nav[aria-label="Primary Navigation"] { padding: 0; & ul { list-style: none; width: 100%; display: flex; flex-direction: row; justify-content: start; align-items: start; gap: 30px; padding: 0; & li { margin: 0; } & ul li { list-style: none; } } }

MyFitnessPal Community

"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?

arahn777

I haven't ever posted before, but appreciate the support that this forum offers and want to get in on it! Lately, I've been in need of support from those who understand the struggles of weight loss and maintenance.

Since the fall of 2013, I went from 180lbs to 125lbs (female, 5'6") and have been maintaining at 125 (+/- 2lbs) for the past 6 months. As time goes on, I have gotten more and more serious about exercise and specifically running. I really enjoy seeing where my body can take me and it's motivating to break my personal records and times while running.

In the process, my body fat percentage has dropped to around 18% and while I am happy with the way I look, a lot of people around me keep making comments like "you're too skinny" or "you had better not lose any more weight". It's not just 1 or 2 people either -- it's many of those I am close to and even family members. It really makes me second guess myself and question whether I have some kind of body dysmorphia or eating disorder even though I am within the healthy range for BMI and I eat between 1800-2300 calories/day (depending on how much I work out).

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you respond to comments like this?

Replies

soccerkon26

I have gotten these exact comments recently. I'm 5 foot 5 and 130 pounds. Not sure if I want to begin maintaining or not, but the comments aren't helping the situation be any less stressful.

Childfree1991

arahn777 wrote: »

I haven't ever posted before, but appreciate the support that this forum offers and want to get in on it! Lately, I've been in need of support from those who understand the struggles of weight loss and maintenance.

Since the fall of 2013, I went from 180lbs to 125lbs (female, 5'6") and have been maintaining at 125 (+/- 2lbs) for the past 6 months. As time goes on, I have gotten more and more serious about exercise and specifically running. I really enjoy seeing where my body can take me and it's motivating to break my personal records and times while running.

In the process, my body fat percentage has dropped to around 18% and while I am happy with the way I look, a lot of people around me keep making comments like "you're too skinny" or "you had better not lose any more weight". It's not just 1 or 2 people either -- it's many of those I am close to and even family members. It really makes me second guess myself and question whether I have some kind of body dysmorphia or eating disorder even though I am within the healthy range for BMI and I eat between 1800-2300 calories/day (depending on how much I work out).

Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you respond to comments like this?

OMG, ME! ME! I'm female, 5'6 and 123-125 lbs too (previously 187 lbs). I get this crap all the time. They think I'm trying to lose more weight when I'm just trying to tone more and maintain a healthy weight. You sound like another version of me lol.

holly55555

brdnw wrote: »

and none of these people workout/lift/etc..

Exactly. Are the people saying it doctors? Athletes? People at their physical peak?

Chances are people who say this are overweight themselves. So uh, yeah, you're too skinny... compared to them!

savemama

Honestly, maybe because I'm a mom and older than you (I think), but when someone says I look skinny- I take it as the compliment they intended.

But maybe it's because I *know* I am not too thin. My maintenance weight is comfortably at the high end of normal bmi. By choice. But this means I have no second-guessing that it's either
1. Jealousy
2. A compliment

... As I am not "too skinny" medically in any way.

Is it possible that you're feeling unsure if you are actually too skinny? You mention it causing you to second guess yourself. Is there truth to it?

If there isn't any truth to it- then see above

if there is- maybe it's a good reflection to contemplate.

Either way- people are kinda dumb. Easier to know that at the outset. Ha ha.

ddmusica

I attempted to lose weight three years ago and let those "You look fine the way you are" and "Eat a burger, "You don't need to work out anymore" comments win- gaining even more after I decided to give up. Well, 7 months ago I made the decision to eat well and exercise for ME- and 41 lbs later I've hit my goal weight and look better now than I did 15 years ago. You live and learn, sometimes. Listen to YOU- and those you trust. Above all, never, ever give in and give up. It's a lifestyle. Your body will thank you as you age. I thought cellulite was just how it was supposed to be- I always hid my legs- now I wear shorts confidently in public, and it is so liberating! No cellulite on this bod!!!

meganjcallaghan

haha, I hadn't actually heard this in quite some time until yesterday and some woman who never even knew me when I was big said it to me....So it's not a case of her not being able to reconcile a size change in her mind because to her I've always been the size that I am now. Also, I look kind of similar to her daughter who is about the same age as me. Same height too.....aaaaand she's smaller than I am. I wonder how often she tells HER she's too skinny.

