Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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AngryViking1970 wrote: »I never really considered having children, even when I was going through the whole pre-cana thing pre-marriage. I was all "if it happens, it happens", not thinking it would happen. And I was thinking that mostly because I'd been kind of promiscuous before I met my husband with nary a pregnancy scare. Well, wouldn't you know I got pregnant on my honeymoon. LOL Now, I love my son with all my heart; he is the light of my life. Do I want more? Not even a little bit.
My husband keeps saying he wants to adopt or foster, so my son will have a brother. I DO NOT want another child. I am 45 years old next week, we live in a tiny house, and honestly, I just don't want to raise another kid. I am satisfied with my small family, even if that means my son is an only. Sometimes I think I'm being selfish, but that's just how I feel.
Is anyone an only child or have an only child? Am I damaging my kid?
Only child here, and I can tell you not having any more kids won't damage your kid.
My parents were 37 (mom) and 30 (dad) when I was born, and she had her tubes tied right after delivering me. That's probably for the best because it's been apparent throughout my nearly 24 years of existence that they probably shouldn't have even had me to begin with. I've mentioned before how I've always been reminded how I was an accident, I've been neglected, abused, and put through hell by them, but I won't get into all that. I've forgiven them, but I haven't forgotten it at all.
It's not how many kids you have, but how you care for and treat the one(s) you have that can either "damage" them or not. That's from a "damaged" kid.
Just to throw this out there, my mother was absolutely shocked when I told her we "planned" our daughter and actively tried to get pregnant as soon as we married. It's even more shocking that hubby and I have been discussing whether or not to try for baby #2 soon. Apparently that's uncommon in the family or something....and I've rambled way too much lol!
(I guess that's a big confession too? Lol)
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Ok, I am back and have thirty pages to catch up on!! Yikes! Miss a day, you miss a lot!0
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Has anyone heard of asparagus pee? Apparently, everyone's pee smells after eating asparagus but not everyone can smell it. I can, it's strong. I thought everyone could. My husband can't and neither can my parents. They all looked at me like I was crazy. I think they might be right because I have had this conversation twice in the last month or so. The 1st was at an annual girls weekend where we always talk about crazy stuff.
http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/why-pee-smells-funny-eat-asparagus
It's a pretty common thing. In fact, I've never met someone that didn't notice the smell after eating it.0 -
Too many to quote, but re: kids
My wife & I have been together for almost 23 years, half of our lives. We knew early on that we didn't want kids, and don't regret it at all. We are firmly in the "Have kids if you want to, not because you're supposed to." We have had many 4 legged kids & they have enriched our lives immensely over the years.
Well, I said NO regrets, but I do have one: not giving my parents grandchildren. (My brother doesn't appear to want kids either.) That does bum me out, but at the end of the day it's MY life, not theirs.0 -
I've been stalking Pinterest looking at work outfits because I want to be able to rock some new ones by January, dammit!
Oh, kiddo's birthday party is next Saturday, (all the foods will be eaten that day) and we're heading to the beach that Sunday for her birthday trip. I'm not sure if I'm ready to venture out swimsuit shopping, even though I need a new one....[/quote]
Woo Hoo!!![/quote]
Well, thank you!
I really want to lose this weight by January so one of my coworkers will stop talking about it. The words "you'd be a pretty girl if you'd lose some of that weight" were spoken and they've stuck with me ever sinceorangesmartie wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I have to add that I think it is NOT selfish at all to realize you do not want children. What is selfish is to have children you do not want, just because you are 'supposed' to, and then treat them as such.
The whole point of my last post was that I really wanted to be a mother, I do not think my life would be complete without it, but, it is not for everyone, and should not be taken lightly, nor should be taken on because of pressure.
This made me feel awesome. I don't want kids. I just don't. I donate to children's charities occassionally and I would risk my own life to protect someone else's kid without a second thought*. But having my own is just not something I want.
*I actually have a problem with going to the grocery store and if a parent walks away from the cart, I will stand next to it until they come back. I know it creeps some people out, but it only takes a SECOND for a kidnapping to happen and I worry about that stuff.
