Do people treat you differently?

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  • MsJulesRenee
    MsJulesRenee Posts: 1,180 Member
    edited December 2015
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    @niajones95 My siblings (big family) are the same way. I was always the heaviest when we were younger. Now that we are grown up I'm the thinner one and no one has anything smart @** to say about it now!
  • Fursian
    Fursian Posts: 524 Member
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    GaleHawkins wrote: »
    Look what Google found from the past. :)

    community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/90165/fat-people-are-invisible-somehow/p1

    This thread, and the thread linked above, is really rather quite fascinating. Good reads! :)
  • Livgetfit
    Livgetfit Posts: 352 Member
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    Well I got my answer in a different form over the weekend. Went to the Xmas party of my old company (anyone who left in that calendar year was invited & so many people has been made redundant that it was 50% us ex-employees!).

    My best friend from the job & I are still very close but I hadn't seen him in a month and I'd had quite the "whoosh" in that time. We are opposite sex, both straight, he's very much in love with his partner of 3 years and we are like siblings....or at least this is my take on it so you can appreciate my shock when he tried to kiss me & asked me if I wanted to "bang". When I asked him why in the hell he'd think this was a good idea he said I "seem different now"

    I won't let it affect our friendship but it really shook me.
  • rhianna818
    rhianna818 Posts: 85 Member
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    Livgetfit wrote: »
    Well I got my answer in a different form over the weekend. Went to the Xmas party of my old company (anyone who left in that calendar year was invited & so many people has been made redundant that it was 50% us ex-employees!).

    My best friend from the job & I are still very close but I hadn't seen him in a month and I'd had quite the "whoosh" in that time. We are opposite sex, both straight, he's very much in love with his partner of 3 years and we are like siblings....or at least this is my take on it so you can appreciate my shock when he tried to kiss me & asked me if I wanted to "bang". When I asked him why in the hell he'd think this was a good idea he said I "seem different now"

    I won't let it affect our friendship but it really shook me.

    WTF. Wow what a reaction. I don't know if I could remain friends...That would bother me.
  • Livgetfit
    Livgetfit Posts: 352 Member
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    rhianna818 wrote: »
    Livgetfit wrote: »
    Well I got my answer in a different form over the weekend. Went to the Xmas party of my old company (anyone who left in that calendar year was invited & so many people has been made redundant that it was 50% us ex-employees!).

    My best friend from the job & I are still very close but I hadn't seen him in a month and I'd had quite the "whoosh" in that time. We are opposite sex, both straight, he's very much in love with his partner of 3 years and we are like siblings....or at least this is my take on it so you can appreciate my shock when he tried to kiss me & asked me if I wanted to "bang". When I asked him why in the hell he'd think this was a good idea he said I "seem different now"

    I won't let it affect our friendship but it really shook me.

    WTF. Wow what a reaction. I don't know if I could remain friends...That would bother me.

    It is bothering me a little but I am being selfish about this. Our friendship is important to me because it offers me a lot of light relief that I don't get from other relationships and also because we have had scarily similar up-bringings so he truly understands a lot of my neurosis. I choose to not deny myself that.

    Thanks though - WTF was literally my reaction so I'm glad to see someone else react that way. I also was offended by him putting his totally out-of-order behaviour on me: You came on to me when you're practically married but it is because of me? Because I seem different to you now I am visible as a woman? F*cking do one.
  • lx3tx
    lx3tx Posts: 34 Member
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    I've noticed it with getting the door held open for me. When I was at my gym towards the beginning of my weight loss, guys would hold the door open for a loooong time for a fit girl and then close it when I was only a few steps behind. This happened not once, not twice, but three times to me. Now at work, men go out of their way to hold the door for me. That didn't happen before. I guess I'll have to see if that ever happens to me at the gym...
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
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    upscalelifedownscalebutt wrote: »
    No difference based on weight.
    Huge differences based on how I dress and carry myself.

    Basically this.
  • sarahlifts
    sarahlifts Posts: 610 Member
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    azulvioleta6 wrote: »
    Livgetfit wrote: »
    azulvioleta6 wrote: »

    I actually did get hit on when I weighed 300 pounds...but now it sometimes happens 5+ times/day instead of just every once in a while. Sometimes it is a bit overwhelming.