Kim55555

desi9837 wrote: »

ElkeKNJ wrote: »

When I first got that comment three years ago, it was all I needed to eat all the weight back again, and even more. This time round, I'll try to keep the weight off, and not listen to those comments. It is hard enough as it is not trying to overeat. I am too short for my weight....

The same happened to me many years ago and I regained all my weight and more. However, I got back on the bandwagon a year ago and I'm the healthiest I've ever been. I'm really happy with the way I look now, but the other week someone commented that I was too skinny. These weeks I've been really stressed out with maintaining that I've gained back a kilo.

I honestly do not wish to go back. My clothes look great on me and I can buy whatever I want. I understand that in the end, it's only up to me to maintain my healthy weight, but it's harder than I expected. I will do my best.

Why is it ok for me people to say your too skinny!! Imagine if you had told that person that they wer too fat! People would think that would be highly offensive haha can up imagine saying that lol.

Kim55555

michaelbyfield wrote: »

The truth is that you're not too skinny. Society is WAAAAAAAY too fat. Being in shape brings it home to them and they don't like it. They would prefer you were a lot bigger which would allow them to validate themselves as 'about average' when in truth they are just too big.

This!!!

Overweight is the new normal

Anonycatgirl

christinev297 wrote: »

The thing is i lost around 30lbs all up, and i only put that on over the last 3 years. Before that i was the weight I am now. Maybe the older you get the more face chub you need to look healthy?

I think there's actually some truth to that, which kind of sucks. I was trying to maintain a few pounds lighter than I am now, which was a reasonable weight, far from "skinny"--but my face looked drawn and my wrinkles seemed more pronounced. Gained a couple of pounds back; my body still looks fine and my face looks better. (Of course, I'm a bit older than you.)

mzavilla

Totally feel your pain, I'm 5'4" and about 119-was about 190 before. I actually quit a gym b/c of rude people that would make comments! You should be proud of your accomplishments and not worry about jealous people!

Christine_72

To honest I'd rather be told I'm too skinny than too fat!

ahoy_m8

Agree with savemama. People of a certain generation mean it as a compliment, even if it comes off as backhanded. It's why they will tell you unabashedly that you're too thin but not that you're too fat.

andrearotella

Yes! I am 5ft1in and 106 pounds. People make comments about my weight all the time, asking "When are you going to gain weight?" I hate that question so much. It has caused so many issues with my boyfriend's family because they aren't afraid to make fun of people. I find it very hurtful when people call me too skinny or ask when I'm going to gain weight.

jcim1ru

I hear this more often than not actually. I've actually been asked if I'm sick, have cancer, and one went so far as to express concern over me being in the final stages of a terminal medical condition and they thought it rude that I wasn't preparing people for the 'inevitable'.

I assured her I had no intention of dying anytime in the near future and that I am actually the size I am now because I want to live longer than I was projected to live when I was 100 pounds heavier.

Yes, I look dramatically different and yes, there's skin on me now that isn't as tight as it was when I last weighed this much. I think it adds to the "thin" look I have going on but it doesn't give me any motivation to fill out that skin again. Not at all.

I try to tailor my response to what I perceive to be the intent of the person making the statement. Mostly I tend to thank them for noticing the dramatic difference in me and let them know that my doctor and I are both quite comfortable with where I am in my health measurements.

I'm 5'7" and 135 pounds
I'm cholesterol med free
I'm bp med free
I can jog a mile easily
I can hike the mountains
I can climb the hills

I'm living the life I was watching pass me by

If I'm too thin in their eyes, oh well!

RaspberryTickleChicken

I think this derives from many failing to simply understand the difference between naturally (genetically) scrawny (but flabby) and well defined muscular slender.

