Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
Replies
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xLoveLikeWinterx wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »
Parenting is so hard, I am taking every effort to never have to do it.
And think about it, parenting with TWO parents is hard... and single parents...woah. AND if everyone is working?!
Everyone else can go ahead and make successful and wonderful humans. I do not feel strong enough to partake in that endeavor.
ETA: I am serious about everything in this post. I see parenting as very difficult. It takes skills and abilities that I am pretty sure I do not possess.
Here's something I've never confessed IRL before...
I don't enjoy parenting. I don't think I was meant to be a mum.
Don't get me wrong, I love my boys with all my heart. I give all of myself to them to ensure they feel loved, are happy and healthy.
But I just don't think I was cut out for it. I've had pretty severe postnatal depression since my first was born 3 years ago and I'm sure that contributes, but I do wonder if its just my personality. Also, I carry a lot of guilt over my depression, its so unfair to them and I worry I'm messing up their whole lives
Aaaaaaaand now I want to cover my feelings in food.
I could've pretty much wrote this post, word for word. I have a 3.5 yr old and an 8 month old (both boys). Everyone tells me I'm an awesome mom, but I feel like I'm failing at it constantly. It's not effortless for me like everyone else I see on Facebook. I have to WORK at my patience.
To be fair, I'm pretty sure I have PPD and my 3.5 yr old is a DRAMA QUEEN and can be difficult, but still. I give everything I have in me to them, literally, and I still feel like I'm doing it wrong.
Part of my inability to keep the weight off is I eat my feelings at night alone when they're in bed, because I sit and relive my parenting failures for the day in my head, over and over.
And hi, I've lurked but decided to post in the thread today
Many people on Facebook only post the 'highlights' or the 'best' parts of their lives on their. Don't compare the cover of someone else's book the the pages of your own.0 -
lilaclovebird wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I have to add that I think it is NOT selfish at all to realize you do not want children. What is selfish is to have children you do not want, just because you are 'supposed' to, and then treat them as such.
The whole point of my last post was that I really wanted to be a mother, I do not think my life would be complete without it, but, it is not for everyone, and should not be taken lightly, nor should be taken on because of pressure.
This made me feel awesome. I don't want kids. I just don't. I donate to children's charities occassionally and I would risk my own life to protect someone else's kid without a second thought*. But having my own is just not something I want.
*I actually have a problem with going to the grocery store and if a parent walks away from the cart, I will stand next to it until they come back. I know it creeps some people out, but it only takes a SECOND for a kidnapping to happen and I worry about that stuff.
My husband and I don't want kids. He has a 14 year old from a previous relationship, and she's awesome, but we don't want kids of our own. What drives me bonkers is when I say I don't want kids because I don't really have an affinity for them, and people give me the old "It's different when they're your own". What, so I should pop out a baby I don't want, and just hope I like it once it's here? That's a recipe for disaster!0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »@Alatariel75
It just needed to be said...
Confession #1: I couldn't leave the thread. There has been too much awesome support and too many valid discussions.
Confession #2: I totally judged @riinbale for their post. Sometimes it is not WHAT you say but HOW you say it and I feel they said it wrong.
Confession #3: I am happy to report that Dale, the diabetic at my job that I complained about earlier, will now be reporting to Kim(our main staff nurse) for regular monthly check ups and diet education as part of our Employee Health and Wellness and Early Intervention programs at the request of the lieutenant and the insistence of his own girlfriend. While it is not mandatory or remotely required for him to keep his job, I hope he takes full advantage of the opportunity and I am sincerely hoping for improvements in his health and job performance.
Actually, @Italian_Buju Your perspective is what made me discuss different options for Dale with the sergeants and then our nurse Kim got involved and that's how we came up with the plan. You made me take a step back and think, "Maybe EVERYONE(even the sergeants who also have diabetes) is being as judgmental as I am and no one has actually considered that he might benefit from some form of REAL support instead of judgmental looks and suggestions."
We had our monthly meeting and discussed some stuff and Kim said she has an open door and is willing to meet with everyone on a monthly basis so Dale will not be alone in receiving check ups and education on better health. The whole department is able to benefit and hopefully this will lead to less sick days used and more available vacation!0 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I have to add that I think it is NOT selfish at all to realize you do not want children. What is selfish is to have children you do not want, just because you are 'supposed' to, and then treat them as such.
The whole point of my last post was that I really wanted to be a mother, I do not think my life would be complete without it, but, it is not for everyone, and should not be taken lightly, nor should be taken on because of pressure.
This made me feel awesome. I don't want kids. I just don't. I donate to children's charities occassionally and I would risk my own life to protect someone else's kid without a second thought*. But having my own is just not something I want.
*I actually have a problem with going to the grocery store and if a parent walks away from the cart, I will stand next to it until they come back. I know it creeps some people out, but it only takes a SECOND for a kidnapping to happen and I worry about that stuff.