I've never wanted children. I've always known that, since I was very young. I never played with dollies. I am not maternal in the slightest. I am very lazy. i want to have lie ins, and stay on the sofa drinking coffee, or chuck my passport in my handbag and just go to the airport (i've done that a few times, and once when i took my dog on a ferry to Spain and then drove across it). But generally, I don't like children, don't want to be around them.
When my younger sister was pregnant, I was really excited to be an Auntie. I planned to do all the cool auntie things, buy loud toys and have trips to the zoo. I was there when my nephew was born and fell in love with him from the first moment.
Unfortunately, my sister is an oxygen thief and a total waste of space. Social Services were involved all the way along (due to her age) and when my nephew was 6 months old, they removed him from her care and put him in the care of my mum. My mum and I share now share legal custody of him (he's 2 now) and she rarely sees him.
When i was working in Devon, he lived half the week with my parents and half the week with me. Now i work in London in the week, I drive 200 miles home every Thursday night. I do swimming with him and his class at school on a Friday morning, and he stays with me from Friday to Sunday, when i drive back to London. He is exhausting and I am having to learn patience, which is not easy, particularly when small children don't come naturally. My office/gym room is now a small boy's bedroom, (i was heartbroken to sell my treadmill. i still miss it) all decorated for him and full of toys. We've always bought things in pairs so he has one at grandma's house and one at Auntie's.
Here's my confession:
I resent my sister hugely for dropping this burden on me, and my mum. We were in the process of getting ready to emigrate to Spain and now that dream is gone. I have to organise my whole life around supporting my parents and ensuring they get a break, 2 year olds are hard work. My parents already raised 6 of us. My partners and I have to organise our weekends, holidays and social lives to take account of school holidays and having Charlie. I miss the peace and quiet of my house. I miss the tidiness. I'm generally a solitary creature and loved the solitude of my house.
My mum was also recently diagnosed with skin cancer and will be undergoing a major operation this summer before radiotherapy. The care burden for my nephew, and her while she is bed bound, falls on my dad, who also works. That means i need to be home every weekend to try and lighten that load as much as i can.
to be clear: I do not resent my nephew in any way. I absolutely adore him, he is my world and my priority. He is the reason i work 200 miles from home (i can earn better money in London, and can afford to ensure he has everything he needs, and nice trips to the zoo etc. He does bring me such joy and happiness and he is the total light of my life.
But, i cannot help missing my Saturday morning boxing class, or my sunday morning lie in. I miss being able to book a holiday without a thought about money or child care. I resent that i spend 6 hours of my weekend, every weekend, driving. I feel overwhelmed by responsibilities all the time. My whole life has changed, through choices i didn't make. (Not strictly true, because i chose to to fight for custody of him, with my mum, and i promised my mum i would help her and support her). Charlie being fostered/adopted outside of the family was never an option in my mind). And mostly, i feel selfish for these thoughts and resentments.
everyone always said I would feel different about having kids, if they were my own. I don't think i would. And i was never prepared to risk having a child, just to find out. Thats not fair on the kid. But now I've got one (sort of) and i need to be a parent to him. All I can do is my best. And he will never ever know how i feel about his mother, or the loss of my freedom and independence.
TL;DR if you know you don't want children, good for you, stick to your guns and don't let the earth mothers try and tell you differently.
ETA: Charlie was my reason and motivation for starting my weightloss journey in the beginning. I wanted to be able to run around after him and keep up with him. I didn't want him to be ashamed of his fat auntie and have other kids tease him about me. I also do challenges as a way of teaching him that you have to work hard for things, that its the effort that you put in that counts.
Wow, I so admire you for stepping up to parent a child you never asked for. You clearly love him and have sacrificed so much for him. I have 4 kids under 10 ( soon to have number 5) but having them was my own choice and I have to deal with it, no matter how hard it can be (and some days I just want to lock myself in the bathroom with a bottle of vodka). I agree that no woman should feel pressured to have children if she doesn't want to. Just because you're born with a womb doesn't mean you're obligated to use it.0 -
I remember from a very young age (like age 10) saying that I never wanted children. Probably because my Mum always drummed it into me to never have them and that I would regret it.
