I'm trying to eat healthy but my Spouse isn't??
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goofyrick24 wrote: »I'm trying to have a healthy lifestyle and diet and it is hard when my Wife isn't. She continues to buy sodas, donuts, fast food, etc and the temptation is killing me.... I don't know what to do!!
You control what goes in your body. No one is making you eat them.
Those foods can be part of a healthy diet. Consume them in moderation. Many people who post about this issue have put themselves on a very restrictive diet that is hard to sustain realistically. You want your diet to be something you can live with for the rest of your life. These foods and drinks will always be around you at home, office, school, parties, restaurants and you have to learn to pass on them or small portions. Eat very nutritious foods mostly and a few less nutritious item regularlyband you'll probably feel less tempted or deprived.
Maybe talk to your wife about putting some limits on it... like you'll eat out together once a week and you'll cook at home the rest of the week or you plan desserts together.
Set up a space where your wife can keep her stuff- shelf, cupboard, basket, whatever out of sight. Don't eat her stuff. Have your own shelf of tasty things.
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In my weight loss efforts, it's been so important to take responsibility for my choices. It helps when my friends and loved ones support my efforts, but the ultimate choice is mine.
So, for instance, I don't have problems at all with my husband having a fragrant piece of cinnamon bread and bacon for breakfast - the house smells like heaven - as long as I understand that it's my choice to enjoy the smells but not actually eat that many calories for breakfast. He can have half a frozen pizza for lunch. I choose not to have any pizza, because it is so calorie-dense, that I would only be able to have one piece and then still feel hungry. I make a different choice for lunch - I make myself a chicken breast and a giant salad or a giant serving of roasted vegetables. Now I can't help but think my lunch looks way better than my husband's.
It really helps that he doesn't give me any grief about my choices. That's what I would consider sabotage.
Here's an example of someone NOT supporting my weight loss - we spend maybe a week a year with some relatives. They have donuts or some kind of a super-sweet cobbler dessert for breakfast. Fried food (usually fast food) at every meal, and no vegetables. And then they have 2 desserts after lunch and dinner. I'm not kidding, there are always 2 kinds of pie or something. And they have snacks several times a day. Unsurprisingly, they are all obese. When I visit, I'll have a VERY small amount of what they're having at mealtime, and then I make myself a big salad (I go out to the store to buy vegetables because there is literally not a single vegetable in the house). I don't partake in any of the desserts or snacks. Here's the unsupportive part: Every single mealtime and snacktime there is a giant discussion about how I'm not eating what they're eating. EVERY TIME. For a whole week. It's exhausting.0 -
This is not necessary. This is the OP's issue - not his wife's. She is under no obligation to follow his diet rules.[/quote]
I understand where you are all coming from in that it's HIS decision to eat better, and he should have the strength and will power to just say NO. But do none of you remember how HARD it was when you were starting? When you finally realized you needed to make changes? If my boyfriend told me he was struggling with his life change, and me having certain foods in the house was making it harder on him, I would do what I could to help. I would leave the junk I was craving in the car, or a certain cabinet, or hell maybe even consider changing my habits myself. And I know he would do the same for me. Being in a relationship is TEAMWORK. You're supposed to be one another's number one fan. It's a little troubling to me that you think she shouldn't be supporting him as much as she can.
Stay strong! Eating healthier will get easier in time!!
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Sorry, I edited my last post at least three times before I found an acceptable way to express myself - there may be some discrepancies in how it ultimately came out on the board. My apologies.0
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I took over the grocery shopping and cooking a few years ago and that really helps. My guy still contributes to that to some extent (he is a good cook), but I am in control of it 99% of the time. He can eat as much as he wants of what I buy/make and, lucky for me, doesn't complain about it. He likes not having to worry about it, so it's a win win really.0
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The wife shouldn't be expected to follow the same diet, but I do think it's respectful to help a spouse on a difficult journey. Maybe talk to her about how you feel and just ask that she keep those foods somewhere else in the house, and/or not eat them right in front of you, to help you avoid the temptation, at least until resisting that temptation gets easier.
I deal with the same thing. Sometimes I remind my husband, "please don't offer me ______. I know you're just trying to be nice but it's hard to say no." Or "please don't ask me if I want to watch a movie when you know I was planning on going to the gym. It's really important to me that I stick with this and my brain loves to give me excuses not to go. We can always plan to watch it after, or on a non-gym night."
There's no reason there can't be a compromise between minimizing the temptation being right in your face, and your wife still being able to enjoy her own treats. Good luck!