My husband and I don't want kids. He has a 14 year old from a previous relationship, and she's awesome, but we don't want kids of our own. What drives me bonkers is when I say I don't want kids because I don't really have an affinity for them, and people give me the old "It's different when they're your own". What, so I should pop out a baby I don't want, and just hope I like it once it's here? That's a recipe for disaster!
I ALSO love it when I say I don't want kids and people(coworkers) say "Oh but you would be such a GREAT mom!" Dude, you've known me for like a minute....don't even. In fact, go be odd somewhere else. :grumble:
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lilaclovebird wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I have to add that I think it is NOT selfish at all to realize you do not want children. What is selfish is to have children you do not want, just because you are 'supposed' to, and then treat them as such.
The whole point of my last post was that I really wanted to be a mother, I do not think my life would be complete without it, but, it is not for everyone, and should not be taken lightly, nor should be taken on because of pressure.
This made me feel awesome. I don't want kids. I just don't. I donate to children's charities occassionally and I would risk my own life to protect someone else's kid without a second thought*. But having my own is just not something I want.
*I actually have a problem with going to the grocery store and if a parent walks away from the cart, I will stand next to it until they come back. I know it creeps some people out, but it only takes a SECOND for a kidnapping to happen and I worry about that stuff.
Reminds me of a time I ran into a fellow (former) grad student in Trader Joe's with his ADORABLE 6 month old girl. He completely walked away from her to hold a conversation with me. I as not worried about the kidnapping so much as the tiny little thing falling out of the cart. He was relaxed and not even looking at her - around the corner from her. AWKKKKK!!
I never felt the urge to have kids. (Picture the scene from My Cousin Vinny about the biological clock ticking - I didn't have a biological clock). I was surprised with my pregnancies. I adore both my kids and can't imagine life without them. They changed me a lot for the better (especially having a medically challenging special needs kid).
The sleep deprived nights are a nightmare. The time my then 2 year old daughter "painted" with her excrement all over the walls and carpet of two rooms in the 20 minutes I finally got an exhausted nap and I work up to the SMELL and knowing my infant had no immune system and there was poo everywhere I just about lost it. All I did was send her to her room and clean (and clean and clean) it up. But at the moment I had a glimmer of insight into how a parent could possibly harm their child. The time I put my son back in bed 78 times in one night. Yes I counted. Yes it was as miserable as it sounds. I didn't react, just led him back to bed. Again and again and again. The next night it was 50 something times. The next night 15. The next night 2. He was 9! All parents have moments where they feel at the end of their rope. You just tie a knot in that rope and hang on. Give the kids love and do your best, admit your faults and flaws to them and ask for their forgiveness if you make a mistake and realize it. (I should not have yelled and lost my temper, will you forgive me. I'm working on that. -- this does go a long way).
Speaking of sleep deprived, I get cranky and I'm going to bed. Sweetest of dreams to all!!
Edit to add: My kids are both teens who are both amazing people. I got so lucky to have them as my kids.
Edit #2 to add: My parents are both yellers as was my ex. I can't stand it and have made my house a no "raised voices" sanctuary. Ahhh. It still takes practice on all of our parts when it was "normal" for so long but it is so much nicer to not hear yelling. I even hesitate to yell their names for dinner time.0 -
lilaclovebird wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I have to add that I think it is NOT selfish at all to realize you do not want children. What is selfish is to have children you do not want, just because you are 'supposed' to, and then treat them as such.
The whole point of my last post was that I really wanted to be a mother, I do not think my life would be complete without it, but, it is not for everyone, and should not be taken lightly, nor should be taken on because of pressure.
This made me feel awesome. I don't want kids. I just don't. I donate to children's charities occassionally and I would risk my own life to protect someone else's kid without a second thought*. But having my own is just not something I want.
*I actually have a problem with going to the grocery store and if a parent walks away from the cart, I will stand next to it until they come back. I know it creeps some people out, but it only takes a SECOND for a kidnapping to happen and I worry about that stuff.
My husband and I don't want kids. He has a 14 year old from a previous relationship, and she's awesome, but we don't want kids of our own. What drives me bonkers is when I say I don't want kids because I don't really have an affinity for them, and people give me the old "It's different when they're your own". What, so I should pop out a baby I don't want, and just hope I like it once it's here? That's a recipe for disaster!
I ALSO love it when I say I don't want kids and people(coworkers) say "Oh but you would be such a GREAT mom!" Dude, you've known me for like a minute....don't even. In fact, go be odd somewhere else. :grumble:
Oh, I've gotten that too! And I'm like "you work with me, you haven't the faintest what I'm like outside of here!".
My fav way to kill the conversation when someone asks why I'm not having kids though, is to just gesture to my (previously 100lb, now 50lb overweight) body and say "what? and ruin all this?" It's hilarious. They get really awkward and go away.0 -
lilaclovebird wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »@Alatariel75 It just needed to be said...
Confession #1: I couldn't leave the thread. There has been too much awesome support and too many valid discussions.
Confession #2: I totally judged @riinbale for their post. Sometimes it is not WHAT you say but HOW you say it and I feel they said it wrong.
