All the Lies

Told myself I was just naturally fat and couldn't do anything about it. Everyone else in the family was fat, so we must just be fat people. But as soon as i started actually calorie counting and trying to lose weight and be healthier, the weight started peeling off. Funny, that.

That it was OK for me to be fat because I was reasonably fit, strong, and (mostly) healthy. I read a number of things suggesting that being active was truly more important than body weight per se to health. (This may be true in a general sense, but my torn knee meniscus *is* feeling ever so much better now that I'm down 48 pounds.) And yes, I really *was* reasonably fit, strong and active, at least for my age. Still am.

That I probably had a slow metabolism. (It turns out it might actually be a little bit on the fast side for my age and such - I'm still losing half a pound or so a week at a calorie level that MFP seems to think is right on the edge of maintenance. Speculation: I may be a little more muscular than most women my age, from that activity thing, thus burn a teensy bit more.)

I didn't lie to myself or searched for any excuses to lose weight or not lose weight. I just didn't. I accepted the way i was because i was doing fine and feel good ( enough).
Of course now i feel thousand times better lol.

But what i was shocked about for 2 weeks ago was something i was confronted with.

I lost a lot of weight now and i was cleaning out my wardrobe again. I only kept 2 jeans and shirt from a year ago ( when i started).
So everything in boxes and off with it......while doing this i also bumped into those 2 jeans and just for fun i kept one in front of me.
I was first smiling look how much i lost. Than like a hammer it hit me. OMG how big was i really!!!!
Totally shocked for hours.
The realization that that pants was even tight for me. That i just fitted in that stretch jeans. Now that was my biggest eye opener and to be honest it was shaking my world that day.

I am a pretty stubborn person. And i can say when i do something i do it. I take things simple, dont make a problem of it. And dont moan about it. Self insured yes i would say, never had any doubt to do this or if i could do it.
I just did.
I told myself "i have no excuses to not lose this weight" So i did!
Still want a bit more but not in a hurry lol

But that day standing there in front of the mirror was very emotional. I know i will never gain that much again or let it come that far.
I know now that i was a very big girl and that my eyes and mind looked at myself at least some sizes less than i really was. They lied to me! Big time.
Staring at myself there was all kinds of feelings and mixed emotions,
**Anger...why didn't i do this 5 years ago.
**Shock... i look pretty good now
**Sad....what time did i waste
**happy...dang i feel good now i am strong and fit!
**Proud....I did it! easie peasie
**humorous...think of all the nice new clothes i have to start buying again to fill this space
**Unbelief....is that really me standing there behind that jeans i was holding up.
**Be trait....Damm i looked at myself the wrong way

***oh nooooo is that a wrinkle?....rofl

Well like i said before, it was not the time before i started to lose weight. I just did. I fall bad one day, to sick. Picked myself up and said to myself oke time to lose weight. That was it.
No hesitations no doubts.

But that day 2 weeks ago was like somebody smashed me big time and i really needed the whole day to get my head on right. And accept the fact my eyes and mind were lying to me for a long time hehehehee

I only gained 2 pounds? No big deal, that will come off by the end of the week. Oh, another 2 pounds? I'll start my workout tomorrow. Another 5 pounds? Well, that is only 5 up from the last time I weighed in so once I lose that it will be no time at all until I am in shape again!.....

Almost 20 pounds later you see how this went

My excuse....ummm...not sure it is an excuse..but it just IS what I always do. I research and choose a way of dieting(Atkins, Paleo, Vegan, etc.)and go at it hard core for about three weeks. Then, I freak out and HAVE to have something that I have restricted and begin analyzing my diet choice. I usually eat freely for a few days to a week and then I am right back at the beginning with researching and choosing a diet to follow. To sum it up..I am nuts.

I don't know if this has already been said but:

Starting from grade school days:

"Its just babyfat, it'll disappear."

"You're just big-boned."

College:

"If you drink, don't eat but one meal and you won't gain weight.

"Liquor doesn't have as many calories as food. In fact clear liquor has zero calories because its clear."

"Because you lost weight before, it won't be hard for it to come off again."

"You haven't gained that much weight back."

"Oh don't worry that you've edged back up to 250. Its no where near as close as 283, your highest weight."

"He's f*cking you, so that must mean the weight gain doesn't matter." (The harshest one to face)


Even now sometimes:

"This one cheeseburger won't hurt your progress." (Because it turns into days of eating like that)

"One day without going to the gym will be fine. Two days won't hurt. Three days..."


But now I catch myself before I go too far into thinking like that. I don't ever want to become complacent again. I've come too far this time. I now know that drinking has far more calories in it than I thought it did in undergrad. I now know that I don't have a genetic disposition to be "big-boned" or have babyfat that will someday disappear on its own. Yo-yoing is no freaking joke and trying to lose weight you've previously lost is ten billion times harder. And I now know that if I'm not happy with my weight, then neither should the person that I'm with.

Ooh and MFP must have gotten my calorie goal wrong!

victoria_1024 wrote: »

I definitely blamed my babies! I would think I just had a baby so no one expects me to be skinny. Then I had 4 babies so definitely no one expects someone with 4 kids to be thin or have time to wor out and eat right! Then I told myself I'm fat but otherwise perfectly healthy so it's not a big deal.

Excuses are gone and so are 75 pounds!

This is me, exactly! 4 babies in 6 years, and I gained 50 pounds with every pregnancy. And who has time to exercise or eat right with 4 kids 6 years old and under in the house? I said when the youngest was in school, I'd have more time for myself. That day came and went, until suddenly she was a second-grader and I was still overweight. But I was healthy otherwise, so the extra weight couldn't be that bad.