Online Dating

I met my husband on POF. We dated for 3.5ish years and have been married for 1 (anniversary is next week!) Overall, I had a pretty good experience online dating. There were only two guys I seriously talked to (in a 6 weeks or so span of time), my husband and another guy and my husband is the only one I met RL. Since alot of people have asked for advice on here this is my $.02 (backgroud/my perspective going into the online dating: I dated very little before my husband and was completely happy to be single so dealing with a stupid guy was not worth my time, I was not looking for a super long term commitment or husband at the time [found one anyways], but I was never comefortable with one night stand just for fun stuff, I always wanted exclusive, fun relationship where we respected each other. I am a woman, so this is from a woman's perspective)

-Know what you want and act according to that: If you want an exclusive more serious relationship then chat for a while (I chatted conssitantly with my hubby for 2 weeks before we ever met in RL) and see if they stay engaged.
-use some common sense and think about safety: even if you feel good talking to them online you still never know. I did all my initial chatting through the website, then you can just block them if something goes wrong. I did give him my number before the first (which turned out to be a good thing since I got lost and was really late, had to do the "I promise I am not standing you up call!"). We went bowling which I find fun and its a good first date that allows you to talk more if you want, but you aren't stuck staring across a table at each other if your not hitting it off. He didn't know where I lived until after 3-4 dates, we met up in public locations for our first couple dates. I did not want to put myself in a position where I was alone with someone I did not know, plus if it sucks you can leave on your own terms. I totally respect a guy who wants to pick you up for dates and do the gentleman thing, but you can show off those skills in other ways for the first couple dates.
- for first impressions: read their profile and make an applicable comment in your first message (not about looks, about something they wrote). Its time consuming, but if you want to actually connect with someone it might take some effort.
- be honest, put your real self in your profile; sometimes doing something more interesting than just the headshot is a good idea, all a headshot gives you is is s/he hot or not? I had a various pictures including me dressed like *kitten* with the cow I halter broke in college, show the different sides of yourself.
- if there are deal breakers for you then filter those people out. On the other hand be realistic. I think its really easy online to get super nitpicky about things because you are just looking at someone's "resume" on paper. People are not perfect so stop trying to find someone who is.

It's not really any different than meeting someone through other means, just more opportunities to meet. Whether online or somewhere else you're gonna meet a few weirdos before you meet someone who's just the right amount of weird for you.

They all suck

GDLAZ wrote: »

Behindthesehazeleyes96 wrote: »

Pof sucks

I met my wife on POF. Like anything else, there are no guarantees, but sometimes good things happen!

True that. People do meet there lifetime mates online.

After two years of using online dating and getting not one date - and also after doing a bit of googling and research on the subject to try and make sense of my supposed ugliness, I've just scrawled the following doodle to sum up my experiences:



At the age of 41, I literally cannot get a woman under the age of 50 to express any interest in me whatsoever unless she is 300lbs and on welfare!

I've done the online dating thing and have actually met some really great people! Granted I am still single, but that is more of a personal choice and has nothing to do with whom I met online. There are certainly numerous risks involved but each individual should use their own sense of judgement in each situation.

newmeadow wrote: »

I'm still waiting for this thread to inspire someone to post the next step in these discussions in a new thread entitled: Tell Us Why You Got Divorced In The First Place

She had a rather serious substance abuse problem (which frequently made me the target for mental and physical abuse) and was rather frequently entertaining herself outside of our marriage with whatever men she could find. So after a decade of that I pulled my head out of my *kitten* and took back my life.

And hearing all the horror stories in this thread has reenforced my fear that I shall remain a single father because I do not think I want to expose myself to the world of online crazies...

fliesdonotbelong wrote: »

I went on a date with a doctor I met from Coffee Meets Bagel. We went to dinner and he mentioned that I looked familiar. I didn't recognise him. The date continued he was a gentleman the entire time. I went back to his place for a drink and he got too hands on so I wasn't going to see him again. A few days later he asked for my last name. I gave it to him and he replied that he had found me in his procedure log as one of his deliveries. He was a resident who delivered my daughter

What do you mean he got "too hands on"?

Guy represented himself as much younger than his actual age, then wanted to go out for an "ice cream shake then to the river bed to throw rocks at rats." Shortest date ever, 10 minutes.


That being said, I've had plenty of online dates that have went perfectly well, even if it never got past a few dates. I'm actually friends with a few of my past dates, now.

fliesdonotbelong wrote: »

yopeeps025 wrote: »

fliesdonotbelong wrote: »

I went on a date with a doctor I met from Coffee Meets Bagel. We went to dinner and he mentioned that I looked familiar. I didn't recognise him. The date continued he was a gentleman the entire time. I went back to his place for a drink and he got too hands on so I wasn't going to see him again. A few days later he asked for my last name. I gave it to him and he replied that he had found me in his procedure log as one of his deliveries. He was a resident who delivered my daughter

What do you mean he got "too hands on"?

I don't let guys get into my pants the first date. I asked him to stop and he kept pushing.

OK that is what I was waiting to hear.

Reading through this thread makes me glad I'm okay with being single. I attempted online dating in my early twenties but I'd mostly get messages from people who a)wrot lik dis n thoght id wnt 2 slep wit dem, b)were at least 20 years older, super creepy and most likely married, or my personal favourite c)thought black girls were hot and just saw me as a fetish. The conversations usually started (and ended) like "hey I think black girls are hot/ I've never been with a black girl before"
And the amount of male junk pictures I used to get back then
Now I wisely spend my time using the internet for what it was made for - watching cat videos on youtube and reading random articles on wikipedia

I met a bunch of nice guys at a bike event Sunday - so much less pressure than online encounters.

I just deleted my online dating accounts. I tried POF, MeetMe, and OK Cupid. They all had the same results. I would either get messages from 50 year old married men looking to explore their sexuality and spice up their otherwise boring marriage, or I would get messaged by wannabe plays who were like "Hey girl DTF (Down To *kitten*)". I think I met one person who actually had a normal conversation strategy but even that only lasted one or two messages. Most of the guys that were on those sites seemed like they should be on those sites. I didnt go on a single date because it never got that far. Never again.

I haven't had a super terrible experience yet but I haven't met the right person either sad panda

PowerKickChic wrote: »

I met my husband online BUT I realize we are the exception, not the rule. We met the same day we contacted each other via email/dating site because no matter what anyone says, you really don't know someone until you meet them in person(even on skype). Body reactions and vibes are sooo important.

We were engaged a week later and married less than a year after that. We will have our 15th wedding anniversary next January

Don't give up hope

You got engaged after a week?