Confession #3: I am happy to report that Dale, the diabetic at my job that I complained about earlier, will now be reporting to Kim(our main staff nurse) for regular monthly check ups and diet education as part of our Employee Health and Wellness and Early Intervention programs at the request of the lieutenant and the insistence of his own girlfriend. While it is not mandatory or remotely required for him to keep his job, I hope he takes full advantage of the opportunity and I am sincerely hoping for improvements in his health and job performance.
Actually, @Italian_Buju Your perspective is what made me discuss different options for Dale with the sergeants and then our nurse Kim got involved and that's how we came up with the plan. You made me take a step back and think, "Maybe EVERYONE(even the sergeants who also have diabetes) is being as judgmental as I am and no one has actually considered that he might benefit from some form of REAL support instead of judgmental looks and suggestions."
We had our monthly meeting and discussed some stuff and Kim said she has an open door and is willing to meet with everyone on a monthly basis so Dale will not be alone in receiving check ups and education on better health. The whole department is able to benefit and hopefully this will lead to less sick days used and more available vacation!
I love how positive this is! Great job! It made me smile to read it. Well done.
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Alatariel75 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I have to add that I think it is NOT selfish at all to realize you do not want children. What is selfish is to have children you do not want, just because you are 'supposed' to, and then treat them as such.
The whole point of my last post was that I really wanted to be a mother, I do not think my life would be complete without it, but, it is not for everyone, and should not be taken lightly, nor should be taken on because of pressure.
This made me feel awesome. I don't want kids. I just don't. I donate to children's charities occassionally and I would risk my own life to protect someone else's kid without a second thought*. But having my own is just not something I want.
*I actually have a problem with going to the grocery store and if a parent walks away from the cart, I will stand next to it until they come back. I know it creeps some people out, but it only takes a SECOND for a kidnapping to happen and I worry about that stuff.
My husband and I don't want kids. He has a 14 year old from a previous relationship, and she's awesome, but we don't want kids of our own. What drives me bonkers is when I say I don't want kids because I don't really have an affinity for them, and people give me the old "It's different when they're your own". What, so I should pop out a baby I don't want, and just hope I like it once it's here? That's a recipe for disaster!
I ALSO love it when I say I don't want kids and people(coworkers) say "Oh but you would be such a GREAT mom!" Dude, you've known me for like a minute....don't even. In fact, go be odd somewhere else. :grumble:
Oh, I've gotten that too! And I'm like "you work with me, you haven't the faintest what I'm like outside of here!".
My fav way to kill the conversation when someone asks why I'm not having kids though, is to just gesture to my (previously 100lb, now 50lb overweight) body and say "what? and ruin all this?" It's hilarious. They get really awkward and go away.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
When I lose a bit more I will start doing that.
Mostly I just mention all of my free time, sleep, and food. I was a picky eater growing up and I put my parents through some stuff because of that. Low and behold, them forcing me to eat things has lead me to love and eat everything under the sun all on my own! :laugh:0 -
lilaclovebird wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I have to add that I think it is NOT selfish at all to realize you do not want children. What is selfish is to have children you do not want, just because you are 'supposed' to, and then treat them as such.
The whole point of my last post was that I really wanted to be a mother, I do not think my life would be complete without it, but, it is not for everyone, and should not be taken lightly, nor should be taken on because of pressure.
This made me feel awesome. I don't want kids. I just don't. I donate to children's charities occassionally and I would risk my own life to protect someone else's kid without a second thought*. But having my own is just not something I want.
*I actually have a problem with going to the grocery store and if a parent walks away from the cart, I will stand next to it until they come back. I know it creeps some people out, but it only takes a SECOND for a kidnapping to happen and I worry about that stuff.
My husband and I don't want kids. He has a 14 year old from a previous relationship, and she's awesome, but we don't want kids of our own. What drives me bonkers is when I say I don't want kids because I don't really have an affinity for them, and people give me the old "It's different when they're your own". What, so I should pop out a baby I don't want, and just hope I like it once it's here? That's a recipe for disaster!
I ALSO love it when I say I don't want kids and people(coworkers) say "Oh but you would be such a GREAT mom!" Dude, you've known me for like a minute....don't even. In fact, go be odd somewhere else. :grumble:
Oh, I've gotten that too! And I'm like "you work with me, you haven't the faintest what I'm like outside of here!".
My fav way to kill the conversation when someone asks why I'm not having kids though, is to just gesture to my (previously 100lb, now 50lb overweight) body and say "what? and ruin all this?" It's hilarious. They get really awkward and go away.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
When I lose a bit more I will start doing that.
Mostly I just mention all of my free time, sleep, and food. I was a picky eater growing up and I put my parents through some stuff because of that. Low and behold, them forcing me to eat things has lead me to love and eat everything under the sun all on my own! :laugh:
Oh, no no, the whole point is I'm still very overweight, so there's this whole ".... but there's nothing to "ruin"" moment that just confuses them
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lilaclovebird wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »@Alatariel75 It just needed to be said...
Confession #1: I couldn't leave the thread. There has been too much awesome support and too many valid discussions.
