How to motivate my girlfriend to exercise?
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You can't force someone to change. When you changed, you altered the relationship dynamic. Either accept her or move on.
Being angry at her is not the solution.0 -
Agreed with others on here that you can't motivate people to do this, they have to motivate themselves. For me it was a breakup of a long term relationship, 4 months late, i had lost 3.5 stone and was one of the fittest people at the circuit training at used to go to. I worry about my little bro as he must be hovering around 20 stone (at my heaviest i was 16.5 stone, I am 6ft 3, hes about 5,11) but if he doesn't make a change, I can't help it. I have never once brought it up, i just invite him to my gym, which he likes and say no more on the subject. But the changes need to be bigger than gym once per week and absolutely no change in diet, but hurting his feelings won't help, so I just need to wait and hope he makes the change, if he doesn't, thats up to him. Hes happy, has plenty of friends, does well at college, so it's not a massive issue yet.
I would say, you can still cook healthy and not pre-portion meals which would almost definitely seem insulting to a lady imo, and to anybody who cares about their figure tbh. I would get a book called 'food for fitness' and another called 'food that makes muscle' (men's health book). Both these have delicious meals in them. Some that me and my missus recently discovered are the Hairy Bikers books, Hairy Dieters. Delicious foods, filling, and not tiny looking meals. Offer to cook meals, but absolutely do not mention portions, or calories, or anything else. And simply enjoy nice food with your lady. As most have said, she will choose whether or not to exercise, so you need to either accept her as she is, or sadly split. If you want to change yourself that's great, but you can't wish change upon another.
Hyperthyroidism won't help her with this either, it will probably make her more self conscious, and also will affect her body and brain chemistry, and unhappy body and mind, will not be willing to go out and exert itself as much as a healthy one.
I would say health problems are not a thing to worry about in early 20s unless she is quite severly overweight. I know at 20 I was still finding myself, and until I hit 24 hadn't really. Time is all you can give here, and patience.
Hope this helps0 -
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You don't. You just love her the way she is and if you can't do that (if she doesn't chose to exercise) get out of the relationship. Why on earth did you think this was even an appropriate question to ask? That poor girlfriend of yours doesn't deserve this. If I knew my BF was on this site telling people I'm lazy I'd kick him so hard where the sun don't shine and tell him to get the heck out of my house.-1
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Just break up.
I can't believe no one has said that yet.-3 -
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Ya know, while taking better care of oneself and being healthier is something anyone can do at any age, OP, I just want to say you've grown a lot over the past couple years and acquired skills and values that will serve you well for a lifetime, and I just want to commend you for that. Hope your relationship works out the way you want it to, but either way, I suspect it will be for the best0
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I have to address the medical issue here since you say she is dealing with hypothyroidism.
That comes with depression, weight gain, fatigue, and so on.
At the very least you need to stop pressuring her to exercise and lose weight. That has to be her choice.
This will be a lifelong struggle for her. If this is something you cannot deal with, then you have to be honest with her and yourself. Torturing each other is not a healthy way to live for either of you.
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kristen6350 wrote: »You don't. You just love her the way she is and if you can't do that (if she doesn't chose to exercise) get out of the relationship. Why on earth did you think this was even an appropriate question to ask? That poor girlfriend of yours doesn't deserve this. If I knew my BF was on this site telling people I'm lazy I'd kick him so hard where the sun don't shine and tell him to get the heck out of my house.
I wouldn't say that asking the question isn't appropriate. I would agree that his mind frame on the whole subject isn't what it should be but it isn't as if he put up pictures of his girlfriend and said "I'm not attracted to her because she's overweight".
If something like your partner asking for blind relationship questions is going to cause you to kick him and throw him out then you have a long road ahead of you. Relationships and people aren't perfect.
Seriously? I really want to let this go but can't. What a way to start out a Monday morning. If my BF can't ask me or tell me what he wants from me, reasonably, without posting it on a public weight loss forum, our relationship is over in my eyes. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. I respect your opinion of my relationship, but you have nerve sir.
He said he thought she was LAZY on a public form. That's grounds for divorce in my world. Maybe your's is different. Just because he likes something doesn't mean she has to. Just like every other person coming on here complaining that their spouse or significant other doesn't support them because they don't follow what they are newly doing. Just because you like something and are into something doesn't mean your SO has to also. Ever. My boyfriend loves sitting around playing video games. He doesn't expect me to do it. He's not that fond of shopping. I don't make him do it because I like it. Same thing. I've said my peace, I'm out. This really woke me up and got me going this morning. Thanks OP.
