Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))

ReneeSkye wrote: »

Okay... So, I want to be 100 pounds. I'm currently 176 pounds. I am honestly thinking about becoming anorexic again to gain my dream weight. I don't know what to do, because exercise isn't working for me.

No judgement whatsoever but, exercise won't help unless you eat at a deficit. But beware, if you starve yourself, you will end up binging

I tried a pre workout for the first time, and I dont think there's a turning back now. I was bouncing off the walls with energy for an hour and a half. The first 30 mins I did the easiest cardio session I've ever had and while lifting I was dancing around between sets like a little kid who just got off a roller coaster being all like 'AGAIN AGAIN!'

Seriously... scary stuff

1) I spent most of Friday evening and Sunday reading this thread. I'm now up to page 250.

2) I have issues with mindless eating. I wouldn't say I binge, but I sometimes eat rather aggressively, just shovelling stuff in to finish all of what I have on my plate/the box I'm holding. And then I feel a bit sick and uncomfortable afterwards. I don't know why I do it. I think it has something to do with being bullied for being fat and being uncomfortable eating around people (my father would tease me about how much I ate when I was younger, not maliciously but thinking he was being affectionate, and it's made me a little awkward about eating when he's around). The stupid thing is that I've lived on my own for 15 years, so there's no one around when I eat, but I still cram stuff in like I was trying to finish it before someone sees me.

3) I sometimes (rarely, like a few times a year) make myself throw up if I've eaten too much too fast (see point 2). I know this is terrible and I am trying to stop myself from doing it.

4) I remain convinced that no one can actually find me attractive. I keep worrying it's a joke or that the person would be disgusted to the point of revulsion if they actually got up close and personal (so to speak). Where I live (northern Europe), I don't get a lot of attention on a daily basis, but when I was on a longer trip last year with a mixed group (mainly North Americans), I was highly confused by the amount of attention I got. (Though I had to be alerted to the fact that I was being hit on rather blatantly since I apparently can't read signals like that. I just assume people are friendly/polite if they take an interest in me. I have such issues with my self-image that I can't fathom why anyone would be interested in me on a romantic level. Sure, I can flirt a little if I'm the one who starts it, but as soon as there'a any response from the other party, I clam up and get all wonky/awkward.)

5) This got way too long and way too personal.

6) I often worry that I'm a thread-killer. I think the last three threads I participated in died after my comment. I'f I kill this one too, I'm so sorry!

Russandol wrote: »

1) I spent most of Friday evening and Sunday reading this thread. I'm now up to page 250.

2) I have issues with mindless eating. I wouldn't say I binge, but I sometimes eat rather aggressively, just shovelling stuff in to finish all of what I have on my plate/the box I'm holding. And then I feel a bit sick and uncomfortable afterwards. I don't know why I do it. I think it has something to do with being bullied for being fat and being uncomfortable eating around people (my father would tease me about how much I ate when I was younger, not maliciously but thinking he was being affectionate, and it's made me a little awkward about eating when he's around). The stupid thing is that I've lived on my own for 15 years, so there's no one around when I eat, but I still cram stuff in like I was trying to finish it before someone sees me.

3) I sometimes (rarely, like a few times a year) make myself throw up if I've eaten too much too fast (see point 2). I know this is terrible and I am trying to stop myself from doing it.

4) I remain convinced that no one can actually find me attractive. I keep worrying it's a joke or that the person would be disgusted to the point of revulsion if they actually got up close and personal (so to speak). Where I live (northern Europe), I don't get a lot of attention on a daily basis, but when I was on a longer trip last year with a mixed group (mainly North Americans), I was highly confused by the amount of attention I got. (Though I had to be alerted to the fact that I was being hit on rather blatantly since I apparently can't read signals like that. I just assume people are friendly/polite if they take an interest in me. I have such issues with my self-image that I can't fathom why anyone would be interested in me on a romantic level. Sure, I can flirt a little if I'm the one who starts it, but as soon as there'a any response from the other party, I clam up and get all wonky/awkward.)

5) This got way too long and way too personal.

6) I often worry that I'm a thread-killer. I think the last three threads I participated in died after my comment. I'f I kill this one too, I'm so sorry!

Lol dont worry.. this thread wont go anywhere . I hear you on not getting attention... I'm Norwegian but live in the states now. Norwegians in particular are very shy and introverted, so its easy to feel ignored. Once I came here I was shocked how outgoing people are. Its just a difference in the culture, I wouldnt take offence to it.

Please be careful with the throwing up... I had a very short (I guess you can call it) bulimic period, but I got a real scare early on that made me never do it again.

It's 1:15AM here. I can't sleep.

I love to cook. My girlfriends came over today and I cooked up a feast for them. The only thing I ate today was literally 1 chip and maybe a couple slices of zucchini and so many glasses of wine.

karen_fitzgibbon wrote: »

I confess that I have finally come to the end of all these pages, now I'm devastated! What am I going to read now?????

