Cheating husband.
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The issue is with him and not you. Period. It doesn't matter the situation, how green the grass is, your physical traits, etc. It is an issue within himself.0
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People without issues don't cheat no matter what the situation. And, I agree, you're gorgeous.0
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I'm sorry for what you are going through. You know that its nothing to do with you, everything to do with him and his failures. It just hurts you a lot and I'm sorry you are feeling that pain. I think its normal to look for the reason why and its easy to blame what you perceive to be your fault (your weight) but you know that is not the why. You look lovely in your picture and I'm sure you are a wonderful person.
It is most important to take care of yourself (and any children you may have) right now. I've found that pouring that kind of pain into exercise has beneficial results, the endorphins make you feel better, the physical changes are good for your self esteem and health. Walk, meditate, do yoga, do whatever helps you with stress.
I'm glad you are calling your counselor to talk. You are right not to rush into anything, you have lots to think about and the decisions are all yours. I don't know you but want to send you a big hug for support. Hang in there.
Thank you so very much. I am taking this opportunity to pull myself out of the housewife mode I have been in. I'm going to lunch with friends. The gym even when he's home and I wouldn't before because we should spend time together. I need to take some time to get to know Danni again.1 -
I don't know if anyone has suggested it yet, but I suggest your first call be to your GYNO for a pelvic exam and STD test. My partner cheated and swore up and down he used protection but I still went and it was the first time ever I got an abnormal pap and it came back positive for HPV.
It's been years and it has gone away on it's own and the last two pap's have come back normal, but you never know. *hugs*1 -
MissTattoo wrote: »I don't know if anyone has suggested it yet, but I suggest your first call be to your GYNO for a pelvic exam and STD test. My partner cheated and swore up and down he used protection but I still went and it was the first time ever I got an abnormal pap and it came back positive for HPV.
It's been years and it has gone away on it's own and the last two pap's have come back normal, but you never know. *hugs*
I was tested in September and all was well. Because my test was only one month after I have an appointment tomorrow to be rechecked. Sad. Never thought I would even have to be thinking of this.0 -
Double check with him and your counsellor but it reads to me that your husband was seeking novelty. Grass is greener and all that. I bet you are plenty attractive and able to keep his interest.
Well golly gee, I certainly hope nothing ever happens to me that affects my looks so my husband can keep his interest in me.
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barbiemae24 wrote: »People without issues don't cheat no matter what the situation. And, I agree, you're gorgeous.
Thank you very much.
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_dracarys_ wrote: »Double check with him and your counsellor but it reads to me that your husband was seeking novelty. Grass is greener and all that. I bet you are plenty attractive and able to keep his interest.
Well golly gee, I certainly hope nothing ever happens to me that affects my looks so my husband can keep his interest in me.
Seriously. Signed, your friendly local ogre.0 -
meganridenour wrote: »No matter what you think, this is NOT your fault. It is an issue with HIM, not you.
This ^^^ I'm sorry this is happening to you. Please know that his behavior is not a reflection of you. You are correct to get counseling, and to share your feelings. I have been where you are. Everything happens for a reason, and you will emerge from this stronger.0 -
_dracarys_ wrote: »Double check with him and your counsellor but it reads to me that your husband was seeking novelty. Grass is greener and all that. I bet you are plenty attractive and able to keep his interest.
Well golly gee, I certainly hope nothing ever happens to me that affects my looks so my husband can keep his interest in me.
Seriously. Signed, your friendly local ogre.
Stop that! You are not an ogre nor are your looks any part of the problem here. As many have already said, it's him. 100% him. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and you're definitely entitled to your feelings, but you aren't the problem.0 -
I normally do yes! My sanity is a little questionable this last 48 hours! Lol. Just need some time. Going through the motions._dracarys_ wrote: »_dracarys_ wrote: »Double check with him and your counsellor but it reads to me that your husband was seeking novelty. Grass is greener and all that. I bet you are plenty attractive and able to keep his interest.
