For a Fat girl, I'm a fox! (apparently.)???
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yopeeps025 wrote: »peachyfuzzle wrote: »peachyfuzzle wrote: »I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.
It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.
having walked into a shop- grabbed a a sharpie and straight up wrote my number on the I liked guys hand- yeah- I know "how scary" it can be.- it's not.
it's not that scary. worst she says is no- okay- worst she says is no you're ugly go away... so what- we are judged constantly as fkable pieces of meat- EVERY DAY. Our value is based on how good we might be at having sex.
Get over yourselves- we aren't that intimidating- we are just people- stop putting us on some dias and just strike up a damn conversation.
OP- guy is a douche- even if a socially awkward- unknowing douche. Should have told him way to shoot himself in the foot on that one.
You're beautiful just the way you are.
Yeah, go ahead, and get not only rejected, but laughed at to the point of tears by every single romantic interest you've ever had, and then tell me how easy it is.
Being told "no" is nothing, but being laughed at as though you were lower than dirt, and so unattractive that the thought of you in a romantic sense is literally laughable... that is pretty scary, and vastly most often not worth the headache.
Your whole "fkcable piece of meat" thing just serves to exaggerate my point. If you truly believe that you're only looked at as such, then it doesn't matter what you look like as long as you're a warm hole. In such a case, looking better than a troll is only a bonus.
I don't think I'm the one who has to get over himself.
How did I know it was fear of rejection? Because I have been there before. That is almost the reason why some men are afraid.
Look man I get it. I had girls make fun of how my chest is so big which is my most self conscious area. Does that stop me from still trying to meet new women?:noway: I would also think that everyone has been rejected at some point in life.
You should read the rest of what I said rather than stopping directly when seeing the word "rejection."
Also, I never said anything about it stopping me from meeting women, so there's no need to add that in there.
Regardless, my point is that people get extraordinarily nervous when talking to people who they are interested in, and they sometimes say really stupid things because their brain stops functioning correctly. Whether this is the case, or not in this situation, who knows. But, I'm more willing to give people the benefit of the doubt most times rather than completely write them off as dickheads right off the bat.
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yopeeps025 wrote: »"I find you very pretty for a big girl and I think you are really attractive."
(snip)
Why can't she be pretty for a Girl?
I think this implies that handsome lab tech would typically not be into those with two X chromosomes. :P0 -
KrysKiss87 wrote: »I was walking into work this morning and as per the norm, I ended up having to share the elevator with the good looking Lab tech that works on the floor below me. We usually get to work about the same time, so inevitably we end up sharing the elevator. It's almost become part of my morning ritual. Only Today was different.
I shuffle onto the elevator followed shortly by handsome lab guy. The doors slide shut and we start our ascent. Suddenly out of the blue he turns to me and says "Listen, I've been wanting to say something for awhile now but hadn't worked up the nerve. I wanted to know if you would let me take you to coffee sometime. I find you very pretty for a big girl and I think you are really attractive."
Say what?
Though I am flattered that this handsome gentlemen was attracted to my milkshake which does in fact bring all the boys to the yard,(because I'm hella sexy yo) I had to decline.
First things first. I am VERY happily married. I even wear a shiny ring that is an obvious statement of the fact that I am taken, Unavailable, Kitchen is closed. No soup for you.
Secondly, if by some chance I was not married, in what universe would this statement actually make me want to go out with you? Maybe the poor guy didn't know what he was saying, maybe he didn't realize that "pretty for a big girl" is not, in fact, a compliment.
Correct me if I'm wrong, because maybe I'm taking this to heart more than I should, but pointing out the fact that I'm a "big girl" (Which, thanks genius I already knew that) even after a compliment, is a surefire way to make me immediately not find you attractive. "Pretty for a big girl" is like saying "Hey there, I don't think you are sexy in general, but if I have to settle for less than I really want, you aint so bad!"
