Confession - Moralistic people please drop it...

Been in your shoes before , I had a four year relacionship with a guy things ended but he keep looking for me ..he then got married and he still would want to see me I had a really low self steem back then and still had feelings for him . One day I spotted him and his wife at a shopping center ...

I was tired of putting up with the emotional stress, he would always come back even if I pushed him away , so I was determined to tell her about us that day at the mall. And you know what he did ?

He saw me as I walked towards her ...somehow he got close enough to me with out her seeing him.. and he begged me whispering " PLease don't tell her ..Please Don't tell her "



Some men will just play you like a fiddle when you don't respect yourself . don't settle for this drama and abuse.


I walked next to his wife and just whispered softly to her " Tell your man not to ever come near me again" and kept walking...
She just froze...
it was my way of ending things for good...but guess what ? He was calllling me again two weeks later...Never again !

Guilt and emptiness = Spiral emotions = Eating urges or not eating .

Good luck to you

I hear what some people say, that I have a self-esteem problem, which is partly true. The thing is, he is actually treating me so much better than my previous fiance. He is treating me like I always thought I deserved to be treated. So is he doing that because I am not the wife? Maybe, I will have to figure this one out! And I dont say that because of any plan. I just think it will make me understand things deeper.

I always thought it was funny how some (myself included) thinks, "Well, he treats me better than (insert any name here) or does." and we seem to settle with that.

Him cheating on his wife should let you know, he's not a nice guy. I'm sure she's got some blame in the relationship problems too. It's never just one person's fault. The truth is, there are nice guys out there. Sometimes, it's not from where you expect. But you can never know if someone is really a nice person, until you know all of them. You're not able to do that while sharing him with his wife.

If you really want to control your emotional eating you need to first LOVE YOURSELF and take care of yourself ... I hate to say it but you need to look at your self esteem. If you don't think you deserve someone who loves you and only you, maybe you dont think you deserve to be healthy and thin. I was in an abusive relationship with food and with my ex-husband because of low self-esteem. You need to take a break from this guy and any others and work on yourself.

Painten, as I said in my original post, I knew some people would hate me. I posted anyway because I was ready to confront that. I did not expect (only) sympathy!

Confess publicly that you are having an affair with a married man. check.
Let anonymous forum contributors "help" you confront your underlying self-esteem issues. check.
Tell them that you are also an emotional eater. check.
Deny that are you seeking sympathy. check.
Believe that they care and will befriend you so that you will have virtual friends when you live your physical home... check???

*kitten*

Miss Bunny_Lexie,

I'm glad I came on this post after you posted edits. You got some *kitten* to deal with for real girlfriend and I mean that with all my Sista love. :flowerforyou: I did not read all of the other posts because well, hell, I just didn't want to. The best advice I can give was given to me years ago - "Do it till YOU can't do it no more, baby girl." It is your life girl. You are the one living it. I am not sure what is taking you out of the country. My only hope is THAT situation will not add to your stress. Sounds like you know what is true for you.

To address your eating concerns my suggestion would be to damn near obsess about the food diary. Ok, maybe not obsess but allow it to be your constant. Like an anchor to ground you to YOUR choice of being good to your body...to your choice of making good choices for YOU. Each meal for me is a mini celebration of something I did right every day.

To address the emotion driven part...how bout an emotional journaler, an emotional pushuper, an emotional blogger, an emotional jogger ??? ( I added that last part cuz it rhymed).

Be well Mizz Bunny! :glasses:

You are right, Skinnywithin. However having so many different points of view helped me to have clearer ideas. Even the moralistic people, they actually reflected my own morality, the one that makes me hurt so much (I am not a monster for heaven's sake!!).

Everyone makes mistakes and it is certainly not said as an excuse, but as a way to cool down and consider every angle of the situation.

It is clear that it has to end, whether we start from new together one day or not. I am freaking out about that dilemma, but I will also give myself to understand how he works, if it is a "pattern" for him or not. I still believe that in the end everyone needs to be forgiven.

I hear what some people say, that I have a self-esteem problem, which is partly true. The thing is, he is actually treating me so much better than my previous fiance. He is treating me like I always thought I deserved to be treated. So is he doing that because I am not the wife? Maybe, I will have to figure this one out! And I dont say that because of any plan. I just think it will make me understand things deeper.