Editing to add: Yes, the decision of what we eat is ultimately ours, but feeling like we're missing out is one reason so many of us give up early on. And moderation is harder for some people than others. It takes time to get used to a new lifestyle, and learning how to moderate, and not have that "missing out" feeling. OP, only you know what your strengths and weaknesses are. Talk to your wife about them- if she's supportive and you both try to look at this from both your points of view, I'm sure you guys can find a compromise.
This is exactly where I am at. Personally I have a hard time controlling my temptations around certain things (chocolate chip cookies here too!). I simply asked my husband to hide his cookies from me when he buys them because they are a weakness for me and I needed his support. He said ok. No big deal. He could have easily said "nope you're the one with weight to lose, figure it out yourself" but he recognized that I really needed his help with this one and set myself up for success.0 -
hlcavalieri wrote: »This is not necessary. This is the OP's issue - not his wife's. She is under no obligation to follow his diet rules.I understand where you are all coming from in that it's HIS decision to eat better, and he should have the strength and will power to just say NO. But do none of you remember how HARD it was when you were starting? When you finally realized you needed to make changes? If my boyfriend told me he was struggling with his life change, and me having certain foods in the house was making it harder on him, I would do what I could to help. I would leave the junk I was craving in the car, or a certain cabinet, or hell maybe even consider changing my habits myself. And I know he would do the same for me. Being in a relationship is TEAMWORK. You're supposed to be one another's number one fan. It's a little troubling to me that you think she shouldn't be supporting him as much as she can.
Stay strong! Eating healthier will get easier in time!!
I get that it's hard. I had to learn to control myself around food. And some days I just say "eff it", and eat everything I see. Self-control is still a struggle for me sometimes.
That doesn't mean that his wife has to hold his hand. If she still wants to eat those things, then that is her prerogative. And as I mentioned up-thread, we don't know the whole situation. She may be a healthy weight, she may be losing weight practicing moderation, or he may have decided to start some weird clean-eating WOE that she didn't buy into.
If my husband came home and said that he was becoming a Jehovah's Witness, and that in order for him to be really successful we had to remove all secular texts from the house, get rid of all our TV and gaming systems, and that he needed my "support" so I had to smile and nod at his nonsensical ramblings and attend church with him, I'd probably laugh in his face. If he kept it up, I'd laugh some more and show him the door.
I love my husband and support him 100% in all that he does. Doesn't mean I need to hold his hand or follow his path exactly.
If the OP wants to eat a certain way, that's fine - it doesn't mean his wife has to change her habits to suit his needs.
*Edit: quotes are so screwed up here I can't fix them.0 -
Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »
I am thinking...wow, this is where our culture has led us to. This is just sad. I am not trying to be a sarcasm buster or moral police, but dang that was harsh. lol0 -
I think it's a question of what you want more - do you want the donut or do you want to see a loss on the scale? I'll be honest - sometimes I want the donut, but usually I want the loss.
Yep, this. Learning to make the eating conscious rather than unconscious sucks, but the more often you say, "I don't have the calories for this," or better yet, "I have the calories for [one serving, half a serving, etc] of this," the easier it becomes to ignore the food you tend to overeat.
My special dudefriend loves Cheez-its. I love Cheez-its. I would love to mindlessly eat Cheez-its with him when we're both on the couch watching TV. But 8 times out of 10, I don't. I'll either portion myself out a serving or two, or simply abstain.0 -
Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »hlcavalieri wrote: »This is not necessary. This is the OP's issue - not his wife's. She is under no obligation to follow his diet rules.I understand where you are all coming from in that it's HIS decision to eat better, and he should have the strength and will power to just say NO. But do none of you remember how HARD it was when you were starting? When you finally realized you needed to make changes? If my boyfriend told me he was struggling with his life change, and me having certain foods in the house was making it harder on him, I would do what I could to help. I would leave the junk I was craving in the car, or a certain cabinet, or hell maybe even consider changing my habits myself. And I know he would do the same for me. Being in a relationship is TEAMWORK. You're supposed to be one another's number one fan. It's a little troubling to me that you think she shouldn't be supporting him as much as she can.
Stay strong! Eating healthier will get easier in time!!
I get that it's hard. I had to learn to control myself around food. And some days I just say "eff it", and eat everything I see. Self-control is still a struggle for me sometimes.
That doesn't mean that his wife has to hold his hand. If she still wants to eat those things, then that is her prerogative. And as I mentioned up-thread, we don't know the whole situation. She may be a healthy weight, she may be losing weight practicing moderation, or he may have decided to start some weird clean-eating WOE that she didn't buy into.