Confession #2: I totally judged @riinbale for their post. Sometimes it is not WHAT you say but HOW you say it and I feel they said it wrong.
Confession #3: I am happy to report that Dale, the diabetic at my job that I complained about earlier, will now be reporting to Kim(our main staff nurse) for regular monthly check ups and diet education as part of our Employee Health and Wellness and Early Intervention programs at the request of the lieutenant and the insistence of his own girlfriend. While it is not mandatory or remotely required for him to keep his job, I hope he takes full advantage of the opportunity and I am sincerely hoping for improvements in his health and job performance.
Actually, @Italian_Buju Your perspective is what made me discuss different options for Dale with the sergeants and then our nurse Kim got involved and that's how we came up with the plan. You made me take a step back and think, "Maybe EVERYONE(even the sergeants who also have diabetes) is being as judgmental as I am and no one has actually considered that he might benefit from some form of REAL support instead of judgmental looks and suggestions."
We had our monthly meeting and discussed some stuff and Kim said she has an open door and is willing to meet with everyone on a monthly basis so Dale will not be alone in receiving check ups and education on better health. The whole department is able to benefit and hopefully this will lead to less sick days used and more available vacation!
I love how positive this is! Great job! It made me smile to read it. Well done.
Don't blame me. Blame this thread. Projecting all of it's positivity and release of negative feelings so we can be healthy. Shame on this thread! SHAME I SAY! 0 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I have to add that I think it is NOT selfish at all to realize you do not want children. What is selfish is to have children you do not want, just because you are 'supposed' to, and then treat them as such.
The whole point of my last post was that I really wanted to be a mother, I do not think my life would be complete without it, but, it is not for everyone, and should not be taken lightly, nor should be taken on because of pressure.
This made me feel awesome. I don't want kids. I just don't. I donate to children's charities occassionally and I would risk my own life to protect someone else's kid without a second thought*. But having my own is just not something I want.
*I actually have a problem with going to the grocery store and if a parent walks away from the cart, I will stand next to it until they come back. I know it creeps some people out, but it only takes a SECOND for a kidnapping to happen and I worry about that stuff.
My husband and I don't want kids. He has a 14 year old from a previous relationship, and she's awesome, but we don't want kids of our own. What drives me bonkers is when I say I don't want kids because I don't really have an affinity for them, and people give me the old "It's different when they're your own". What, so I should pop out a baby I don't want, and just hope I like it once it's here? That's a recipe for disaster!
I ALSO love it when I say I don't want kids and people(coworkers) say "Oh but you would be such a GREAT mom!" Dude, you've known me for like a minute....don't even. In fact, go be odd somewhere else. :grumble:
Oh, I've gotten that too! And I'm like "you work with me, you haven't the faintest what I'm like outside of here!".
My fav way to kill the conversation when someone asks why I'm not having kids though, is to just gesture to my (previously 100lb, now 50lb overweight) body and say "what? and ruin all this?" It's hilarious. They get really awkward and go away.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
When I lose a bit more I will start doing that.
Mostly I just mention all of my free time, sleep, and food. I was a picky eater growing up and I put my parents through some stuff because of that. Low and behold, them forcing me to eat things has lead me to love and eat everything under the sun all on my own! :laugh:
Oh, no no, the whole point is I'm still very overweight, so there's this whole ".... but there's nothing to "ruin"" moment that just confuses them Now I am SO doing it. 0 -
orangesmartie wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »I have 477 posts to catch up on.
But just to say: I climbed a mountain on Sunday. Felt awesome. Didn't struggle. Photos on my just giving page soon (address on profile)
Yay! And I bet the coat looked awesome up there, too
Haha funny thing, I didn't need a waterproof, the weather was dry! So it stayed vacuum packed in my rucksack (until Monday, when we had torrential rain, that's Wales for ya).
I'm still trying to upload my pics but they are too big for justgiving apparently
I am behind and might not catch up today so just wanted to say your pic looks awesome. Can you post the link to your donation site again or message it to me? Thanks!
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spacequiztime wrote: »
That sounds disgusting. No judgement. Fact.0 -
FluffySandwich wrote: »All this talk about Kit Kats is making me want some. I was never a fan of them... don't really like wafer candy. However, these chunky Kit Kats sound really good. Massive fan of peanut butter and chocolate!
I'm not a fan of the regular kit kat either! I mean it's chocolate if it was put in front of me I wouldn't say no but it's definitely not something I'd pick out if I had a craving. Chunky kit kats? YES PLEASE. If you love peanut butter and chocolate you will love the chunky!!0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »Uh-oh! Totally hangry today. It's not yet lunch time and I've mowed through my breakfast, a Quest bar, almonds and an apple. There will be no calories left for dinner at this rate.
