Confession - Moralistic people please drop it...

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Sunny_Lexie
Sunny_Lexie Posts: 114
in Motivation and Support
Okay.

So this is going to be really hard to confess, and a lot of people will probably hate me after this. If some of my MFP friends want to delete me I totally understand. Than, why am I writing? Because I need help and advice. Moralistic people are asked to stay quiet - not that I don't respect your opinion, but because I already know that what I am doing is horrible. :embarassed:

I am dating a married man. BAM. :noway:

Awful, right?

I'm not gonna describe the whole thing, just that his marriage is not really idealistic and apparently not what he expected.

So me doing that is already hard for me, why the heck don't I stop? I fell in love with the guy. He has truly so many qualities that I am looking for (no wonder why he's married, I guess). And he makes me feel soooo good. Everything looks so simple with him even if the situation is so complicated. But I leave the country in one month so everything will be over anyway. Still, I kind of feel that he starts to have feelings too... This KILLS me. :brokenheart:

I am lost I don't know what to think anymore. And as I am an emotional eater, and NON-eater, I alternate days when I eat like crazy and days when I just can't. Dieting has become the least option, I just try not to be in pain when he's not around.

I will probably regret this post, but I give it a try... Please help.
EDIT

I need to add some details obviously.

- they have no kids

- I DO put myself in her shoes and believe me I DO since I have been the cheated one in a previous, serious relationship!!! That makes things even more difficult, the GUILT of now and the MEMORIES of the past!

**So for people who think that I don't feel like a monster, believe me, I DO.

****** Oh and also, this post was about dealing with my emotional eating. Opening my eyes, yes, judging me, no. Believe me, I am the TOUGHEST judge on myself.
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Replies

  • bflicker11
    bflicker11 Posts: 296
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    I'm glad you're leaving the country. You need space between you and him. If he was meant to be with you, he'll realize it when you are gone and do what he needs to do. I certainly don't judge you at all. NO ONE knows what a person goes through unless they live in the other' shoes. I'd hate for you to waste time in your life on someone that isn't able to commit to you in the way that you may want/need.

    Please don't beat your body up by not treating it well. YOU deserve happiness, peace and self love!!!!

    Good luck to you!
  • wheelieblade
    wheelieblade Posts: 323
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    what exactly are you asking? I know what I should say but if you're not messing with my relationship or any of my mates relationships, none of my business and not my call
  • MissAnjy
    MissAnjy Posts: 2,480 Member
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    Not really sure what we're being asked to help with?
  • BeautifulScarsWECHANGED
    BeautifulScarsWECHANGED Posts: 749 Member
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    Well, of course you fell in love with him because you get the good guy. You don't have to deal with the stuff a wife has to....finances, kids (if any), he won't reject you with sex, and you don't get his bad moods. It's not realistic, and honestly he'll cheat on you.
  • crazymama2two
    crazymama2two Posts: 867
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    do you feel better confessing?

    because there's really nothing to say to you that you dont already know AND youre leaving in a month.

    what's going to happen when you leave? do you see yourself continuing to torture yourself and contact him? the ONLY thing that can be said is - make this move awesome and start fresh. you owe YOURSELF that.

    if that makes any sense.
  • EllieHall
    EllieHall Posts: 21 Member
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    All I can say as a wife is you need to end this relationship. I am not judging or Bible pushing but if his relationship is not what he wants he needs to end it then start new with you if that is what he wants. He is setting both you and his wife up for nothing but pain and enjoying every minute of it.

    Secondly if he ever does end it and start new with you, who is to say then that you won't be on the other end of this situation. Men that cheat usually cheat again. Move away and move on with your life. You need to take some control of that and your eating. It is hurting you physically and emotionally.
  • HappyathomeMN
    HappyathomeMN Posts: 498 Member
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    He has truly so many qualities that I am looking for (no wonder why he's married, I guess).
    Everything looks so simple with him even if the situation is so complicated.
    But I leave the country in one month so everything will be over anyway.
    I am lost I don't know what to think anymore.

    I think you have, internally, already answered your questions. You don't feel good about it, but you aren't going to stop it until something else (leaving) makes your decision for you.

    It's NOT an easy thing to deal with, from either side. Until you make the choice you need to make, own your control over things you CAN control, like your diet. CHOOSE to eat in a healthy way, CHOOSE to exercise.