I typically just respond with a polite smile and let them fester in their misguided notions of how to lose weight & keep it off or what healthy life really is.

Just know that the critique sometimes is out of shear ignorance of what healthy is while others are out of jealousy. As long as you are feeling good, staying active, eating properly, almost just have to grow thicker skin and as Taylor Swift sings 'Shake It Off.'

Also this article HERE was really amusing to read about an ongoing rather tolerated trend of 'slim-shaming.'

HardcoreP0rk

Someone at the gym this week said "you have to STOP - you're perfect." And I'm sure he meant well, but I found it a little bit insulting. Kind of like, oh I'm just how YOU want me so I should drop my goals and adjust to maintenance now... before what? Before I have the body type of someone you do not want to sleep with? He's totally into me, so that was my read on it. It was just frustrating.

My beauty, my health, my goals... it's hard when anyone else is anything but supportive. They're super personal things. And I know my body fat percentage, and I am well within the healthy range... can even lose 10 pounds and still be in the healthy range. So maybe just let me be whatever *I* want. (which is what im gonna do anyhow)

wathjo1

I went from 195 to just under 170 and my dad is already telling me he's concerned and i'm losing too much!! I am still OVER WEIGHT! Gah! It really messes with my mind.

HardcoreP0rk

wathjo1 wrote: »

I went from 195 to just under 170 and my dad is already telling me he's concerned and i'm losing too much!! I am still OVER WEIGHT! Gah! It really messes with my mind.

Hey you're off to a fantastic start! Don't you worry a second about it.

cbills65

From people who work in my building, I have gotten the "Wow! You've lost so much weight! You look great!" Quickly followed by the rapid fire comment: "But don't get too skinny, okay?" Really?

Nine times out of ten the person saying this is 20 pounds or more overweight. I haven't figured out if they are jealous, truly concerned for my health or just oblivious to how inappropriate that is to say to a casual acquaintance.

With 7-8 % body fat to lose to get to my goal of 19-20%, I would love to say, 'Trust me, I know my body and what lies beneath these clothes that you CAN'T see. I still have a LOT of work to do! Too skinny? Bahahahaha!'

lydiakitten

Ahhh, I relate so much to this post. I am 5'5" and ~109 pounds, and though I know I am underweight according to a universal BMI, I am not actually underweight. I am naturally light-boned, curveless, have tiny ankles/wrists/etc, and I do have doctors that have checked me up, blood tests done, nutritionists oversee my diet, etc, and all of them agree I am at a completely healthy weight and am doing fine, and am healthy and fit as a fiddle. I mean, I am currently trying to recomp, to go from skinny but soft to firmer and more defined, and I just keep getting so many comments (mostly from women) that I am too skinny and have "obviously lost my breasts as a prize" and that I should just stop exercising/eating healthy and "eat a burger" because "curves are in and I should get mine back".

Erm, no. If you knew back when I was 135 pounds, you would have noticed I still didn't have substantial breasts. I still had a very boyish figure. Some people have a specific body type by nature, for frick's sake, stop attacking me for it! How is it any better than me attacking you because of your muffin top?

SharonCMach

My family gives me grief all the time, it throws my head threw a loop. I tell them I want to maintain my weight and that's not going to happen if I go back to my old eating habits. They don't understand.

stealthq

Anonycatgirl wrote: »

christinev297 wrote: »

The thing is i lost around 30lbs all up, and i only put that on over the last 3 years. Before that i was the weight I am now. Maybe the older you get the more face chub you need to look healthy?

I think there's actually some truth to that, which kind of sucks. I was trying to maintain a few pounds lighter than I am now, which was a reasonable weight, far from "skinny"--but my face looked drawn and my wrinkles seemed more pronounced. Gained a couple of pounds back; my body still looks fine and my face looks better. (Of course, I'm a bit older than you.)

There's a reason why fat/filler injections are a common accessory procedure to a face lift. It's unfortunate that losing fat from your face after a certain point makes you look older, but it's unavoidable.