As I've got older I've warmed to the idea and now I couldn't imagine living my life without ever having children but I've never particularly been a fan of little kids. I've never really been around them and don't have a clue how to act around them. I never really had any boundaries growing up and I think I would struggle to reinforce them. It does scare me when I think about what kind of parent I'd be.
Ps. This thread has given me the biggest mint chocolate craving ever! I've just seen the new Quest bars are chocolate mint as well. I must have one ASAP!
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lilaclovebird wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »@Alatariel75
It just needed to be said...
Confession #1: I couldn't leave the thread. There has been too much awesome support and too many valid discussions.
Confession #2: I totally judged @riinbale for their post. Sometimes it is not WHAT you say but HOW you say it and I feel they said it wrong.
Confession #3: I am happy to report that Dale, the diabetic at my job that I complained about earlier, will now be reporting to Kim(our main staff nurse) for regular monthly check ups and diet education as part of our Employee Health and Wellness and Early Intervention programs at the request of the lieutenant and the insistence of his own girlfriend. While it is not mandatory or remotely required for him to keep his job, I hope he takes full advantage of the opportunity and I am sincerely hoping for improvements in his health and job performance.
Actually, @Italian_Buju Your perspective is what made me discuss different options for Dale with the sergeants and then our nurse Kim got involved and that's how we came up with the plan. You made me take a step back and think, "Maybe EVERYONE(even the sergeants who also have diabetes) is being as judgmental as I am and no one has actually considered that he might benefit from some form of REAL support instead of judgmental looks and suggestions."
We had our monthly meeting and discussed some stuff and Kim said she has an open door and is willing to meet with everyone on a monthly basis so Dale will not be alone in receiving check ups and education on better health. The whole department is able to benefit and hopefully this will lead to less sick days used and more available vacation!
Well, I am glad you did not leave......I am also an outspoken person and it hit a nerve when it seemed like you were upset that someone was diabetic or that it was not a serious condition (which is how I interpreted your first comment, and I really appreciate that you apologized for that).....I am sensitive about certain subjects (like I have said before), and that is one of them, because I literally spend all day, every day managing my diabetes (I take a MINIMUM of seven insulin injections and test my blood sugar levels about ten times per day).
And I have had people around me that think it is not a big problem because I do not look sick all the time.
Meanwhile what they do not know is that it is a full time job to make sure I am not sick all the time, and sometimes even when I do not look sick I am dying inside because of all the long term problems I have because of it, and that I can never just not think of it when doing literally ANYTHING or just grab something quick to eat without making sure I have complex carbs AND protein at once to help slow it down and do the math about how many carbs are in that, subtract any fibre, and half of the sugar alcohol, if any, and then do some division to figure out how many units of insulin I need to inject to offset it, or that I can't even work out without making sure I adjust those numbers for the meal right before my work out and if I forget or do not know I am going to be doing activity in that time period, it makes things way more complicated, AND that I seem to have some kind of doctors appt every single week (this is why I opt for Tuesdays off and work some Saturdays instead, so many appts with all different kinds of DRS)......UGH.....ok rant about diabetes over lol......still glad you are here @lilaclovebird0 -
Caught up!
I'm not too worried about this parenting thing. I'm worried about the nitty, grittiness of sleep deprivation and exhaustion that comes with the early days, but beyond ensuring the kid's physical well-being, I feel like the actual 'parenting' part will be okay. I'm a decent person. My husband is a decent person. My parents were decent people and my siblings and I turned out fine. Not a lot of drama, not a lot of scares and we all put up with one another to varying degrees. Sure I expect there will be arguments and frustrations and bumps in the road, but I'm not aiming for perfection as I think that probably doesn't exist.
Am I being too blasé about the whole thing?!
Nope! I wasn't all that worried (not normal for me) about it either, and my husband and I weren't married at the time when our son was born. I was pregnant when we "officially" started dating, but didn't know it at the time. Read a couple books so you know what to expect and you'll be fine.
