Do people treat you differently?
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Without getting into a long story, my mom has the emotional range of a teaspoon, as Hermione would say. She sidesteps anything that requires real emotion or honesty with teasing or jokes. It pisses me off less as an adult than it did when I was a teenager (oh boy THAT was a fun time!) and she's been working on the personal issues that cause that behavior, but I think it's just a sore spot for me when I think that's what she's doing.
I don't really tell people what my "goal" weight is just because we are going to try to start having kids very soon and with any luck I won't even see it if I get pregnant quickly
But yeah, if I told her I wanted to be smack in the middle of my healthy range (about 150) she'd probably freak out because at 5'4"ish she is about 150.
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Protranser wrote: »Its hard to be objective about oneself. However, my mom is very fat, owing to physical disability and illness. I can say with 100% certainty that people DEFINITELY treated her like crap because of her weight, my whole life. Even when she was mobile and tried her best, but was still really fat, people were total jerks to her. She was (and is) a kind, outgoing woman, gregarious and full of smiles and sass. However, the number of snubs to her I've witnessed was outrageous. Things like
"We don't talk to people like YOU."
"I don't need any more friends."
"Stop being a hypochondriac and lose some weight and your problems will go away" (from a doctor! a variant from MORE than one doctor!).
"See that fat lady over there? That's just disgusting. She shouldn't eat so much!" (at a fair, woman to her son)
"If you'd get up and walk you wouldn't be such a fat pig!"
No, fat people aren't invisible. They.. we.. are painfully OBVIOUS. It isn't that we are unseen. Its that we're pointedly ignored. And that's preferable to the outright insults.
Obviously a person's confidence can change with weight loss.. but it doesn't explain the enormous differences in income between overweight women and women. It doesn't explain AT ALL why a very tiny percentage of women (and somewhat similar, though larger number of men) on dating sites get almost all the attention. Fat bias is very, very real.
That must've been very difficult for you to have to witness regularly.
Do you think something, somehow, could've changed for your mother that would have sparked an interest to eat fewer calories than she was?
I'm sorry you had to endure such comments about her body. Shaming obviously didn't work for her. It works for some, depending on circumstances and cultural differences.
Fat shaming certainly didn't help me, all it did was erode self confidence, which if anything makes it much harder to make lifestyle changes. It wasn't until I built up a lot more self confidence that I was mentally ready to really do this.0 -
Without getting into a long story, my mom has the emotional range of a teaspoon, as Hermione would say. She sidesteps anything that requires real emotion or honesty with teasing or jokes. It pisses me off less as an adult than it did when I was a teenager (oh boy THAT was a fun time!) and she's been working on the personal issues that cause that behavior, but I think it's just a sore spot for me when I think that's what she's doing.
I don't really tell people what my "goal" weight is just because we are going to try to start having kids very soon and with any luck I won't even see it if I get pregnant quickly
But yeah, if I told her I wanted to be smack in the middle of my healthy range (about 150) she'd probably freak out because at 5'4"ish she is about 150.
My dad is the same way, so I understand! 0 -
I'm curious to know, if those of us who feel that there def is a difference in the way we are treated, and those who feel like there is no difference, what weight level we all started at.
Self confidence, or lack there of, doesn't seem to be what it is. We've had several people already squash that one.
Just like a few others have mentioned we most definitely are not invisible. I'm sure we sometimes wish we were. We get plenty of points and stares. Whispers and laughs. Going out we are treated like a personal freak show for strangers. It's enough to really cause some to want to never leave their house.
It's pretty *kitten* up honestly.0 -
Its hard to be objective about oneself. However, my mom is very fat, owing to physical disability and illness. I can say with 100% certainty that people DEFINITELY treated her like crap because of her weight, my whole life. Even when she was mobile and tried her best, but was still really fat, people were total jerks to her. She was (and is) a kind, outgoing woman, gregarious and full of smiles and sass. However, the number of snubs to her I've witnessed was outrageous. Things like
"We don't talk to people like YOU."