I will say, there are people who mean skinny as a compliment. Others mean it as a slur. The only way to be certain which way it is meant is if there's an obvious tone or you have a history with that person. It's easy to be sensitive about your weight when you've been focused on changing it for so long.

krissyreminisce

I had someone SMALLER than me tell me, flat out, that I looked anorexic. She's older, a bit taller, and all bones.

At least I have muscle.

TitaniaEcks

I'm going to repeat what everyone else has already said: at first people aren't used to seeing you at that weight and they will tell you you're too skinny, but as long as you actually are above a medically healthy weight minimum (BMI>19), the comments will stop eventually once people get used to your new look. 5'6" and 125 lbs is perfectly acceptable and medically appropriate.

Now, if you're getting the comments from overweight friends/family or from people who are into BBWs, they may really mean it, but you can take it with a grain of salt. ;-)

I got a lot of "you've gotten too skinny" as soon as I dropped below 130, but it's stopped with time. Now they have compliments or nothing at all.

JordanAron

Apparently I eat sawdust, am too scrawny, and need to get meat on my bones. My parents pile on refined carbs and expect me to clean my plate. I'm actually a healthy BMI middle range with 24% body fat, but they say I'm borderline underweight.

Thing is, I'd love some meat\muscle on my bones; even fat on the upper half. I just don't put it on up there. My siblings are awesome muscle-defined mesomorphs. We're all close to the same height and weight. I exercise more than them, but as an ecto-meso combo, the fat isn't evenly distributed and doesn't show in flattering ways. I'm basically both bones and belly rolls.

I find the negative comments invasive, because, as an adult, I like to make choices without feeling judged or guilted into eating more pasta. For my parents, food is how they show their love, if you turn it down, it's taken personally.

laynunugawa

My response would be, "no I'm not too skinny, this is what a healthy diet and exercise looks like or what a healthy person looks like."

TitaniaEcks

JordanAron wrote: »

Apparently I eat sawdust, am too scrawny, and need to get meat on my bones. My parents pile on refined carbs and expect me to clean my plate. I'm actually a healthy BMI middle range with 24% body fat, but they say I'm borderline underweight.

Thing is, I'd love some meat\muscle on my bones; even fat on the upper half. I just don't put it on up there. My siblings are awesome muscle-defined mesomorphs. We're all close to the same height and weight. I exercise more than them, but as an ecto-meso combo, the fat isn't evenly distributed and doesn't show in flattering ways. I'm basically both bones and belly rolls.

I find the negative comments invasive, because, as an adult, I like to make choices without feeling judged or guilted into eating more pasta. For my parents, food is how they show their love, if you turn it down, it's taken personally.

That's the problem with defining any specific standard of beauty: most people will always fall outside it.

If you're top-heavy, bottom-heavy is in. If you're thin, fleshier is the trend. If you're rectangular, curvy is the ideal. Now the new ideal they're trying to push on us is "strong is the new thin". I couldn't be muscular if I tried. It's just another unattainable beauty goal for many of us. Just another way for the economy to get more money pumped into it, milking us by making us feel inadequate; last decade's diet pills are this decade's protein shakes. No one can ever measure up, no pun intended, unless they were lucky enough to be born as the standard of a specific decade - and that standard will change the next decade and suddenly they need to change the way they look. That's why the only thing that makes sense is to listen to your doctor and to look the way that makes you happy.

mamatothelils

I hate to say it, but I have heard that a lot from friends and family while losing weight... Knowing very well I am not "too" skinny... Not even close based on my BMI. I think people that are not losing sometimes are negative when others begin their weight loss journey. I don't even think they mean it when they say "too" skinny. What I say is....no I am not (matter of factly).... Then I say sometime like , "I am happy with myself." Not in a mean way or anything. Ultimately, you have to determine the weight you are happy with. According to my BMI I should weigh about 5-10 pounds less...But I am happy where I am.

clare120

I understand. I am 5'9 and 140 ish and I want to lose around 10-15 more pounds. Completely healthy and normal. People are already commenting on how I appear "sickly" and I can definitely still pinch an inch on my stomach. Crazies

nicsflyingcircus

Heck, my in laws came to visit last month, I was oh...230 or so still... my mother in law expressed disbelief that I was planning to continue losing weight.

People are just weird