Why can't I be just pretty? Why can't someone find me attractive in general instead of itemizing me in a list of a particular body type. I am not at all ashamed of how I look, but to try and "Compliment" me by saying I'm not typically pretty, but for a fat girl I'm a fox..... Not really beneficial to my self esteem. Although I appreciate the compliment, pointing out my weight issue right after is kind of lame.
So in conclusion, Handsome Lab guy is kind of a jerk. Or maybe just really socially awkward.
Am I looking at this in completely the wrong way?
I don't really care about the opinion of some random guy because I am married to one who loves me for who I am and I am completely head over heels for him. But for some reason this whole thing just got under my skin.
Comments? questions? Snide remarks?
Are you kidding me right now?
First of all - anyone who references the song Milkshake, says "hella sexy yo" and also throws in a Seinfeld Soup Nazi nod in one post is freaking awesome! As for the incident in question, yeah Handsome Lab Guy was a little douchey but probably has NO clue he was being a jerk. I doubt he meant that as a backhanded compliment. However since you are married, it's whatever. I'd most likely have felt slighted just like you if it happened to me just like that but I'd chalk it up to some people are indeed socially awkward and you shouldn't let it get to you too much.
Very nice read - I like your storytelling style and like I said, those little nuggets you slipped in (perhaps under the radar of some readers, but not this one) were fabulous.
- PS forgive Handsome Lab Guy and think of him like a pretty flower arrangement. Nice to look at but not going to be too swift from an interaction stand point.
You rock, by the way.0 -
peachyfuzzle wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »peachyfuzzle wrote: »peachyfuzzle wrote: »I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.
It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.
having walked into a shop- grabbed a a sharpie and straight up wrote my number on the I liked guys hand- yeah- I know "how scary" it can be.- it's not.
it's not that scary. worst she says is no- okay- worst she says is no you're ugly go away... so what- we are judged constantly as fkable pieces of meat- EVERY DAY. Our value is based on how good we might be at having sex.
Get over yourselves- we aren't that intimidating- we are just people- stop putting us on some dias and just strike up a damn conversation.
OP- guy is a douche- even if a socially awkward- unknowing douche. Should have told him way to shoot himself in the foot on that one.
You're beautiful just the way you are.
Yeah, go ahead, and get not only rejected, but laughed at to the point of tears by every single romantic interest you've ever had, and then tell me how easy it is.
Being told "no" is nothing, but being laughed at as though you were lower than dirt, and so unattractive that the thought of you in a romantic sense is literally laughable... that is pretty scary, and vastly most often not worth the headache.
Your whole "fkcable piece of meat" thing just serves to exaggerate my point. If you truly believe that you're only looked at as such, then it doesn't matter what you look like as long as you're a warm hole. In such a case, looking better than a troll is only a bonus.
I don't think I'm the one who has to get over himself.
How did I know it was fear of rejection? Because I have been there before. That is almost the reason why some men are afraid.
Look man I get it. I had girls make fun of how my chest is so big which is my most self conscious area. Does that stop me from still trying to meet new women?:noway: I would also think that everyone has been rejected at some point in life.
You should read the rest of what I said rather than stopping directly when seeing the word "rejection."
Also, I never said anything about it stopping me from meeting women, so there's no need to add that in there.
Regardless, my point is that people get extraordinarily nervous when talking to people who they are interested in, and they sometimes say really stupid things because their brain stops functioning correctly. Whether this is the case, or not in this situation, who knows. But, I'm more willing to give people the benefit of the doubt most times rather than completely write them off as dickheads right off the bat.
So why did I bring up my bad rejection because I did read your whole comment. I keep talking about rejection because that is what it is. These people just like to say negative things with the rejection. Why I don't know.
ETA: Your not alone for having tears over rejections. I have also. It sucks. I got really pissed off in the past for these things. I cannot say I know of other men who have. I sure it happens way more then you and me think it does.0 -
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Wow! Just wwooww! At first I was like, Oh snap he is sooo gonna ask her out. And then when I read how he actually did ask you out, I was like "WTF?!" Your feelings are completely in the right!0
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Lab as in - Is he always looking under a microscope?