"I don't need any more friends."
"Stop being a hypochondriac and lose some weight and your problems will go away" (from a doctor! a variant from MORE than one doctor!).
"See that fat lady over there? That's just disgusting. She shouldn't eat so much!" (at a fair, woman to her son)
"If you'd get up and walk you wouldn't be such a fat pig!"
No, fat people aren't invisible. They.. we.. are painfully OBVIOUS. It isn't that we are unseen. Its that we're pointedly ignored. And that's preferable to the outright insults.
Obviously a person's confidence can change with weight loss.. but it doesn't explain the enormous differences in income between overweight women and women. It doesn't explain AT ALL why a very tiny percentage of women (and somewhat similar, though larger number of men) on dating sites get almost all the attention. Fat bias is very, very real.
To start I am so sorry u and your mother had to deal with this almost makes me want to tear up. But we as a human race are like this people do get treated differently by the way they look. Is it right absolutely not. But the thing is we need to be mentally strong for those that it really bothers remember how strong u were to decide to lose the weight, someone hitting on u should be a walk in the park. U know a great way to deal with it is to have some fun with it by calling the person out in public or making some fun stories up idk IMHO I think it is only a issue if u let it be. But to everyone in this thread congrats on the weight loss and keep it up don't let the rest of human society bring u down and make u feel uncomfortable because life is short and we need live each day like it is our last!!0 -
Noticed that people treat me differently depending on my weight. It goes both way though- when I'm fat skinny people are mean to me, when I'm skinny, fat people treat me like I'm a bimbo. I've been on both sides and they equally hurt. No matter your weight, all you can do it be confident and make sure people know that you will call them out on their mean comments or attitude if necessary.0
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rhianna818 wrote: »I'm curious to know, if those of us who feel that there def is a difference in the way we are treated, and those who feel like there is no difference, what weight level we all started at.
Self confidence, or lack there of, doesn't seem to be what it is. We've had several people already squash that one.
Just like a few others have mentioned we most definitely are not invisible. I'm sure we sometimes wish we were. We get plenty of points and stares. Whispers and laughs. Going out we are treated like a personal freak show for strangers. It's enough to really cause some to want to never leave their house.
It's pretty *kitten* up honestly.
I started at 202.5 and currently hover around 150. BMI-wise, I was obese. Real life -wise, I pretty much blended in with a large portion of women my age. Where I live, at least, the level of overweightness that I was at is pretty common, or at least common enough that you don't stick out. (I hope that makes sense.) At my current weight, I have been referred to as "skinny." (I'm pretty average in height for a woman--5'5.5".)0 -
Not here. I honestly haven't noticed a difference at all.. but I'm an introvert and usually avoid hanging out with people, so...0
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...The only other one is *sigh* my mom. At thanksgiving, my step-dad was asking me about my weight loss, I mentioned that my next goal was to buy myself some size 10's for christmas. My mom goes "what? NO!!"
as a "joke" I guess... I think thats the size she wears. Apparently ME being that size isn't allowed? I just shrugged it off as her attempt to make a joke at her own expense. But a week later when I actually DID get into some 10's I txted her a photo and said "sorry mom!" and She just gave me a speech about not "going overboard" and how a friend of hers lost so much weight that for a while she looked sick. I said "C'mon mom... don't be that guy. I'm literally ONE POUND inside my healthy weight range"
And she said "no you look great, just you know, don't get carried away." What the actual crap. 10s were something I NEVER in a million years thought i'd ever see, I finally see it, i'm nowhere near any kind of "unhealthy" weight (i'm 172 at 5'10", hell I was 173 actually when this conversation happened) and the first thing you do is rain on my parade? BAH.
I have been bigger than my sister our entire lives - I have a bigger frame, bigger hands, bigger feet. Her weight has gone up and down since she became a mother. I can picture something like this happening if I become her size or smaller.
