"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?
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People can just be mean. Everyone assumes I starve myself or I eat like a bird when I maintain a bmi of around 19 and it is really annoying and hurtful. I wanna tell them no it's self control and exercise try it and maybe you won't be fat but that would be rude. People always have opinions of how you should look what matters is knowing that you are healthy and happy0
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My family has definitely done this to me. I got "Wow you look great...you should keep not eating...."
Hm, thanks?
When I was pushing three hundred pounds, the same people had an awful lot of nasty things to say then too. I've learned to not listen to what others think. I'm working on my health and that's all they need to know. I haven't got a place in my life for people that discourage my hard work.
I've taken to casually sniping back with "Yeah, I've lost weight. You have no idea how many calories I burn putting up with your negative crap!"
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I've had male colleagues tell me that I've lost my bust and that men like curves. Why the he'll would I care what random men think about my body? I've also had comments about conforming to my husbands tastes. First point is that he gets no say in my body and second, his actual tastes are for a small bust and low body fat. Also at a 23 inch waist and a big round booty I have plenty of curves, I just don't dress to show it off at work.
The myth that all guys like full bussoms is just a myth- it's personal. I know loads of guys who much prefer a small bust. I love, love, love a guy with long hair but many of my friends hate it- just personal taste.0 -
My bossed asked me not long after he hired me if I planned to lose any more weight. He said, "You're really pretty slim." I appreciated the sentiment, but I'm still 20 lbs overweight.
My mom has made noises to the effect that she's worried about me losing too much weight, but she doesn't push it.0 -
I am 4'11" also. I started at 150 and now 99. At about 110 I got a lot of you are too skinny, don't lose anymore. I used to explain, then I just said yes I stopped even though I planned to lose more. Those detractors will never notice that you lost more. If they ask I just say I am figuring out maintanence.0
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xKoalaBearx wrote: »xKoalaBearx wrote: »I'm not sure people are seeing the bright side of all these comments. Whenever I hear the classic "you don't need to lose anymore" or "you're going to disappear", etc. I never look at the comment as negative. I take them as a compliment and here's why:
I set out a goal to lose weight, get healthy and it's working. So much so that people feel the need to comment. I LOVE hearing ALL the comments because it tells me what I'm doing is working.
Think about it the other way... Would you want to work so hard, lose all the weight, get healthy and NO ONE notices? This way is so much cooler.
So to everyone here who gets offended, realize that these commenters really aren't being negative. WE are interpreting their comments as negative.
Instead, look at it from a different perspective. And maybe respond the way that I respond to ALL the comments I get:
Take them as a compliment, smile and say, "Thanks!"
I think there's a difference between a well-meaning comment like 'you're tiny', and some of the other comments people are reporting on this thread. 'Thanks' would not be an appropriate response to some of them.
I guess that's my point. Well meaning comment or not, what I'm trying to accomplish is working and they are noticing. Always responding with something like "Thanks. I've been working hard to get healthy. Thanks for noticing." And ignoring the fact that someone was being negative allows me to enjoy that what I'm doing is noticeable, I get to take the high road and stay classy, and I get to keep cool under pressure. And it shuts them up because there's really nothing to say after you thank them. Also, why feel bad when I'm looking and feeling better than them at this point? I think it's even more appropriate to respond this way in those situations.
I love this, perfect response: "Thanks. I've been working hard to get healthy. Thanks for noticing."2 -
I love it to be honest. I dont know why people get offended when people "skinny shame". I see it as theyre just jelouse.
On my list of things that make me happy, being skinny is on there. Because who wouldnt want to look bomb in everything they try on at the store? Or who wouldnt want to have a thigh gap. lol0 -
Um, wow, this may be the LA in me, but I think you guys are WAY too nice, and I applaud you for your self control. If someone said this to me, I'd probably lose my mind. I mean my god "anorexia is in this season?" what the eff. Hi, Captain of Team Slap-a-B**** here LOL. You guys are amazing for having been so cool and calm in your responses and my fully automatic temper salutes you.0
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OK so I honestly don't know if I've posted here before (I have a terrible memory). I was sick on Sunday but ever since my boyfriend has been on my case saying I don't eat enough. I have always been a shaky person and I chalk that up to my mild anemia and too much caffeine in my diet; I know I should change this but I just haven't. anyhow, what do I do about this; it really bothers me that he's going around the house and in front of the kids saying I'm starving myself. I eat all day long I feel; I do snack and recently I have been putting less on my plate at meals because I noticed that I was wasting a lot. It just doesn't feel like he's joking.0
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I would get this all the time when I was at my lowest weight (sadly I've packed on about 30 pounds since then, but working on getting it back off). But I too was no where near skinny. lol I was 178 pounds and at 5' 5", that is still technically obese. I didn't look obese (and still don't at my current weight either) and was far from too skinny. I mean wearing a size 10 jeans and a large shirt is pretty far from skinny, but it was a long way from where I had been in 3X shirt and size 24W pants. I think it was just because I had lost so much weight from where everyone was use to seeing me.0
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"the trick is to keep losing weight until your friends and family ask you if you've been sick. then you know you're within 10 pounds. if they start whispering to each other, wondering if you've got cancer or aids, you're within 5. when they actually do an intervention, you're at race weight." - Slowman (Dan Empfield)
First, I LOVE this quote!