I've never understood people that didn't want to have kids...not a judgment, but at this time in my life I feel like I don't have anything to talk to them about. My whole life revolves around my kids and my husband. Although this thread has made me rethink that viewpoint because I do have alot in common with some of you without kids.0 -
DrWhoIsYerDad wrote: »I like to chase Starbucks coffee with diet mountain dew
I love Dt Dew. Kicked most of the habit but still do a 20 oz every few days.
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pofoster21 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I am not sure if I ever said this on this thread before or not (I might have, it is so long and my memory is bad, so sorry if I am repeating the first part), but I had my son rather young, because of various health problems.
Basically when I turned 18 my diabetic specialist told me I should never have children and should consider getting 'fixed' so I would not have an accident. I had already been diabetic a number of years, had lost a kidney at two years old and was in hospital at least a couple times a year with infections in my lone kidney. He said a pregnancy would most certainly kill my kidney and might even cause death.
I decided I really wanted to be a mother, and decided I was gonna try and have a baby, and if it killed me, oh well, nobody was depending on me anyway yet.
It took me two years and several treatments to finally get pregnant. That whole time, I was always sad and depressed thinking it would never happen. Each month when my period came, I would feel like I was defeated.
When I finally got pregnant, I was so excited I cannot even describe it.
Then, when I was about half way through my pregnancy, I started to worry about what would happen if I did not bond with my baby. I was terrified. I think the messed up relationship between my mother and I was freaking me out making me think that maybe I would have a messed up relationship with my child too.
Luckily that never happened. But those really young years were rough at times. I was young (I would not have chosen to have my child so young if health was not a factor), and he was colicky and later on very hyper. But the times that were wonderful were SO wonderful that it made all the other stuff worth it. Now he is 17 and for the last handful of years have had no problems at all with him that lasted more than a few moments.
One of those most amazing things that happened is that since I have given birth, I have never, not even once, been in hospital due to my kidney. This really reinforced my faith in God.
There were times I struggled as a parent, like I said a few posts up, things I even still feel guilty about, but I cannot even imagine my life any other way. I figure as long as my kids have a happy, healthy, stable, supportive home, they are much better off than I ever was, and I must be doing okay.
As far as school breaks goes, I think the breaks are just the right amount of time. By the time summer break comes, I am SO happy to have a break from routine and be able to sleep in more often, make dinner later, etc. But by the time it is almost over, I am DYING for school to start to get back on routine, lol. It has been lik that as long as I can remember.....
You mentioned 'kids' here and a daughter later on so I assume you had more?
I always wanted kids. I confessed this a few hundred pages ago so sorry for the repeat. Never got married so never had them. When I realized I wasn't probably going to get married I had always thought I would do it on my own but then realized how hard that would be and opted to just be a great aunt and focus on my horses and pets? Sometimes I am sorry I never had them but I also have a great life. I am not sure I would have been a good parent. I am an awesome aunt.
My daughter is two years older than my son. I adopted her when she was 10 years old, when her bio mom, a friend of mine, passed away. She actually had lots of family, a -father- (I use that lightly), a grandmother and several aunts and uncles, but I was already fighting for custody of her before my friend died as she fell into a nasty crack habit.....people kept telling me it was weird to start a custody fight for a child I was not actually related to, but I did not care.....I had temp custody for over a year when bio mom died, so at that point it was easy to just make it permanent. Now she is 19, and just home from her first year away from university, and I am practicing patience to not kill her over the summer, lol.0 -
Thanks! Funnily enough when he was little his hair was totally straight - it only went curly as he got older.
I agree- his hair is great! My hair didn't get curly until I hit my 20's, and I was at a real loss for what to do with it! I probably damaged it greatly for the first few years trying to straighten it! Then this year I finally found a hair salon that specializes in curly hair, and changed to some new products - healthy, moisturized, happy hair for the first time in ages. Too bad it took until I was months away from thirty to take care of my hair! The upside- I figured it all out 10 months before my wedding, so I am feeling pretty good about having a million photos taken of me this fall.
