not married

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but it sounds like this dude has pretty much chosen his friends over you (and possibly pot as well... that's not part of the story... only a possible assumption from the information provided.)

Either way... I think fly free is the way to go. 6.5 years is a LONG time... but double that and then it's half of your life practically. Something to think about...

I hope you find peace and come to a decision that is best for YOU (not necessarily him).

thats how i feel too, he is all i know. i just moved to a new city also, with my dad and his new wife. so if broke up now i would be completely alone. i need more independence before i can jump i think.

besides we don't want to leave them, just want them to step up... ( it's tough

We have 2 friends that have been together since high school, they are now in their very early 30's and finally got engaged last summer!!!!!!!! The young lady went through lots of ribbing from family, friends,.... and had her ups and downs with it as well. The guy just finally felt the time was really right for them and proposed. She stuck it out and the wedding is in August (so I need to get crackin' on the goal weight!!) Only you can answer this question. No one else can. Do some sole searching, talk to your BF, without accusing or giving ultimatums. See if he has a reason for not wanting to be engaged yet. When hubby and I were dating, we had been together for 4 years and I KNEW he was the one for me. All other relationships were ka-put after, on average, 4 months!! I had decided that if he didn't propose to me by the beginning of that new year, I was going to propose to him. I got lucky and he did the deed on my birthday, December 23!! After we were married, I had to work on the having kids thing as well. That took another year.
You need to decide if he is worth the wait, if this is a make or break thing (if it's a break you need to start over and will have to wait for everything anyway!!!!)

It is a difficult choice you have to make, but it is one that only you can make. :flowerforyou:

I was in a similar situation a couple years ago. My now ex wasn't sure he wanted to get married and I was almost willing to give on that point, but he kept waffling on having kids. That was not something I was willing to compromise on so that ended up being the end of us. Eventually after 4.5 years, I couldn't take the uncertainty anymore. Looking back on it I wish I had seen it more clearly earlier on, but I don't think I was ready to take that step.

Good luck in whatever you choose :flowerforyou:

Is he goal-oriented in other areas of his life such as his education and/or career? Does he want the same kind of future as you (kids, house in the suburbs or whatever)? Are most of his friends married?

none of his friends even have girlfriends! the 6 years i have been with him they have all stayed SINGLE. they just sit around and literally smoke pot all day.

and my boyfriends only goal is to buy a house with me, which isn't going to ****ing happen, because i don't feel driven to live with someone who can't put a ring on my finger after all this time. argh.

Seriously? That's not a good sign.

So, do you live together with your parents or seperatly each with your own parents? Maybe you could try renting an apartment together and see how that goes. It would give you both a taste of "grown-up" living and all the responsiblity it entails without too much financial risk.

I thought about this some more and I wanted to tell you, take control of the situation.

Here you are, sitting around waiting for him to marry you. You are giving him the control of your life. You want to be married relatively soon and he knows this yet makes no effort to work towards that. I know how that feels.

So, YOU be the one to decided what you will do. He isn't interested in marriage, so leave. You make it very easy for him NOT to marry you since you are always there anyway and he thinks you don't have the nerve to just pack up and go.

Flip the script. Take a stand. Grow some, and just hold your head high.

YOU write the story of your life...don't sit there waiting for things to happen or waiting for other people to make your choices for you.

You'll be ok. Promise.

You didn't say if it was a good realtionship otherwise. If the only thing wrong with the relationship is that he hasn't asked you to marry him, why fix what isn't broken? If that's your only complaint, then you need to ask yourself why you want to get married and if it is worth losing a healthy,loving, supportive relationship over this.

i got married at 25. wish i would have waited. why the rush?

In my opinion 25 is the age to START thinking about marriage. Marriage is a big deal and should not be taken lightly or decided upon based on length of relationship. You are 25, the last 6.5 years have been growing and learning experiences for both of you. Now is the time to settle in and see, now that you've accomplished your goals you're even still right for each other. Keep in mind that often men mature differently. It may not mean that he DOESN'T want to marry but that he just is not ready for the gravity of the commitment yet.

To many people get married because 'it's what you do' or because it's the next logical step in the relationship. Neither of things are reasons to make such a huge commitment.