Second, I've gotten and still get this a lot. As a 5'9", about 175 lb male, I am by no means skinny. I'm still technically over weight I still have a rather sizable spare tire around the middle. Am I smaller than I was at 235 lbs? Absolutely. But I'm not even close to being "skinny."
Normally, most comments from most people don't bother me. Two people that I get it a lot from do, however. My wife being the first, and the other a close friend that is very trim, fit, and leads a healthy and active lifestyle herself. She lifts, her husband is a competitive all-natural body builder, and both of them lead very fitness-focused lives.
When I get "You're too skinny" and "I hope you're about done" from either of these two individuals it gets into my head. She should know better, and my wife, who's also lost a significant amount of weight (more than twice what I have) should as well. But I get the comments nonetheless.
This is obviously a rhetorical question, but seriously, why can't people just say "You look great" and leave it at that?0 -
"the trick is to keep losing weight until your friends and family ask you if you've been sick. then you know you're within 10 pounds. if they start whispering to each other, wondering if you've got cancer or aids, you're within 5. when they actually do an intervention, you're at race weight." - Slowman (Dan Empfield)
First, I LOVE this quote!
Second, I've gotten and still get this a lot. As a 5'9", about 175 lb male, I am by no means skinny. I'm still technically over weight I still have a rather sizable spare tire around the middle. Am I smaller than I was at 235 lbs? Absolutely. But I'm not even close to being "skinny."
Normally, most comments from most people don't bother me. Two people that I get it a lot from do, however. My wife being the first, and the other a close friend that is very trim, fit, and leads a healthy and active lifestyle herself. She lifts, her husband is a competitive all-natural body builder, and both of them lead very fitness-focused lives.
When I get "You're too skinny" and "I hope you're about done" from either of these two individuals it gets into my head. She should know better, and my wife, who's also lost a significant amount of weight (more than twice what I have) should as well. But I get the comments nonetheless.
This is obviously a rhetorical question, but seriously, why can't people just say "You look great" and leave it at that?
Thanks for this! My man has been "on my case" for about 3 days pretty hard now. It's really getting to me. This AM he specifically asked what my weight was these past couple weeks. Well it's been the same for about 3 wks now and I'm still at the top end of my range of good weight. It sucks because I know I'm fine but he's really picking everything apart. He's monitoring my plates at dinner which is rough because at the end of the day I have noticed that my desire to eat/hunger is changing as my diet has slowly been changing. GRR! How do I make him understand that this is not helping? just go back to being supportive and uplifting not critiquing.0 -
lps1dragonfly wrote: »"the trick is to keep losing weight until your friends and family ask you if you've been sick. then you know you're within 10 pounds. if they start whispering to each other, wondering if you've got cancer or aids, you're within 5. when they actually do an intervention, you're at race weight." - Slowman (Dan Empfield)
First, I LOVE this quote!
Second, I've gotten and still get this a lot. As a 5'9", about 175 lb male, I am by no means skinny. I'm still technically over weight I still have a rather sizable spare tire around the middle. Am I smaller than I was at 235 lbs? Absolutely. But I'm not even close to being "skinny."
Normally, most comments from most people don't bother me. Two people that I get it a lot from do, however. My wife being the first, and the other a close friend that is very trim, fit, and leads a healthy and active lifestyle herself. She lifts, her husband is a competitive all-natural body builder, and both of them lead very fitness-focused lives.
When I get "You're too skinny" and "I hope you're about done" from either of these two individuals it gets into my head. She should know better, and my wife, who's also lost a significant amount of weight (more than twice what I have) should as well. But I get the comments nonetheless.