Well golly gee, I certainly hope nothing ever happens to me that affects my looks so my husband can keep his interest in me.
Seriously. Signed, your friendly local ogre.
Stop that! You are not an ogre nor are your looks any part of the problem here. As many have already said, it's him. 100% him. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and you're definitely entitled to your feelings, but you aren't the problem.
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I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Your husband cheated on you because of his own selfish reasons. It has nothing to do with you. Even him telling you is more for him unloading his guilty conscience than it is about "doing the right thing ".
Get yourself a counselor and I hope you have some people in your life you can talk to as a support system as well.
You didn't do anything wrong. People cheat on thin spouses just as often as heavy spouses. Please don't blame yourself.
I agree with all the posts above me, but this one the most.
I am one of the "thin" wives that was cheated on - mine went for a much heavier (twice my size) and much younger opportunist, who was notorious for flirting with married men. She can have him, they deserve each other.
You will be setting a much stronger example for your children by not letting him put any of the blame on you for his lack of moral character.0 -
Sorry to hear about your situation. My first marriage, I was head over heels for my spouse as she was drop dead gorgeous. I was so blind to her "red flags." Until a few incidents happened that I was able to put two and two together. It hurt bad......but it helped me grow more as a person and now I like to think I've upgraded with spouse #2.
But to the point......my former spouse has deep rooted issues steaming back to lack of attention from her father. She always needed constant attention from men, no matter what kind of attention it was. So sad really.
Keep your head beautiful!0 -
My husband told me he cheated on Saturday. I am not going to get into how terrible I feel, where to go from here with my family or any of that. I really just need help and advice because my self esteem is absolutely shot. I am consumed with thoughts that this is all because of my weight and if I was slim this never would have happened. I know I'm wrong but I feel like I'm drowning. Calling the counselor today but just didn't know if any of you had experience with these feelings. Thank you.
You are beautiful, if not stunning!! Please know deep down that this is a fault of HIS, not yours. People who cheat will cheat regardless of what they have going for them at home. I hope your talk with the counselor helps you to find some peace within yourself. Good luck, chin up, FISTS up!! Much love xo0 -
That's great that he found out cheating on his wife and child's mother wasn't what he wanted. That idiot. You are a lovely looking lady, and no one deserves that. Definitely talk to the counselor, they should be able out more than we can. Regardless of that, many virtual hugs no one deserves that. Remember to do what is best for you (and your child) in this issue.
Basically this yes. He said he knew he messed up right after and the grass isn't greener (he even said that) and he isn't sure why he ever felt like he needed to sleep with more than one person to be sure I was the one (oh thanks!!!) and he regrets it every day. Awesome. I'm seriously just flatline right now.Double check with him and your counsellor but it reads to me that your husband was seeking novelty. Grass is greener and all that. I bet you are plenty attractive and able to keep his interest.
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Southampton_PT wrote: »ok first of all , is your husband blind???!!! to be honest i dont think i need a second !!
i cant even pretend to understand what you're going through but just surround yourself with friends and family , have a think about whats best for you and then go from there.
He has to be blind because this woman is a dog. I know that is mean and it isn't her fault but I was so shocked. I'm no super model but wow. He said she is basically the work skank and she offered and he just accepted for the sake of trying someone else and it was just for the experience. Adorable isn't it?
My husband told me years ago, it's not about finding something "better"....it's about having something "different". This won't help you feel better, but it might help to put him into perspective xo0 -
barbiemae24 wrote: »The issue is with him and not you. Period. It doesn't matter the situation, how green the grass is, your physical traits, etc. It is an issue within himself.
Amen.
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JustMissTracy wrote: »Southampton_PT wrote: »ok first of all , is your husband blind???!!! to be honest i dont think i need a second !!
i cant even pretend to understand what you're going through but just surround yourself with friends and family , have a think about whats best for you and then go from there.