If my husband came home and said that he was becoming a Jehovah's Witness, and that in order for him to be really successful we had to remove all secular texts from the house, get rid of all our TV and gaming systems, and that he needed my "support" so I had to smile and nod at his nonsensical ramblings and attend church with him, I'd probably laugh in his face. If he kept it up, I'd laugh some more and show him the door.
I love my husband and support him 100% in all that he does. Doesn't mean I need to hold his hand or follow his path exactly.
If the OP wants to eat a certain way, that's fine - it doesn't mean his wife has to change her habits to suit his needs.
*Edit: quotes are so screwed up here I can't fix them.
Changing where you put snacks is not hand holding. Nobody suggested for her to stop buying them, or none that I saw. He's not asking her to meal plan for him or anything ridiculous like that. It sounds like (and I agree that we don't know much about the situation) that he is having trouble seeing all the stuff. She's not changing any of her eating habits, the only change people are suggesting is "can you keep it out of sight for me." It is not a big deal to ask your spouse for help sometimes, especially when you are starting out and trying to break actual habits. If she says no then she says no and that is that and OP will have to find another way to deal. But there are zero things wrong with asking for a little help.0 -
Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »hlcavalieri wrote: »This is not necessary. This is the OP's issue - not his wife's. She is under no obligation to follow his diet rules.I understand where you are all coming from in that it's HIS decision to eat better, and he should have the strength and will power to just say NO. But do none of you remember how HARD it was when you were starting? When you finally realized you needed to make changes? If my boyfriend told me he was struggling with his life change, and me having certain foods in the house was making it harder on him, I would do what I could to help. I would leave the junk I was craving in the car, or a certain cabinet, or hell maybe even consider changing my habits myself. And I know he would do the same for me. Being in a relationship is TEAMWORK. You're supposed to be one another's number one fan. It's a little troubling to me that you think she shouldn't be supporting him as much as she can.
Stay strong! Eating healthier will get easier in time!!
I get that it's hard. I had to learn to control myself around food. And some days I just say "eff it", and eat everything I see. Self-control is still a struggle for me sometimes.
That doesn't mean that his wife has to hold his hand. If she still wants to eat those things, then that is her prerogative. And as I mentioned up-thread, we don't know the whole situation. She may be a healthy weight, she may be losing weight practicing moderation, or he may have decided to start some weird clean-eating WOE that she didn't buy into.
If my husband came home and said that he was becoming a Jehovah's Witness, and that in order for him to be really successful we had to remove all secular texts from the house, get rid of all our TV and gaming systems, and that he needed my "support" so I had to smile and nod at his nonsensical ramblings and attend church with him, I'd probably laugh in his face. If he kept it up, I'd laugh some more and show him the door.
I love my husband and support him 100% in all that he does. Doesn't mean I need to hold his hand or follow his path exactly.
If the OP wants to eat a certain way, that's fine - it doesn't mean his wife has to change her habits to suit his needs.
*Edit: quotes are so screwed up here I can't fix them.
Changing where you put snacks is not hand holding. Nobody suggested for her to stop buying them, or none that I saw. He's not asking her to meal plan for him or anything ridiculous like that. It sounds like (and I agree that we don't know much about the situation) that he is having trouble seeing all the stuff. She's not changing any of her eating habits, the only change people are suggesting is "can you keep it out of sight for me." It is not a big deal to ask your spouse for help sometimes, especially when you are starting out and trying to break actual habits. If she says no then she says no and that is that and OP will have to find another way to deal. But there are zero things wrong with asking for a little help.
You're right, nothing wrong with asking. But he shouldn't expect her to do it just because he asked.
I just think that it's ridiculous to ask someone to hide food or eat it where you can't see them eat it. That's an inconvenience. For example, if I want to eat popcorn and have a beer during The Walking Dead on Sunday (within my calorie goals, of course), I'm going to do it. If my husband asked me to not do it in front of him because it was making him want some, too, and he had already used up his calories for the day, I'd tell him to suck it up or go watch somewhere else.
Also, learning how to incorporate certain foods into your lifestyle or otherwise controlling yourself around them is an important lesson to learn. How is he going to be successful in keeping his weight off (if that is what he's doing - again, I have no idea what his goals are) if he can't understand that those foods are a part of life? Whether they're in his pantry or on a shelf in the checkout line at the grocery store while he's shopping, they are there for him to eat freely if he wants to.0 -
I hear you - this is a big reason that I've put on extra weight in the first place. I'm a "newlywed." Before I got married, there were never cokes in my house. Never doritos. Never oreos. It's not that I never ate those things, but they weren't routine purchases. If me and my daughter got donuts on a Saturday morning, we went together, each picked out the one donut we wanted, and that was all we bought. I didn't eat GREAT, believe me, but I simply didn't keep junk in the house. If we wanted junk, we had to work a little harder for it - going out for ice cream was a big deal and a fun little trip for us, versus just scooping a big ole' bowl and plopping down in front of the TV whenever you want. Getting married and suddenly being surrounded by my husband and stepchildren, who operate VERY differently than I typically would is... really hard. Really, really hard. DH goes out every weekend and buys a TON of donuts and kolaches for the kids so they have a variety to pick from. They all want a coke with dinner EVERY night. They like chips with their sandwiches. My house is, at all times, chock-full of things I'm trying to turn down.
