For a Fat girl, I'm a fox! (apparently.)???
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I was slightly offended but still felt bad for him. He's a sweet guy I guess. I have a tendency to take things to heart more than I should, but for some reason it just really bugged me. Guess the opinion of a stranger who isn't my husband shouldn't matter that much, but I'm only human.0
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peachyfuzzle wrote: »peachyfuzzle wrote: »I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.
It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.
having walked into a shop- grabbed a a sharpie and straight up wrote my number on the I liked guys hand- yeah- I know "how scary" it can be.- it's not.
it's not that scary. worst she says is no- okay- worst she says is no you're ugly go away... so what- we are judged constantly as fkable pieces of meat- EVERY DAY. Our value is based on how good we might be at having sex.
Get over yourselves- we aren't that intimidating- we are just people- stop putting us on some dias and just strike up a damn conversation.
OP- guy is a douche- even if a socially awkward- unknowing douche. Should have told him way to shoot himself in the foot on that one.
You're beautiful just the way you are.
Yeah, go ahead, and get not only rejected, but laughed at to the point of tears by every single romantic interest you've ever had, and then tell me how easy it is.
Being told "no" is nothing, but being laughed at as though you were lower than dirt, and so unattractive that the thought of you in a romantic sense is literally laughable... that is pretty scary, and vastly most often not worth the headache.
Your whole "fkcable piece of meat" thing just serves to exaggerate my point. If you truly believe that you're only looked at as such, then it doesn't matter what you look like as long as you're a warm hole. In such a case, looking better than a troll is only a bonus.
I don't think I'm the one who has to get over himself.
I agree. It takes a lot of nerve to ask another person out. And some people can be downright nasty in how they respond to a invitation too.
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KrysKiss87 wrote: »I was slightly offended but still felt bad for him. He's a sweet guy I guess. I have a tendency to take things to heart more than I should, but for some reason it just really bugged me. Guess the opinion of a stranger who isn't my husband shouldn't matter that much, but I'm only human.
Oh I understand where you are coming from. Some days I have really, really thin skin. Most of the time I try to see the other persons perspective. Take it as a complement. Hey, yesterday the checkout girl asked me if I was 55 or older. I literally stuttered and asked if I looked 55? I'll be 40 in a few months, LOL. I dare say she was perhaps being catty but really, her opinion of me doesn't mean anything. The people that love me still love me,many that is what matters!
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KrysKiss87 wrote: »I was slightly offended but still felt bad for him. He's a sweet guy I guess. I have a tendency to take things to heart more than I should, but for some reason it just really bugged me. Guess the opinion of a stranger who isn't my husband shouldn't matter that much, but I'm only human.
Are you of average height for a woman, or are you tall?
Are you taller than him?
Is it possible that he wasn't talking at all about your weight but just your size?
Which may in fact be . . . well, big?
Empirically, statistically, in any sense whether subjective, objective, or relative, just big?
Seems a bit more likely because I don't usually call women fat when I'm trying to get in their pants. I've never really seen that as a successful strategy in the past, and I wouldn't recommend it to other men. Other than MRAs & PUAs but they've got this stuff all figured out to the tenth decimal place, lets be honest. I sometimes wish I was a woman just so I could find a guy like that to sweep me off my feet.0 -
KrysKiss87 wrote: »I shuffle onto the elevator followed shortly by handsome lab guy. The doors slide shut and we start our ascent. Suddenly out of the blue he turns to me and says "Listen, I've been wanting to say something for awhile now but hadn't worked up the nerve. I wanted to know if you would let me take you to coffee sometime. I find you very pretty for a big girl and I think you are really attractive."
I'm hoping he is just awkward and nervously said something stupid without realizing how it would sound.
People can say stupid things when they are nervous. A guy once asked me out saying I looked like a lot like his mom. He may have meant that his mom is considered very attractive and he thought I was attractive but it sounded like he wanted to date a clone of his mom. Ick. Creepy.
One of the stupidest things you could say trying to ask someone out though is to say they are attractive for a <insert refererance to advanced age, sex, race/nationality, weight>.
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my dad told my bff one time that she would be the most beautiful girl he knew if she lost weight. offensive on so many levels! lol! he has good intentions but he says stupid stuff. really stupid.0
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peachyfuzzle wrote: »peachyfuzzle wrote: »I don't think most females understand exactly how scary it can be to ask someone out (because our society deems that it is nearly always the male who has to take the lead in courtship), and how that fear will nearly always force you to put your foot in your mouth when you finally work up the courage to do so. This is exponentially more true relative to one's own social awkwardness.
It sounds to me like he meant to say something completely different, and it came out extraordinarily wrong.
having walked into a shop- grabbed a a sharpie and straight up wrote my number on the I liked guys hand- yeah- I know "how scary" it can be.- it's not.
it's not that scary. worst she says is no- okay- worst she says is no you're ugly go away... so what- we are judged constantly as fkable pieces of meat- EVERY DAY. Our value is based on how good we might be at having sex.
Get over yourselves- we aren't that intimidating- we are just people- stop putting us on some dias and just strike up a damn conversation.
OP- guy is a douche- even if a socially awkward- unknowing douche. Should have told him way to shoot himself in the foot on that one.
You're beautiful just the way you are.
Yeah, go ahead, and get not only rejected, but laughed at to the point of tears by every single romantic interest you've ever had, and then tell me how easy it is.
Being told "no" is nothing, but being laughed at as though you were lower than dirt, and so unattractive that the thought of you in a romantic sense is literally laughable... that is pretty scary, and vastly most often not worth the headache.