He has to be blind because this woman is a dog. I know that is mean and it isn't her fault but I was so shocked. I'm no super model but wow. He said she is basically the work skank and she offered and he just accepted for the sake of trying someone else and it was just for the experience. Adorable isn't it?
My husband told me years ago, it's not about finding something "better"....it's about having something "different". This won't help you feel better, but it might help to put him into perspective xo
He said this. He said he starting thinking about what it would be like to only ever have one person. We were in a rut and it just happened. Ouch.0 -
I know! I'm so glad he was able to work that out for himself. Poor guy. Lol thanks so much:)
That's great that he found out cheating on his wife and child's mother wasn't what he wanted. That idiot. You are a lovely looking lady, and no one deserves that. Definitely talk to the counselor, they should be able out more than we can. Regardless of that, many virtual hugs no one deserves that. Remember to do what is best for you (and your child) in this issue.
Basically this yes. He said he knew he messed up right after and the grass isn't greener (he even said that) and he isn't sure why he ever felt like he needed to sleep with more than one person to be sure I was the one (oh thanks!!!) and he regrets it every day. Awesome. I'm seriously just flatline right now.Double check with him and your counsellor but it reads to me that your husband was seeking novelty. Grass is greener and all that. I bet you are plenty attractive and able to keep his interest.
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He literally has ugly cried since the moment be told me. I bet he is. It's absolutely ridiculous and draining beyond belief.0
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This is so sad. I know there are plenty of people on this site who choose to cheat on their spouses. I've seen photos of the spouses and trust me, people aren't cheating because they have unattractive partners. They are lacking something from their marriage and or seeking attention to make themselves feel better. It's not about you. It's about the cheater needing help. If you stay w/ your husband he will likely continue to cheat at various points during your relationship. You deserve someone more confident who isn't going to need that outside attention in order to feel complete. Trust me. I have friends in real like who cheat and online friends who cheat. It's not your fault! But I would get the heck out of that relationship and get counseling.
Be careful making assumptions about someone you never met. I don't think the OP should be bogged down and given extra things to worry about from strangers. People can change if they want to.
OP, I ended a 6 year relationship with suspicions of cheating etc. It was never confirmed. We broke up. Our relationship was terrible. I was terrible, he was terrible... It was bad. We are back together a year or more later, and things are the best they've ever been, I'm the best version of myself, and so is he. My point is, be careful with everyone shoving their opinion down your throat. I think someone already said it - don't make any big decisions right now. I still had to live in our shared apartment for a month after we broke up, and it was probably one of the darkest and most terrible times of my life. I don't even remember majority of it. I think of that time, and it's just a black hole. There is light at the end of the tunnel, no matter what you decide to do. And there's no rush. Heart ache is a real thing. It hurts. Bad.
Take care of yourself and your child. Do what's best for you right now, and you will come out of this stronger than before. It's shocking how we adapt and grow and get tough when life throws lemons your way. When I was at my darkest times, I woke up and said 10 things that make me happy. It's cheesy - but it helps.
Good luck to you, I don't know you personally, but you sound like you have a strong head on your shoulders.0 -
They are lacking something from their marriage and or seeking attention to make themselves feel better.
If there is something lacking in a relationship then you need to sit down and talk about it with your partner. If you don't then yes, they more than likely will continue to cheat.
Communication is key in a relationship. If you don't tell your partner what you want or need or what's lacking then there will be problems.0 -
JustMissTracy wrote: »Southampton_PT wrote: »ok first of all , is your husband blind???!!! to be honest i dont think i need a second !!
i cant even pretend to understand what you're going through but just surround yourself with friends and family , have a think about whats best for you and then go from there.
He has to be blind because this woman is a dog. I know that is mean and it isn't her fault but I was so shocked. I'm no super model but wow. He said she is basically the work skank and she offered and he just accepted for the sake of trying someone else and it was just for the experience. Adorable isn't it?
