Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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I am not introverted at all and I am here! I'm staying in tonight because I need to rest and try to get over my cold...but it is killing me not to be out doing stuff on a Friday night.
I make friends fairly easily, even close friends. My problem is that I tend to connect with people who, like me, are international or move around a lot for work. I really only have one good friend in the small city where I live at the moment. If I ever want to have a more normal social life, I will need to move back to the nearest large city.0 -
fellowtraveler87 wrote: »confession:
(and this ties in to the past 2 or 3 topics in this thread somehow)
I used to be pretty judgmental of people with mental health issues. I'd dismiss it as weakness or attention seeking. Then about 2 years ago I started having panic attacks and anxiety. Fought it for a long time, tried to "fix" it on my own, nothing worked. Finally got help. Very humbling experience to say the least.
Was also drinking quite heavily during this time. Knocking on the door of full-blown alcoholism. I think the anxiety and panic attacks were correlated to the drinking but I'm not which came first. Anyway after getting help the desire to drink really dropped off. Every once in a while I want to have a casual drink like everyone else but I don't trust myself. It might be fine, or I might spiral out of control and right now I'm not willing to take that risk. Drinking heavily, at least for me, was symptomatic of deeper issues I had been harboring.
It all stems back to childhood I really believe that now. I didn't have that bad of childhood but for one aspect and it had a drastic effect on me without my realizing it until recently. I'll confess more on that later don't have the time now...
Oh, and I used to be one of those who thought about sex constantly but after seeking help they put me on an anti-depressant (one more thing I used to not "believe in" doing until it effected me). It has really helped me a lot, but one side effect is it has pretty much killed my libido. I don't necessarily mind it and in fact find it strangely liberating. I can focus my thoughts on more productive things and feel more in control of my mind and body.
Not a confession, but I highly recommend the book "Always the fat kid" - felt like I was reading my own biography and it really helped me understand myself.
I had a very depressed friend when I was 17 too... and I never understood it... until I had severe depression when I hit 22 (when I started working, with the job where I had nothing to do like I mentioned in another post)... I lost all my friends (I had lost contact with the one above by then because her boyfriend decided that he liked me better), got divorced, I didn't have any support at all. I look back and can't imagine doing some of the things I did then, but now I know what you can do when you're truly desperate. Confession - I had some degus, a kind of rodent, and they kept getting out of their cage (chewed it out)... one of them bit my cat, and I was terrified that they would eat my computer cables, which was my only link to the outside world, that I caught them one at a time and threw them out of the window... I'm horrified when I look back.. I kept skipping classes too, and almost got in serious trouble because my job was paying for those. I got lucky because the woman I talked to was very understanding.
Nobody in my family knows what I went through (my mom was judging my friend a lot when I was 17) and it took years to get better (my father died too, which didn't help, and nobody at my job even told me that they were sorry, totally ignored me while I was in tears then when I left complained because I didn't throw a party). I tried anti depressant but they made me horribly drowsy so I stopped taking them... I had suicide thoughts a few times too... it was awful. I moved to the US and I was pretty much a train wreck for years, flying to meet friends I had met online, which almost ended up badly one time... then I had fertility issues with my husband... I guess it's no wonder I gained so much weight.
I will never underestimate mental issues, and I wish that more people were understanding about them.
I love degus, all animals really, but I really love degus....as I read this I was all smiles until I read what you did to them.....now I am just sad......0 -
lunargodess wrote: »Ok here goes. So, I like to have "chips & cheese" as my mom always called it while I was growing up. Just tortilla chips with cheddar and melted in the microwave. Recently I have been craving them more than usual. So this past week I laid down the chips and grabbed a massive handful of shredded cheddar cheese and spread over the top. Then I added another layer with another handful of cheese on top. And I ate it all. And have done it twice more since. I don't know why I'm craving cheese like this, but it can go away any time now!
NO NO NO, you are doing it all wrong! In the oven they would be so much better!!!0 -
smashley_mashley wrote: »... double post, MFP blip...
Phew. It's not just me, lol.My confession: I live vicariously through the people in this forum, because I have no physical friends. It's like watching the group of cool kids in the playground back when I was at school.
I don't really have friends either. There's another mom I get along pretty well with but we only see each other on the rare days she picks up her kids... but I've been so disappointed by friendships in the past, I don't actually care. Well, except when people talk about going out with their friends and post all the pictures and it makes me feel very lonely. But I haven't had a close friend since my first marriage 15 years ago.