Rofl, this cracked me up

annette_15 wrote: »

Russandol wrote: »

1) I spent most of Friday evening and Sunday reading this thread. I'm now up to page 250.

2) I have issues with mindless eating. I wouldn't say I binge, but I sometimes eat rather aggressively, just shovelling stuff in to finish all of what I have on my plate/the box I'm holding. And then I feel a bit sick and uncomfortable afterwards. I don't know why I do it. I think it has something to do with being bullied for being fat and being uncomfortable eating around people (my father would tease me about how much I ate when I was younger, not maliciously but thinking he was being affectionate, and it's made me a little awkward about eating when he's around). The stupid thing is that I've lived on my own for 15 years, so there's no one around when I eat, but I still cram stuff in like I was trying to finish it before someone sees me.

3) I sometimes (rarely, like a few times a year) make myself throw up if I've eaten too much too fast (see point 2). I know this is terrible and I am trying to stop myself from doing it.

4) I remain convinced that no one can actually find me attractive. I keep worrying it's a joke or that the person would be disgusted to the point of revulsion if they actually got up close and personal (so to speak). Where I live (northern Europe), I don't get a lot of attention on a daily basis, but when I was on a longer trip last year with a mixed group (mainly North Americans), I was highly confused by the amount of attention I got. (Though I had to be alerted to the fact that I was being hit on rather blatantly since I apparently can't read signals like that. I just assume people are friendly/polite if they take an interest in me. I have such issues with my self-image that I can't fathom why anyone would be interested in me on a romantic level. Sure, I can flirt a little if I'm the one who starts it, but as soon as there'a any response from the other party, I clam up and get all wonky/awkward.)

5) This got way too long and way too personal.

6) I often worry that I'm a thread-killer. I think the last three threads I participated in died after my comment. I'f I kill this one too, I'm so sorry!

Lol dont worry.. this thread wont go anywhere . I hear you on not getting attention... I'm Norwegian but live in the states now. Norwegians in particular are very shy and introverted, so its easy to feel ignored. Once I came here I was shocked how outgoing people are. Its just a difference in the culture, I wouldnt take offence to it.

Please be careful with the throwing up... I had a very short (I guess you can call it) bulimic period, but I got a real scare early on that made me never do it again.

Yay Nordic countries! (Finland here, so people are even more introverted and surly.) I didn't take offense at the attention at all, I was just honestly baffled. Like, "Why are they all paying attention to me? Do I have something in my teeth? Why is everyone so keen on hanging around with me? What have I done?" I like being around people (unless I'm all "peopled out" in which case I need a moment to be alone and recharge), so it was nice to be in the middle of things, but it surprised me. I tend to worry that people don't actually like being around me.

And yeah, I know the purging messes up my electrolyte balance and other things as well. Which is why I try not to do it.

karen_fitzgibbon wrote: »

I confess that I have finally come to the end of all these pages, now I'm devastated! What am I going to read now?????

Ha ha it moves so quickly, you'll have something to read!

Lois_1989 wrote: »

Russandol wrote: »

1) I spent most of Friday evening and Sunday reading this thread. I'm now up to page 250.

2) I have issues with mindless eating. I wouldn't say I binge, but I sometimes eat rather aggressively, just shovelling stuff in to finish all of what I have on my plate/the box I'm holding. And then I feel a bit sick and uncomfortable afterwards. I don't know why I do it. I think it has something to do with being bullied for being fat and being uncomfortable eating around people (my father would tease me about how much I ate when I was younger, not maliciously but thinking he was being affectionate, and it's made me a little awkward about eating when he's around). The stupid thing is that I've lived on my own for 15 years, so there's no one around when I eat, but I still cram stuff in like I was trying to finish it before someone sees me.

I was about to ask if you have siblings because that behavior is normally from a large family and it is fights for seconds. I used to tell my boyfriend he eats like a prisoner because he ate so fast. Then he would get indigestion and hiccups because he ate so fast he was swallowing air at the same time. Now I make him sit at a table and put his knife and fork down between mouthfuls. I would say you are getting pains because you are also swallowing air.

I actually only have a younger sister, and I can't really recall there being any fighting over the food when we were younger. Unless you count my dad, who would (and still does) just grab seconds without even checking, let alone asking, if anyone else wanted some. Mostly, I think it's a shame thing. I don't want anyone to see me eat because I feel ashamed of my size, which was why I would sneak food when I still lived at home. Might be a remnant from those times. The silly thing? I wasn't huge then, just a couple of kilos overweight. I'm still only about 10-15 kg overweight, but the amount of self-loathing and self-esteem issues I have could make you think I was much bigger.

The air thing sounds plausible, though. I probably am.