My Husband!.... NOT ATTRACTED TO ME!
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yopeeps025 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »
The OP is obsessing about her husband saying he is not attracted to her and feeling unattractive as a result. My point is that WHAT he said is not important (and could very well be untrue). The fact that he is trying to attract another woman is actually the more important thing. So she should stop internalizing about not being attractive because she gained weight and deal with the bigger issue... Get it now? If not, it's okay. I was talking to the OP, anyway.
That how you feel. You made a lot of assumptions.
That not how OP feels and a lot of people are talking more about the comment to OP than the comment to some random women.
I am skewed though I had married women say I'm attractive but they never said their husband wasn't.
I have no idea what you're talking about and don't care. Keep it moving, please. I'm done.0 -
girl if he cant love u at your worst then he doesnt deserve you at your best! know ure worth babygirl get fit and get gone
hes so whack for that hope everything works out for u!
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yopeeps025 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »
The OP is obsessing about her husband saying he is not attracted to her and feeling unattractive as a result. My point is that WHAT he said is not important (and could very well be untrue). The fact that he is trying to attract another woman is actually the more important thing. So she should stop internalizing about not being attractive because she gained weight and deal with the bigger issue... Get it now? If not, it's okay. I was talking to the OP, anyway.
That how you feel. You made a lot of assumptions.
That not how OP feels and a lot of people are talking more about the comment to OP than the comment to some random women.
I am skewed though I had married women say I'm attractive but they never said their husband wasn't.
I have no idea what you're talking about and don't care. Keep it moving, please. I'm done.
You assume that he is trying to get said "attractive woman". How do you know that? Educated guess?0 -
I would say get out. Yes, it will be hard now, but imagine how hard it could be 5 years from now. Imagine you have a 1 & 3 year old, your sex life is practically non-existent because you are exhausted all the time, and then you find out he he's having an affair because 'he never expected married life to be like this'. An annulment might still be possible, on the grounds that he lied about being attracted to you. Not sure.0
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LOL at the amount of people that have taken this seriously ...0
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blankiefinder wrote: »I would say get out. Yes, it will be hard now, but imagine how hard it could be 5 years from now. Imagine you have a 1 & 3 year old, your sex life is practically non-existent because you are exhausted all the time, and then you find out he he's having an affair because 'he never expected married life to be like this'. An annulment might still be possible, on the grounds that he lied about being attracted to you. Not sure.
What about grounds for lying about sex life?
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Hi, I came for the free booty buffet I was told was here?0
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Also, does he really use "u" for "you" when texting? That's... sad.
Seriously. What is he? 12??? ugh.
All humor aside - YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THE GODDESS YOU ARE!
The fact you are ON this site, shows you are trying to make positive changes.
If he is already texting other females, it's time for a conversation.
Sit him down, and really talk to him... talk about why you got married, talk to him about what he expects, and where he got the idea it's okay to talk to other people about your sex life, and levels of attraction. TRY REALLY HARD to not get angry (even if you are seething inside) and let him speak - if he wants to continue to work on your relationship, he loses electronic privacy until he earns your trust back. (IE You can read his texts, his facebook, and free reign of his computer... If you see recently deleted history, time for another conversation)
I'm a big fan of communication. Talk talk talk. Cheating isn't always the end. (Not that he did, or even intended too!) If you TALK about things, you can attempt to get on the same page. If y'all aren't even writing the same life story, how can you get on the same page!
In short, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT let any man, husband, friend, or family member EVER treat you like you are less than an incredible, powerful, and amazing woman. YOU are writing your life story, YOU cast the leading roles, if you don't like an character FIRE them, and keep moving forward.
Be well. Be loved. Be AWESOME.
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I didn't read all this. Just popped in to see if you've divorced him yet.
I do think you need to lose weight. Cut his dead weight free and imagine how much lighter you'll feel. I hope you confronted him. Get a great lawyer and take half his crap.0 -
LOL at the amount of people that have taken this seriously ...
What makes you think this is a troll?
We may never know but I have bets on - it's a troll.
The whole 4 years of dating and not knowing/not ..... amazes me.
Another interesting observation - you kept calling out Troll post but not once OP rebutted. And if they did I have missed it.
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zombiegirlfriend wrote: »Also, does he really use "u" for "you" when texting? That's... sad.
Seriously. What is he? 12??? ugh.
All humor aside - YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THE GODDESS YOU ARE!
The fact you are ON this site, shows you are trying to make positive changes.
If he is already texting other females, it's time for a conversation.