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kristen6350 wrote: »kristen6350 wrote: »You don't. You just love her the way she is and if you can't do that (if she doesn't chose to exercise) get out of the relationship. Why on earth did you think this was even an appropriate question to ask? That poor girlfriend of yours doesn't deserve this. If I knew my BF was on this site telling people I'm lazy I'd kick him so hard where the sun don't shine and tell him to get the heck out of my house.
I wouldn't say that asking the question isn't appropriate. I would agree that his mind frame on the whole subject isn't what it should be but it isn't as if he put up pictures of his girlfriend and said "I'm not attracted to her because she's overweight".
If something like your partner asking for blind relationship questions is going to cause you to kick him and throw him out then you have a long road ahead of you. Relationships and people aren't perfect.
Seriously? I really want to let this go but can't. What a way to start out a Monday morning. If my BF can't ask me or tell me what he wants from me, reasonably, without posting it on a public weight loss forum, our relationship is over in my eyes. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. I respect your opinion of my relationship, but you have nerve sir.
He said he thought she was LAZY on a public form. That's grounds for divorce in my world. Maybe your's is different. Just because he likes something doesn't mean she has to. Just like every other person coming on here complaining that their spouse or significant other doesn't support them because they don't follow what they are newly doing. Just because you like something and are into something doesn't mean your SO has to also. Ever. My boyfriend loves sitting around playing video games. He doesn't expect me to do it. He's not that fond of shopping. I don't make him do it because I like it. Same thing. I've said my peace, I'm out. This really woke me up and got me going this morning. Thanks OP.
Dude, she is lazy. Many of us were and are at some point. Truth hurts sometimes. Deal with it.
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You can not and should not try to change her.
IF and when she is ready to make a change, she will change. When SHE wants to.
If you can't live with her lifestyle and it bothers you so much, you probably need to break it off with her. Right now, you're just being a jerk and pushing her away and probably pissing her off.-1 -
I feel a bit sorry for her to be honest. For a while you and her have had the same lifestyle and everything has been tickety-boo. Then you find a new hobby and are now criticising her weight, her looks, her lifestyle and her health. You are also showing controlling behaviour by cooking her meals and then checking her fridge to see if she's eaten them. When she said she wanted to get involved in food prep maybe she meant she wanted to do it herself, and you've basically just taken over. Also, have you checked she likes the food you've made? Not everyone goes mad for kale and kohlrabi surprise.
I would be heartbroken if I found out my SO was discussing my weight on a forum, any forum. Have a chat with her about your concerns but stop picking on her. if she's anything like me that will drive her to eat even more!0 -
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Sounds like you two need to sit down an have a talk. You need to decide how important this is to you and if you love her enough to stay regardless. If it comes down to a health issue with her, that's a different story.
Also, instead of trying to make her go to the gym, why don't you try getting her to go for a walk with you?0 -
If you feel that the two of you are heading in different directions, then you need to end the relationship. She doesn't deserve to be with someone who is more concerned with changing her than with loving her. I get worrying over your partner's health - my husband smokes, and he doesn't have any health issues as a result (yet), but I would like for him to quit. I mention it now and again, and I ask him sometimes if he wants to quit smoking or how many he's had today (and I tell him he's doing great if he has had fewer than usual), but that's it. If he wants to keep smoking - and if he even starts smoking more - I'm still going to love and cherish him for who he is and not consult a public forum on what I can do to change him or motivate him.
And frankly, if you're repulsed enough by her "health" that it's affecting your sex drive, then that should be the end of it. No one deserves for someone who isn't even totally enamored and attracted to them to stay with them. If you love her, spare her (and yourself) by leaving and finding someone else whose goals are more parallel to yours.0 -
Okay. So you said hyperthyroidism but I think you might mean hypothyroidism. Hyperthyroidism, when significant, causes a person to lose substantial amounts of weight, and can lead to having to have the thyroid removed.
If instead, she is suffering from HYPOthyroidism, there are some things you will need to try and understand...
The condition comes with a couple of secondary effects that a person cannot control. These effects are depression, lack of energy, and many vitamin deficiencies. While hormone therapy can help these situations, they do still occur even when the thyroid is "well-managed" by medication.
To me, it sounds like she's suffering from secondary depression. She wants to make better efforts, but your ability to change so much, so quickly, is probably compounding her feelings. She probably felt a certain level of comfort, that your lifestyles were similar, but now that they are differing more and more, she's going to be increasingly more insecure, and thus more depressed, which will drive her still to self-medicating with friends and food.
You should be taking it as a cue. Her response to being given meals YOU find healthy is to seek the company of friends and foods she enjoys.
