I'm losing weight and my husband is putting me down
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thorsmom01 wrote: »tracymn925 wrote: »And I wholeheartedly disagree with you guys who are making excuses for hubby's behavior. Saying those things is NEVER excusable, especially when we live in a society where losing weight is so difficult and women are often especially scrutinized in the media and everyday life. Not okay whatsoever...
So agree!!! The husband is welcome to change his diet and increase his exercise level instead of making his wife feel bad. He is the person, of all people, should be encouraging her in nice and polite ways!
Reread this thread @bvff35
The op has mentioned ( later in the thread and not in her original statement) that her husband is a quadriplegic.
My biggest apologies. I did not see that. :-(0 -
You look AMAZING! Thanks for posting your beautiful, motivating photo!
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Hell yeah! I'm with Tracy, any human that has to verbally assault others are jerks, plain and simple. Whatever his issues are, definitely talk to him, you may find out that you love yourself enough to walk out the door and find someone who appreciates and loves you whatever size you are and be your best cheerleader.sheermomentum wrote: »I think he's probably insecure, and I think he's probably jealous. Everybody has to find their own way to handle these things, but I'd look him straight in the eye and say "my @$$ look fabulous, and you know it." And such true things. Without heat or malice, and with a smile.
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He's is probably feeling insecure and projecting that on you. So you need to sit him down and talk. Hear how he is feeling about things, but also let him know those things he says to you are hurtful. You are trying to better yourself and your life, and he can either get on board with it or not. I hate being that person to say "if he can't support you, leave him" but if the other areas of your relationships are this bad as well, something dramatic needs to happen. A partner that doesn't support you is no partner to keep in your life.0
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10 Facts Every Woman Should Know:
1. Everyone has rolls when they bend over.
2. When someone tells you that you're beautiful, believe them. They aren't lying.
3. Sometimes we all wake up with breath that could kill a goat.
4. For every woman unhappy with her stretch marks is another woman who wishes she had them.
5. You should definitely have more confidence. And if you saw yourself the way others see you, you would.
6. Don't look for a man to save you. Be able to save yourself.
7. It's okay to not love every part of your body....but you should.
8. We all have that one friend who seems to have it all together. That woman with the seemingly perfect life. Well, you might be that woman to someone else.
9. You should be a priority. Not an option, a last resort, or a backup plan.
10. You're a woman. That alone makes you pretty damn remarkable.
-Austin Blood0 -
It's unfortunate that most of the people commenting didn't see your second post and are reacting entirely to the first one. Maybe you could update the original post?
I think your husband is definitely hurting, feeling threatened and insecure, and probably to some degree is having his own perceived inadequacies magnified. He's largely incapable of improving his own health and fitness, and is stuck in that position watching you do exactly what he no doubt wishes that he could do but gave up on a long time ago.
Probably drop the "healthy" talk and just go on with cooking the way you like to. He's not complaining about the food, just the feeling of being judged for his failure to be a healthy partner for you. (I am making an assumption here about his feelings that may or may not be valid.) Keep up your own pursuit of health, because frankly you both need you to be healthy and to have the mental health benefits from feeling good about yourself and gaining strength.
When you are able to, it would be a good idea to have an honest heart-to-heart, where you open up and ask him to do the same. Maybe some couple's counseling would be in order, if he is willing. You have a heavy load to carry, and seeking support in that role would be a good thing.
Best to you.0 -
Your husband sounds like he's very cruel. Don't let his demeaning statements affect you it's not worth it just put him on ignore. What you're doing is very beautiful for yourself and congratulations good job keep up the great work you're doing great!!!0
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Uhhh... I'm kind of mindblown that you didn't mention in your first post that he is quadriplegic. Disability in no way excuses cruelty, but you want to know why he might be lashing out and forget to mention that??
He has had a life living with severe limitations, with you as a caregiver, and now things are changing. Disability overwhelmingly comes with mental health challenges, and now you're losing weight, and more to the point, working out, getting fit, and working on his one biggest challenge and obstacle - physical outlook. There is no excuse for being a rudeass jerk, but dear lord, you really need to ask what the reason behind it is??
If he already has a disability counselor, he needs to bring this up with them. If you group session, you can. If it's been long enough that he's past having the support from professionals, he may need to reconnect to help with the change.