We've found a sort-of happy medium for my most significant weaknesses. Cokes and ice cream live in the fridge in the garage - I don't run across them every time I open the regular fridge, so that works out pretty well. He hides the oreos from me. I literally have no idea where they are. He's the sort of person who can just eat 2 or 3 oreos if he gets a sweet tooth, so if he wants a few, he eats them when I'm not around. If I don't see them, I'm good. A few SMALL changes can make a real difference.
Sure, it ought to be easy enough to just choose not to eat that thing you shouldn't eat, but it can be a very real challenge. I read something somewhere and I can't remember where or how it was worded, but basically, willpower is like a muscle. Regular work will make it stronger, but OVERWORK will exhaust it and weaken or injure it. I believe it's true, and I think with that in mind, most spouses can find a way to be supportive without having to give up anything that THEY want.
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Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »hlcavalieri wrote: »This is not necessary. This is the OP's issue - not his wife's. She is under no obligation to follow his diet rules.I understand where you are all coming from in that it's HIS decision to eat better, and he should have the strength and will power to just say NO. But do none of you remember how HARD it was when you were starting? When you finally realized you needed to make changes? If my boyfriend told me he was struggling with his life change, and me having certain foods in the house was making it harder on him, I would do what I could to help. I would leave the junk I was craving in the car, or a certain cabinet, or hell maybe even consider changing my habits myself. And I know he would do the same for me. Being in a relationship is TEAMWORK. You're supposed to be one another's number one fan. It's a little troubling to me that you think she shouldn't be supporting him as much as she can.
Stay strong! Eating healthier will get easier in time!!
I get that it's hard. I had to learn to control myself around food. And some days I just say "eff it", and eat everything I see. Self-control is still a struggle for me sometimes.
That doesn't mean that his wife has to hold his hand. If she still wants to eat those things, then that is her prerogative. And as I mentioned up-thread, we don't know the whole situation. She may be a healthy weight, she may be losing weight practicing moderation, or he may have decided to start some weird clean-eating WOE that she didn't buy into.
If my husband came home and said that he was becoming a Jehovah's Witness, and that in order for him to be really successful we had to remove all secular texts from the house, get rid of all our TV and gaming systems, and that he needed my "support" so I had to smile and nod at his nonsensical ramblings and attend church with him, I'd probably laugh in his face. If he kept it up, I'd laugh some more and show him the door.
I love my husband and support him 100% in all that he does. Doesn't mean I need to hold his hand or follow his path exactly.
If the OP wants to eat a certain way, that's fine - it doesn't mean his wife has to change her habits to suit his needs.
*Edit: quotes are so screwed up here I can't fix them.
Changing where you put snacks is not hand holding. Nobody suggested for her to stop buying them, or none that I saw. He's not asking her to meal plan for him or anything ridiculous like that. It sounds like (and I agree that we don't know much about the situation) that he is having trouble seeing all the stuff. She's not changing any of her eating habits, the only change people are suggesting is "can you keep it out of sight for me." It is not a big deal to ask your spouse for help sometimes, especially when you are starting out and trying to break actual habits. If she says no then she says no and that is that and OP will have to find another way to deal. But there are zero things wrong with asking for a little help.
You're right, nothing wrong with asking. But he shouldn't expect her to do it just because he asked.
I just think that it's ridiculous to ask someone to hide food or eat it where you can't see them eat it. That's an inconvenience. For example, if I want to eat popcorn and have a beer during The Walking Dead on Sunday (within my calorie goals, of course), I'm going to do it. If my husband asked me to not do it in front of him because it was making him want some, too, and he had already used up his calories for the day, I'd tell him to suck it up or go watch somewhere else.
Also, learning how to incorporate certain foods into your lifestyle or otherwise controlling yourself around them is an important lesson to learn. How is he going to be successful in keeping his weight off (if that is what he's doing - again, I have no idea what his goals are) if he can't understand that those foods are a part of life? Whether they're in his pantry or on a shelf in the checkout line at the grocery store while he's shopping, they are there for him to eat freely if he wants to.
