletic.
But those girls can't MAKE him leave you. If he's really committed to you, he wouldn't LET himself be stolen away, even if he was being constantly pursued by other women. It's not like being out of shape makes you immune to cheating or being stolen away, either. Relationships should never be based upon how desirable one thinks they are to those outside of the relationship.
Just offering a different way to look at it.
Makes sense, but when you're dating someone that could easily do better, it tends to place a lot of irrational worries in your head. I can't assume he'll be committed either. Granted, he has been so far, but I don't want to jump to conclusions by expecting long term fidelity.
Who says that about there bf. He can do better than me.
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Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?0
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JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?0 -
I don't think it is an irrational fear. I think it is actually rational. The more attractive someone becomes the greater availability of interest they have and therefore greater exposure to the opportunity to cheat.
That said when you assess risk you not only look at the magnitude of the risk but the likelihood that it will occur.
Likelihood in this scenario can only be assessed by the individuals involved in the relationship and their respective values.0 -
ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
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JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?0 -
fenderman9 wrote: »A lot of overweight people have "good reasons" for staying overweight or rationalizations for keeping the weight on. I thought it might be interesting to explore one of them being, "If I lose a lot of weight, I'm going to be a lot more attractive and with the added attention from the opposite sex, it might affect my current relationship". Thoughts, opinions or better yet real life stories would be great to hear.
That seems more a fear that a person whose partner is losing weight would have. It's not always an unfounded fear. I've known several relationships that have failed when one partner lost weight. I'm sure there were other factors involved in the break-up, but it happens. Whenever someone makes a change in their life, it's because they are unhappy with something in their life. Sometimes their weight or health is all they are unhappy about, sometimes it's other things and weight just happens to be what they can control.0 -
i don't worry about it. i'm not unattractive because i am fat. i am unattractive because i'm ugly, and weight loss doesn't change that.
and just so you don't think I am just beating myself up - i am attractive because i'm funny and smart. but that takes someone getting to know me, so I'm not worried about women just throwing themselves at me based on looks, nor would i be worried about my will power or ability to turn them down even if they did. i'm not interested in anyone else but the one i'm with.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »fenderman9 wrote: »A lot of overweight people have "good reasons" for staying overweight or rationalizations for keeping the weight on. I thought it might be interesting to explore one of them being, "If I lose a lot of weight, I'm going to be a lot more attractive and with the added attention from the opposite sex, it might affect my current relationship". Thoughts, opinions or better yet real life stories would be great to hear.
That seems more a fear that a person whose partner is losing weight would have. It's not always an unfounded fear. I've known several relationships that have failed when one partner lost weight. I'm sure there were other factors involved in the break-up, but it happens. Whenever someone makes a change in their life, it's because they are unhappy with something in their life. Sometimes their weight or health is all they are unhappy about, sometimes it's other things and weight just happens to be what they can control.
This is an excellent way of putting it.0 -
I wasn't always this weight. When I weighed 50 or 60 lbs less, was younger and single I wasn't getting propositioned or surrounded by admirers. I don't expect that at 40 years old with a husband and a teenage daughter that I will suddenly get guys hitting on me everywhere I go when I never did before. That would be bizarre. If it did happen it would be annoying but would not make me want to leave my dh or gain the weight back.
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My boyfriend and I are both overweight, and over 3 years I have put on about 20-30 pounds and he's put on about 60. We still love each other and find one another very attractive. We are both approaching age 30, and we have made a commitment to lose weight and become fit. We're both nice looking people, both when we're big and when we're smaller. Over 3 years our relationship has been tested many times, and we have proven that we are committed to each other, 100%. Obviously I can't predict the future, but I have faith in the one I love
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.0 -
JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.0 -
ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
We all prioritize differently.
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
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yopeeps025 wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
We all prioritize differently.
Yes we do. It is hard not to judge others by what we feel their priorities should be. I find the best way to stop the judging is to find out what their priorities are and assess from there rather than assume everyone is the same.
I mean we are all here to lose weight right!?!? Lol!0 -
Two happy separated parents are better than 2 unhappy parents together.0
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »I know someone who is In A loving relationship, but in many ways it isn't truly fulfilling to this person. It is something that has been a struggle their entire relationship. This has done two things to this person.
1) they feel jealous when anyone pays attention to their partner. because they feel they wouldn't be able to remain faithful if it happened to them.
2) each time someone comments on them looking fit, slim... They gain weight till the comments stop.
What a horrible way to live.0 -
"If I lose a lot of weight, I'm going to be a lot more attractive to my DH and with the added attention from myDH , it might affect my current relationship and then maybe DH will put out more."
I fixed the original statement to properly reflect for my situation.
I want to look good for my husband, and I want to feel confident when I walk out the door every day. My relationship solid enough that I will remain totally oblivious to guys "checking me out" and have to be told that it's occurring, which just makes it awkward.0 -
JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.0 -
ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »I know someone who is In A loving relationship, but in many ways it isn't truly fulfilling to this person. It is something that has been a struggle their entire relationship. This has done two things to this person.
1) they feel jealous when anyone pays attention to their partner. because they feel they wouldn't be able to remain faithful if it happened to them.
2) each time someone comments on them looking fit, slim... They gain weight till the comments stop.
What a horrible way to live.
Everyone has their own trials.0 -
ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »I know someone who is In A loving relationship, but in many ways it isn't truly fulfilling to this person. It is something that has been a struggle their entire relationship. This has done two things to this person.
1) they feel jealous when anyone pays attention to their partner. because they feel they wouldn't be able to remain faithful if it happened to them.
2) each time someone comments on them looking fit, slim... They gain weight till the comments stop.
What a horrible way to live.
Everyone has their own trials.
You're right. Except we have the ability to manage trials, not just avoid them. They should get counseling if they insist on staying together. This is a completely avoidable, and possibly fixable, "trial."0 -
ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
The kids are strong successful adults who love their mother and father dearly.
Every one of them(5 in total) is healthy, and while they had their issues with relationships when they were younger(who doesn't) they are all in healthy and happy relationships now.
You are correct it isn't black and white which is why judging someone by your values is just silly.0 -
ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
The kids are strong successful adults who love their mother and father dearly.
Every one of them(5 in total) is healthy, and while they had their issues with relationships when they were younger(who doesn't) they are all in healthy and happy relationships now.
You are correct it isn't black and white which is why judging someone by your values is just silly.
So what family are they exactly holding together now then? If the adults are all well adjusted, why not just move on be happy.
But, hey, there are actually a lot of people enjoy suffering.0 -
ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Aside from religious purposes (and that's a stretch for me) I cannot think of a single good reason to stay in an unhappy relationship, especially with kids involved. I truly wish you or your friends or whoever is in that situation the best.
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JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Aside from religious purposes (and that's a stretch for me) I cannot think of a single good reason to stay in an unhappy relationship, especially with kids involved. I truly wish you or your friends or whoever is in that situation the best.
Me neither. I left mine and never been happier. My kids don't have to see mommy and daddy fighting and crying, and every issue with the kids doesn't have to be a battle.
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