He's treating you better because he's getting all of the benefits of a relationship without having to commit at all, in fact, he can tell you any and everything about his "other" life and you listen and deal with it.

BooHoo to you lady! YOUR emotional stress, YOUR emotional eating, I didn't eat for 2 months after my husband up and left the day before my exams, he left me crying on the floor to go be with his girlfriend who I had shouted at on the phone. A week before we had been looking at houses!
Like you his girlfriend has 'self esteem' issues, she is on married man number 2! You know what her tells me about HER when he comes knocking on my door (which in my emotional state I opened for him for some time) "she's frigid" "she's scared of growing old alone (she is 35 with no kids)" she cries when she has a glass of wine because I don't love her like she loves me" (he has cheated on her WITH ME for the first year of their relationship) "she thinks her boobs are too small and she is always worried about her weight and its annoying". Yes lady, you think he will respect you when its all done? I think he should leave his poor deluded wife for you and then YOU can wash his clothes, clean the house, organise the bills............. I rejoiced in the day my kids said "Katie doesn't tell daddy off for being messy anymore she just picks his stuff up"- Wonderful- welcome to MY LIFE for the last 10 years, you can HAVE IT!!!!!!!!
:drinker:

Bunny_Lexie, I read most of the responses here - have to say I agree that you know this is morally wrong & it will affect your eating. I won't go into that any more, as I think people here have it pretty well covered. I feel very, very strongly about violation of trust, cheating spouses, etc., but everyone else said their share, and I don't think it would help to add to it, only would end up bashing you, and that isn't productive.

Thing is - are you hearing what they are telling you, and ready to take action, or are you going to continue to be in denial about what you are doing, what he is doing?

I also agree that there is some self-esteem issue that is keeping you from walking away. Get counseling NOW, hon, and make sure it's with someone who is trained in some aspect that can help you take action, not just stare at your belly button for years & years.

I stuck with two different men, two different situations for too long. Fortunately (at least I don't believe) neither cheated on me - but both were wrong, very wrong - first was a marriage of 17 yrs. Granted I had four kids, but this guy was abusive and had mental issues. Finally found the strength to leave ONLY when he was hospitalized (psych unit) and was able to step back & recognize that I, too had a problem - and my children were in danger. Thing is, I thought I loved him so, so much - fairytale love. Wanted to do everything for him. Know what? I ended up doing just that - he never stopped demanding & ended up, after all the yrs, demeaning me so much... I also felt I had nowhere to turn.

My son once said something that was very wise. I can't remember his exact words, but basically it's that a woman abused is a woman exists with her brain imprisoned. I can't describe how bad my feeling of helplessness was - but it didn't just start with him. My upbringing, for whatever reason, led to this.

After I finally divorced, I established a second relationship that was not abusive, but it was wrong for me. He was a good guy, but so not for me on so many levels. Part of the reason I ended up w/him was security, but another was my poor self image. {So ironic - when I reread what I wrote, I had to edit. This started out as security for me - we lived together & I ended up supporting HIM for yrs, w/me on disability. He moved in with ME - I look back & remember how I didn't want him to move in, but I was headed for a serious operation, was in horrid pain & just did not know how to say "no"!! Talk about denial....]

I stayed with him for 10 yrs, but remained a friend & talked to him on the phone daily. Strangely enough both my ex's passed away last year. I miss him, even though our only communication for a few yrs was talking ton the phone.

I strongly encourage you to get help fast. You know what you are doing is wrong - and you CAN get out of this relationship.

Don't waste your years. I look back & realize how I wasted so many years - although my ex-boyfriend was really a good guy, I could have been with someone who was RIGHT for me, but I emotionally, psychologically I felt I couldn't get myself out of my mistake, and held on for 10 long years. (Believe me, they go by in an instant - I'm now 58. How many years could I have had with the RIGHT man?)

The years go, and you cannot get them back.

Get help now, please - you CAN walk away - SHOULD walk away - and if you think you can't, and don't want to start counseling right away (which I think would be a big mistake for YOU), then I suggest something: buy a plane ticket, go to where he lives. Find a way to accidentally meet his ex & just talk to her for a bit. No big deal. I can't see how you can continue to hurt her (for that is what you are doing, even if she is unaware) if you could see her face, know her as a person.

p.s. I would also have a Lorena Bobbit moment, I think, if anyone, husband or bf was cheating on me. Just sayin'