Dealing with FOOD DIARY police

Wowza! I am sure they don't realize how rude it is to offer unsolicited opinions. They likely have their best interest in mind for you. This has never happened to me. But i do feel strange when people comment in a post regarding my menu of the day, even though mine is open for viewing.

robertw486 wrote: »

JaneiR36 wrote: »

robertw486 wrote: »

scolaris wrote: »

Hahaha you funny
That's really all I look for in my internet husbands
That and mad taco skillz
I'm a fan of rankinsect too. We can arm wrestle for time alone with him in his diary

Hold on here. Husbands?
I refuse to compete for another mans attention, so no arm wrestling is taking place either. Wait... umm... I mean.... Can you PM me some photos of your tacos?

scolaris wrote: »

But I'm still confused by this whole premise...
People PM other people -actual people on here - to harangue them about what they are or aren't eating???
~wrings hands~
That seems like 50 shades of 'nope'
And yes I acquired a few weird gentleman friends myself I subsequently had to discard, but being a post menopausal bluestocking of the schoolmarmish persuasion it just seemed kind of funny to me. Like maybe I should check my profile picture and make sure my underpinnings weren't askew seeing as my eye sight isn't all that it once was.
And now I learn this too is a 'thing'
Life is full of surprises, isn't it?
Maybe the diary bullies names should be flagged to an admin. It's not civil behavior.

JaneiR36 wrote: »

frankiesgirlie wrote: »

steuartcj wrote: »

Why do you have your food log open for viewing ?

For friends to see. Dah.

I think some of us just don't get it. To me, it makes sense that you closed your diary. I mean having it open and getting offended about feedback (however useless) strikes me as "see but don't comment, unless it's to say yum yum you're doing great rah rah". I don't get what it matters if someone gives you useless advice you're not gonna take anyway

I just deal with things as they come. On the internet you can close the diary, block people, whatever. It's an irritation at times, but easier than real life for the most part. I have two neighbors that are vegan. One is very informed at the details, the other informs himself with YouTube videos and crazy web sites. The informed one never pushes, the one that does crazy month long cleanses tries to tell everyone how he is just super awesome cool dood because he starved himself for a month. It would be easier if he had a block function.

The creepy message thing bugs me though, and it seems to be a trend. It just makes more people paranoid that everyone might have ill intentions. And that sucks.

Hahah block function for real life. You ever have someone keep talking and you wish you could use the volume controls on the remote?

At times with the one guy I just went straight for the mute button. And it's not just his diet stuff, it's everything... its' on a YouTube documentary so it must be true!

But it is amazing how some people get on the internet and "disconnect" from common everyday courtesy they would give a real person. At times I think some of them just don't relate that an actual person with their own will is at the other end of the conversation.

Didn't see this edit last night. See now this is the part I disagree with. Tell me of a real life situation where you ask dozens and dozens of people to have access to exactly what you're eating, right down to the gram? To me that would almost be like being a chef on a cooking show and asking for no comments whatsoever on your food. IMO you either have to state up front that you're not interested in such comments on your food, or close your diary. I'm thinking of earlier posts where people are even scared to make suggestions when someone does complain about not feeling full or otherwise struggling. Then what the heck are we on each other's lists, supporting each other for?

JaneiR36 wrote: »

Didn't see this edit last night. See now this is the part I disagree with. Tell me of a real life situation where you ask dozens and dozens of people to have access to exactly what you're eating, right down to the gram? To me that would almost be like being a chef on a cooking show and asking for no comments whatsoever on your food. IMO you either have to state up front that you're not interested in such comments on your food, or close your diary. I'm thinking of earlier posts where people are even scared to make suggestions when someone does complain about not feeling full or otherwise struggling. Then what the heck are we on each other's lists, supporting each other for?