    Good lord! I imagine this is that you exude confidence as well as both inner & outer beauty.

    P.s fancy grabbing a bite sometime? lol :p
    rankinsect wrote: »
    60 pounds down and I haven't noticed, but I am quite socially oblivious at times (it once took me about three months to realize someone was hitting on me...).

    I don't really notice people treating me bad, either, apart from a few people who openly mocked me to my face. That at least I understood.

    I wish I was more like you because at the end of the day, what does it matter as long as we treat ourselves & others in a way we can be proud of

    I'm definitely not pretty, so I'm not sure what the heck I exude. I am a dancer, so I think that it may have something to do with moving well or being physically confident.

    About 20% of the people who hit on me ARE women. ;)

    You are pretty.
  • nsides0427
    nsides0427 Posts: 56 Member
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    I am getting a LOT of male attention and compliments and cat calls, all the time. It's unnerving sometimes, and I don't take compliments gracefully, I just get really red and embarrassed and mumble thank you. I don't know if it's all because I've lost 60 pounds, however.

    When I started gaining weight my self-esteem started dropping... plummeting would be more accurate. I hated what I saw in the mirror and I must have projected that onto those around me. I was introverted, shy, never made eye contact... So it's no wonder I never got attention, or hit on, or whatever you want to call it. I am much more confident and happy now. When I go shopping or am out and about I make eye contact with a lot of people. I hold my head up high and smile at everyone, so I know I exude 100% more confidence than I had previously.

    So the attention is probably partly because I have lost weight, but I think part of it is also the newfound confidence. Confidence is sexy, regardless of your size.
  • xmichaelyx
    xmichaelyx Posts: 883 Member
    edited December 2015
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    bacs wrote: »
    I went from always having been fit to being overweight. It was interesting that I became invisible. In general getting older and heavier really does make you a non entity to the general population.

    This reminds me of a conversation I had with my mom when she started working in a retail shop at age 55-60. She said, "You don't know what it's like being an older woman -- it's like your invisible! Nobody notices you or wants to talk to you!"

    I replied, "So it like being a man then."
  • LesbianBicycle
    LesbianBicycle Posts: 9 Member
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    Lost all my friends.
  • rjmudlax13
    rjmudlax13 Posts: 909 Member
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    Definitely more attention from the opposite sex. Not sure if it's because of superficial reasons or that I carry myself more confidently. Probably a combination of both.
  • kfdcem
    kfdcem Posts: 17 Member
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    I've always been fat (I started somewhere above 275 at 5'4"), and as an adult I've always been confident. I wear bright colours, dress to be seen, smile and greet strangers, hold my head high, etc. I didn't have the negative experiences that so many fat women have, and I count myself lucky. But no matter how visible I made myself, people do see me more now. Overall I've been treated positively, now, and 100+ lbs ago.

    But never once when I was fatter did random men think it was a good idea to whistle or make lewd comments as they walk past. I mean for pete's sake the other day I was picking up my dog's poop on a busy street, in the rain, wearing a big coat, in the dark, and I get a "hey sexy, looking good" from a passing stranger. And it just keeps happening. I gotta say, it's a dangerous idea to harass a lady with a bag full of dog feces in her hand. One of these days...

    So basically, the positive interactions with strangers have continued, though they seem a little more frequent now and little kids talk to me more. The negative interactions have skyrocketed and I am not amused.
  • CoffeeNCardio
    CoffeeNCardio Posts: 1,847 Member
    edited December 2015
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    Guys, I just have to drop this here.

    You keep using the word introvert to mean "shy" or not outgoing. That's not what it means. That's like using the term narcissistic to describe your friend who looks in the mirror a lot. That's not what it means, it's actually referring to a dangerous and unhealthy personality disorder most commonly compared to sociopathy and psychopathy (Bundy, Manson, etc) and implying a damaged ability to have normal human empathy.

    Introversion is a temperament, not a moment of feeling shy, that means you need time alone to recharge after engaging in social situations. It doesn't make you shy during the social engagement, it doesn't mean you aren't bright and bubbly during the social engagement. It JUST means that socializing tires you out emotionally and you need time alone after the fact to recharge. It may also mean that you choose to socialize less often, and that you keep fewer friends that you have a close/deep relationship with rather than having many friends with which you are less intimate.

