Confession - Moralistic people please drop it...

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  • krizstyling
    krizstyling Posts: 40 Member
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    To me it sounds like you have low self esteem. Any time a woman dates a man that isn't fully "hers", she is searching for something to fill that void...she isn't happy within herself and the men prey on that (and vice versa).

    Bottom line, if you care about yourself, get out and get out fast. You have got to find what makes you binge and not eat and work on YOU, before you will EVER be content in your own skin. I'm sure that osunds easier said then done, but who wants another woman's leftovers?!

    I wish you strength and patience during this time!
  • drasr
    drasr Posts: 181
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    I hope it works, and I hope she knows how lucky she is to have him!
    Is she really?? Lucky to have a cheating husband??
  • Sunny_Lexie
    Sunny_Lexie Posts: 114
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    Conversely he IS a guy to who I want to give all of myself, but life su**s.

    So let me get this straight...this guy...this liar...this cheater...is a guy who you'd want to give all of yourself to??

    I'm not judging you, I don't know you...but the fact is that people should probably stop replying at this point. The blinders are on...and all that is said in disagreement with the situation will be either ignored, rejected, or in some other way turned around to support 'the cause'.

    I'm just thankful there is no children...all they have to hurt is themselves. That doesn't make it right by any stretch...but at least the pain will be confined to adults.

    I was for 3 years with a guy who cheated on me and lied twice. But he admitted and felt sincerely sorry, and I know he was sincere. I forgave him, and still wanted to give him the best of me because what we had was precious. (it ended for some other reason).

    Now, I may sound naive, but I know that people can learn from their mistakes (and I have learnt a big deal today).
  • krizstyling
    krizstyling Posts: 40 Member
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    May I ask the age of the parties involved? It sounds like you are very young and searching for something that doesn't exist in this man...
  • Sunny_Lexie
    Sunny_Lexie Posts: 114
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    I hope it works, and I hope she knows how lucky she is to have him!
    Is she really?? Lucky to have a cheating husband??

    In spite of all, yes. He is doing a mistake, for which I am partly responsible since I accepted, but he is a really good person. I know he will regret.
  • drasr
    drasr Posts: 181
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    I hope it works, and I hope she knows how lucky she is to have him!
    Is she really?? Lucky to have a cheating husband??

    In spite of all, yes. He is doing a mistake, for which I am partly responsible since I accepted, but he is a really good person. I know he will regret.

    I have a strong feeling that she will disagree.
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
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    I have been where you are,and thats all I will say about that.What you need to do is step away from the situation,IF he leaves his wife and you want to give it a go then go ahead (i wouldnt recomend it)
    The thing is you said he wants to give it 2 years with the wife to see if it works out,so he wants to wait 2 years and boink you on the side? If he love you he would not be on the other side of the country with his wife he would be with you.hes not.
    this is obviously tearing you up you need to break it off now before it destroys you compleatly
  • kwinterscheidt
    kwinterscheidt Posts: 45 Member
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    I would try keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings. I know when i am struggling with something, if i just write it down its helps me get it off my chest per say and also work through the issue. journaling can be very cathartic and you may actually learn something about yourself that you didnt know before.
    Some else posted to substitute exercise with eating. i totally agree. when my husband was working tons of overtime and was never home, i was really upset about it and i was walking about 8 miles a day and it really helped me clear my head and helped me get over some of my anger at the situation.
    i dont judge you at all, sometimes we just find ourselves in situations that we know are not good but we dont know how we got there or how to get out. everybody makes mistakes and as long as you learned something, i wouldnt even say it was a mistake.
    so just try to keep your head up and focus on taking care of yourself and finding a solution for your situation!
    good luck :)
  • Missevanston
    Missevanston Posts: 361 Member
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    Without judging you or your situation my advise is this: Take care of yourself...Eat well, exercise daily and work on clearing up and out your mind.

    Good Luck
  • Clonekuh
    Clonekuh Posts: 92 Member
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    Sounds like it's making you miserable. Maybe you should stop and focus on yourself?
  • live2smyle
    live2smyle Posts: 592 Member
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    Fact.....If my husband ever cheated on me I would have a Lorena Bobbit moment.

    Fact.....I would need bail money after finding the chick he slept with. And all of my married girlfriends would not hesitate to donate to the bail money fund, that is of course if they were not locked up next to me.