I agree with you there, as I was one of the people who posted about how I was afraid of hurting someone's feelings by commenting about anything relating to their diary. To shame people for their food choices are one thing, but to see things that are obvious issues are another. I'm not going to act like I've never viewed someone's diary and wanted to send them a message like "Hey, are you truly only eating 800 calories and burning off 1000?" This site isn't Facebook and I'm not simply here to comment or like a status. I'm here to help people on their journey. People have requested me because they can tell from my progress and my photos that I know what the heck I'm doing; one of my friends hit a plateau in the summer and I gave her some advice and she's lost 50 pounds since then. Seeing progress like that for my friends makes me truly happy for them. I get disheartened when I see time after time people on the boards or on my friends list saying they've stalled or binged when I know steps they can take to fix the issue. I know some friends I can message easily and others I have to get a feel for how they react to things.

There are two sides to this situation, though. One is that some friends will make inappropriate comments about what you eat. "French fries, really? That's a lot of chocolate!" etc. That's wrong and should not occur without a good reason. For example, if the same friend later posts a status about how they keep gaining weight and you're just like "Hmm, maybe you're not logging properly. Maybe you're underestimating those snacks." However, the other side of it is that I feel some people get touchy about their diaries because they damn well know they aren't doing what they're supposed to whether it's inaccurate logging to make their numbers, consistently eating foods that aren't nutrient dense and then binging, etc. The whole point is that making comments on it is contingent upon whether or not that friend posts a status wondering where they went wrong. Other than that, all I do is keep my opinions to myself or delete that friend.

scolaris wrote: »

But I'm still confused by this whole premise...
People PM other people -actual people on here - to harangue them about what they are or aren't eating???
~wrings hands~
That seems like 50 shades of 'nope'
And yes I acquired a few weird gentleman friends myself I subsequently had to discard, but being a post menopausal bluestocking of the schoolmarmish persuasion it just seemed kind of funny to me. Like maybe I should check my profile picture and make sure my underpinnings weren't askew seeing as my eye sight isn't all that it once was.
And now I learn this too is a 'thing'
Life is full of surprises, isn't it?
Maybe the diary bullies names should be flagged to an admin. It's not civil behavior.

Unsolicited offers of advice does not rise to the level of bullying. Also, there is sufficient self help available that one does not need to involve an admin:

1. Unfriend people who offer unwanted advice. I'd warn them once first.
2. Make your diary private, or chose the share using a key option with select people.

Now if one were getting hate speech type messages, sure, involve an admin.

WinoGelato wrote: »

125goals wrote: »

WinoGelato wrote: »

125goals wrote: »

Me being me, my first thought would be that they are just trying to help, give me some suggestions- if they are private messaging me it's just probably important to them that I read their message because they think their suggestion is golden and can really benefit me, that's all. It is myfitnesspal after all and isn't that we add people as friends? To help each other out with suggestions ect? I wouldn't think off the bat that these people are being nasty to me.

Not saying you're not entitled to how you feel, just got a different view on it.

That's not why I add people as friends. I add people that I connect with in the forums, or that are also on mutual friends lists. Most of my friends are because of common personality types (sarcastic sense of humor, etc). I find many of them very supportive and motivational, but unless I ask them for suggestions about something, then no, I don't actually expect them to offer any input on my food choices, my exercise, etc.

Shouldn't be surprised if they do. Its a health and fitness website. That's why mfp has a comment section also, for people to comment under.

Personally, I have Facebook that's for sh*ts and giggles not mfp, I expect people to give me their suggestions....Unless their being rude and demanding, and pushing their views on me wouldn't feel any type of way.

Meh - I think we are just having different MFP experiences. If I need help, I will ask for it, and I will get it - the people on my friends list are extremely knowledgeable about diet, exercise, health, etc and many of them have been astoundingly successful. But I'm doing fine, and they know it. So they aren't going to tell me that I shouldn't have had a piece of chocolate after lunch because it might hinder my goals, because it won't. They aren't going to tell me that I should be weighing my food with a digital scale, because even though that is probably the number one piece of advice that is shared with regards to how to be successful - they know I'm doing ok without it and they know that I know that is something I could do if I wanted to be more accurate. They aren't going to tell me that instead of doing circuit training with light weights I should be lifting heavy things, because they know that I have been considering it but haven't worked myself up to that yet. So no, I wouldn't expect unsolicited advice from any of them. I've been here 1000 days as of today and have yet to get a piece of unwelcome, unsolicited advice. Or any creeper PMs either. Darn, maybe I am doing something wrong!