This is obviously a rhetorical question, but seriously, why can't people just say "You look great" and leave it at that?
Thanks for this! My man has been "on my case" for about 3 days pretty hard now. It's really getting to me. This AM he specifically asked what my weight was these past couple weeks. Well it's been the same for about 3 wks now and I'm still at the top end of my range of good weight. It sucks because I know I'm fine but he's really picking everything apart. He's monitoring my plates at dinner which is rough because at the end of the day I have noticed that my desire to eat/hunger is changing as my diet has slowly been changing. GRR! How do I make him understand that this is not helping? just go back to being supportive and uplifting not critiquing.
It is your partner's role to support your healthy choices. If you show him your food diary and he is still concerned, then take his concern at face value (instead of being critical of his concern) and make an appointment with a doctor to check your plan. It is not a partner's role to chearlead unconditionally. That could be detrimental to your health. At least that is how I like my relationship to work, but I appreciate a good reality check as appropriate.3 -
Some people are so ignorant it doesn't matter what you say. I think when my time comes I'll say something along the lines of "well I spent so much time being too fat, I fancied a change"0
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lps1dragonfly wrote: »OK so I honestly don't know if I've posted here before (I have a terrible memory). I was sick on Sunday but ever since my boyfriend has been on my case saying I don't eat enough. I have always been a shaky person and I chalk that up to my mild anemia and too much caffeine in my diet; I know I should change this but I just haven't. anyhow, what do I do about this; it really bothers me that he's going around the house and in front of the kids saying I'm starving myself. I eat all day long I feel; I do snack and recently I have been putting less on my plate at meals because I noticed that I was wasting a lot. It just doesn't feel like he's joking.
He shouldn't be saying things about you in front of your kids.
His monitoring your food is just wrong. Is he controlling in other areas?
An appointment with your doctor and clean bill of health should be enough to satisfy him.
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Crabs in a bucket. People would drag you down rather than to see you succeed. You are proving to them that it is possible to lose weight (something they probably want to do but can't/are unable/lack willpower&methods).
Haters gonna hate, hate, hate.0 -
Actually, I think SOME people mean it as a compliment... not all, for sure, but some. I got it a lot while I was losing weight but still at a healthy weight. Now that my weight really is too low, I don't get those comments. I wonder if they realize now that, since it is actually true, they might offend me or something... Ironic.0
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In my case - and possibly some of yours - I think one factor is *where* I lost weight earlier in the process vs. later. My upper body, which was already somewhat less fatty when I started (because I've long been pretty active), continued to shrink. At any age, but especially at my age (60), we can get some loose skin that takes some time to tighten back up. So, I think that folks are seeing my face/neck/arms with a little (really not much) looser skin, and feeling like I look drawn or gaunt or stringy or something. I get it. I'm giving it time (and I'd rather have that than the fat, anyway).
What they're *not* seeing is some lower body fat deposits that represent the places I gained first, and am losing last, because (1) those are always covered, and (2) I have a big head/shoulders/hands/feet but a proportionately smaller pelvis, which hides the fatty bits when I'm clothed. So, I'm still planning to lose a few more pounds, regardless of what anyone says.
What bothers me the most is a *very* level-headed sensible friend, who usually gives me very thoughtful and well-considered advice, who says I should stop losing, and actually used the "a" word (anorexia) . . . I'm in the middle of my healthy BMI range, I'm 25+ pounds over the underweight range, have never had a seriously dysfunctional relationship with food (just like it too much, but no binging, compulsions, etc.), and am strong & feel great. (I'm 5'5", CW 130, planning to lose around another 5-ish, waist measures 28 & hips 37, for heaven's sake!) I don't know what's up with her, truly.
But, bottom line: It's my body, I'm going to do what I see fit (emphasis on the "fit"). Perhaps as I get thinner, I'm getting thinner-skinned.