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rhianna818 wrote: »I'm curious to know, if those of us who feel that there def is a difference in the way we are treated, and those who feel like there is no difference, what weight level we all started at.
Self confidence, or lack there of, doesn't seem to be what it is. We've had several people already squash that one.
Just like a few others have mentioned we most definitely are not invisible. I'm sure we sometimes wish we were. We get plenty of points and stares. Whispers and laughs. Going out we are treated like a personal freak show for strangers. It's enough to really cause some to want to never leave their house.
It's pretty *kitten* up honestly.
I hadn't noticed a change. With that being said, I have also always been a very personable person. I was wearing a woman's size 18 when I was 10 years old in the 5th grade. I learned then that tucking in your shirts is not cool, and that if I'm going to look disgusting that I should get a good personality... for the most part. So I became the clown to make people smile and laugh. Honestly, I was a hot mess then. But I was a kid and had no self esteem, so my jokes covered my lack of confidence. I hid my self loathing into my 20's. In that time I had lost a lot of weight just by having actual friends. This meant that I was active, walking around with them, going shopping or to the movies, walking to and from their houses. In high school though, at 150lbs (5'8"), I also was a big flirt, which I think helped to end most of the loathing. I was a big big faker. On the inside I was so shy and scared of everything. Literally. I wouldn't even leave my house unless someone was with me, or I was meeting someone. I just didn't want to be seen. Then in my 20's, after a near death experience, I started feeling on the inside what I was faking on the outside. I got fat again, up to 230 pounds. Then I went down to 190 during a crappy marriage, and got down to 162 during the divorce. Then later got up to 230, now I'm down to 186. In that time, people still have treated me really well. Maybe it's because I talk their ears off? Or I'm so used to trying to get people to like me that I don't even think about it? Or maybe it's that I know I can go up and down at any point but will always get to where I want to be, so I don't think about it. I have no idea and now I'm completely rambling so I will stop, haha0 -
I haven't really noticed a difference. Either because I'm not good at paying attention to these things or because I really am being treated the same. I know the 80-year old corner shop owner keeps telling me every time I visit the shop "don't you ever gain weight again, you look amazing"... every single time on repeat lol.0
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rhianna818 wrote: »I'm curious to know, if those of us who feel that there def is a difference in the way we are treated, and those who feel like there is no difference, what weight level we all started at.
Self confidence, or lack there of, doesn't seem to be what it is. We've had several people already squash that one.
Just like a few others have mentioned we most definitely are not invisible. I'm sure we sometimes wish we were. We get plenty of points and stares. Whispers and laughs. Going out we are treated like a personal freak show for strangers. It's enough to really cause some to want to never leave their house.
It's pretty *kitten* up honestly.
I started just inside healthy BMI, ended a bit below the middle of healthy BMI. Originally, I looked stocky. Now I look fairly athletic - and I am
I noticed a difference.
Strangers reacted to the way I carried myself. I wasn't happy about the way I looked or felt (which is why I decided to lose) and it showed. I'm an introvert - if I'm not feeling upbeat, I have less energy to be interacting with people I don't know and don't have a reason to be sociable around. Less unneccessary eye contact, fewer spontaneous 'hello's, more 'I'm on a mission' attitude. So, people were less friendly. No surprise.
My family was great. No complaints.
