I'm trying to eat healthy but my Spouse isn't??
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My husband has a late night chicken wing habit. He usually warns me if he orders chicken wings just in case I may want to avoid his studio area if I don't want to smell them and feel tempted. He doesn't have to tell me, but it's considerate of him.0
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goofyrick24 wrote: »I'm trying to have a healthy lifestyle and diet and it is hard when my Wife isn't. She continues to buy sodas, donuts, fast food, etc and the temptation is killing me.... I don't know what to do!!
This my life. I eat healthy, but my wife doesn't care. She even tries to complain if I spend time at the gym. I just ignore her, eat separate meals, and even throw stuff like Soda away if I find it. No use in worrying about it
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goofyrick24 wrote: »I'm trying to have a healthy lifestyle and diet and it is hard when my Wife isn't. She continues to buy sodas, donuts, fast food, etc and the temptation is killing me.... I don't know what to do!!
This my life. I eat healthy, but my wife doesn't care. She even tries to complain if I spend time at the gym. I just ignore her, eat separate meals, and even throw stuff like Soda away if I find it. No use in worrying about it
I'm really hoping that you don't actually throw away her soda. That is completely disrespectful and I would be so incredibly upset and offended if my husband was throwing out the things that I was buying for myself.0 -
@ericac this is good for you
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cross2bear wrote: »I find it really sad to see that so many people say she has a right to eat what she wants, and that her spouse just has to suck it up. I mean, thats absolutely correct in the cold, harsh light of reality, but its a marriage after all, and isnt there supposed to be some compassion, respect, some give and take and compromise in such a relationship? I despise Dr Phil, but he did say one thing that has stuck with me and that was "what can I do right now or today to show my partner that I love them?" - I would think that anyone would want their partner to be happy and healthy, to feel loved and respected, cherished and cared for, and if hiding food, or not bringing it into the house is all it takes, then what reasons could possibly exist for NOT doing it? I have been married for over 35 years to the same guy - believe me there have been times when I would just as soon have smothered him in his sleep than let him live till morning (FYI - this is a joke), but I could not be so insensitive to his needs that I would refuse to alter some very minor detail of my life if it would lessen his anxiety or give him some peace of mind.
Maybe I am just old and old fashioned.
You can only change what you do. If I were speaking to the wife, I'd offer different advice, ways to help. However, that is up to her. He can't tell her to change, or expect it. That leads to disappointment. He also must try to see if from her point of view. I was gluten free for 4 years, and it would have been absurd to expect my husband to not eat gluten in that time. I had to make my own plans. Did he help? Sure, but that was up to him. You can't change your partner, you can only change yourself.
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DearestWinter wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »Out in the real world, a person can walk away from the tempting food, or not purchase it. At home, they can walk away from it, but it is there when they get back. All I am saying is that it seems sad to me that if a small adjustment on the part of one person's behaviour or habit would have a positive impact on another person, that one would not do it. If you knew that you could positively affect someones life, give them some peace of mind and relieve some anxiety by doing one small thing, nothing that is dramatically inconvenient or difficult, doesnt cost you anything, doesnt require a large physical effort - what reasons could you offer for not doing it?
You suggest that it's easier for someone to change a habit of leaving tempting food out than it is for someone to change a habit of (over)eating tempting food. That's where I take issue. Our habits get pretty ingrained and many of us have trouble changing them. It has nothing to do with not caring about the other person or prioritizing our happiness over theirs. It's actually easier for those of us who are trying to watch our diet to make changes to our habits because we have a constant reminder to do so. Most of us probably think about how we want to be healthier on a daily basis and that motivates us to log our food in MFP and make better choices. Your spouse thinks about you on a daily basis but they're not likely to think "and @cross2bear is too fat so I better put the donuts into the special cupboard". (At least, I hope not.)
If your spouse offers to make changes to their behavior and they successfully start storing these foods elsewhere (or are okay with not buying them at all) then that's fine. But there shouldn't be an expectation of someone else making changes, even seemingly small ones, to support our personal goals.
That is SO not what I said, but if thats how you want to interpret it, be my guest.0 -
Am I the only person who finds it incredibly rude to eat/throw out someone else's food? Why does the other person have to modify his/her behavior (lock up food, not bring it home, etc.)?0
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Am I the only person who finds it incredibly rude to eat/throw out someone else's food? Why does the other person have to modify his/her behavior (lock up food, not bring it home, etc.)?
No one HAS to. But often people make compromises in relationships because they care about the emotions and well-being of their partner. I know if I was eating unhealthy and my partner was trying to be better, I wouldn't want to exert my "right" to eat unhealthy things whenever/wherever I wanted and cause them more stress because not shoving it in their face isn't that difficult.
I can't abide by the throwing out food though. I hate waste wayyy too much to imagine throwing out perfectly good food. At least give it to your partner and tell them to put it somewhere you don't see it before getting rid of something you guys spent money on!1 -
I mean i'd be a little salty but id get over it. Theres always more soda at the store if i really want it right? Besides thats one less soda I'm drinking without even realizing it probably! Which is awesome imo.
being helpful without even trying. what a lovely husband you are.