I am in no way excusing him being bloody rude and nasty. But I can completely see why a person with severe physical limitations is lashing out when their closes human starts down a path which represents the very pinnacle of the unreachable for them. It's not right at all. But it can, and needs to be addressed.0 -
Wow! I didn't think that I would get such a response. Didn't expect it. I guess weight is a very sensitive subject to a lot of people. It's such a struggle and society ostracizes our children for being overweight and many hold onto those hurts for most of their adult life.
I did FINALLY talk to him. He took it better than I thought. He said "we always joke around like that. I call you piglet and you call me ChunkMunka" our pet names for each other. Maybe we were both wrong. He says "well YOU asked me how you looked, so I told you" I guess guys can be so clueless that when a woman asks if they look fat in a pair of jeans, a woman really doesn't want to hear the truth. Lol
He said he was sorry, and didn't think it would hurt me and that he wouldn't do it again. He really is a wonderful guy, just stuck his foot in his mouth. I have always been insecure about me butt. Growing up that's all people would tell me. You don't have a butt or your butt is flat. I'm doing a 30 day butt exercise challenge. He's going to be surprised, and very happy when I'm done.0 -
Well, this IS a weight management website, after all.soniamemms wrote: »Wow! I didn't think that I would get such a response. Didn't expect it. I guess weight is a very sensitive subject to a lot of people.
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soniamemms wrote: »Wow! I didn't think that I would get such a response. Didn't expect it. I guess weight is a very sensitive subject to a lot of people. It's such a struggle and society ostracizes our children for being overweight and many hold onto those hurts for most of their adult life.
I did FINALLY talk to him. He took it better than I thought. He said "we always joke around like that. I call you piglet and you call me ChunkMunka" our pet names for each other. Maybe we were both wrong. He says "well YOU asked me how you looked, so I told you" I guess guys can be so clueless that when a woman asks if they look fat in a pair of jeans, a woman really doesn't want to hear the truth. Lol
He said he was sorry, and didn't think it would hurt me and that he wouldn't do it again. He really is a wonderful guy, just stuck his foot in his mouth. I have always been insecure about me butt. Growing up that's all people would tell me. You don't have a butt or your butt is flat. I'm doing a 30 day butt exercise challenge. He's going to be surprised, and very happy when I'm done.
Glad you worked it out! If I were you I would skip that challenge though. This looks like a recipe for overuse injury and would not give you the results you desire.0 -
Glad to hear you were able to be honest with each other.
It still might benefit him (or both of you) to talk to a counselor about his own insecurities, when he is ready to. 0 -
soniamemms wrote: »
Anyway, a month ago he said I was bigger than his mother, I was wearing mediums by then, and his mom is a size 16. Then last night, he tells me that my butt looks like the penguin from Batman. I have been working so hard on my butt. While I'm not where I want to be, I think I'm looking pretty good. I didn't even know what the Penguins butt even looked right, so I looked it up. It was awful. I was so hurt. Little does he know, that it fuels me even more to push myself harder?
My question is: do you think he is insecure, because he is still so overweight? Maybe he feels I could leave him, or is jealous about the attention that I'm getting, when people compliment me? I feel like he's trying to discourage me. But what are your ideas or opinions on why?
Whether he's insecure or not is irrelevant. He's an *kitten*, and you can do better.0 -
Damianzmommy2016 wrote: »Omg iam so sorry!! I understand how you feel. Iam 23 , have a 3 yr old son and iam married to my husband of going on 5 years. My husband is 34 yrs old hes always in shape because he does roofing. Ive always been skinny, until i had my son. I got huge!! Lol my husband tells me how much he loves me ect. And he dont care how fat iam. But he always talks ish about me being "big" "huge" "gross" "vaca" which means cow in spanish.and when i try losing weight he gets meaner with his comments!!! Its just men and their insecurity girl. I know it hurts iam still trying to lose weight. And he keeps on with his comments!! Just keep your head up and try to stay motivated!!! You have a friend here if you need to talk
I hope you realise that his comments are absolu-f-lutely not OK! NO it's not JUST men and their insecurities. I am really sorry you believe that. Why would HE feel insecure in this case? You see all the responses to the OP. You should have a talk with him and draw the line!0 -
xmichaelyx wrote: »soniamemms wrote: »
Anyway, a month ago he said I was bigger than his mother, I was wearing mediums by then, and his mom is a size 16. Then last night, he tells me that my butt looks like the penguin from Batman. I have been working so hard on my butt. While I'm not where I want to be, I think I'm looking pretty good. I didn't even know what the Penguins butt even looked right, so I looked it up. It was awful. I was so hurt. Little does he know, that it fuels me even more to push myself harder?