Friends and acquaintances treated me differently for a little while after I hit goal. Some of them acted like I'd performed a miracle *rolls-eyes*. It took talking to most people once or twice before they went back to their normal selves, as if they thought I was going to look down my nose at them because they still have some pudge/don't exercise/etc. I was myself, they figured out that if they didn't bring up my weight loss and exercise, I didn't bring up my weight loss and exercise (but that I was happy to answer questions) and everything went back to normal.0 -
The only other one is *sigh* my mom. At thanksgiving, my step-dad was asking me about my weight loss, I mentioned that my next goal was to buy myself some size 10's for christmas. My mom goes "what? NO!!"
as a "joke" I guess... I think thats the size she wears. Apparently ME being that size isn't allowed? I just shrugged it off as her attempt to make a joke at her own expense. But a week later when I actually DID get into some 10's I txted her a photo and said "sorry mom!" and She just gave me a speech about not "going overboard" and how a friend of hers lost so much weight that for a while she looked sick. I said "C'mon mom... don't be that guy. I'm literally ONE POUND inside my healthy weight range"
And she said "no you look great, just you know, don't get carried away." What the actual crap. 10s were something I NEVER in a million years thought i'd ever see, I finally see it, i'm nowhere near any kind of "unhealthy" weight (i'm 172 at 5'10", hell I was 173 actually when this conversation happened) and the first thing you do is rain on my parade? BAH.
I have a family member like this. The face that is made when my weightloss is complimented or I'm congratulated. I pity that person. How much energy it must take up to be that jealous & resentful.
I've felt envious of people I care about in the passed and it made me so disappointed in myself. I'm sure your Mom doesn't feel good about it.
Congrats on what you have achieved x0 -
rhianna818 wrote: »I'm curious to know, if those of us who feel that there def is a difference in the way we are treated, and those who feel like there is no difference, what weight level we all started at.
Self confidence, or lack there of, doesn't seem to be what it is. We've had several people already squash that one.
Just like a few others have mentioned we most definitely are not invisible. I'm sure we sometimes wish we were. We get plenty of points and stares. Whispers and laughs. Going out we are treated like a personal freak show for strangers. It's enough to really cause some to want to never leave their house.
It's pretty *kitten* up honestly.
My highest weight was 260 at 5'10". If people were whispering behind my back (as an adult), I thank them for being intelligent enough to never let me hear it. I got a lot of "you have such a pretty face" "you're the smart one in the family" stuff, but I didn't give that a negative twist, because c'mon, it'd be weird if people were saying "you have such a pretty BODY"
Though I also wasn't raised by people who really gave a crap about fitting in, fashion, or anything like that, and so I grew up for the most part not giving a crap about it either. There's a big difference between fitting in and being accepted for who you are, as you are, and I was lucky to mostly get the latter.
The only time I can remember anyone being a jerk to me about my weight was when I was a kid, aka, before I got so TALL, and even then I can only remember maybe three people saying anything about it, one was my dad (thinking he was being cute teasing me for eating goldfish crackers), my brother, who tortured me relentlessly regardless of subject, and one stupid little boy in middle school who never said a thing to me after that. For me I think it was self confidence PLUS an ability to not really care what *kitten* said to make me feel bad, partially because I did grow up with a sibling who was a hell spawn from the abyss.
I don't know if its because i'm from the south or what, but i'm shocked at some of the comments people say they've heard from people on this thread. I've never in my life heard anyone say horrible things out loud to someone else about their weight like that. The harshest thing I hear from my family (behind someones back) is "wow, she's gained so much weight this year and she was already obese, I hope she's doing ok." in regards to one of my cousins. That's pretty freaking gentle compared to some of the things i've read.
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rhianna818 wrote: »I'm curious to know, if those of us who feel that there def is a difference in the way we are treated, and those who feel like there is no difference, what weight level we all started at.
Self confidence, or lack there of, doesn't seem to be what it is. We've had several people already squash that one.
Just like a few others have mentioned we most definitely are not invisible. I'm sure we sometimes wish we were. We get plenty of points and stares. Whispers and laughs. Going out we are treated like a personal freak show for strangers. It's enough to really cause some to want to never leave their house.
It's pretty *kitten* up honestly.
