Fat and Jealious new year

Methinks when the OP wakes up today on New Years Day she's going to be filled with regret, hopefully she has some good takeaways to help chase the hangover away including:

Don't let someone in a bar take away your confidence in yourself.

Social conversation/flirting in a bar is a positive social engagement with the opposite sex and not necessarily using someone to buy you drinks, although certainly some people approach it that way.

Inflicting physical harm on another person, even in the heat of the moment when you felt insulted, is never appropriate.

Posting on MFP in a drunken, emotional stupor is not likely to yield the outcome you were hoping for...

Sorry this happened. His words were hurtful and it sounds like it really affected you. Please don't let it both you. Ugly people spew ugly words.

However, violence is not the answer. You were wrong to hit him, plain and simple. While his words were ugly and hurtful, but they did not warrant physical violence.

Again, sorry this happened. I don't think anyone responding is trying to turn this around on you or make you feel worse, but you really need to open your eyes and be accountable to your actions.

Happy new year, artzy1989! Start fresh this morning and put behind you the bad feelings of last night - it sounds like there was a lot of alcohol influencing the situation on both sides.

It was horribly rude of this guy to call you fat and jealous, but as others have said, he was trying to hurt you likely in reaction to his bruised ego. It's easy to hurt most women by saying something about their weight - we're conditioned from an early age to be sensitive about how our bodies look. Ask yourself why his words hurt so much. Is it that there is an element of truth? I'm assuming that since you are on MFP and say you have 50+ extra pounds that you want to lose weight. For 2016, you can start the year off feeling hurt about this or decide to be empowered and positive. It's great that you can build your confidence from all the good qualities you know about yourself, but it's also important to be realistic and know the things you need to work on.

A bar is a place where people meet and flirt based on the most superficial characteristics, weight being one of the major things a guy will see about women. No man in a bar is going to look at you and see a woman who is fiesty, loyal, witty, smart, creative, loving and kind. You do sound like a pretty awesome friend, but remember that "the game" as you call it is shallow. If you want people to see YOU and not just your exterior, you need to try to connect in places other than bars. I'm saying all of this as someone who has gained 70+ pounds and lost nearly 50 of it myself over the years. It DOES affect how you meet men. It's up to you what you want to do about it - my personal opinion is to lose the weight for yourself, not for other people, because it will set you up for a healthy life, and to find someone based on deeper qualities by meeting through a hobby or activity.

Caitwn wrote: »

The slap was completely wrong and over the top, and you say you wish it had gotten into a brawl?

Hitting someone, wishing that it could have escalated into a full-on assault, and the accompanying emotional meltdown all point to a problem. Both some counseling and cutting down on your drinking would probably be a very good idea.

I totally missed the part about wishing it could turn to punching or brawling. I reread the op after seeing this and was completely dumbfounded.
Op- your reaction was terrible and wishing it could've further escalated into a brawl or punching is troublesome. This is an absolutely inappropriate way to react to words. He called you a name and you reacted with violence.
First of all, you had no business shooing him away or saying anything to him. (Unless your friend was incoherent , which at that point you should've taken her home instead of worrying about guys flirting) I think you should've minded your own business and let your friend decline him. What gives you the right to hit someone because they called you names ? If your wondering why men aren't approaching you, maybe look into your attitude instead of worrying about weight. Plenty of men like larger women but not many like them rude with an attitude . not to mention , they probably don't want to be assaulted.
I'd quit drinking if it leads you to behave this way and instead of drinking ,take the time to improve yourself.

OP--that guy was a jacka##. Let me repeat: that guy was a jacka## and he is the person in the scenario you described who caused the interaction to go south.

You and your friends do not have to politely accept unwanted attention--especially if its not been reciprocated and the dude continues to not take a hint. He lacks social skills if it got to the point that he had to be told to move on and did not pick up on any other social cues. Then for him to react to a direct indication that he should move on by insulting you? Jacka##.

You probably shouldn't have slapped him--but I understand your frustration and anger.

The idea that women MUST behave politely in the face of blatant rudeness from men is misogynistic and backwards. It's that attitude that causes women to hand out fake phone numbers rather than reject a man because it's the safer route. Men--please learn how to graciously accept rejection..that will solve a lot of problems.

OP--Im sorry this jacka## ruined your night out. I know I struggle with this and so many women do--but I think the key is to keep that feel-good, sassy, take-on-the-world feeling for yourself...not for anyone else. If it belongs to you because you belive it to be true, no jerk in a bar can take it from you.

Have a wonderful new year!!!!

I feel for you because you were hurt and humiliated. But the bottom line is, you physically assaulted someone! Unless your life, or someone else's life, is in danger, that's not ok.

You sound like a sensitive person, so put yourself in the other person's shoes. How would you feel if you were trying to talk to someone (maybe it took courage, maybe you were genuinely attracted to the person) and their friend "shooed" you away? Might you retaliate with a hurtful comment out of embarrassment?

None of us were there, so we can't really know what happened but even just from your side of things, it sounds like you might need to work on your social interactions. Lots of us need work in that area-don't feel bad about it, just learn from it and grow.

Ultimately, you will enjoy yourself way more if you think less about how you look/are perceived by others and more about how you can make others feel comfortable and good about themselves.

Erm you assaulted someone and you are not repentant???

Is that how you react to all slights and insults?

Granted the guy was out of line to insult you but there is no need for violence.

tincanonastring wrote: »

oyChihuahua wrote: »

Have you consrdered ketosis?

OP, don't listen to this guy. Extreme low-carbing helps with dementia, or so I've heard, but it does nothing to suppress a violent temper. I used to have extreme anger management issues, but when I started to eat a diet of moderation, I was magically cured of all impulses to overreact in a bar. Moderation is the key to your problem.

Moderation cured my explosive temper also.