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cross2bear wrote: »DearestWinter wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »Out in the real world, a person can walk away from the tempting food, or not purchase it. At home, they can walk away from it, but it is there when they get back. All I am saying is that it seems sad to me that if a small adjustment on the part of one person's behaviour or habit would have a positive impact on another person, that one would not do it. If you knew that you could positively affect someones life, give them some peace of mind and relieve some anxiety by doing one small thing, nothing that is dramatically inconvenient or difficult, doesnt cost you anything, doesnt require a large physical effort - what reasons could you offer for not doing it?
You suggest that it's easier for someone to change a habit of leaving tempting food out than it is for someone to change a habit of (over)eating tempting food. That's where I take issue. Our habits get pretty ingrained and many of us have trouble changing them. It has nothing to do with not caring about the other person or prioritizing our happiness over theirs. It's actually easier for those of us who are trying to watch our diet to make changes to our habits because we have a constant reminder to do so. Most of us probably think about how we want to be healthier on a daily basis and that motivates us to log our food in MFP and make better choices. Your spouse thinks about you on a daily basis but they're not likely to think "and @cross2bear is too fat so I better put the donuts into the special cupboard". (At least, I hope not.)
If your spouse offers to make changes to their behavior and they successfully start storing these foods elsewhere (or are okay with not buying them at all) then that's fine. But there shouldn't be an expectation of someone else making changes, even seemingly small ones, to support our personal goals.
That is SO not what I said, but if thats how you want to interpret it, be my guest.
You said "All I am saying is that it seems sad to me that if a small adjustment on the part of one person's behaviour or habit would have a positive impact on another person, that one would not do it."
Let's use the example of putting donuts in a cupboard versus the counter. If I am interpreting that correctly you think it's sad for a spouse to not make a small adjustment (putting donuts into a cupboard) to their habit (of putting donuts on the counter). I am saying that if their habit is to put donuts on the counter and your habit is to eat donuts on the counter then why is it sad for your spouse not to break their habit before you break yours? (If you broke your habit then none of this would be an issue.)0 -
haha. It's not even like I'm throwing it out because I don't like it. I just throw it out if its taking up space from putting actual healthy food into the fridge, or if it makes it difficult to grab other stuff out. Like if I don't have enough space to put the Soy milk or orange juice in the fridge? You bet I"m making space. If the bottle is resting on top of other food, so it falls out when I try to grab something? Bye Bye0
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haha. It's not even like I'm throwing it out because I don't like it. I just throw it out if its taking up space from putting actual healthy food into the fridge, or if it makes it difficult to grab other stuff out. Like if I don't have enough space to put the Soy milk or orange juice in the fridge? You bet I"m making space. If the bottle is resting on top of other food, so it falls out when I try to grab something? Bye Bye
Soy milk will give you moobs and orange juice is full of sugar. Your argument is invalid.0 -
Are you trying to debate that coke is healthier?0
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What if your husband didn't like care about your <whatever your favorite "healthy" food is> and threw that out to make room for his <whatever other thing he wanted to put in the fridge/pantry>? Sure there's always more <whatever your favorite "healthy" food is> at the store, but you're not at the store. You're at home and you were planning on eating that.iecreamheadaches wrote: »
I mean i'd be a little salty but id get over it. Theres always more soda at the store if i really want it right? Besides thats one less soda I'm drinking without even realizing it probably! Which is awesome imo.
being helpful without even trying. what a lovely husband you are.
It's just completely disrespectful to throw away something that your spouse (or any other person for that matter) bought for themselves.
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I ask my husband to keep the snacks I like on the top shelf (he can reach easily... I'm short). Thankfully we have different snacking tastes for the most part. Ultimately you control what goes in to your mouth, but if you can't change what comes in to the house try to establish new food habits for yourself, work out your triggers so you know how to work with / avoid them. Ask your wife to keep the snacks out of view if you need that, but don't expect her to eat them in secret... if she's trying to tempt you or wave them in front of your face that's different - not acceptable or respectful. Keep logging and do what you need to stay accountable.
Ideally you want your wife to be in sync with your diet, but you don't want to alienate her or make her existing food habits worse. Don't overly draw attention to what you're doing or become pushy and she may in time pick up your example. Do you ever cook together? It was the turning point for my husband when he began to learn about food and cook more, I taught him how to cook the basics and he went from there.