She's told you she's insecure... and so if you ask her to workout with you, she'll probably almost always say no. She doesn't want you to see her state... how little she can handle physically, how low her energy is, how much she might jiggle. Give her a break dude. If you love her, you'll learn to let her find her own pace in her own time.0 -
I feel like her lifestyle is really affecting our relationship[/qoute]
Tbh its your lifestyle that is affecting your relationship, you are the one that has changed, not her. People change and grow apart, youre not married so take the time to consider if this is the woman who will be your wife, if not thank goodness you both found out early and get out, you'll be doing her a favour.
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Also you get plus scum bag points for posting this on an open forum with a profile picture people can easily recognise, imagine how she would feel if she or someone she knew read this. Break up quick, she can do better.-1 -
kristen6350 wrote: »kristen6350 wrote: »You don't. You just love her the way she is and if you can't do that (if she doesn't chose to exercise) get out of the relationship. Why on earth did you think this was even an appropriate question to ask? That poor girlfriend of yours doesn't deserve this. If I knew my BF was on this site telling people I'm lazy I'd kick him so hard where the sun don't shine and tell him to get the heck out of my house.
I wouldn't say that asking the question isn't appropriate. I would agree that his mind frame on the whole subject isn't what it should be but it isn't as if he put up pictures of his girlfriend and said "I'm not attracted to her because she's overweight".
If something like your partner asking for blind relationship questions is going to cause you to kick him and throw him out then you have a long road ahead of you. Relationships and people aren't perfect.
Seriously? I really want to let this go but can't. What a way to start out a Monday morning. If my BF can't ask me or tell me what he wants from me, reasonably, without posting it on a public weight loss forum, our relationship is over in my eyes. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. I respect your opinion of my relationship, but you have nerve sir.
He said he thought she was LAZY on a public form. That's grounds for divorce in my world. Maybe your's is different. Just because he likes something doesn't mean she has to. Just like every other person coming on here complaining that their spouse or significant other doesn't support them because they don't follow what they are newly doing. Just because you like something and are into something doesn't mean your SO has to also. Ever. My boyfriend loves sitting around playing video games. He doesn't expect me to do it. He's not that fond of shopping. I don't make him do it because I like it. Same thing. I've said my peace, I'm out. This really woke me up and got me going this morning. Thanks OP.
I mean. She probably is lazy.
My husband sometimes calls me lazy. When speaking on my laziness is he supposes to use some kinder term? Why? Am I a child who can't hear the truth about herself and thus am entitled to someone tiptoeing around facts?
Cause hey, I am lazy. I'm a couch surfing, computer desk chained to, naw honey go head and run without me kinda gal. That's just the truth.
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Nothing more annoying than someone nagging you. Maybe:
1. Stop nagging and making her feel awkward. You can set a good example, which by the sounds of it she is already well aware of.
2. If its the elephant in the room, then talk about it in a diplomatic way and then let it drop, but you need to pick your moment and not come across as evangelical, smug or you know better. The more you bang on about your own exercise and diet then the more that will make her self conscious .
3. maybe try some activities like walking, swimming , dancing that dont seem like exercise and are part of everyday life.
4. Respect her wishes.
5. You dont come out of this well from your post.0 -
Liftng4Lis wrote: »Sounds like you two need to sit down an have a talk. You need to decide how important this is to you and if you love her enough to stay regardless. If it comes down to a health issue with her, that's a different story.
Also, instead of trying to make her go to the gym, why don't you try getting her to go for a walk with you?
i tink he said he tried the walk thing and she said no …
OP - sounds you all are going in different directions….just break it off now and seek out someone more active ..
case closed...0 -
kristen6350 wrote: »kristen6350 wrote: »You don't. You just love her the way she is and if you can't do that (if she doesn't chose to exercise) get out of the relationship. Why on earth did you think this was even an appropriate question to ask? That poor girlfriend of yours doesn't deserve this. If I knew my BF was on this site telling people I'm lazy I'd kick him so hard where the sun don't shine and tell him to get the heck out of my house.
I wouldn't say that asking the question isn't appropriate. I would agree that his mind frame on the whole subject isn't what it should be but it isn't as if he put up pictures of his girlfriend and said "I'm not attracted to her because she's overweight".
If something like your partner asking for blind relationship questions is going to cause you to kick him and throw him out then you have a long road ahead of you. Relationships and people aren't perfect.
Seriously? I really want to let this go but can't. What a way to start out a Monday morning. If my BF can't ask me or tell me what he wants from me, reasonably, without posting it on a public weight loss forum, our relationship is over in my eyes. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. I respect your opinion of my relationship, but you have nerve sir.