Sit him down, and really talk to him... talk about why you got married, talk to him about what he expects, and where he got the idea it's okay to talk to other people about your sex life, and levels of attraction. TRY REALLY HARD to not get angry (even if you are seething inside) and let him speak - if he wants to continue to work on your relationship, he loses electronic privacy until he earns your trust back. (IE You can read his texts, his facebook, and free reign of his computer... If you see recently deleted history, time for another conversation)
I'm a big fan of communication. Talk talk talk. Cheating isn't always the end. (Not that he did, or even intended too!) If you TALK about things, you can attempt to get on the same page. If y'all aren't even writing the same life story, how can you get on the same page!
In short, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT let any man, husband, friend, or family member EVER treat you like you are less than an incredible, powerful, and amazing woman. YOU are writing your life story, YOU cast the leading roles, if you don't like an character FIRE them, and keep moving forward.
Be well. Be loved. Be AWESOME.
She's not his freakin mother. If you're at this point in a relationship, I'd say it's over anyways. Communication is key but he's not a child and if she's going to "monitor" his activity, he knows it's ok to mess up because she's just gonna watch him for a while and then the cycle starts again.
As a 30 year woman, she should not have to monitor her husband's stuff. If she wanted to, she should be able to read a text or an email and he should be able to leave things logged in without issue but more than that she's not his parent, she's his partner.0 -
LOL at the amount of people that have taken this seriously ...
What makes you think this is a troll?
We may never know but I have bets on - it's a troll.
The whole 4 years of dating and not knowing/not ..... amazes me.
Another interesting observation - you kept calling out Troll post but not once OP rebutted. And if they did I have missed it.
You would not believe how sneaky some people can be.
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yopeeps025 wrote: »LOL at the amount of people that have taken this seriously ...
What makes you think this is a troll?
We may never know but I have bets on - it's a troll.
The whole 4 years of dating and not knowing/not ..... amazes me.
Another interesting observation - you kept calling out Troll post but not once OP rebutted. And if they did I have missed it.
You would not believe how sneaky some people can be.
That or other person wears blinders.
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yopeeps025 wrote: »LOL at the amount of people that have taken this seriously ...
What makes you think this is a troll?
We may never know but I have bets on - it's a troll.
The whole 4 years of dating and not knowing/not ..... amazes me.
Another interesting observation - you kept calling out Troll post but not once OP rebutted. And if they did I have missed it.
You would not believe how sneaky some people can be.
That or other person wears blinders.
But I'm in love and there is nothing she can do to change that.
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BlueInkDot wrote: »When two people get married, each person is obligated to put their best foot forward and do their utmost to sexually satisfy their partner as best as they can. This is a two-way street. He says he "wants you to do more." Okay, well what is HE doing? What do YOU like in bed? What kind of things really get you going? What makes your heart race? Have you talked about it? There are LOTS of activities you can do together in a sexual sense, and they can be as cliche or as crazy-sounding as you want, what's important is that you talk about it SUPER DUPER OPENLY. Do either of you have any fantasies? What kind of sexy things do each of you look at on the internet? What kind of themes are there on these websites? Maybe share those websites with each other. YES it's embarrassing and scary to share these things that are usually private, but when you got married, part of the deal is that you were going to do this for each other as best as you can.
Sexual satisfaction is a big part of marriage, in my opinion. That's why I ended up not marrying first-boyfriend like I thought I would... Our sexual tastes just did not click at all. We weren't sexually compatible, and it was never going to work out. If that's the case for you, then I doubt your marriage is in a good place. But better to find this out now before you have kids then later.
Try your best to think about YOUR well-being and YOUR happiness and not blame yourself too much. Make an effort, do what you can, but try to know when you've just done everything you could and it's a lost cause.
Good luck.
This^^ It's a partnership, and sexual partnership is a huge part of it, and that takes two. And weight has nothing to do with the quality of your sex life - OK, may be some more athletic things are more taxing when you're heavier, but it's all the more incentive to be creative.
What kind of saving grace does he have, if any? Is he putting the kind of effort in your sexual and romantic life as he expects from you? Is he an amazingly kind person with a big heart? So smart you feel you are being uplifted just by talking to him? A guardian and protector of the home and hearth? What in him makes you love him? If there is a strong, compelling reason to love him then you can think if it is possible to forgive him without breaking your own heart and begin to work on it together, if he's capable and willing, and prepared for all it will take.
If not, run while you can.0 -
I think it's very possible that you are making this up. But on the slim chance that you are not a troll and are actually telling the truth, I will give genuine advice.
1) You should not be discussing this with strangers on the Internet. Don't you have friends? Or family? Random strangers are NOT the way to go.
2) If he's bored with your sex life after only 5 months, he will cheat on you eventually. It's only a matter of time. He's already trying!!! If you are okay with an open marriage, then great. It works for some people. If not, get out now before you have kids and a bunch of other excuses. The simple fact is sex is a very big deal to most people. You can talk all you want about "love" which means different things to different people, but sex is an innate biological drive. Good sex makes a relationship stronger. Lukewarm sex weakens it. That is a fact.