My highest weight was 260 at 5'10". If people were whispering behind my back (as an adult), I thank them for being intelligent enough to never let me hear it. I got a lot of "you have such a pretty face" "you're the smart one in the family" stuff, but I didn't give that a negative twist, because c'mon, it'd be weird if people were saying "you have such a pretty BODY"
Though I also wasn't raised by people who really gave a crap about fitting in, fashion, or anything like that, and so I grew up for the most part not giving a crap about it either. There's a big difference between fitting in and being accepted for who you are, as you are, and I was lucky to mostly get the latter.
The only time I can remember anyone being a jerk to me about my weight was when I was a kid, aka, before I got so TALL, and even then I can only remember maybe three people saying anything about it, one was my dad (thinking he was being cute teasing me for eating goldfish crackers), my brother, who tortured me relentlessly regardless of subject, and one stupid little boy in middle school who never said a thing to me after that. For me I think it was self confidence PLUS an ability to not really care what *kitten* said to make me feel bad, partially because I did grow up with a sibling who was a hell spawn from the abyss.
I don't know if its because i'm from the south or what, but i'm shocked at some of the comments people say they've heard from people on this thread. I've never in my life heard anyone say horrible things out loud to someone else about their weight like that. The harshest thing I hear from my family (behind someones back) is "wow, she's gained so much weight this year and she was already obese, I hope she's doing ok." in regards to one of my cousins. That's pretty freaking gentle compared to some of the things i've read.
When my husband and I were dating, when we would go out to eat we would catch people looking. And ok maybe I can't count every look bc we don't know why they were looking, but usually you can see it in their facial expressions. But I also have a very vivid memory of going to the movies and seeing a police officers nudge his partner and point to us and laughing.
Now, my husband and I are both super obese, or death fat, as some call it. He was probably around 500 at his heaviest and I was 367. So we are both pretty big. Before I was w/ him I never paid any attention bc it doesn't matter to me what strangers think. I have a lot of self confidence and think I am pretty awesome, my weight only determines my clothing size. That didn't mean it didn't happen, I just don't care to waste my energy on the negative. My honey on the other hand is hyper-aware of the looks and such and takes them very personally. His self worth is associated w/ how he feels the public portrays him. And as a fat person he is labeled as lazy, unmotivated, a slob, stupid, etc. Its sad really.
I'm glad we are now working together to lose the weight and and I hope for him the weight loss gives him more confidence. He is really an awesome guy. So hard working and smart. I just wish he could see what I see.0 -
rhianna818 wrote: »I'm curious to know, if those of us who feel that there def is a difference in the way we are treated, and those who feel like there is no difference, what weight level we all started at.
Self confidence, or lack there of, doesn't seem to be what it is. We've had several people already squash that one.
Just like a few others have mentioned we most definitely are not invisible. I'm sure we sometimes wish we were. We get plenty of points and stares. Whispers and laughs. Going out we are treated like a personal freak show for strangers. It's enough to really cause some to want to never leave their house.
It's pretty *kitten* up honestly.
My highest weight was 260 at 5'10". If people were whispering behind my back (as an adult), I thank them for being intelligent enough to never let me hear it. I got a lot of "you have such a pretty face" "you're the smart one in the family" stuff, but I didn't give that a negative twist, because c'mon, it'd be weird if people were saying "you have such a pretty BODY"
Exactly. I've always taken that positively and was actually surprised to know it offends some people.0 -
rhianna818 wrote: »rhianna818 wrote: »I'm curious to know, if those of us who feel that there def is a difference in the way we are treated, and those who feel like there is no difference, what weight level we all started at.
Self confidence, or lack there of, doesn't seem to be what it is. We've had several people already squash that one.
Just like a few others have mentioned we most definitely are not invisible. I'm sure we sometimes wish we were. We get plenty of points and stares. Whispers and laughs. Going out we are treated like a personal freak show for strangers. It's enough to really cause some to want to never leave their house.
It's pretty *kitten* up honestly.