My husband told me years ago, it's not about finding something "better"....it's about having something "different". This won't help you feel better, but it might help to put him into perspective xo
I was just thinking the same thing! Yes, Danni, you are physically beautiful. I know nothing about you as a person, so I would only be guessing to presume you are also kind, loving, affectionate, trustworthy, honest, and all other good things. And, no matter what, I don't think anybody deserves this kind of betrayal and my heart goes out to you, sincerely -- from another who has been there.
But, part of the truth is, just as Tracy said, that no matter where you fall on the scale, it has NOTHING to do with your partner's choice. AND, no matter where the other person falls on the scale of beauty or weight, that also has NOTHING to do with the choice. How you look in relation to her doesn't matter; and how she looks in relation to you doesn't matter. If you have a witch personality and she is a princess, it doesn't matter. And, vice versa. Who and what she is or was or could be does not alleviate the raw pain of betrayal.
For everybody, would it be any less wrong or any less painful if the person your partner cheated with was somebody who looked just like you? Or was your exact proportions? Or was just as, if not more, attractive than you are?0 -
He literally has ugly cried since the moment be told me. I bet he is. It's absolutely ridiculous and draining beyond belief.
He is "ugly crying" because he feels bad that he got caught. Be prepared for some more bombshells to drop. If he says it was a one time thing, be prepared to find out it was many times and possibly more than one partner. He may be telling the truth, but don't accept it as the gospel. He has to do a lot of work to even come close to gaining some of your trust back. Right now, he is crying because he doesn't want to feel bad. He isn't taking your feelings into account at all. Once he gets his head out of his *kitten* he'll hopefully realize that just sitting around feeling bad for himself and crying isn't going to make anything better. I hope things work out for you. I speak from experience that they can get better. People make mistakes and we hurt those we love. If he is truly sorry and is willing to put in the massive amount of work, copious amounts of late night talks, and never ending questions then maybe things can work out between you two. If not, then do what is best for your mental and physical health.0 -
yeah, like PP said, he's crying purely because he's been caught, he's fessed up and probably hoped you'd give him a second chance to prove himself.
he's probably just now realising what he's thrown away to get his end away (this is me assuming he slept with someone
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I lol'd at ugly cried, but I tend to be spiteful.JustMissTracy wrote: »
And I too believe that he's crying because of what he did, not what harm his actions did to others (including that woman's husband).
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Dude, therapy is the right call. No matter what happens in a week, a month, or a year, you've gotta take care of yourself first.
Also, get tested for STDs. he may have only cheated once, but if he was in contact with you afterwards, the other woman may have unknowingly passed something on.0 -
Ok... I have read everyone of these posts and would like to add my two cents... First and foremost I am sorry for the pain you are feeling right now, I can't even imagine HOWEVER - don't do anything drastic like leave or throw him out, yes you probably need time to sort through your feelings but I would strongly suggest you talk to someone and then the two of you talk to someone - who knows you may come through this stronger than before and your relationship may survive, if that is what you want... remember, anything worth having is worth working for. I can't begin to explain his reasons for doing what he did but coming from a man ( me ) trust me it isn't an issue with you, it is an issue with him... your are a beautiful woman, don't let him or anyone else take that away from you. Lastly, his " ugly crying "... yes while the term is funny has it occurred to you ( or anyone else ) that maybe those are tears of hurt and pain? Maybe he realizes what he has done to your relationship? Maybe he realizes the hurt and pain he has caused, maybe he realizes he could lose you. Take your time, find yourself and make a good decision, you can and will get through this.0
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brhollifield wrote: »Maybe he realizes what he has done to your relationship? Maybe he realizes the hurt and pain he has caused, maybe he realizes he could lose you. Take your time, find yourself and make a good decision, you can and will get through this.
I, too, think this is possible. While I don't know the pain of betraying another by cheating, I do know the pain of hurting somebody emotionally. Most of us humans, when we hurt somebody we love, it hurts us. So, I'm definitely with brhollifield on the above.0
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