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I am at a BMI of 23. My doctor doesn't want me to go lower. It's the first time I have been in the normal range in my adult life. However, as I age (currently 54) my doctor is smart enough to know that in our later years. those at the higher end of weight ranges also tend to have longer lifespans - especially in older women. My mother is a good example. She is in her late 70s and at 5'2" she is at 135 - 140. Some might think that is too high, but for her it's good to have a little more as it helps her maintain her strength if she gets hit with something that lays her out for a while. I trust my doctor on this.0
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HappyCampr1 wrote: »What bothers me the most is a *very* level-headed sensible friend, who usually gives me very thoughtful and well-considered advice, who says I should stop losing, and actually used the "a" word (anorexia) . . . I'm in the middle of my healthy BMI range, I'm 25+ pounds over the underweight range, have never had a seriously dysfunctional relationship with food (just like it too much, but no binging, compulsions, etc.), and am strong & feel great. (I'm 5'5", CW 130, planning to lose around another 5-ish, waist measures 28 & hips 37, for heaven's sake!) I don't know what's up with her, truly.
Sometimes it's the shock of the weight loss that takes friends some time to catch up with. Sometimes it's really that a person belongs at the top end of normal BMI. I'm not saying you need to quit losing weight. Above all, I think a person should be happy with themselves. But, as I've mentioned before, my own doctor told me to quit losing weight when I was still 8 pounds into overweight BMI. I've lost those eight pounds in the year since my doctor advised me not to go lower. But, I daren't lose any more and I'm at the very top of normal BMI. I have to believe there is some basis to the idea that BMI has a range for different body types...that not everyone belongs at the bottom, or even the middle. It could be that your friend, who usually gives well considered advice to you, sees something you don't. You might consider checking with your doctor, just in case they also have concerns.
I'm seeing my doctor on Monday, and plan to do exactly that. I think another factor my friend is not really considering adequately is that, although she's shorter than me, she is large-busted. I literally have no breasts (bilateral mastectomies), so arguably it's reasonable for my weight to be a little lower than others of my height.
I'm health-driven, not appearance driven. The American Cancer Society, whose recommendations are important to me as a cancer survivor, says "Be as lean as possible throughout life without being underweight". My scale (which I know is not a precision measurement) says I have over 24% bodyfat, which is line with what online estimation calculators say given my measurements, so I truly think it would be reasonable to lose a bit more (not much, though).
But I do appreciate your concern, and advice.
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When my Crohn's is flaring I lose weight questions quickly. I went down to 110 at 5 8 because of malabsorption and other problems. Yes it is too skinny but it's because of health issues. I got the eat a cheeseburger comments (like I could eat one even if I wanted to because of the aweful results) or how lucky I am to be skinny ( oh yes, a horrible incurable autoimmune disease is such a lovely thing to have). I am at normal weight at the moment thank goodness1
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HappyCampr1 wrote: »What bothers me the most is a *very* level-headed sensible friend, who usually gives me very thoughtful and well-considered advice, who says I should stop losing, and actually used the "a" word (anorexia) . . . I'm in the middle of my healthy BMI range, I'm 25+ pounds over the underweight range, have never had a seriously dysfunctional relationship with food (just like it too much, but no binging, compulsions, etc.), and am strong & feel great. (I'm 5'5", CW 130, planning to lose around another 5-ish, waist measures 28 & hips 37, for heaven's sake!) I don't know what's up with her, truly.
Sometimes it's the shock of the weight loss that takes friends some time to catch up with. Sometimes it's really that a person belongs at the top end of normal BMI. I'm not saying you need to quit losing weight. Above all, I think a person should be happy with themselves. But, as I've mentioned before, my own doctor told me to quit losing weight when I was still 8 pounds into overweight BMI. I've lost those eight pounds in the year since my doctor advised me not to go lower. But, I daren't lose any more and I'm at the very top of normal BMI. I have to believe there is some basis to the idea that BMI has a range for different body types...that not everyone belongs at the bottom, or even the middle. It could be that your friend, who usually gives well considered advice to you, sees something you don't. You might consider checking with your doctor, just in case they also have concerns.
I'm seeing my doctor on Monday, and plan to do exactly that. I think another factor my friend is not really considering adequately is that, although she's shorter than me, she is large-busted. I literally have no breasts (bilateral mastectomies), so arguably it's reasonable for my weight to be a little lower than others of my height.
I'm health-driven, not appearance driven. The American Cancer Society, whose recommendations are important to me as a cancer survivor, says "Be as lean as possible throughout life without being underweight". My scale (which I know is not a precision measurement) says I have over 24% bodyfat, which is line with what online estimation calculators say given my measurements, so I truly think it would be reasonable to lose a bit more (not much, though).
But I do appreciate your concern, and advice.