I assumed he was at the beginning of losing weight-probably I shouldn't have done so.
I agree with your point that learning to live with these types of food is important, but I also believe in setting yourself up for success. If he needs to get the ball rolling for a few weeks or something then I don't think it's unreasonable to ask her to move it. However I do think it is silly to ask her not to eat it in front of him, I'm sure there is another place he could go if it bothered him *that* much. Inconvenience but a very minor inconvenience imo.
Like I said, if she says no then that's it and he'll need to deal some other way but everyone is at different levels of self control and hopefully he will get to the place where nothing bothers him and he can control the temptation.0 -
Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »hlcavalieri wrote: »This is not necessary. This is the OP's issue - not his wife's. She is under no obligation to follow his diet rules.I understand where you are all coming from in that it's HIS decision to eat better, and he should have the strength and will power to just say NO. But do none of you remember how HARD it was when you were starting? When you finally realized you needed to make changes? If my boyfriend told me he was struggling with his life change, and me having certain foods in the house was making it harder on him, I would do what I could to help. I would leave the junk I was craving in the car, or a certain cabinet, or hell maybe even consider changing my habits myself. And I know he would do the same for me. Being in a relationship is TEAMWORK. You're supposed to be one another's number one fan. It's a little troubling to me that you think she shouldn't be supporting him as much as she can.
Stay strong! Eating healthier will get easier in time!!
I get that it's hard. I had to learn to control myself around food. And some days I just say "eff it", and eat everything I see. Self-control is still a struggle for me sometimes.
That doesn't mean that his wife has to hold his hand. If she still wants to eat those things, then that is her prerogative. And as I mentioned up-thread, we don't know the whole situation. She may be a healthy weight, she may be losing weight practicing moderation, or he may have decided to start some weird clean-eating WOE that she didn't buy into.
If my husband came home and said that he was becoming a Jehovah's Witness, and that in order for him to be really successful we had to remove all secular texts from the house, get rid of all our TV and gaming systems, and that he needed my "support" so I had to smile and nod at his nonsensical ramblings and attend church with him, I'd probably laugh in his face. If he kept it up, I'd laugh some more and show him the door.
I love my husband and support him 100% in all that he does. Doesn't mean I need to hold his hand or follow his path exactly.
If the OP wants to eat a certain way, that's fine - it doesn't mean his wife has to change her habits to suit his needs.
*Edit: quotes are so screwed up here I can't fix them.
Changing where you put snacks is not hand holding. Nobody suggested for her to stop buying them, or none that I saw. He's not asking her to meal plan for him or anything ridiculous like that. It sounds like (and I agree that we don't know much about the situation) that he is having trouble seeing all the stuff. She's not changing any of her eating habits, the only change people are suggesting is "can you keep it out of sight for me." It is not a big deal to ask your spouse for help sometimes, especially when you are starting out and trying to break actual habits. If she says no then she says no and that is that and OP will have to find another way to deal. But there are zero things wrong with asking for a little help.
You're right, nothing wrong with asking. But he shouldn't expect her to do it just because he asked.
I just think that it's ridiculous to ask someone to hide food or eat it where you can't see them eat it. That's an inconvenience. For example, if I want to eat popcorn and have a beer during The Walking Dead on Sunday (within my calorie goals, of course), I'm going to do it. If my husband asked me to not do it in front of him because it was making him want some, too, and he had already used up his calories for the day, I'd tell him to suck it up or go watch somewhere else.
Also, learning how to incorporate certain foods into your lifestyle or otherwise controlling yourself around them is an important lesson to learn. How is he going to be successful in keeping his weight off (if that is what he's doing - again, I have no idea what his goals are) if he can't understand that those foods are a part of life? Whether they're in his pantry or on a shelf in the checkout line at the grocery store while he's shopping, they are there for him to eat freely if he wants to.
I certainly wouldn't insist on eating the popcorn in front of my OH and tell him to suck it up if he asked me not to. I'd pass that Sunday and ask that he plan better next Sunday.
All foods are not part of life. There's no rule that says one must eat donuts. There's a big difference between donuts on the shelves that belong to the store and donuts on the kitchen counter that are up for grabs. I don't see putting them out of sight as being the least bit unreasonable. In fact, what I think is unreasonable is refusing to put them out of sight.1 -
So does he have a TV outside to watch sports while he snacks on what he likes?cushman5279 wrote: »I simply stated to my husband that if he wanted that kind of stuff he would have to have it outside of the house, and if he did bring it home, he needed to hide it LOL!