My highest weight was 260 at 5'10". If people were whispering behind my back (as an adult), I thank them for being intelligent enough to never let me hear it. I got a lot of "you have such a pretty face" "you're the smart one in the family" stuff, but I didn't give that a negative twist, because c'mon, it'd be weird if people were saying "you have such a pretty BODY"
Though I also wasn't raised by people who really gave a crap about fitting in, fashion, or anything like that, and so I grew up for the most part not giving a crap about it either. There's a big difference between fitting in and being accepted for who you are, as you are, and I was lucky to mostly get the latter.
The only time I can remember anyone being a jerk to me about my weight was when I was a kid, aka, before I got so TALL, and even then I can only remember maybe three people saying anything about it, one was my dad (thinking he was being cute teasing me for eating goldfish crackers), my brother, who tortured me relentlessly regardless of subject, and one stupid little boy in middle school who never said a thing to me after that. For me I think it was self confidence PLUS an ability to not really care what *kitten* said to make me feel bad, partially because I did grow up with a sibling who was a hell spawn from the abyss.
I don't know if its because i'm from the south or what, but i'm shocked at some of the comments people say they've heard from people on this thread. I've never in my life heard anyone say horrible things out loud to someone else about their weight like that. The harshest thing I hear from my family (behind someones back) is "wow, she's gained so much weight this year and she was already obese, I hope she's doing ok." in regards to one of my cousins. That's pretty freaking gentle compared to some of the things i've read.
When my husband and I were dating, when we would go out to eat we would catch people looking. And ok maybe I can't count every look bc we don't know why they were looking, but usually you can see it in their facial expressions. But I also have a very vivid memory of going to the movies and seeing a police officers nudge his partner and point to us and laughing.
Now, my husband and I are both super obese, or death fat, as some call it. He was probably around 500 at his heaviest and I was 367. So we are both pretty big. Before I was w/ him I never paid any attention bc it doesn't matter to me what strangers think. I have a lot of self confidence and think I am pretty awesome, my weight only determines my clothing size. That didn't mean it didn't happen, I just don't care to waste my energy on the negative. My honey on the other hand is hyper-aware of the looks and such and takes them very personally. His self worth is associated w/ how he feels the public portrays him. And as a fat person he is labeled as lazy, unmotivated, a slob, stupid, etc. Its sad really.
I'm glad we are now working together to lose the weight and and I hope for him the weight loss gives him more confidence. He is really an awesome guy. So hard working and smart. I just wish he could see what I see.
You sound like a very nice and supportive couple. Not everyone can say that their partner supports their weigh loss goals, there is usually one person that is stubborn. I hope you both are successful and come out even stronger than when you started.0 -
No difference based on weight.
Huge differences based on how I dress and carry myself.0 -
You have to remember that most people who lose a fair amount of weight or who work out just generally feel better, have more energy, and have greater self esteem. Your changed attitudes about yourself may have as much or more to do with how you're being treated now as the body change itself.0
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My family treat me a lot differently, I get a lot of praise from my dad's sisters because one who was skinny always knew I hated my weight and is happy to see me happy losing weight, and the other who is bigger is happy because she knows how hard it is to be big. My mum's sister on the other hand who is rather weight obsessed stays very silent on my weightloss which surprised me, but that's because my cousin and I used to be very big, we're both losing but I've always been a little bit smaller than her and I guess to not make her daughter feel bad she stays quiet on my weightloss, which is a bit upsetting considering I used to be made fun of for being big and had people constantly try and make me diet in that side of the family, now I'm doing what they want they don't want to notice it until my cousin is slimmer. I'm also no longer considered the fat sister in my family, my older sister always used to bully me for my weight and suddenly she started gaining a lot of weight and stays very quiet about weight comments, haha!
I've been getting a lot more attention off men, more so when I was in the 170's mark. I don't know if that is because I was blonde at that weight or what
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I also get a lot of smile backs in the street, I always try to smile at people and now it's being recirprocated, not just the odd friendly person who wants to smile at a fat girl.0
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