My confession- I fell off the bandwagon for about 8 months after reaching maintenance last year (only gained back about 8 lbs, but totally lost motivation). It was only when I realized that the wedding was less than 9 months away that I got back into an eating/working out groove in February! I don't really like the 'sweating for the wedding' trend (and vehemently deny that's what I'm doing when asked), but I was at a point where I needed some kind of motivation! New goal for the year - keep up the exercise routine post-wedding and through the holidays...0 -
FluffySandwich wrote: »
I looked up diffusers- they go on the end of blowdryers? I always let my hair dry naturally, and never use gel eitherkellienw335 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »Another rather lame confession: I haven't the slightest idea what to do with my hair. I haven't had short hair since I was a baby just starting to grow it. I wish I had the courage to chop it up or do something with it, but I'm just scared of making it look worse. It's extremely wavy (and in my opinion, not the good kind of wavy!!!) and hard to manage, so I just straighten it all the time to make it easier for me to deal with, at least. It also wants to always be parted in the middle. I went to see a hair stylist last year and she told me that my hair was "refusing to be parted down the side." Dumb hair.
My sister has experimented with all kinds of cuts and colors (well, all shades of red), and I wish I could be more like her. For some reason I'm just too scared.
Have you ever tried a diffuser on your hair and do you use gel?
No gel, hairspray, or anything... though I probably should get something to protect my hair from the heat when I straighten it.
There are times I like my hair, like when I wake up and think I have ok looking waves for once. The bad thing is I can't brush my hair lest it turn into a frizzy mess. Someone on Facebook actually shared an image that shows what it's like for me. Before brushing and after brushing:
Before I started straightening my hair, I had a friend who would always ask me why I never brushed my hair. I WAS brushing my hair, but it was coming out looking like the picture on the right!!! (but worse)
My hair typically looks like the one on the right too. Less curly though, but that's the idea. I have no idea what to do with it.
Confession - I totally judge overweight people who brag about their 400 calorie fancy coffee drink or the 1000 calorie dinners or baking goods they make for their family.0 -
FluffySandwich wrote: »
I looked up diffusers- they go on the end of blowdryers? I always let my hair dry naturally, and never use gel eitherkellienw335 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »Another rather lame confession: I haven't the slightest idea what to do with my hair. I haven't had short hair since I was a baby just starting to grow it. I wish I had the courage to chop it up or do something with it, but I'm just scared of making it look worse. It's extremely wavy (and in my opinion, not the good kind of wavy!!!) and hard to manage, so I just straighten it all the time to make it easier for me to deal with, at least. It also wants to always be parted in the middle. I went to see a hair stylist last year and she told me that my hair was "refusing to be parted down the side." Dumb hair.
My sister has experimented with all kinds of cuts and colors (well, all shades of red), and I wish I could be more like her. For some reason I'm just too scared.
Have you ever tried a diffuser on your hair and do you use gel? No gel, hairspray, or anything... though I probably should get something to protect my hair from the heat when I straighten it.
There are times I like my hair, like when I wake up and think I have ok looking waves for once. The bad thing is I can't brush my hair lest it turn into a frizzy mess. Someone on Facebook actually shared an image that shows what it's like for me. Before brushing and after brushing:
Before I started straightening my hair, I had a friend who would always ask me why I never brushed my hair. I WAS brushing my hair, but it was coming out looking like the picture on the right!!! (but worse)
You don't brush curly hair! Is she crazy?!?! I would recommend using gel specifically for curly hair, just use a little bit (dime to quarter size) and it will really help with the frizziness. See if one of your fellow curly haired friends has a diffuser that you could borrow and show you how to use. 0 -
Has anyone heard of asparagus pee? Apparently, everyone's pee smells after eating asparagus but not everyone can smell it. I can, it's strong. I thought everyone could. My husband can't and neither can my parents. They all looked at me like I was crazy. I think they might be right because I have had this conversation twice in the last month or so. The 1st was at an annual girls weekend where we always talk about crazy stuff.