    Extroversion is the opposite. An extrovert NEEDS other people's social interaction the same way the introvert needs time to recover from social interaction. Extraversion seeks out social environments, and when left alone, the extravert feels broken down and exhausted (which is how introverts feel when we are overstimulated socially). In short, extroverts get emotionally high from people, and introverts get emotionally high from chilling out alone.

    You were not "introverted" while you were overweight. You were shy and lacking confidence. Introversion is not something that happens sporadically, it's a built in criteria of general feelings and behaviors. You did not "become" an extrovert when you lost the weight and got pretty, you were already extroverted in temperament and now you're able to fully engage in it since the confidence-killer weight (which caused shyness and self-esteem issues, not introversion) is gone. Similarly, someone who is introverted might lose weight and be irritated as all get out by the extra attention it brings them. It's also on a spectrum. Some people are 100% extrovert all the time and some people are sort of in the middle and can socialize most of the day before needing a break from people.


    I'm not trying to crawl up anyone's butt about semantics or anything. I'm really not. But like, how would you feel if your friends let you stomp around your life saying "It's a doggie-dog world!" sounding ridiculous and uninformed when they could take two seconds and say "Hey man, the phrase is 'it's a dog-eat-dog world' and it describes the kill or be killed mentality of modern life. Don't be mad, I'm just watching your back cause look, here comes your high school crush;)"


    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/09/01/introvert-myths_n_3569058.html

    This is a fun and funny article about it. See especially #'s 1 and 2.


    ETA: https://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201207/introverts-extroverts

    The above is a collection of articles referring to both introversion and extroversion for those who, like me, are completely in love with all things related to psychology and the science of the human mind:)
  • CoffeeNCardio
    CoffeeNCardio Posts: 1,847 Member
    edited December 2015
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    back on topic: I've lost almost 25 lbs and my total loss will be 61 lbs. I've noticed some differences in other people's reactions to me, mostly men. Before, getting someone to hold a door open for me was a challenge best met by just asking them to. Now, I swear they will stand there holding it while I sort-of jog from the end of the parking lot to get there (awkward). I thought too, that putzing about the world with my two year old (bigger and more obvious than a wedding ring ha ha) would be the end of being hit on, and while I was at my heaviest, that was so true. But now, I get hit on as much with my kid as alone. My hubby is starting to get a little upset because male cashiers are super overly nice now.... right in front of him. And we're talking unnecessary niceties, not good customer service. Also, when I go to a "nice" clothing store now, security (everywhere around here has a cop or rent-a-cop at the door because of the holidays) ignores me entirely, whereas at my heaviest (while not pregnant), I usually caught them glancing back at me a lot like "why is the fat girl even here, she must be up to no good, cause this store only carries 0-5's". That has happened to me 2 times, once when shopping for fun as motivation, once when buying a gift for one of my extremely thin friends (they're all thin). I'll leave the store names out of it. It's not their fault a couple of overzealous security guards were weird at me.

    ETA: I've gone from middle-high obese range to high overweight range.
  • MiSo_SeXy
    MiSo_SeXy Posts: 210 Member
    edited December 2015
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    Now that myweight loss is more noticeable... The Asian ladies keep commenting on how"I'll finally be able to find a husband"
    Lol I know they mean it in a good way... Ish... But lol oh asian ppl..
  • Losingthedamnweight
    Losingthedamnweight Posts: 535 Member
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    Coffeencardio: as an actual introvert, I appreciate you pointing this out. Most misused word out there besides "literally"
  • tomteboda
    tomteboda Posts: 2,171 Member
    edited December 2015
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    I hope people can read this with good humor ;-)
    And I thought that you'd gotten it through your skull
    What's figurative and what's literal
    Oh but, just now, you said
    You literally couldn't get out of bed
    That really makes me want to literally
    Smack a crowbar upside your stupid head"
    Word Crimes by Weird Al
  • Livgetfit
    Livgetfit Posts: 352 Member
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    tomteboda wrote: »
    I hope people can read this with good humor ;-)
    And I thought that you'd gotten it through your skull
    What's figurative and what's literal
    Oh but, just now, you said
    You literally couldn't get out of bed
    That really makes me want to literally
    Smack a crowbar upside your stupid head"
    Word Crimes by Weird Al

    Lol you hero!

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