3) You can't trust him. He will just cover his tracks better in the future.
4) You saw signs previously and still married him? That was just stupid. Sorry, but it's the truth. Don't ignore this sign. This is the equivalent of a neon red flashing sign saying "DIVORCE NOW"
5) People are ALWAYS attracted to people other than their partner. Get used to it. That is normal. Acting on it is the problem.
6) Reread number one. It's so important I'm saying it twice. THIS is not the place to look for answers.0 -
There is a chance that he is a big idiot goof-ball who is also slimy and that you two can talk a lot and get over this with time. It has nothing to do to with you and this has happened in other marriages. Majorly consider finding a lawyer to protect your future in case he is already emotionally and mentally moving himself out the door.0
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Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Hye everyone, thanks for your comments, really did not think it would generate such feedback, but I appreciate ALL...
What he said....
I told him we need to talk, and he said ok. I knew he knew what i saw because i had been quiet for a few days and he was being extra mushy and loving. Anyway I told him what I saw on his phone. I spoke first and said how I felt, that I was REALLLY hurt, and I couldn't believe it. He apologized immediately, and said that he realize it was wrong and inappropriate...
...some of the things he said:-
- He just got caught up
- Its not that he is really attracted to her
- Concerning our sex life, he just expected more out of it
- He did not address the fact that he said he is not attracted to me
- we got into talking about our sex life, he said he just wants me to do more. I had no problem with this, but why not tell me that, not your FEMALE friend.
I approached this convo very calm and hopeful that it would be resolved, while I was hurt, I was still trying to over look it. Why I posted this and why im still hurt is the fact that while discussing he had the audacity to ask why I only focusing on the fact that he said he is attracted to the other girl.... THATS when I FLIPPED. And it just hit me, this man is CLEARLY Oblivious to His role as a Husband, to the purpose of marriage etc.
So now im EXTREMELY concerned for my future, and being in this marriage.
Other notes:-
We were both virgins before we got married
Yes there were other offences before
I was questioning getting married to him
Yes he uses the word 'u' while texting (lol)
I am bolding all the parts that support my evidence of a troll thread.
you said you were both virgins but then say that he expected more out of your sex life? If he was a virgin then how could he have higher expectations...??? Unless he is watching porn all the time and that is what he is basing his expectations off...
Ummmmm waaaaaaaay back in the day when I was a virgin and then had sex for the first time I was MASSIVELY dissapointed. I don't know anyone that could say that it was what they were expecting. lol. Hollywood hype has ruined what real sex is so when you do it for the first time (before figuring out stuff, trying new things etc.) it is complete sh@t compared to what you think it will be. Two virgins doing it together for the first time... ain't nobody doin' it right. This is no evidence of Troll. It IS evidence of lack of sexual experience .... I think it's great she approached him on it. I think searching out a sex therapist would be of tremendous benefit for their marriage. Good luck... I can say I'd have a completely different response to reading a text like that from my husband to another woman.0 -
DESIRE CAN NOT BE NEGOTIATED. Chances are if you're his first and only, and he is as handsome as you say, he will probably got with you because he did not realize what else he could get, and what he really wanted. Not saying you aren't an amazing person, but a 26 year old virgin is probably happy with whatever he could get.
This isn't to excuse his actions in talking to another female, and I understand that it must suck, but the fact remains, desire can not be negotiated. If he's not attracted to you, he's not attracted to you. It's chemical, biological, no marriage counseling is going to fix that. The way I see it you have two choices:
1.) Work on your weight, which I am assuming you are if your on this site. You'll obviously need to address his wandering eyes too. No bueno.
2.) Dump the confused chump.... and then work on your weight.
All the best.0 -
_dracarys_ wrote: »First offense or has there been other questionable activity on his end? Regardless, no kids...that's an easy out.
Run now while it's simple enough to do it. Trust me. I had a decade+ with a man I didn't trust for long. Then we had kids. Then *kitten* got real...and real hard, real fast. Now I'm divorced and with a man who treats me like I'm the queen of his world...and I treat him like my king. It's exactly the relationship I should have waited for. The divorcing part and kid part were hard and terrible. I know plenty will say "work it out, it's your marriage, marriage shouldn't be disposable" - but trust me, I heard ALL of that and then some, it's impossible to change him. People may be *kitten* to you and judge the hell out of you all day long, but there's a point that you know what's better for you than others do. He may change on his own, but I wouldn't count on it. Let him go, grieve the loss, focus on yourself and good things will happen for you.
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