He said he thought she was LAZY on a public form. That's grounds for divorce in my world. Maybe your's is different. Just because he likes something doesn't mean she has to. Just like every other person coming on here complaining that their spouse or significant other doesn't support them because they don't follow what they are newly doing. Just because you like something and are into something doesn't mean your SO has to also. Ever. My boyfriend loves sitting around playing video games. He doesn't expect me to do it. He's not that fond of shopping. I don't make him do it because I like it. Same thing. I've said my peace, I'm out. This really woke me up and got me going this morning. Thanks OP.
As far as I'm concerned, fornication is the only grounds for divorce, but let's not lose sight of the fact that divorce isn't even an option since they aren't married. Presumably, this guy is trying to figure out if his girlfriend is someone he wants to marry and hopes she is but he's having trouble getting past the fact that she is lazy. I really think that is something that should be a cause for concern for him. Just like he is trying to get her to be more healthy, she may be trying to get him to be more lazy. If their relationship is going to work, they'll end up meeting somewhere in the middle. Given that he's had his own issues with laziness in the past, it is more likely that she will pull him down to her level of activity rather than him pulling her up to his level. And if that happens after they are married, he's kind of stuck.0 -
I feel a bit sorry for her to be honest. For a while you and her have had the same lifestyle and everything has been tickety-boo. Then you find a new hobby and are now criticising her weight, her looks, her lifestyle and her health. You are also showing controlling behaviour by cooking her meals and then checking her fridge to see if she's eaten them. When she said she wanted to get involved in food prep maybe she meant she wanted to do it herself, and you've basically just taken over. Also, have you checked she likes the food you've made? Not everyone goes mad for kale and kohlrabi surprise.
I would be heartbroken if I found out my SO was discussing my weight on a forum, any forum. Have a chat with her about your concerns but stop picking on her. if she's anything like me that will drive her to eat even more!
so looking in the fridge and seeing a "moldy uneaten meal" that OP cooked is "controlling"…wow!
so anytime he opens his fridge that is controlling??? really???
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Liftng4Lis wrote: »Sounds like you two need to sit down an have a talk. You need to decide how important this is to you and if you love her enough to stay regardless. If it comes down to a health issue with her, that's a different story.
Also, instead of trying to make her go to the gym, why don't you try getting her to go for a walk with you?
i tink he said he tried the walk thing and she said no …
OP - sounds you all are going in different directions….just break it off now and seek out someone more active ..
case closed...
Also this. In spite of what people may tell you there is no shame in ending your relationship because of this. You aren't a scumbag. You're a guy who has changed his ways and desires a woman of a similar lifestyle who you're attracted to. If your girlfriend isn't that then be done. Don't bet on her changing into what you want, as heartache follows that path.
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Liftng4Lis wrote: »Sounds like you two need to sit down an have a talk. You need to decide how important this is to you and if you love her enough to stay regardless. If it comes down to a health issue with her, that's a different story.
Also, instead of trying to make her go to the gym, why don't you try getting her to go for a walk with you?
i tink he said he tried the walk thing and she said no …
OP - sounds you all are going in different directions….just break it off now and seek out someone more active ..
case closed...
Also this. In spite of what people may tell you there is no shame in not wanting ending your relationship because of this. You aren't a scumbag. You're a guy who has changed his ways and desires a woman of a similar lifestyle who you're attracted to. If your girlfriend isn't that then be done. Don't bet on her changing into what you want, as heartache follows that path.
seriously …people change all the time ..
If OP's GF cares more about going out with her GF's and pounding the calories…and OP wants to work out and eat healthier then they are more than likely heading for a break up anyway ..
OP is what…in his early 20's..???
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?0 -
Liftng4Lis wrote: »Sounds like you two need to sit down an have a talk. You need to decide how important this is to you and if you love her enough to stay regardless. If it comes down to a health issue with her, that's a different story.
Also, instead of trying to make her go to the gym, why don't you try getting her to go for a walk with you?
i tink he said he tried the walk thing and she said no …
OP - sounds you all are going in different directions….just break it off now and seek out someone more active ..
case closed...
Also this. In spite of what people may tell you there is no shame in ending your relationship because of this. You aren't a scumbag. You're a guy who has changed his ways and desires a woman of a similar lifestyle who you're attracted to. If your girlfriend isn't that then be done. Don't bet on her changing into what you want, as heartache follows that path.
Definitely this.0 -
Just loving how offensive it is for a guy to do food prep for a girl.-1
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...-2 -
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Just loving how offensive it is for a guy to do food prep for a girl.
I think if he were doing it because she was truly interested and invested but was struggling to keep up with everything in her life, it would be seen differently. It would be a loving gesture, support, helpful.0
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