Your whole "fkcable piece of meat" thing just serves to exaggerate my point. If you truly believe that you're only looked at as such, then it doesn't matter what you look like as long as you're a warm hole. In such a case, looking better than a troll is only a bonus.
I don't think I'm the one who has to get over himself.
I've been mocked plenty- I did not grow up a popular well loved child (outside of my family) but ultimately no one can MAKE you cry.
You can either take it in stride and hold your head up high- or not. The choice is ALWAYS yours. But don't put that on us- just sack up and go do it - the only way you get better at doing something- is by doing it.0 -
Burt_Huttz wrote: »KrysKiss87 wrote: »I was slightly offended but still felt bad for him. He's a sweet guy I guess. I have a tendency to take things to heart more than I should, but for some reason it just really bugged me. Guess the opinion of a stranger who isn't my husband shouldn't matter that much, but I'm only human.
Are you of average height for a woman, or are you tall?
Are you taller than him?
Is it possible that he wasn't talking at all about your weight but just your size?
Which may in fact be . . . well, big?
Empirically, statistically, in any sense whether subjective, objective, or relative, just big?
Seems a bit more likely because I don't usually call women fat when I'm trying to get in their pants. I've never really seen that as a successful strategy in the past, and I wouldn't recommend it to other men. Other than MRAs & PUAs but they've got this stuff all figured out to the tenth decimal place, lets be honest. I sometimes wish I was a woman just so I could find a guy like that to sweep me off my feet.
I'm 5'7. Average I guess. And LOL.0 -
Another one of these threads?
FKLDJFLSDJDSKLFJKLSD0 -
sjadev1108 wrote: »Ahhhh should've been quicker and said "you're really cute too, for a moron"
That's what I was thinking. Haha!
If he's been thinking about this for a while and that's the best he could come up with, then even if you were single I would still say "run, run very far away." It tells you a lot about his mindset. He doesn't find "big girls" attractive and he's surprised that he found you attractive in spite of your size, but hey, you should feel lucky and go out with him anyway? Uhh, no. Also, is that bias so ingrained that he truly didn't see that he was being insulting or was it intentional to make you feel like you should be lucky to be asked out by him? I'm not sure either option is good.
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I respectfully disagree JoRocka. If someone says something I already feel about myself then it stings extra hard. I thought I was ugly and unlovable when I was growing up. To be told by others who were simply being cruel that I was ugly really hurt. Not because their option matters but to have someone else say it meant it must be true.
Not everyone works like you do. Perhaps you wouldn't care if someone blew you off. Perhaps you wouldn't be a jerk to the person asking you out, politely declining the invitation. I personally think people lack manners are are. It gracious or considerate of others feelings. I've been asked out several times since I been married. I've alsways thanked them for thinking I was intriguing enough to ask but politely declining since I am married. And married to a pretty awesome man too!
You strike me as a friend of mine from my teen years. She had this confidence that no one could shake. She would ask out these guys that I thought were beautiful but above our league. She didn't care what people thought of her and didn't let anyone tell her she couldn't do something. It can be a great trait to,have so please take it as a complement!0 -
I would find this irritating too, OP. To everyone defending him as being awkward and suffering from foot-in-mouth ... that may be true but that still doesn't excuse what he said. He might not actually be a jerk but he acted like one. Some people are happy to overlook that sort of thing but obviously OP is not one of those people and she shouldn't feel obligated to do so.0
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DearestWinter wrote: »I would find this irritating too, OP. To everyone defending him as being awkward and suffering from foot-in-mouth ... that may be true but that still doesn't excuse what he said. He might not actually be a jerk but he acted like one. Some people are happy to overlook that sort of thing but obviously OP is not one of those people and she shouldn't feel obligated to do so.
Exactly this.
I don't know in what world that making such a comment would be considered okay. I'm married also, but even if I were single I wouldn't give someone like that the time of day, because it sounds like I'm some kind of exception to the "rule" that big girls are unattractive - which is pretty rude to imply, even if you think that way. He may not be a bad person, but what he said was rude. What if we replaced "big girl" with other characteristics - would it play so well then?0 -
It probably sounded better in his head than it did coming out of his mouth. If I'm not sure, I sometimes say things aloud to see if this is the case. Maybe he should have.0
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He may have been very nervous and anxious because he knew he had to ask you the next time you guys ended up in the elevator. Alone at that. Maybe he said it out of nerves, possibly realized he messed up, but keep it going. Or maybe he's a dick. All I'm saying is give him the benefit of the doubt. You're taken anyway so it doesn't matter. The guy obviously liked you if he did all that.0
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Sounds like he fits perfect socially. He is programmed to assume no "big" girl could make him interested...so if one does, he thinks of it as an exception. I doubt he finds all thin people attractive. Point is: programmed by social media = stupid comments he probably doesn't even realize he's making.0
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It's like if you expected Aliens to not speak or be stupid and met one who spoke.. you'd be like, you're pretty smart for an Alien.....0
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First of all, you got hit on by a cute guy...happy dance! I think he. MEANT it as a compliment, but screwed it up. I'm guessing he doesn't have wonderful social skills, which is probably why a cute, single guy with a good job is still single.
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sjadev1108 wrote: »Ahhhh should've been quicker and said "you're really cute too, for a moron"
Yep.
Also, it seems some men do not really grow out of that socially awkward stage. My husband and I have been together nearly 10 years and he still occasionally comes out with a corker. I've decided that because he's worth it, I'll put up with it. But that does not come without an earful of how there are better ways to say things!0
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