If yes, there's your answer. Man has no social skills. He maybe cute and all that but who cares ......0 -
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Poor guy! That is an epic fail. I feel bad for him. I don't think he was trying to be a jerk. My poor hubby says stupid stuff all the time. I remember once when we had first started dating he said he wanted to take me out but didn't have a lot of cash so he wanted to see if just fast food and renting a movie would be ok. I said of course it would and I would just be happy to spend time with him. He said " Oh good! I am so glad you are a cheap date!" He makes less than smooth (foot in the mouth) statements about 3-4 times a month and I actually find them kind of endearing now.
lol...mine does that, too. He once got me a gift card to a spa and said "I know you could use a manicure." I totally knew he meant 'I know you could always use this because you love getting a manicure,' but that's not how it came out. He always get this cute shade of red and sometimes even stutters. It make me smile to know I can still make him nervous.
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Yeah, I'm thinking he didn't mean to say it the way he did. The way he opened up his conversation tells me he was having trouble asking you out to begin with. Maybe he doesn't normally date big girls and it came out without him meaning to say it. If I was judged on everything I've ever said then I would be in a world of trouble all the time! I put my foot in my mouth a lot. I chalk it up to spending to much time in my head and being extremely introverted.
I'm glad you were gracious in your reply.0 -
I was slightly offended but still felt bad for him. He's a sweet guy I guess. I have a tendency to take things to heart more than I should, but for some reason it just really bugged me. Guess the opinion of a stranger who isn't my husband shouldn't matter that much, but I'm only human.0
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peachyfuzzle wrote: »peachyfuzzle wrote: »I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.
It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.
having walked into a shop- grabbed a a sharpie and straight up wrote my number on the I liked guys hand- yeah- I know "how scary" it can be.- it's not.
it's not that scary. worst she says is no- okay- worst she says is no you're ugly go away... so what- we are judged constantly as fkable pieces of meat- EVERY DAY. Our value is based on how good we might be at having sex.
Get over yourselves- we aren't that intimidating- we are just people- stop putting us on some dias and just strike up a damn conversation.
OP- guy is a douche- even if a socially awkward- unknowing douche. Should have told him way to shoot himself in the foot on that one.
You're beautiful just the way you are.
Yeah, go ahead, and get not only rejected, but laughed at to the point of tears by every single romantic interest you've ever had, and then tell me how easy it is.
Being told "no" is nothing, but being laughed at as though you were lower than dirt, and so unattractive that the thought of you in a romantic sense is literally laughable... that is pretty scary, and vastly most often not worth the headache.
Your whole "fkcable piece of meat" thing just serves to exaggerate my point. If you truly believe that you're only looked at as such, then it doesn't matter what you look like as long as you're a warm hole. In such a case, looking better than a troll is only a bonus.
I don't think I'm the one who has to get over himself.
I agree. It takes a lot of nerve to ask another person out. And some people can be downright nasty in how they respond to a invitation too.
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KrysKiss87 wrote: »I was slightly offended but still felt bad for him. He's a sweet guy I guess. I have a tendency to take things to heart more than I should, but for some reason it just really bugged me. Guess the opinion of a stranger who isn't my husband shouldn't matter that much, but I'm only human.
Oh I understand where you are coming from. Some days I have really, really thin skin. Most of the time I try to see the other persons perspective. Take it as a complement. Hey, yesterday the checkout girl asked me if I was 55 or older. I literally stuttered and asked if I looked 55? I'll be 40 in a few months, LOL. I dare say she was perhaps being catty but really, her opinion of me doesn't mean anything. The people that love me still love me,many that is what matters!
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KrysKiss87 wrote: »I was slightly offended but still felt bad for him. He's a sweet guy I guess. I have a tendency to take things to heart more than I should, but for some reason it just really bugged me. Guess the opinion of a stranger who isn't my husband shouldn't matter that much, but I'm only human.
Are you of average height for a woman, or are you tall?
Are you taller than him?
Is it possible that he wasn't talking at all about your weight but just your size?