The control issue is yours, not his. Imposing restriction on him because there's no self control on your part is pretty selfish. How about when he wants to eat some "junk", you go up to your bedroom till he's done? That's just as fair right?
I am one of those people who hates to have foods in the house that are delicious/high calorie/low nutritional value. I exercise self control most effectively by not buying these things at all. Luckily, my husband is completely on board with this.
When I have these foods in the house, I can and do resist eating them (usually), but I think about them CONSTANTLY. It's torture. There's a perpetual inner dialogue running.
"You can eat just two Oreos."
"Technically, that's true, but if I have one Oreo, I will eat 8 Oreos. I know this from experience. Even if I do eat just 2 Oreos, that will put me over for the day."
5 minutes later.
"If you eat all the Oreos while nobody is looking and replace them before anyone knows you ate them, it's like it never happened."
"Shut up."
5 minutes later.
"If you eat the Oreos now, you can just make the calorie deficit up over the course of the week."
"Are you on freaking crack? I get 1300 calories per day; where exactly are these calories going to be cut from? (/eats another goddamn carrot)"
Nonstop, the entire time I'm awake.
Why would I do that to myself? I wish that people who can keep things like Oreos and Doritos in the house without thinking about them constantly understood how lucky they are.
Yup, I don't have foods that call to me like this in the house. That's not to say I don't have treats - I have plenty of treats, but I've learned what I can moderate and what I cannot. There's no need to master moderation of every food on earth. Plenty to chose from.0 -
I understand that it can bd hard not to stuff that's sitting around. Sometimes moderation is harder than not eating certain trigger foods. Some foods don't fit with your calories or nutritional goals. Some oeople here don't appreciate that. My suggestion is to establish separate areas of the frig and pantry or cupboards. Insist that anything she buys be put in the designated area. I can avoid temptation if I can't see it, but I can't leave it setting out on the counter.
My hubby is very supportive & on his own health journey, but he can eat more than me and chooses to have foods, and has the calories for them, that I cannot or choose not to. Separating the foods has worked for us.0 -
@goofyrick24 does wifey needs to loose weight? Either yes or nay, I would ask if you can put all that stuff in a cabinet so it's not on your sight. My husband needs to loose tons of weight and he is not doing much about it. But he eats my food. I buy him ice cream but I barely eat it. I don't see it off limits but it's really not my kryptonite. And even if he were counting calories he still can eat twice as much and loose weight so I have to suck it up.0
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MichelleLei1 wrote: »Maybe ask her to put all the junk food in one cabinet? Or move all your healthy snacks to a separate place? At home I have all my healthy stuff in a separate cabinet away from all the other the tempting junk food we have in the house. That's pretty much the best you can do imo.
Ya, studies show out of sight, out of mind really does help.0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »hlcavalieri wrote: »This is not necessary. This is the OP's issue - not his wife's. She is under no obligation to follow his diet rules.I understand where you are all coming from in that it's HIS decision to eat better, and he should have the strength and will power to just say NO. But do none of you remember how HARD it was when you were starting? When you finally realized you needed to make changes? If my boyfriend told me he was struggling with his life change, and me having certain foods in the house was making it harder on him, I would do what I could to help. I would leave the junk I was craving in the car, or a certain cabinet, or hell maybe even consider changing my habits myself. And I know he would do the same for me. Being in a relationship is TEAMWORK. You're supposed to be one another's number one fan. It's a little troubling to me that you think she shouldn't be supporting him as much as she can.
Stay strong! Eating healthier will get easier in time!!
I get that it's hard. I had to learn to control myself around food. And some days I just say "eff it", and eat everything I see. Self-control is still a struggle for me sometimes.
That doesn't mean that his wife has to hold his hand. If she still wants to eat those things, then that is her prerogative. And as I mentioned up-thread, we don't know the whole situation. She may be a healthy weight, she may be losing weight practicing moderation, or he may have decided to start some weird clean-eating WOE that she didn't buy into.
If my husband came home and said that he was becoming a Jehovah's Witness, and that in order for him to be really successful we had to remove all secular texts from the house, get rid of all our TV and gaming systems, and that he needed my "support" so I had to smile and nod at his nonsensical ramblings and attend church with him, I'd probably laugh in his face. If he kept it up, I'd laugh some more and show him the door.
I love my husband and support him 100% in all that he does. Doesn't mean I need to hold his hand or follow his path exactly.
If the OP wants to eat a certain way, that's fine - it doesn't mean his wife has to change her habits to suit his needs.
*Edit: quotes are so screwed up here I can't fix them.