My question is: do you think he is insecure, because he is still so overweight? Maybe he feels I could leave him, or is jealous about the attention that I'm getting, when people compliment me? I feel like he's trying to discourage me. But what are your ideas or opinions on why?
Whether he's insecure or not is irrelevant. He's an *kitten*, and you can do better.
So she should just dump his sorry quadriplegic butt and walk away? Wow.0 -
Maybe it's just me, but I'd much prefer to talk to my partner first - before giving strangers the chance to decide he's an *kitten*.0
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snickerscharlie wrote: »xmichaelyx wrote: »soniamemms wrote: »
Anyway, a month ago he said I was bigger than his mother, I was wearing mediums by then, and his mom is a size 16. Then last night, he tells me that my butt looks like the penguin from Batman. I have been working so hard on my butt. While I'm not where I want to be, I think I'm looking pretty good. I didn't even know what the Penguins butt even looked right, so I looked it up. It was awful. I was so hurt. Little does he know, that it fuels me even more to push myself harder?
My question is: do you think he is insecure, because he is still so overweight? Maybe he feels I could leave him, or is jealous about the attention that I'm getting, when people compliment me? I feel like he's trying to discourage me. But what are your ideas or opinions on why?
Whether he's insecure or not is irrelevant. He's an *kitten*, and you can do better.
So she should just dump his sorry quadriplegic butt and walk away? Wow.
Not really, no. It's internet talk and should be taken at face value. On the internet every man is an abuser and should be dumped right away if he even blinks funny, every parent knows squat about raising children, everyone is racist, sexist, immature, stupid, follows the wrong diet, fat shaming, skinny shaming, body shaming, disrespectful and ultimately the reincarnation of Hitler.0 -
Men are jealous when there wife's lose weight. They don't like the attention there wife's get from other men. My wife is loosing weight and I can't be happier for her men need to support their wife's. Tell him he has nothing to worry about you love him what ever size you are. You can always motify his favorite meal and make it healthy.just don't let him discourage from loosing weight. Keep up the good work if he says mean thing shower him with kindness.0
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I'm in the same boat. When I first met my husband I was underweight, and it took me a whole year of doing nothing to finally gain 50 lbs.
That's how underweight and thin I was.
Then I gained just a tad too much, so I went on a diet, started exercising more. And it was then when he started turning hateful, started saying how I'm too thin. When all my numbers still say I'm overweight by a few pounds.
My clothes are extra baggy now and he'll give me a look of disgust then say I look like a Crack wore cause my clothes are baggy.
It was when I hit Maintain when he stopped being stupid.
He'll still bring out the cheesecake and tell me, but you can't have a piece cause you're watching your calories.
I laughed and told him I'm eating more than he is now.
He was going to the gym, and had lost 70 lbs years ago. Then medical issues came up, had a bacteria infection in his lungs, phenomena, lung collapse, pluralcy (the liquid around your lungs when it jellies). Then he started ripping muscles in his shoulders, now it's believed he has arthritis in his shoulders.
Everything is shot. I'm working out and he just gave up then started bashing on me cause I wasn't getting fat and lazy with him.
But I knew the man I married was still in there somewhere. So for Christmas I bought him a Fitbit Flex (I have a Surge). Then he had picked out a bunch of lil workout equipment for Christmas which I bought. I bought him the kind of protein powder he wanted an everything.
He goes back to the gym in January and it's filled with the new year's resolution people.
So he stopped going and is back to square one, but still meal logs on his flex and has told me he lost weight.
Now he's saying he wants to try to go back to the gym again.
I've been supportive of him this entire time. I've put up with his nasty comments and everything because he's having his own problems.
It's real hard. But if your relationship means a lot to you, you'll deal with it and support him in this time of crisis even though you're the one getting bashed on.
He's a man and most men have this dumb habbit of thinking about themselves. Not even considering who they hurt. So you have to treat them like a child sometimes.0
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