This is me too. I lost my best friend when I finally grew a set and told her how I really felt about her dick of a redneck douche husband (we were friends since elementary). The others just fell by the wayside and we grew apart or I just didn't want put up with their antics. My best friend is my husband and we do everything together.
Confession 1: I have spent the past three evenings trying to catch up on the thread... when I left off three days ago I was on page 178.
Confession 2: I don't understand how some people have so much time to spend on these forums. I can barely keep up with this thread. I haven't left this thread in three days.
Confession 3: I hate smokers. I don't understand why anyone would even try it because everyone knows how bad it is for you. I also hate getting in an elevator with someone who is coming back from a smoke break. I silently shame smokers in my head.
Confession 4: I get excited when I am the first one to use a public toilet that was just cleaned (because the toilet seat is up)
That is all for now.
I agree there! There is literally one other thread I routinely read and it is not as active, not even close, maybe ten posts daily......and that is all I have time for.....every time I come on here there are pages and pages to catch up on it seems......0 -
I'm glad that I'm not the only one who has limited local friends. I have several good friends though they live far away (either because I moved or they moved). I have a hard time making friends because I can't stand drama and I tend to stop talking to people if they continue to whine and complain about the same things while never doing anything to fix it. Like my hubby's best friend, he's a nice guy but his wife's a lying, cheating, manipulative *kitten* waffle. He *kitten* about her constantly but won't divorce her, so now when he comes over and complains to hubby about her I completely tube him out, he'll I won't even answer the phone if he calls, I just pretend I'm not home.0
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kismet1428 wrote: »My confession is that I don't know what I like to do. My world was taking care of my daughter, she's grown and I seriously have no clue what I am interested in and no idea of how to figure it out.
freeintenyears.com/frugal-tips/100-cheap-hobbies/
discoverahobby.com/
I would start by looking at those lists and trying out anything that strikes your interest to start. Don't be afraid if something sounds good and it turns out you hate it. Just try something else. Also, if the reason your entire life revolved around your daughter is that you really love children, you could try volunteering with them. Try your local schools and libraries. You could also ask at shelters and D.S.S. (or area equivalent). As a foster kid I know I would have loved something to look forward to.0 -
shannonbun wrote: »My boyfriend just sent me some chocolate and candy from England (he's there, I'm in the US) and I already hid it away so I wouldn't binge on it. One day I can touch it, but not for quite a while!
Kinda sad that I have to hide the food not to eat it...
@shannonbun
My boyfriend is in England and I'm in the states too!
LDR solidarity
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Hearts_2015 wrote: »
Wow, I'm so sorry... your twin...how sad and difficult. By her disowning you I imagine that was pretty painful but standing up for what you've chosen to now believe in is important. It can be difficult to make changes and others don't like it and treat you as such.berlynnwall wrote: »... double post, MFP blip...
Phew. It's not just me, lol.My confession: I live vicariously through the people in this forum, because I have no physical friends. It's like watching the group of cool kids in the playground back when I was at school.
I don't really have friends either. There's another mom I get along pretty well with but we only see each other on the rare days she picks up her kids... but I've been so disappointed by friendships in the past, I don't actually care. Well, except when people talk about going out with their friends and post all the pictures and it makes me feel very lonely. But I haven't had a close friend since my first marriage 15 years ago.
Until recently I had one friend who I actually hung out with in real life. A few weeks ago, I forced myself to reach out to an acquaintance who had a new baby and it went well, so now I have 2 friends. I am jealous of women who are close to their sisters - my sister is on drugs and won't talk to me. /sad
I'm sorry. I can somewhat relate: my sister (my only sibling) disowned me when I left the family religion when I turned 18. Just recently she tried talking to me again, which I'm open to, but in her eyes I'm still a bad person so I'm not welcome at her house. Needless to say, I have a hard time reconciling that and rebuilding a relationship at the same time, so I've basically just done nothing about it.