Which may in fact be . . . well, big?
Empirically, statistically, in any sense whether subjective, objective, or relative, just big?
Seems a bit more likely because I don't usually call women fat when I'm trying to get in their pants. I've never really seen that as a successful strategy in the past, and I wouldn't recommend it to other men. Other than MRAs & PUAs but they've got this stuff all figured out to the tenth decimal place, lets be honest. I sometimes wish I was a woman just so I could find a guy like that to sweep me off my feet.0 -
KrysKiss87 wrote: »I shuffle onto the elevator followed shortly by handsome lab guy. The doors slide shut and we start our ascent. Suddenly out of the blue he turns to me and says "Listen, I've been wanting to say something for awhile now but hadn't worked up the nerve. I wanted to know if you would let me take you to coffee sometime. I find you very pretty for a big girl and I think you are really attractive."
I'm hoping he is just awkward and nervously said something stupid without realizing how it would sound.
People can say stupid things when they are nervous. A guy once asked me out saying I looked like a lot like his mom. He may have meant that his mom is considered very attractive and he thought I was attractive but it sounded like he wanted to date a clone of his mom. Ick. Creepy.
One of the stupidest things you could say trying to ask someone out though is to say they are attractive for a <insert refererance to advanced age, sex, race/nationality, weight>.
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my dad told my bff one time that she would be the most beautiful girl he knew if she lost weight. offensive on so many levels! lol! he has good intentions but he says stupid stuff. really stupid.0
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peachyfuzzle wrote: »peachyfuzzle wrote: »I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.
It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.
having walked into a shop- grabbed a a sharpie and straight up wrote my number on the I liked guys hand- yeah- I know "how scary" it can be.- it's not.
it's not that scary. worst she says is no- okay- worst she says is no you're ugly go away... so what- we are judged constantly as fkable pieces of meat- EVERY DAY. Our value is based on how good we might be at having sex.
Get over yourselves- we aren't that intimidating- we are just people- stop putting us on some dias and just strike up a damn conversation.
OP- guy is a douche- even if a socially awkward- unknowing douche. Should have told him way to shoot himself in the foot on that one.
You're beautiful just the way you are.
Yeah, go ahead, and get not only rejected, but laughed at to the point of tears by every single romantic interest you've ever had, and then tell me how easy it is.
Being told "no" is nothing, but being laughed at as though you were lower than dirt, and so unattractive that the thought of you in a romantic sense is literally laughable... that is pretty scary, and vastly most often not worth the headache.
Your whole "fkcable piece of meat" thing just serves to exaggerate my point. If you truly believe that you're only looked at as such, then it doesn't matter what you look like as long as you're a warm hole. In such a case, looking better than a troll is only a bonus.
I don't think I'm the one who has to get over himself.
I've been mocked plenty- I did not grow up a popular well loved child (outside of my family) but ultimately no one can MAKE you cry.
You can either take it in stride and hold your head up high- or not. The choice is ALWAYS yours. But don't put that on us- just sack up and go do it - the only way you get better at doing something- is by doing it.0 -
Burt_Huttz wrote: »KrysKiss87 wrote: »I was slightly offended but still felt bad for him. He's a sweet guy I guess. I have a tendency to take things to heart more than I should, but for some reason it just really bugged me. Guess the opinion of a stranger who isn't my husband shouldn't matter that much, but I'm only human.
Are you of average height for a woman, or are you tall?
Are you taller than him?
Is it possible that he wasn't talking at all about your weight but just your size?
Which may in fact be . . . well, big?
Empirically, statistically, in any sense whether subjective, objective, or relative, just big?
Seems a bit more likely because I don't usually call women fat when I'm trying to get in their pants. I've never really seen that as a successful strategy in the past, and I wouldn't recommend it to other men. Other than MRAs & PUAs but they've got this stuff all figured out to the tenth decimal place, lets be honest. I sometimes wish I was a woman just so I could find a guy like that to sweep me off my feet.
I'm 5'7. Average I guess. And LOL.0 -
Another one of these threads?