Changing where you put snacks is not hand holding. Nobody suggested for her to stop buying them, or none that I saw. He's not asking her to meal plan for him or anything ridiculous like that. It sounds like (and I agree that we don't know much about the situation) that he is having trouble seeing all the stuff. She's not changing any of her eating habits, the only change people are suggesting is "can you keep it out of sight for me." It is not a big deal to ask your spouse for help sometimes, especially when you are starting out and trying to break actual habits. If she says no then she says no and that is that and OP will have to find another way to deal. But there are zero things wrong with asking for a little help.
You're right, nothing wrong with asking. But he shouldn't expect her to do it just because he asked.
I just think that it's ridiculous to ask someone to hide food or eat it where you can't see them eat it. That's an inconvenience. For example, if I want to eat popcorn and have a beer during The Walking Dead on Sunday (within my calorie goals, of course), I'm going to do it. If my husband asked me to not do it in front of him because it was making him want some, too, and he had already used up his calories for the day, I'd tell him to suck it up or go watch somewhere else.
Also, learning how to incorporate certain foods into your lifestyle or otherwise controlling yourself around them is an important lesson to learn. How is he going to be successful in keeping his weight off (if that is what he's doing - again, I have no idea what his goals are) if he can't understand that those foods are a part of life? Whether they're in his pantry or on a shelf in the checkout line at the grocery store while he's shopping, they are there for him to eat freely if he wants to.
I certainly wouldn't insist on eating the popcorn in front of my OH and tell him to suck it up if he asked me not to. I'd pass that Sunday and ask that he plan better next Sunday.
All foods are not part of life. There's no rule that says one must eat donuts. There's a big difference between donuts on the shelves that belong to the store and donuts on the kitchen counter that are up for grabs. I don't see putting them out of sight as being the least bit unreasonable. In fact, what I think is unreasonable is refusing to put them out of sight.
Different strokes for different folks, I guess. My husband and I operate independently of one another in many areas. I shouldn't have to change my plans to meet his needs just because he planned poorly that day, and I wouldn't expect him to change his plans if I were the poor-planner, either.0 -
"I simply stated to my husband that if he wanted that kind of stuff he would have to have it outside of the house, and if he did bring it home, he needed to hide it LOL!"
THIS!!!! I am SO grateful that my husband is easy-going and totally supportive of me and my weight-loss efforts. If he wants "junk", he will bring in things that he knows that I don't like -- and that are not triggers for me. It works for us.0 -
Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »cushman5279 wrote: »I have also been known to throw entire bags of baked goods out in the back yard for the birds haha!
If I bought baked goods and my spouse threw them into the backyard, I would follow by throwing him into the backyard as well and locking the door.
This reminds me of the time I made a delicious, rich, and very dense chocolate cake from scratch. Definitely not healthy as it was made with butter, heavy cream, etc., but it was for a large family dinner and everyone had tiny slices. Afterwards I watched in horror as my brother-in-law threw the remaining half of the cake into the trash. He didn't even ask if anyone wanted to take any home. (Not even me. That cake freezes like a dream.) He just didn't want his father to eat any more of it because he was overweight. Half a damn cake. That I made from scratch. I'm still annoyed by that.
Anyway, OP, you can't control what your wife buys or eats. You could have a discussion with her and see if she'd be willing to keep those foods in a special cupboard but if she's not willing (or forgets) you're just going to have to work with the situation you have. I also think that a lot of that food could be worked into your regular calories but in smaller portions, or if she's buying fast food for dinner then ask her to pick up an option for you that fits your plan. Weigh it and log it.0 -
The op still has it easy. It's only his "temptation" to deal with.
What if there's an expectation from your spouse that you need to join in, because that's what couples do?
(As I'm writing this, I'm still trying to convince my wife to skip her elaborate cooking tonight and I'll just pick something (lighter) on the way home! LOL. I am not mentioning weight. Only using you need time to rest. hehe)0 -
DearestWinter wrote: »Alyssa_Is_LosingIt wrote: »cushman5279 wrote: »I have also been known to throw entire bags of baked goods out in the back yard for the birds haha!
If I bought baked goods and my spouse threw them into the backyard, I would follow by throwing him into the backyard as well and locking the door.
This reminds me of the time I made a delicious, rich, and very dense chocolate cake from scratch. Definitely not healthy as it was made with butter, heavy cream, etc., but it was for a large family dinner and everyone had tiny slices. Afterwards I watched in horror as my brother-in-law threw the remaining half of the cake into the trash. He didn't even ask if anyone wanted to take any home. (Not even me. That cake freezes like a dream.) He just didn't want his father to eat any more of it because he was overweight. Half a damn cake. That I made from scratch. I'm still annoyed by that.