Nice pic! Everyone is switching up their pics today. Nice to meet you!0 -
Thanks! Funnily enough when he was little his hair was totally straight - it only went curly as he got older.FluffySandwich wrote: »@Tubbs216 , your son has some gorgeous curls going on. My hair gets curly if I go to bed while it's still wet, but it's always misshapen
Also, going back to my gum confession... I just worked out at the gym for an hour. I don't keep water with me like I probably should, so by the end of said hour I was PARCHED. Went to go get some water from the water fountain... and someone had spit their gum into it. WHY?! Why would you do that? Is it so difficult for you to go find a trashcan (they're everywhere in the locker rooms) to spit it into??? Why must you ruin this for me! I was so disgusted I couldn't drink the water and had to wait until I got home 40 minutes later. Ugh.
That is disgusting about the gum in the water fountain. People are animals. Well, some are. Actually, even my dog would have the good manners to swallow gum rather than leave it in a water fountain.
At work one of the water fountains was out of commission for over three months because someone decided to spit their tobacco/dip in the water fountain- it was disgusting I almost got sick.0 -
Alatariel75 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Alatariel75 wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I have to add that I think it is NOT selfish at all to realize you do not want children. What is selfish is to have children you do not want, just because you are 'supposed' to, and then treat them as such.
The whole point of my last post was that I really wanted to be a mother, I do not think my life would be complete without it, but, it is not for everyone, and should not be taken lightly, nor should be taken on because of pressure.
This made me feel awesome. I don't want kids. I just don't. I donate to children's charities occassionally and I would risk my own life to protect someone else's kid without a second thought*. But having my own is just not something I want.
*I actually have a problem with going to the grocery store and if a parent walks away from the cart, I will stand next to it until they come back. I know it creeps some people out, but it only takes a SECOND for a kidnapping to happen and I worry about that stuff.
My husband and I don't want kids. He has a 14 year old from a previous relationship, and she's awesome, but we don't want kids of our own. What drives me bonkers is when I say I don't want kids because I don't really have an affinity for them, and people give me the old "It's different when they're your own". What, so I should pop out a baby I don't want, and just hope I like it once it's here? That's a recipe for disaster!
I ALSO love it when I say I don't want kids and people(coworkers) say "Oh but you would be such a GREAT mom!" Dude, you've known me for like a minute....don't even. In fact, go be odd somewhere else. :grumble:
Oh, I've gotten that too! And I'm like "you work with me, you haven't the faintest what I'm like outside of here!".
My fav way to kill the conversation when someone asks why I'm not having kids though, is to just gesture to my (previously 100lb, now 50lb overweight) body and say "what? and ruin all this?" It's hilarious. They get really awkward and go away.
Haha I would pay to see people's faces after you say that! That's hilarious!0 -
lilaclovebird wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I have to add that I think it is NOT selfish at all to realize you do not want children. What is selfish is to have children you do not want, just because you are 'supposed' to, and then treat them as such.
The whole point of my last post was that I really wanted to be a mother, I do not think my life would be complete without it, but, it is not for everyone, and should not be taken lightly, nor should be taken on because of pressure.
This made me feel awesome. I don't want kids. I just don't. I donate to children's charities occassionally and I would risk my own life to protect someone else's kid without a second thought*. But having my own is just not something I want.
*I actually have a problem with going to the grocery store and if a parent walks away from the cart, I will stand next to it until they come back. I know it creeps some people out, but it only takes a SECOND for a kidnapping to happen and I worry about that stuff.
I've never wanted children. I've always known that, since I was very young. I never played with dollies. I am not maternal in the slightest. I am very lazy. i want to have lie ins, and stay on the sofa drinking coffee, or chuck my passport in my handbag and just go to the airport (i've done that a few times, and once when i took my dog on a ferry to Spain and then drove across it). But generally, I don't like children, don't want to be around them.
When my younger sister was pregnant, I was really excited to be an Auntie. I planned to do all the cool auntie things, buy loud toys and have trips to the zoo. I was there when my nephew was born and fell in love with him from the first moment.
Unfortunately, my sister is an oxygen thief and a total waste of space. Social Services were involved all the way along (due to her age) and when my nephew was 6 months old, they removed him from her care and put him in the care of my mum. My mum and I share now share legal custody of him (he's 2 now) and she rarely sees him.
When i was working in Devon, he lived half the week with my parents and half the week with me. Now i work in London in the week, I drive 200 miles home every Thursday night. I do swimming with him and his class at school on a Friday morning, and he stays with me from Friday to Sunday, when i drive back to London. He is exhausting and I am having to learn patience, which is not easy, particularly when small children don't come naturally. My office/gym room is now a small boy's bedroom, (i was heartbroken to sell my treadmill. i still miss it) all decorated for him and full of toys. We've always bought things in pairs so he has one at grandma's house and one at Auntie's.
Here's my confession:
I resent my sister hugely for dropping this burden on me, and my mum. We were in the process of getting ready to emigrate to Spain and now that dream is gone. I have to organise my whole life around supporting my parents and ensuring they get a break, 2 year olds are hard work. My parents already raised 6 of us. My partners and I have to organise our weekends, holidays and social lives to take account of school holidays and having Charlie. I miss the peace and quiet of my house. I miss the tidiness. I'm generally a solitary creature and loved the solitude of my house.