@BZAH10 I always enjoy your posts as well..you seem very kind and only once or twice have I seen you surprise me. LOLI have to say, BZAH10 is one of my favorite people in this thread. She tries to talk to as many different people as possible and I love that. I wish I could comment more. I need to start reading this when I'm at home
Thank you! That's very kind of you. I guess all I can say as far as surprising you is that this is a "confessions" thread so I'm a bit more open here than on other threads. Maybe I should be more careful!
oh, no lol It wasn't this thread. This thread is open for anything from eating chocolate powder to brownie batter...peep detox... can't even recall all the confessions from 100 pages back. 0 -
jules92761 wrote: »OMG - I love this post. Ok, I'll confess... I actually ate at least 4 lemon Oreos in the car on my home from my mom's (she only lives a mile away) rather than eat them in front of my husband.... then snuck 4 more later in the kitchen while he was watching tv!
Lemon I've never tried.. now the Reese's Oreo's...are a bit too delicious! 0 -
courtenaymichele wrote: »My coworker and I were just talking smack about our boss because we thought we were the only ones in the office. Nope, he's here and heard it all...
Oooh, ouch! Sorry about that. What has happened since? Awkward silence? Hope you don't have negative repercussions.
@courtenaymichele what I read when I first saw the original post was "My coworker and I were just talking about smacking our boss around..."
OK, so yea now I see the original post and see how that could be awkward.
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berlynnwall wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »berlynnwall wrote: »... double post, MFP blip...
Phew. It's not just me, lol.My confession: I live vicariously through the people in this forum, because I have no physical friends. It's like watching the group of cool kids in the playground back when I was at school.
I don't really have friends either. There's another mom I get along pretty well with but we only see each other on the rare days she picks up her kids... but I've been so disappointed by friendships in the past, I don't actually care. Well, except when people talk about going out with their friends and post all the pictures and it makes me feel very lonely. But I haven't had a close friend since my first marriage 15 years ago.
Until recently I had one friend who I actually hung out with in real life. A few weeks ago, I forced myself to reach out to an acquaintance who had a new baby and it went well, so now I have 2 friends. I am jealous of women who are close to their sisters - my sister is on drugs and won't talk to me. /sad
I feel that way about sisters sometimes too. I have a sister that lives far away so we literally only see each other for a day or less once every few years. We get along, but are not close.
My friends have dwindled down over the years, there are four that were toxic that have been cut out for years and I am much better for it.
I have one very close girlfriend since I was four years old, but she lives a few hours away and we are both so busy we only see each other a couple times a year. I have one close girlfriend that used to live here but now we get together once a year for a girls weekend. And I have a small handful where I live that I will get together with when possible, which is not often do to time.
My best girlfriend died two years ago this month, we were super close for 20 years. We did so much together that people often thought we were sisters. I still miss her terribly, I think about her every single day and often still cry. She was very sick for the last while she was alive, and I am glad she is not suffering anymore, but I still was not ready to say good-bye to her.
That is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry.
@berlynnwall I am so sorry to hear you've lost such a close friend...it breaks my heart to hear that you're going through this.
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I used to be able to eat an entire pepperoni pizza without gaining weight. I wish I had started my diet when I had that crazy metabolism.0
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Confession: I've only been here a few months and most of what I thought I knew about the forums has been negated by this thread. It must be the "no judgement" and I'm astonished that so many people take that to heart...
Someone hand me a puppy so I can kiss it.0 -
It's 3:47 am here and I'm awake catching up on this thread as I woke up to go to the bathroom and decided to see what had been happening since I went to bed- now back to sleep!0
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I will be having pizza for dinner.0
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On Thursday and Friday I binged watch "The Killing" 30 episodes in two days. Lied to my husband as he worries about liking too much my own company. I do not know how I did but kept to my calories entitlement. Definitely less cravings since on low carbs.
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My son's dad is a real douche, he greatly contributed to my PND issues after I had my son (cheating, not contributing to rent and racking up debt in my name, no baby help, verbally abusive, smashed my belongings etcetc). I finally left when my son was 18 months and he has refused to see him since just before his 2nd birthday and he constantly quits jobs so he doesn't have to pay child maintenance.
Confession: I still feel just as peed off about it now as I did in the beginning and I'm not a particularly angry person but I have fantasised about bumping into him and having my say about the whole thing (I have held my tongue for my sons sake).
2nd confession: I feel guilty about still letting confession 1 get to me as it has been nearly 2 years since I left and I think everyone thinks I should just get over it now.
3rd confession: I'm making damn sure that if I do bump into him again (not likely as I had to move counties to get away from him) I am going to look super hot and he will know he didn't break me and me and my son are far better off without him.