    Not a lot of advice, but I hope it helps a little.
  • ppiinnkkmmoonn
    ppiinnkkmmoonn Posts: 418
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    well you choose it so now you have to deal...........................there.................... i always say we put our selves in the situations and then we drown and want advice but we don't want the right advice so i say good luck with dealing with it.........................am im coming off mean no just blunt and apathetic full blown.
  • sweetiepie31612
    sweetiepie31612 Posts: 240 Member
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    What is it you're looking for help with? If its combatting the emotional eating, I'd suggest exercise. I always think best when I'm out for a long run/walk w/o my music. I think about what I want to say, what I want to do, the consequences of what I say or do. I've replaced food with exercise and I actually feel more emotionally satisfied. If you're looking for guidance w/your situation, I'm afraid I can't help b/c I don't know either of you or what you are both truly feeling. I'm sorry, but I wish you the best.
  • SarahofTwins
    SarahofTwins Posts: 1,169 Member
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    I can't say that I "hate" you but I disagree 100% on what you are doing...its your decision alone and karma can really bite you in the buttocks. Whether hes happy or not in his marriage doesn't mean he wouldn't do the same to you. People's actions show a lot more than what they say.
  • Goal_Seeker_1988
    Goal_Seeker_1988 Posts: 1,619 Member
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    If he hasn't left his wife for you by now then he probably wont. Maybe he's been lieing to you just to get a piece on the side. Do you truly know him? Like I say, if he hasn't left his wife by now then he probably wont.
  • emccand
    emccand Posts: 195 Member
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    Thats a tough one. The best advice I can give you is something I learned from experience myself, if he is cheating WITH you, chances are he will cheat ON you too! You deserve someone that can be with you completely, physically, emotionally, and mentally with no strings attached. Things may see awesome and be so easy now but I think you will always have that hidden worry in the back of your head, you need to put you first and make sure you are safe and happy in a stable relationship :)
  • sunshine__angel
    sunshine__angel Posts: 366 Member
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    I think if you are leaving in a month, you should end it there and not look back. If he is dating you on the side, how do you know there aren't any other women as well? If he is cheating on his wife, he could cheat on you too. I think you should try and move on because you are not going to benefit from this relationship. You are starting to/have already fell in love with him but if he actually cared for you, he wouldn't still be with his wife. The relationship you have with him and the happiness you feel now would not be the same if he left his wife for you. If he were single and you were dating him I think you would see a side of him you don't like. He obviously isn't the most honest or trustworthy guy in the world...

    Since you are an emotional-eater and this is a very emotionally charged situation, you need to get yourself out of it as soon as you can. I can't see any other outcome other than you getting hurt.
  • amymt10
    amymt10 Posts: 271 Member
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    In my first marriage I was the wife at home while he was out dating behind my back. I cant even begin to describe how I felt being the one at home wondering what he's doing and with whom, I also cant even begin to describe how I felt when he came home w/a hickey on his neck from some other woman. Just thought I would share what the wife at home could be feeling. Its complete devistation to realize your husband has a girlfriend. And like another post said, you get all the good parts of him, the wife gets everything else.
  • MissGibbs
    MissGibbs Posts: 8
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    I can only second what has been said before...

    In addition, I'd mistrust any situation in which somebody made things look "real simple" (as he seems to make you feel). Life ain't that simple (as he should know!) and he probably enjoys playing some kind of role for you.

    Thus said- time will tell...

    In the mean time, take care of yourself, don't beat yourself up and- most important of all: stay focused on your goals. It's not about him- it's about you!

    Take care- and good luck!
  • kshepherds
    kshepherds Posts: 20
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    Well, of course you fell in love with him because you get the good guy. You don't have to deal with the stuff a wife has to....finances, kids (if any), he won't reject you with sex, and you don't get his bad moods. It's not realistic, and honestly he'll cheat on you.

    Took the thoughts right out of my head
  • miriamtorason
    miriamtorason Posts: 208 Member
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    No judgement from me, just *hugs* I don't put my personal stuff out here, for exactly the reasons you're trying to avoid. If someone hasn't walked a mile in your (or even his!) shoes, they have no place to judge. At all. I hope you're able to find the resolution you're looking for, and that this comes to an end that you can make peace with (meaning, the end result is something you can cope with). In the meantime, try to take care of you, and if you have the option, set a timer for about every two or three hours to remind you to get something to eat - whether you're hungry or not. *hug* again.
  • monkeybuttsmommy
    monkeybuttsmommy Posts: 343 Member
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    When you ask moral people not to answer that tells me you know its morally wrong and don't want to deal with it. If thats the case you really don't have a problem do you? You want what you want and you don't want to be reminded of its moralistic issues. So why even post it? I am not judging because I was where you are. I WASTED 5 years on a man that I had originally described exactly the way you did. He NEVER left her and I was a fool. Its good your leaving. Gives you time to really think about why you want an unavailable man. What are you afraid of with a single man? Commitment fears? Fear of being hurt because you give all of yourself and he gives you all of himself? There is something you get or something your avoiding when you date a married man. What is it? Just think about it.
  • BrokenSpirit
    BrokenSpirit Posts: 31
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    well said!!! and sadly true!!!! dont put your self in that position again! no matther where you are on the planet,,, you diserve a MAN, not just someone's man,,, give your self credit, and mostly, self-esteem!!
  • sbilyeu75
    sbilyeu75 Posts: 567 Member
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    Well, I hope you feel better. But anyway, he's the one that's married. You're not. And it's as simple as that. Believe it or not, if it wasn't with you, he would be cheating with someone else. Hell, he may have a third on the side for all you know.

    BTW, no marriage is ideal. You are getting all the good stuff. You don't have to take care of him when he's ****ting and puking. You don't have to do his laundry, cook for him or clean up after him. I'm willing to bet, that he makes it sound like he's a great husband that his wife just doesn't appreciate him.

    You're leaving in a month then just live with your guilty conscience. If you don't want to do emotional eating, when quit putting yourself in situations that would make you emotional.

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