My mum was also recently diagnosed with skin cancer and will be undergoing a major operation this summer before radiotherapy. The care burden for my nephew, and her while she is bed bound, falls on my dad, who also works. That means i need to be home every weekend to try and lighten that load as much as i can.
to be clear: I do not resent my nephew in any way. I absolutely adore him, he is my world and my priority. He is the reason i work 200 miles from home (i can earn better money in London, and can afford to ensure he has everything he needs, and nice trips to the zoo etc. He does bring me such joy and happiness and he is the total light of my life.
But, i cannot help missing my Saturday morning boxing class, or my sunday morning lie in. I miss being able to book a holiday without a thought about money or child care. I resent that i spend 6 hours of my weekend, every weekend, driving. I feel overwhelmed by responsibilities all the time. My whole life has changed, through choices i didn't make. (Not strictly true, because i chose to to fight for custody of him, with my mum, and i promised my mum i would help her and support her). Charlie being fostered/adopted outside of the family was never an option in my mind). And mostly, i feel selfish for these thoughts and resentments.
everyone always said I would feel different about having kids, if they were my own. I don't think i would. And i was never prepared to risk having a child, just to find out. Thats not fair on the kid. But now I've got one (sort of) and i need to be a parent to him. All I can do is my best. And he will never ever know how i feel about his mother, or the loss of my freedom and independence.
TL;DR if you know you don't want children, good for you, stick to your guns and don't let the earth mothers try and tell you differently.
ETA: Charlie was my reason and motivation for starting my weightloss journey in the beginning. I wanted to be able to run around after him and keep up with him. I didn't want him to be ashamed of his fat auntie and have other kids tease him about me. I also do challenges as a way of teaching him that you have to work hard for things, that its the effort that you put in that counts.0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »I am not sure if I ever said this on this thread before or not (I might have, it is so long and my memory is bad, so sorry if I am repeating the first part), but I had my son rather young, because of various health problems.
Basically when I turned 18 my diabetic specialist told me I should never have children and should consider getting 'fixed' so I would not have an accident. I had already been diabetic a number of years, had lost a kidney at two years old and was in hospital at least a couple times a year with infections in my lone kidney. He said a pregnancy would most certainly kill my kidney and might even cause death.
I decided I really wanted to be a mother, and decided I was gonna try and have a baby, and if it killed me, oh well, nobody was depending on me anyway yet.
It took me two years and several treatments to finally get pregnant. That whole time, I was always sad and depressed thinking it would never happen. Each month when my period came, I would feel like I was defeated.
When I finally got pregnant, I was so excited I cannot even describe it.
Then, when I was about half way through my pregnancy, I started to worry about what would happen if I did not bond with my baby. I was terrified. I think the messed up relationship between my mother and I was freaking me out making me think that maybe I would have a messed up relationship with my child too.
Luckily that never happened. But those really young years were rough at times. I was young (I would not have chosen to have my child so young if health was not a factor), and he was colicky and later on very hyper. But the times that were wonderful were SO wonderful that it made all the other stuff worth it. Now he is 17 and for the last handful of years have had no problems at all with him that lasted more than a few moments.
One of those most amazing things that happened is that since I have given birth, I have never, not even once, been in hospital due to my kidney. This really reinforced my faith in God.
There were times I struggled as a parent, like I said a few posts up, things I even still feel guilty about, but I cannot even imagine my life any other way. I figure as long as my kids have a happy, healthy, stable, supportive home, they are much better off than I ever was, and I must be doing okay.
As far as school breaks goes, I think the breaks are just the right amount of time. By the time summer break comes, I am SO happy to have a break from routine and be able to sleep in more often, make dinner later, etc. But by the time it is almost over, I am DYING for school to start to get back on routine, lol. It has been lik that as long as I can remember.....
You mentioned 'kids' here and a daughter later on so I assume you had more?
I always wanted kids. I confessed this a few hundred pages ago so sorry for the repeat. Never got married so never had them. When I realized I wasn't probably going to get married I had always thought I would do it on my own but then realized how hard that would be and opted to just be a great aunt and focus on my horses and pets? Sometimes I am sorry I never had them but I also have a great life. I am not sure I would have been a good parent. I am an awesome aunt.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »orangesmartie wrote: »I have 477 posts to catch up on.
But just to say: I climbed a mountain on Sunday. Felt awesome. Didn't struggle. Photos on my just giving page soon (address on profile)
Yay! And I bet the coat looked awesome up there, too
Haha funny thing, I didn't need a waterproof, the weather was dry! So it stayed vacuum packed in my rucksack (until Monday, when we had torrential rain, that's Wales for ya).
I'm still trying to upload my pics but they are too big for justgiving apparently
I am behind and might not catch up today so just wanted to say your pic looks awesome. Can you post the link to your donation site again or message it to me? Thanks!
Thank you! Its a pic of me i actually like. I think i look ok, and I am standing on the top of a mountain. That i climbed!
I'll message the link, because i don't want to get the thread cops on us if its breaking the rules to post links like that here
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lilaclovebird wrote: »
Parenting is so hard, I am taking every effort to never have to do it.