My boyfriend is all about me and my new found fun in fitness. He has been back and forth with my weight loss emotionally. I had lost a bit earlier in the year and got below 125 which is closer to the top of my normal/healthy range on the charts but EVERYONE was giving me a rough go about losing too much and thinking I had an eating problem. Well, I am now 127 again and my goal is 120 (I'm only 5'1"); he is grilling me regularly and implying again about anorexia. SIGH. TMI maybe: he's mentioned today that my boobs are smaller and that bothers him. He's not being condescending but he's concerned. How do I make him understand that I lose from the top down and unfortunately it's the bottom I want to lose but my body works otherwise. Anyone have any tips for keeping the girls and losing the buns better?? how can I get those ladies to perk up and stick around? And what can I do to get him to "calm" down and know that I am not getting into unhealthy habits; I am getting into healthy habits to last my lifetime and keep me around for him to love longer 0 -
I didn't have time to read all the other comments so I apologize if someone has already said this.. 18% body fat for a female is what most female professional athletes have! You go girl! You look great in your picture... they are probably just not use to seeing the new you. Just make sure your weight or fat doesn't drop down too low or there can be healthy consequences (not usually recommended for a female to go below 12-13% body fat). If you are ever not sure if it is you thats being strange or society, use the cold hard facts- things like your body fat and weight and what is safe/recommended/healhty, as a guide. It can be hard to keep our heads on straight in a society where obesity is so prevalent and often encouraged. Keep you chin up though, it sounds like you are really taking care of yourself and your health!0
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This just happened to me today in my office. My manager came over to me today and said a few people had come over to him and said I look horrible that I am too skinny. It really threw me for a loop and I did question myself
I started at 220 and ended at 145-147, currently maintaining at about 2000 calories a day plus some treats on the weekend...
The wise man in me says these people just have a hard time adjusting to my new look, however it definitely was a painful experience1 -
Yeah, I've gotten people saying that I look skinny - but I think it's just my upper body, to be honest (lol). I don't have a lot of meat on my upper body as compared to its bottom counterpart.
I've never questioned my maintenance weight because their opinions don't matter. Sounds harsh, I know. But I've made a promise to myself, and I know what I want to look like in the end. And I'll get there.
Of course I appreciate their concern, but I usually just brush it off with "Hehe, I think I'm doing okay".0 -
Yisrael1981 wrote: »This just happened to me today in my office. My manager came over to me today and said a few people had come over to him and said I look horrible that I am too skinny. It really threw me for a loop and I did question myself
I started at 220 and ended at 145-147, currently maintaining at about 2000 calories a day plus some treats on the weekend...
The wise man in me says these people just have a hard time adjusting to my new look, however it definitely was a painful experience
HR0 -
rainbowbow wrote: »Yisrael1981 wrote: »This just happened to me today in my office. My manager came over to me today and said a few people had come over to him and said I look horrible that I am too skinny. It really threw me for a loop and I did question myself
I started at 220 and ended at 145-147, currently maintaining at about 2000 calories a day plus some treats on the weekend...
The wise man in me says these people just have a hard time adjusting to my new look, however it definitely was a painful experience
HR
Unfortunately my manager runs HR...0 -
Hello, i go through this alot as well, and i question my appearance. But here's something, i found and old pic of myself when i weighed 320lbs! ... so when they say, hey dude, your too thin i say whatever. This is my body, i choose what i put into it, and if you cannot deal with what i look like, then you should look at yourself in the mirror.
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And....by the way, i am down to and maintaining 180lbs.0
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Yisrael1981 wrote: »This just happened to me today in my office. My manager came over to me today and said a few people had come over to him and said I look horrible that I am too skinny. It really threw me for a loop and I did question myself
I started at 220 and ended at 145-147, currently maintaining at about 2000 calories a day plus some treats on the weekend...
The wise man in me says these people just have a hard time adjusting to my new look, however it definitely was a painful experience
I can relate. My manager also runs HR and has told me twice in the past two days that I am skinny, it is not attractive and I must not lose any more weight (said in a dramatic voice). I am still 5kgs from my goal so nope, I am not going to listen to that, particularly as it is coming from the same woman who demanded to know if I was pregnant this time last year because I had a bit of a tummy - in front of a room full of people. She was not happy with my embarrassed "no, I am not pregnant, I am just fat" and went on and on, saying "you can tell us you know, we will be happy for you".
Not only was I fat not pregnant, but I am also unable to have children, a fact which most people are aware of. Beyond awkward.
Yep. Folks that run HR don't always know how to HR.5
This discussion has been closed.
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