Phew it feels good to get that off my chest!0 -
Oh my goodness I spent 2 days away from this thread because I got crazy busy and someone earlier on a few days ago mentioned an Easter thread. I went and found it and I am totally amazed that no one has mentioned it again. It's hysterical and definitely rivals the early days of this thread for burst out loud laughing. Which I do when I read this thread (usually in the middle of the night and my cats think I am nuts). But 2 threads for me was too much to keep up with! So got sadly behind.
My confession is I have been having a rough couple of weeks and yesterday just sucked. Lots of reasons too long and boring to go into, but spending from 2:30 am to 5:30 am reading the last 2 days was cathartic and I can relate to so much of this it made me feel (marginally) better. But now I am too tired to go to the two exercise classes I usually do on Saturday and I think I will just roll over and go back to sleep. Then spend the weekend dealing with the fallout from the crap that happened yesterday. I hate people. Especially ones that screw up and when you do something to fix the situation to your own detriment instead of being grateful they flip the situation to be your fault anyway. So now I alluded to the issue without explaining it.0 -
Wow the only fun part of my post was cut off! So trying again.
1) I really wish the iPad had swipe type. Would save so much time when posting these novellas. And
2) I am going to be so sad when people get used to my weight loss and stop commenting on how much weight I have lost and how thin I have gotten and how good I look. Total ego trip.0 -
It is somewhat concerning to read of all the members who must meticulously weigh each item prior to eating it. I am aware that certain individuals are on very regimental diets and must account for every calorie, but these behaviours may become unhealthy habits and may prevent one from living a healthy and happy life. I know this because I have been there too, weighing everything that entered my mouth. You can eye ball most of these (e.g. Tbsp of peanut butter) and I bet you would be accurate. You don't want to become a slave to the scale. It feels a lot better to be able to eat in approximate estimations and you begin to trust your body more, thus building a stronger sense self-concept.0
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Confession: I have been cancelling my bank shifts so that I can go running. Been considering do the same for my normal shifts 0
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I had an adjustment to a bladder pacemaker and I'm scheduled for a bicycle scavenger hunt today and a Zumba training tomorrow that I don't want to miss.
So, my dr. said I could resume all activities and I'm listening to a friend caution me. Is that weird or what!0 -
It is somewhat concerning to read of all the members who must meticulously weigh each item prior to eating it. I am aware that certain individuals are on very regimental diets and must account for every calorie, but these behaviours may become unhealthy habits and may prevent one from living a healthy and happy life. I know this because I have been there too, weighing everything that entered my mouth. You can eye ball most of these (e.g. Tbsp of peanut butter) and I bet you would be accurate. You don't want to become a slave to the scale. It feels a lot better to be able to eat in approximate estimations and you begin to trust your body more, thus building a stronger sense self-concept.
((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))0 -
Confession: I've only been here a few months and most of what I thought I knew about the forums has been negated by this thread. It must be the "no judgement" and I'm astonished that so many people take that to heart...
Someone hand me a puppy so I can kiss it.
Yeah, I have a feeling if some of the people that appreciate me here ran across me in a non-non-judgemental thread, they would not like me very much.0 -
double post
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tincanonastring wrote: »double post
I've seen you in other threads. It didn't make me dislike you at all0 -
littled1986 wrote: »tincanonastring wrote: »double post
I've seen you in other threads. It didn't make me dislike you at all
We must have been in agreement.0 -
I'm not really logging my calories today. Just putting in some "Quick Add" calories and eating sensibly. One day without measuring and weighing, etc. trying my hand at maintenance.0
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I have been diagnosed with binge eating disorder, and my scariest binge was around 1 year ago where I ate 2 cans of frosting (one white, one chocolate), 1 large Domino's pizza, and an entire 8-inch round cookies and cream Target cake.
During one meal. (cripes, that is freaking me out that I'm confessing this - only my husband knows about this particular binge)0 -
I am kinda cranky this a.m .. unexpected crappy weigh in, slept like crap, obnoxious pets in the morning... Today is supposed to be a rest day but my crappy weigh in makes me feel like I should work out... I dunno.
No slips this week with food so I am shocked by my weigh in. Yes, weight loss is not linear, some weeks will be up, some down, but damn, I feel like I worked soooo hard this week.0
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