And think about it, parenting with TWO parents is hard... and single parents...woah. AND if everyone is working?!
Everyone else can go ahead and make successful and wonderful humans. I do not feel strong enough to partake in that endeavor.
ETA: I am serious about everything in this post. I see parenting as very difficult. It takes skills and abilities that I am pretty sure I do not possess.
Here's something I've never confessed IRL before...
I don't enjoy parenting. I don't think I was meant to be a mum.
Don't get me wrong, I love my boys with all my heart. I give all of myself to them to ensure they feel loved, are happy and healthy.
But I just don't think I was cut out for it. I've had pretty severe postnatal depression since my first was born 3 years ago and I'm sure that contributes, but I do wonder if its just my personality. Also, I carry a lot of guilt over my depression, its so unfair to them and I worry I'm messing up their whole lives
Aaaaaaaand now I want to cover my feelings in food.
Same here. Sometimes I read how people feel about their kids but it seems I'm always so busy playing referral or cooking or packing lunches or doing laundry or cleaning their mess and trying not to go crazy that I don't really get to enjoy it. Or how new parents love their babies so much while I was just so exhausted from having 2 at once that I just wanted some time alone!
Oh and people who are so sad when Summer break is over. Are you kidding me? I want to celebrate. Tears of joy the first day of school. Seriously.
Then I see all those couples still so much in love after 10 years and it's definitely not me either so I'm thinking it's a problem with me. But to be fair, I don't like little kids. They're gross and messy and loud. LOL. When I envisioned being a parent, I was more looking forward to the teen/tween age, when we start to be able to enjoy more 'adult' things together - walks, hiking, day trips, sightseeing, more interesting movies etc (and I know that's going to bite me in the *** later because I know that that age is no walk in the park either). Doing crafts and kids games and family movies etc... really not my thing (ok, I like Disney... to an extent).
Ok Christmas and Easter are fun the first 30 minutes, then it's more mess, wrapping paper and packaging and toys everywhere.... lol. I mean, we do have some great days, but pretty much everything comes accompanied by 'I'm hungry', 'my feet hurt', 'I'm bored', 'I want to go home', 'waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa'. Facebook perfect family pictures? Hardly what it's really like. Although I guess that it depends on your kids. I have a happy one, and I have a whiner. Let's say that on the rare occasions that the whiner was busy at a party or something and we had the happy one, it was much more enjoyable.
I confess that sometimes I daydream about going away ALONE for a week.
Maybe you should? Might refresh you and give you a new perspective? Maybe a mommy/wife vacation once a year. I can't imagine how stressful that is. I live alone with my cats and love to come home to my empty house to recharge. Once cats are fed and the litter box cleaned its pure relaxation and unconditional purring and petting time. I am stressed when anyone comes into my home let alone having someone live with me. Especially demanding kids and a spouse.0 -
My apple was quite the disappointment. It was crisp and juicy in some spots and mealy and gross in most others. I've had disappointment eating fresh fruit the last 2 days. Why is it SO HARD FOR ME TO PICK GOOD FRUIT?!
I think it's the time of year. I usually eat 2 apples a day but go on hiatus about now when they start to get old. I like really crisp tart apples. Can't have any soft spots.0 -
kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »
*drool* I once had the idea to bake brownies by doing the following:
A. Spread half the brownie batter in the pan
B. Cover the batter with a single layer of these beauties
C. Spread the other half of the batter on top
D. Layer them across the top
Sadly, when I went to put my idea into action, I couldn't find them at ANY of the supermarkets. Ugh.
OH MY GOD! You had me, I really want to know what happens. You must do it! I think they are mostly around at Christmas time.
......
I'm doing it. I'm going to hunt them down now and I'm going to do it...
Do it, do it! I NEED to know how this turns out. I should hunt for them too....
http://lilluna.com/eggless-cookie-dough/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed:+lilluna/isXQ+(Lil'+Luna+-+All+Things+Good)
I made this recipe tonight & had 10 grams of it since that's all I could fit in my diary for today haha. Very sweet, but so much better than the mock chickpea dough even though that was still pretty decent.
When I REALLY want cookie dough, I make the real thing, raw eggs and all. I tried out the mock one when I came across it because I was hoping it would be a lower calorie alternative--It wasn't, though! I could have had 3.5 cookies' worth of real dough for the same amount of calories, and the amount wasn't much more than that would be. And it tasted nothing like cookie dough *sobsob*
That's some SERIOUSLY amazing willpower. I could never stick to ten grams of cookie dough, whether it fit in my diary or not! I'd probably eat half the dough... 0 -
lilaclovebird wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »I have to add that I think it is NOT selfish at all to realize you do not want children. What is selfish is to have children you do not want, just because you are 'supposed' to, and then treat them as such.
The whole point of my last post was that I really wanted to be a mother, I do not think my life would be complete without it, but, it is not for everyone, and should not be taken lightly, nor should be taken on because of pressure.