http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/why-pee-smells-funny-eat-asparagus
Yes! I had to Google it because my husband always talks about it, but I can't smell it!0 -
FluffySandwich wrote: »
I looked up diffusers- they go on the end of blowdryers? I always let my hair dry naturally, and never use gel eitherkellienw335 wrote: »FluffySandwich wrote: »Another rather lame confession: I haven't the slightest idea what to do with my hair. I haven't had short hair since I was a baby just starting to grow it. I wish I had the courage to chop it up or do something with it, but I'm just scared of making it look worse. It's extremely wavy (and in my opinion, not the good kind of wavy!!!) and hard to manage, so I just straighten it all the time to make it easier for me to deal with, at least. It also wants to always be parted in the middle. I went to see a hair stylist last year and she told me that my hair was "refusing to be parted down the side." Dumb hair.
My sister has experimented with all kinds of cuts and colors (well, all shades of red), and I wish I could be more like her. For some reason I'm just too scared.
Have you ever tried a diffuser on your hair and do you use gel? No gel, hairspray, or anything... though I probably should get something to protect my hair from the heat when I straighten it.
There are times I like my hair, like when I wake up and think I have ok looking waves for once. The bad thing is I can't brush my hair lest it turn into a frizzy mess. Someone on Facebook actually shared an image that shows what it's like for me. Before brushing and after brushing:
Before I started straightening my hair, I had a friend who would always ask me why I never brushed my hair. I WAS brushing my hair, but it was coming out looking like the picture on the right!!! (but worse)
Ugh. My hair is EXACTLY the same. Isn't it annoying?! I just don't brush it... Then if I do, I immediately braid it down my back. End of drama.
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Has anyone heard of asparagus pee? Apparently, everyone's pee smells after eating asparagus but not everyone can smell it. I can, it's strong. I thought everyone could. My husband can't and neither can my parents. They all looked at me like I was crazy. I think they might be right because I have had this conversation twice in the last month or so. The 1st was at an annual girls weekend where we always talk about crazy stuff.
http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/why-pee-smells-funny-eat-asparagus
I can't smell it, but I am well aware of it, and my friends and I joke about it often, lol.0 -
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10166760/is-this-a-good-idea#latest
SMH. WTH is wrong with people?0 -
Daily confession.
My husband's daughter's boyfriend broke up with her on Mother's Day and she is "living" with us now. I put living in quotes because since last Tuesday, she's stayed the night once or twice, the rest of the nights (she works evenings) she doesn't bother coming home or even calling to say she's not going to be home. I understand she's an adult being 19, but I also expect her to show us some gratitude and respect for taking her and her cat in when she didn't really have anywhere else to go. Although, she must have SOMEWHERE to sleep since she's not sleeping in our house.
I am fully miffed about the whole thing because I feel like she is using us to store her stuff and take care of her cat. I have asked my husband to talk to her, but I'm sure he won't since he doesn't like confrontation and she's just now coming into our lives after not being allowed to see us for the past 14 years and he doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize that.
I am upset and hurt and don't know what to do. 0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »
You don't brush curly hair! Is she crazy?!?! I would recommend using gel specifically for curly hair, just use a little bit (dime to quarter size) and it will really help with the frizziness. See if one of your fellow curly haired friends has a diffuser that you could borrow and show you how to use.
Agreed - a diffuser and good products go a long way. I use gel (they make some now that won't make your hair too crunchy) and a volumizing foam because my hair is really fine and gets flat otherwise. I like the DevaCurl products best (I get them on Amazon, cheapest place I've found them), but used drug store products for a long time too with good results!
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Has anyone heard of asparagus pee? Apparently, everyone's pee smells after eating asparagus but not everyone can smell it. I can, it's strong. I thought everyone could. My husband can't and neither can my parents. They all looked at me like I was crazy. I think they might be right because I have had this conversation twice in the last month or so. The 1st was at an annual girls weekend where we always talk about crazy stuff.
http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/why-pee-smells-funny-eat-asparagus
It's a pretty common thing. In fact, I've never met someone that didn't notice the smell after eating it.
I never thought about it until my sister in law told me she couldn't smell it0
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