FKLDJFLSDJDSKLFJKLSD0 -
sjadev1108 wrote: »Ahhhh should've been quicker and said "you're really cute too, for a moron"
That's what I was thinking. Haha!
If he's been thinking about this for a while and that's the best he could come up with, then even if you were single I would still say "run, run very far away." It tells you a lot about his mindset. He doesn't find "big girls" attractive and he's surprised that he found you attractive in spite of your size, but hey, you should feel lucky and go out with him anyway? Uhh, no. Also, is that bias so ingrained that he truly didn't see that he was being insulting or was it intentional to make you feel like you should be lucky to be asked out by him? I'm not sure either option is good.
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I respectfully disagree JoRocka. If someone says something I already feel about myself then it stings extra hard. I thought I was ugly and unlovable when I was growing up. To be told by others who were simply being cruel that I was ugly really hurt. Not because their option matters but to have someone else say it meant it must be true.
Not everyone works like you do. Perhaps you wouldn't care if someone blew you off. Perhaps you wouldn't be a jerk to the person asking you out, politely declining the invitation. I personally think people lack manners are are. It gracious or considerate of others feelings. I've been asked out several times since I been married. I've alsways thanked them for thinking I was intriguing enough to ask but politely declining since I am married. And married to a pretty awesome man too!
You strike me as a friend of mine from my teen years. She had this confidence that no one could shake. She would ask out these guys that I thought were beautiful but above our league. She didn't care what people thought of her and didn't let anyone tell her she couldn't do something. It can be a great trait to,have so please take it as a complement!0 -
I would find this irritating too, OP. To everyone defending him as being awkward and suffering from foot-in-mouth ... that may be true but that still doesn't excuse what he said. He might not actually be a jerk but he acted like one. Some people are happy to overlook that sort of thing but obviously OP is not one of those people and she shouldn't feel obligated to do so.0
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DearestWinter wrote: »I would find this irritating too, OP. To everyone defending him as being awkward and suffering from foot-in-mouth ... that may be true but that still doesn't excuse what he said. He might not actually be a jerk but he acted like one. Some people are happy to overlook that sort of thing but obviously OP is not one of those people and she shouldn't feel obligated to do so.
Exactly this.
I don't know in what world that making such a comment would be considered okay. I'm married also, but even if I were single I wouldn't give someone like that the time of day, because it sounds like I'm some kind of exception to the "rule" that big girls are unattractive - which is pretty rude to imply, even if you think that way. He may not be a bad person, but what he said was rude. What if we replaced "big girl" with other characteristics - would it play so well then?0 -
It probably sounded better in his head than it did coming out of his mouth. If I'm not sure, I sometimes say things aloud to see if this is the case. Maybe he should have.0
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He may have been very nervous and anxious because he knew he had to ask you the next time you guys ended up in the elevator. Alone at that. Maybe he said it out of nerves, possibly realized he messed up, but keep it going. Or maybe he's a dick. All I'm saying is give him the benefit of the doubt. You're taken anyway so it doesn't matter. The guy obviously liked you if he did all that.0
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Sounds like he fits perfect socially. He is programmed to assume no "big" girl could make him interested...so if one does, he thinks of it as an exception. I doubt he finds all thin people attractive. Point is: programmed by social media = stupid comments he probably doesn't even realize he's making.0
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It's like if you expected Aliens to not speak or be stupid and met one who spoke.. you'd be like, you're pretty smart for an Alien.....0
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First of all, you got hit on by a cute guy...happy dance! I think he. MEANT it as a compliment, but screwed it up. I'm guessing he doesn't have wonderful social skills, which is probably why a cute, single guy with a good job is still single.
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sjadev1108 wrote: »Ahhhh should've been quicker and said "you're really cute too, for a moron"
Yep.
Also, it seems some men do not really grow out of that socially awkward stage. My husband and I have been together nearly 10 years and he still occasionally comes out with a corker. I've decided that because he's worth it, I'll put up with it. But that does not come without an earful of how there are better ways to say things!0
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