This made me feel awesome. I don't want kids. I just don't. I donate to children's charities occassionally and I would risk my own life to protect someone else's kid without a second thought*. But having my own is just not something I want.
*I actually have a problem with going to the grocery store and if a parent walks away from the cart, I will stand next to it until they come back. I know it creeps some people out, but it only takes a SECOND for a kidnapping to happen and I worry about that stuff.
I'm like that, too! I'll even chase down people's runaway toddlers in the supermarket/mall for them if they aren't fast enough, so they won't lose the little munchkin... And as a former nursery teacher, I'd take care of/nurture/protect any kid as though they were mine when they're in my care. But I don't want or plan to have any of my own. (Please don't tell my mother. Or mother in law. Or anyone in my family. They'd kill me! That's a serious confession right there... Nobody but my husband knows.)
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smashley_mashley wrote: »lilaclovebird wrote: »
Parenting is so hard, I am taking every effort to never have to do it.
And think about it, parenting with TWO parents is hard... and single parents...woah. AND if everyone is working?!
Everyone else can go ahead and make successful and wonderful humans. I do not feel strong enough to partake in that endeavor.
ETA: I am serious about everything in this post. I see parenting as very difficult. It takes skills and abilities that I am pretty sure I do not possess.
Here's something I've never confessed IRL before...
I don't enjoy parenting. I don't think I was meant to be a mum.
Don't get me wrong, I love my boys with all my heart. I give all of myself to them to ensure they feel loved, are happy and healthy.
But I just don't think I was cut out for it. I've had pretty severe postnatal depression since my first was born 3 years ago and I'm sure that contributes, but I do wonder if its just my personality. Also, I carry a lot of guilt over my depression, its so unfair to them and I worry I'm messing up their whole lives
Aaaaaaaand now I want to cover my feelings in food.
Awe, I'm sorry you feel that way. That is quite the confession. *hugs*
I confess that I don't know if I want to be a mother. When I was younger, I always wanted a big family - 4 kids or so. Now that I am 29 and the more I get established in my career and see the fruits of my job (mostly putting money into savings) I don't know if I want the responsibility. There are parts of being a mom that I really want, such as doing crafts, going to kid movies, Halloween/Christmas/Easter - the fun stuff. But I don't know if I can handle all the other stuff, such as getting up in the middle of the night for feedings, changing diapers, dealing with sick/vomity kids, bratty meltdowns in stores, being annoyed when I just want me time.
I feel selfish because I just want the fun stuff but not the whole package.
I agree this happened to me too. I think I probably ended up where I was meant to be.0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »All this talk about kids, and now I would like to bop my 19 year old daughter in the head......boys are SO much easier.....
That is true in my experience as well. What did she do?
She has been home for school from a month, and I am already having to harp her to get her crap done, and then she gets all bitchy like I am somehow annoying her, when I am the one that is really annoyed.....the first month went well, now I am going to be counting down for the next three months til she leaves......
I all honesty, @Italian_Buju I can remember being like that at that age. I think around 21 I snapped out of it and then suddenly started agreeing with how my parents raised me. For example the SOAD gig I wasn't allowed to go to I spoke of earlier? Yea, I was 14. OF COURSE they aren't going to let me go. I agree with that now. But at the time I couldn't see the issue.
19 is that age where legally (in the UK) you are an adult and can do what you want, but you still have the hormones of a 16 year old at school. So as a parent you can't do much about it (legally) but hope they do the correct thing. Personally I would tell her once and then leave her to make her own mistakes. 19 year old girls hold grudges, well I did anyway.
The more my parents told me to do something to more I would hold out doing it. Because of course I'm right! And you can't actually tell me what to do anymore. My dad still reminds me how much of a bi*ch I was. 0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »@pofoster21 - how are you doing?? Where are you? I have been thinking about you and how you are handling the loss of your horse.....hope you are ok!!
Thank you. And to everyone who continues to express condolences. I am ok. If I keep busy I am fine and usually when I start thinking about it I try to distract myself. I went to the barn for the first time yesterday and cried a bit, mostly when I did the various food rituals that I developed with Oberon with my mare. I so missed hearing him talk to me asking for his treats. Luckily no one said they were sorry (my trainer must of prepped them) because otherwise I would have lost it. That is what I was dreading the most. Talking about it makes me cry. Thanks so much for asking. It's easier to write these things here than talk about them in real life.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »@pofoster21 - how are you doing?? Where are you? I have been thinking about you and how you are handling the loss of your horse.....hope you are ok!!
Thank you. And to everyone who continues to express condolences. I am ok. If I keep busy I am fine and usually when I start thinking about it I try to distract myself. I went to the barn for the first time yesterday and cried a bit, mostly when I did the various food rituals that I developed with Oberon with my mare. I so missed hearing him talk to me asking for his treats. Luckily no one said they were sorry (my trainer must of prepped them) because otherwise I would have lost it. That is what I was dreading the most. Talking about it makes me cry. Thanks so much for asking. It's easier to write these things here than talk about them in real life.
I'm late, but I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have an outlet to talk/type.0
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