I actually appreciate the advice, if it's constructive of course and not just flat-out criticizing. Otherwise, what's the point of having your diary open? I'm new to all of this so I appreciate people who've been at this longer than me pointing out ways I could improve. One of my friends pointed out to me that my iron was consistently very low. I reviewed my diary and sure enough, she was right. That mattered to me because when I was younger I was anemic, but I hadn't learned to really look at my macros yet so I hadn't even realized. Now, I take a multi-vitamin every morning so I don't have to worry about the number in MFP, but if she hadn't pointed it out I probably wouldn't have ever realized on my own.

robertw486 wrote: »

It would be easier if he had a block function.

You made me think of this:)

scolaris wrote: »

Good advice everybody!
And YES, I ate steaming hot hand cut organic potato chips off a food truck tonight. They were glorious! Have at me! ;-)

If they weren't with tacos... well I'm not sure things are going to work out!

Sometimes I either eat light or "bank" some exercise calories to hit the food trucks at a local brewery. Well worth it every time!

pearso21123 wrote: »

WinoGelato wrote: »

125goals wrote: »

WinoGelato wrote: »

125goals wrote: »

Me being me, my first thought would be that they are just trying to help, give me some suggestions- if they are private messaging me it's just probably important to them that I read their message because they think their suggestion is golden and can really benefit me, that's all. It is myfitnesspal after all and isn't that we add people as friends? To help each other out with suggestions ect? I wouldn't think off the bat that these people are being nasty to me.

Not saying you're not entitled to how you feel, just got a different view on it.

That's not why I add people as friends. I add people that I connect with in the forums, or that are also on mutual friends lists. Most of my friends are because of common personality types (sarcastic sense of humor, etc). I find many of them very supportive and motivational, but unless I ask them for suggestions about something, then no, I don't actually expect them to offer any input on my food choices, my exercise, etc.

Shouldn't be surprised if they do. Its a health and fitness website. That's why mfp has a comment section also, for people to comment under.

Personally, I have Facebook that's for sh*ts and giggles not mfp, I expect people to give me their suggestions....Unless their being rude and demanding, and pushing their views on me wouldn't feel any type of way.

Meh - I think we are just having different MFP experiences. If I need help, I will ask for it, and I will get it - the people on my friends list are extremely knowledgeable about diet, exercise, health, etc and many of them have been astoundingly successful. But I'm doing fine, and they know it. So they aren't going to tell me that I shouldn't have had a piece of chocolate after lunch because it might hinder my goals, because it won't. They aren't going to tell me that I should be weighing my food with a digital scale, because even though that is probably the number one piece of advice that is shared with regards to how to be successful - they know I'm doing ok without it and they know that I know that is something I could do if I wanted to be more accurate. They aren't going to tell me that instead of doing circuit training with light weights I should be lifting heavy things, because they know that I have been considering it but haven't worked myself up to that yet. So no, I wouldn't expect unsolicited advice from any of them. I've been here 1000 days as of today and have yet to get a piece of unwelcome, unsolicited advice. Or any creeper PMs either. Darn, maybe I am doing something wrong!

I actually appreciate the advice, if it's constructive of course and not just flat-out criticizing. Otherwise, what's the point of having your diary open? I'm new to all of this so I appreciate people who've been at this longer than me pointing out ways I could improve. One of my friends pointed out to me that my iron was consistently very low. I reviewed my diary and sure enough, she was right. That mattered to me because when I was younger I was anemic, but I hadn't learned to really look at my macros yet so I hadn't even realized. Now, I take a multi-vitamin every morning so I don't have to worry about the number in MFP, but if she hadn't pointed it out I probably wouldn't have ever realized on my own.

The advice you got sounds constructive and helpful and probably tactfully worded. It's the "you sure all that chocolate is a good idea?" Kind of passive aggressive posts that I think the OP is referring to.

Every once and awhile I'll get those comments as well. But I know what I'm doing so I usually ignore them. I leave my diary open to friends because I do have some friends in real life on here that are always curious how I stay so fit and have a treat every once and awhile.