    Just sayin....

    I dont know what kind of advice it is your seeking. I think it's good your moving out of the Country. I don't think that will matter though. The next one you meet who seems great and is married will you do it again?
  • Sunny_Lexie
    Sunny_Lexie Posts: 114
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    May I ask the age of the parties involved? It sounds like you are very young and searching for something that doesn't exist in this man...

    He is only 5 years older than me.
  • mishelnkiki
    mishelnkiki Posts: 775 Member
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    hunny... been there, done that. i was young and thought i knew everything. i can tell u this much. it happened ONE time. and never again. he is still with is wife 10 years later. they now have 4 beautiful boys together. i still see him all the time. but when his wife came to my doorstep, and i saw the rage, the pain, the betrayel in her eyes... i promised myself NEVER again would i do that to somebody. EVER! and never again will i. the min i hear that word married... i RUN! the other way. so my advice to u is... when u leave that country... cut off ALL lines of communication!
  • Sunny_Lexie
    Sunny_Lexie Posts: 114
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    I don't think that will matter though. The next one you meet who seems great and is married will you do it again?

    No.

    And no need to insult me.
  • DeathIsMyGift
    DeathIsMyGift Posts: 434 Member
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    You know what is causing the emotional eating. Cut the cause, find your solution. Love totally sucks sometimes but in your situation I suggest that once you move you just cut all ties to him. Cold turkey. Will it hurt? Yes, but in the long run you will be better for it. I hope everything works out for you.
  • ka_42
    ka_42 Posts: 720 Member
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    I don't think you're a bad person. These things happen. but frankly.. I've been cheated on and when I think about sleeping with that person after they'd slept with someone else the night before it makes me feel queasy. I feel like letting that go on any longer was one of my biggest mistakes. Women are so willing to stop caring about what's good for themselves for someone who isn't even worth it.

    Anyway.. the post that states.. FACT you deserve better. It's true. You know what you're doing is wrong. It's up to YOU to give yourself what you deserve! The feelings for him will go away with time. He seems so great now but if the situation was different he could be a whole different person. Relationships change things, living with each other changes things. I'm sure your eating habits will recover when you being treated the way you should be. No one should have to be shared when that isn't what they want. Good luck!!
  • skinnywithin
    skinnywithin Posts: 1,392 Member
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    WOW this is a tough one. I too have been in your shoes and Dont think for a second that some of the ones bashing you havnt thought about it them selves..Listen relationships are hard enough but when your married and the added pressure of finances, work, kids, life there comes a time when some are weaker than others and look else where for conversation, compassion, and yes sex....look at all the people on here who are married but flirt all day with others on here and why??????? because it feels good ! because maybe its something they are not getting at home and its easy to get caught up in. My only advice for you is if he truly is what you want then back off and see if he comes to you , if his marriage is that bad he will leave if he doesnt then he will just go to the next girl consider it a lesson learned ! In some cases we dont always know they are married when the flirting and the calling begins ....Woman and Men have different needs sometimes like I said earlier we look to others for what we arent getting at home...Is this right? not by any means but it happens ..... No one is perfect some try to act it and thats ok I can tell you right now I by no means am perfect. like I said before I have walked in your shoes !
  • live2smyle
    live2smyle Posts: 592 Member
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    I don't think that will matter though. The next one you meet who seems great and is married will you do it again?

    No.

    And no need to insult me.
    I didnt insult you. Moving wont change your feelings at all. That was all that statement meant. Sorry if you felt insulted by it.
  • morganhccstudent724
    morganhccstudent724 Posts: 1,261 Member
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    FACT: You should want better for yourself. I'm sure all the people who care about you would want those same things.

    And it makes me sad ANY woman, not just you wouldn't want the very best for herself.
  • Sunny_Lexie
    Sunny_Lexie Posts: 114
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    I don't think that will matter though. The next one you meet who seems great and is married will you do it again?

    No.

    And no need to insult me.
    I didnt insult you. Moving wont change your feelings at all. That was all that statement meant. Sorry if you felt insulted by it.

    Well it's just that in the construction of the phrases it looked like "you move? big deal! you can be the same cheating *** elsewhere" .
    I now my feelings will be bad even away from here but at least the distance will help me to cool down and leave it behind. Then my lesson would be entirely learned.

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