Leaving a marriage that wasn't right or worse, where your spouse feels resentment because he felt pressured into it, will be harder than what you're going through right now

Has anyone bothered to think of what it might be from his perspective as well? As a romantic and a gentleman, were I to propose to the love of my life, I would want the right setting, not just throw a ring at the woman and say "let's get hitched" unless you want a meaningless shotgun wedding. If you want the 5 minute marriage, go for it. Have ANY of you ever thought perhaps he might be trying to get some things in his own life sorted out first, like getting himself a better career, or better posotion in life itself, so you wont look back in however long and be asking "WHY did I marry him?!"
I'm disappointed in all of you saying to just ditch the guy without knowing him or his thinking. For all any of you know, he might very well be planning and setting up for an amazing proposal that even others just happening to be around at the time will still remember for years to come. You don't know, so don't judge.

As for some real sound advise, after some time, ask again, push a little if you feel you must for an answer, but don't push too hard or it's a good chance he'll leave you instead.

My sister-in-law has been with the same man for a decade. He refuses to commit, and her siblings (both younger and older) have married and started families of their own. She was bawling when we went gown shopping for me and is really being jerked around by her boyfriend.

You have to make a decision. If marriage and family is important to you, move on and find someone who shares your goals. Don't get sucked into believing he's the only person you can love or can love you. There are millions of fish in the sea.

Has anyone bothered to think of what it might be from his perspective as well? As a romantic and a gentleman, were I to propose to the love of my life, I would want the right setting, not just throw a ring at the woman and say "let's get hitched" unless you want a meaningless shotgun wedding. If you want the 5 minute marriage, go for it. Have ANY of you ever thought perhaps he might be trying to get some things in his own life sorted out first, like getting himself a better career, or better posotion in life itself, so you wont look back in however long and be asking "WHY did I marry him?!"
I'm disappointed in all of you saying to just ditch the guy without knowing him or his thinking. For all any of you know, he might very well be planning and setting up for an amazing proposal that even others just happening to be around at the time will still remember for years to come. You don't know, so don't judge.

As for some real sound advise, after some time, ask again, push a little if you feel you must for an answer, but don't push too hard or it's a good chance he'll leave you instead.

If he were mature enough to be waiting until his own life is in order, he'd be mature enough to sit down and have a grown-up conversation with her about that. We're talking about a guy whose friends are all single and, apparently, all potheads, AND he's still living at home with his parents. This does not sound like a guy who has marriage on the brain. Sounds more like a guy who isn't ready to let go of his youth and be a man.

If she's at a point where she knows she's ready to get married, then she needs to dump this guy immediately. It's not about "Oh, you're only 25, you've got time, just be patient and wait for him." No. It's about what SHE wants for HER life. She has clearly spent enough time thinking about him and what HE wants. She has even explicitly told him that she's ready to get married, and he has responded by stalling.

As my mom would say, this guys sounds like he needs a good leaving alone. When men lose something that's important to them, they have a way of finding their balls pretty quickly.

That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying if he really loves her and the possibility of losing her becomes a reality, he'll get off the fence and buy her a ring. My sister's husband pulled this crap after 4 years of dating. She was ready to get married, he kept resisting, she dumped him, and he spent the next 2 years trying desperately to get her back before she finally relented. They got married shortly thereafter. She loved him and wanted to be with him, but she wasn't about to put her life on hold while he sat around trying to figure out what he wanted, and it took her leaving (and dating other people) for him to see that he wanted the same thing. If he had completely disappeared from her life, then she would've known he didn't want to be with her, and she could've closed the book on him and moved on. In either scenario, she was better off walking away than staying with a guy who refused to commit to her.

Most men will resist the idea of marriage for as long as they can. If you hang around and keep giving them free milk (and I'm not just talking about sex), what incentive do they have to propose? None. Because they know you aren't going to leave. It's like a child who never gets punished for breaking the rules ... why would he ever follow the rules if he knows there are no consequences? Why would a man ever propose to you if you're going to stick around anyway?

Don't get sucked into believing he's the only person you can love or can love you. There are millions of fish in the sea.

thats such a sad way of looking at love, and the sort of thing someone wouldnt say if they had met the one for them

i definitely dont think its rash to want to marry him after 6 years. Not at all, just that if its not that important to him, and youd consider leaving him over that, then maybe its just not right for either of you x

I dont think either of you are in the wrong. I just dont think it means he doesnt love you, but if thats not enough for you on its own, thats totally your prerogative. I just dont like the general consensus that if its not marriage, then its not a proper relationship or not commited.
marriage doesnt stop someone from leaving you, or make a relationship stronger