That's awful!
I see this as very different from the other poster, who sounded like she warned her husband to eat food outside the house or hide it prior to tossing food in the yard - you had no agreement with your BIL about what to do with the cake YOU made and brought.
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endlessfall16 wrote: »The op still has it easy. It's only his "temptation" to deal with.
What if there's an expectation from your spouse that you need to join in, because that's what couples do?
(As I'm writing this, I'm still trying to convince my wife to skip her elaborate cooking tonight and I'll just pick something (lighter) on the way home! LOL. I am not mentioning weight. Only using you need time to rest. hehe)
It's not "what couples do."0 -
I f0
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I found the easiest way was to think of the food in the house as I would in a work kitchen/share house type set up if I didn't buy it for me it is not mine .., therefore I can't eat it , I would be stealing someone else's food . After a while things were no longer tempting for me , and now I don't care what is there I only eat what I eat ,I do a lot of the family cooking we all eat the same then , if it is something pretty heavy I eat less and add veggies.
There will always be things around that you want ... But you pick if you indulge past the point of reason.
Food should not interfere with your marriage0 -
DearestWinter wrote: »This reminds me of the time I made a delicious, rich, and very dense chocolate cake from scratch. Definitely not healthy as it was made with butter, heavy cream, etc., but it was for a large family dinner and everyone had tiny slices. Afterwards I watched in horror as my brother-in-law threw the remaining half of the cake into the trash. He didn't even ask if anyone wanted to take any home. (Not even me. That cake freezes like a dream.) He just didn't want his father to eat any more of it because he was overweight. Half a damn cake. That I made from scratch. I'm still annoyed by that.
Did you say anything? If someone did that to one of MY cakes they'd be following it into the trash!1 -
My son has a cabinet filled with all kinds of junk food. It's locked at my request. If I can make it fit into my plan I do or I don't. He's an adult, I've taught him to eat well and I fix healthy dinners but he has to make his own choices, just as you have and just as your wife must. If having the food around bothers you, ask her to lock up those foods that would wreck your healthy lifestyle. This is the only reasonable thing you can do IMHO. She won't change until/if she's ready. Maybe when she sees how happy you are with your healthy lifestyle, she will be influenced to change, if not totally, at least partially.
I can relate. I had a very non-supportive husband for almost 20 years. He would tell me I was too fat, so I announce that I was going on a diet, he would get up from the couch, go straight to the nearest store, buy a gallon of my favorite ice cream and eat it in front of me. Just remember you are the only one that can keep you on track or derail you.0 -
DearestWinter wrote: »This reminds me of the time I made a delicious, rich, and very dense chocolate cake from scratch. Definitely not healthy as it was made with butter, heavy cream, etc., but it was for a large family dinner and everyone had tiny slices. Afterwards I watched in horror as my brother-in-law threw the remaining half of the cake into the trash. He didn't even ask if anyone wanted to take any home. (Not even me. That cake freezes like a dream.) He just didn't want his father to eat any more of it because he was overweight. Half a damn cake. That I made from scratch. I'm still annoyed by that.
Did you say anything? If someone did that to one of MY cakes they'd be following it into the trash!
I wish. This was over a decade ago and I was much less confrontational then. I watched the cake slide into the trash and all I could think to ask was why he threw it away. He said he didn't want his dad eating it because he had to lose weight. At the time he was in his 20s and very much a gym bro with all of the answers when it came to health/fitness. I was just speechless and it was too late to save the cake.0 -
DearestWinter wrote: »DearestWinter wrote: »This reminds me of the time I made a delicious, rich, and very dense chocolate cake from scratch. Definitely not healthy as it was made with butter, heavy cream, etc., but it was for a large family dinner and everyone had tiny slices. Afterwards I watched in horror as my brother-in-law threw the remaining half of the cake into the trash. He didn't even ask if anyone wanted to take any home. (Not even me. That cake freezes like a dream.) He just didn't want his father to eat any more of it because he was overweight. Half a damn cake. That I made from scratch. I'm still annoyed by that.
Did you say anything? If someone did that to one of MY cakes they'd be following it into the trash!
I wish. This was over a decade ago and I was much less confrontational then. I watched the cake slide into the trash and all I could think to ask was why he threw it away. He said he didn't want his dad eating it because he had to lose weight. At the time he was in his 20s and very much a gym bro with all of the answers when it came to health/fitness. I was just speechless and it was too late to save the cake.
This...this broke my heart. All your hard work. And that delicious cake without even asking if someone wanted it?? I would have cried.0
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