Maybe your wife feels threatened by your new lifestyle, it can be quite a selfish thing at times. Change can make people behave in strange ways, especially if that change involves shaking up long-term habits.0 -
I am greatly bothered by people throwing out other people's food. Unless it's an emergency where you arrive home to the smell of something putrid then leave it alone. (Literally rotting, to be clear. I'm not talking about a smell you personally don't like.)0
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DearestWinter wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »DearestWinter wrote: »cross2bear wrote: »Out in the real world, a person can walk away from the tempting food, or not purchase it. At home, they can walk away from it, but it is there when they get back. All I am saying is that it seems sad to me that if a small adjustment on the part of one person's behaviour or habit would have a positive impact on another person, that one would not do it. If you knew that you could positively affect someones life, give them some peace of mind and relieve some anxiety by doing one small thing, nothing that is dramatically inconvenient or difficult, doesnt cost you anything, doesnt require a large physical effort - what reasons could you offer for not doing it?
You suggest that it's easier for someone to change a habit of leaving tempting food out than it is for someone to change a habit of (over)eating tempting food. That's where I take issue. Our habits get pretty ingrained and many of us have trouble changing them. It has nothing to do with not caring about the other person or prioritizing our happiness over theirs. It's actually easier for those of us who are trying to watch our diet to make changes to our habits because we have a constant reminder to do so. Most of us probably think about how we want to be healthier on a daily basis and that motivates us to log our food in MFP and make better choices. Your spouse thinks about you on a daily basis but they're not likely to think "and @cross2bear is too fat so I better put the donuts into the special cupboard". (At least, I hope not.)
If your spouse offers to make changes to their behavior and they successfully start storing these foods elsewhere (or are okay with not buying them at all) then that's fine. But there shouldn't be an expectation of someone else making changes, even seemingly small ones, to support our personal goals.
That is SO not what I said, but if thats how you want to interpret it, be my guest.
You said "All I am saying is that it seems sad to me that if a small adjustment on the part of one person's behaviour or habit would have a positive impact on another person, that one would not do it."
Let's use the example of putting donuts in a cupboard versus the counter. If I am interpreting that correctly you think it's sad for a spouse to not make a small adjustment (putting donuts into a cupboard) to their habit (of putting donuts on the counter). I am saying that if their habit is to put donuts on the counter and your habit is to eat donuts on the counter then why is it sad for your spouse not to break their habit before you break yours? (If you broke your habit then none of this would be an issue.)
I think you are being disingenuous - I read on the boards here every day about people who express body image concerns, guilt, shame, self loathing and various degrees of depression because they are unable to control their reactions to tempting food. Are you suggesting that simply changing a habit from putting food on the counter to putting food in the cupboard is more stressful than that? Of even that it is equally stressful? Because thats what your saying - why should one person change a habit when another person isnt required to. How one habit is equal to another. When changing where I store my Reeses Pieces can reduce me to tears, I will have more time for your position.0 -
I think this is excellent. Think about it in other terms than food. If your spouse was trying to give up smoking would you leave packs of cigarettes laying around? I don't have a problem with the spouse not wanting to jump on the healthy food bandwagon, but lock it up, out of sight is out of mind for me. I think its truly about respecting someone's decision and giving them the opportunity to succeed. I must be old fashioned too...........
Eh, I quit smoking a year before my husband did. He cut back drastically when I quit, and eventually quit on his own a year later, but I never once asked him to not smoke around me, not leave cigarettes out, etc. I did not ask him to modify his behavior because of my decision.
Maybe that just solidified my point, maybe you shouldn't have to ask???? I would hope in a solid, giving, marital relationship one would be in tune to the others needs, I mean you are living within inches of each other right? If my wife was in school and had a full time job should I not be expected to be respectful of her sleep?
I laugh when people make statements on here about just have self control man.....majority are here from lack of control. Make no mistake I am responsible for what I eat or overeat. Went to dinner with a recovering alcoholic last Friday, hell he wasn't even that great a friend. I chose ice tea when I would have been happy with a beer. Was it nobel, I doubt it. Was there a small degree of compassion? very little. Did I possibly ease someone elses urge? Tough call, I like to think so.
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I think this is excellent. Think about it in other terms than food. If your spouse was trying to give up smoking would you leave packs of cigarettes laying around? I don't have a problem with the spouse not wanting to jump on the healthy food bandwagon, but lock it up, out of sight is out of mind for me. I think its truly about respecting someone's decision and giving them the opportunity to succeed. I must be old fashioned too...........
Eh, I quit smoking a year before my husband did. He cut back drastically when I quit, and eventually quit on his own a year later, but I never once asked him to not smoke around me, not leave cigarettes out, etc. I did not ask him to modify his behavior because of my decision.
Maybe that just solidified my point, maybe you shouldn't have to ask???? I would hope in a solid, giving, marital relationship one would be in tune to the others needs, I mean you are living within inches of each other right? If my wife was in school and had a full time job should I not be expected to be respectful of her sleep?
I laugh when people make statements on here about just have self control man.....majority are here from lack of control. Make no mistake I am responsible for what I eat or overeat. Went to dinner with a recovering alcoholic last Friday, hell he wasn't even that great a friend. I chose ice tea when I would have been happy with a beer. Was it nobel, I doubt it. Was there a small degree of compassion? very little. Did I possibly ease someone elses urge? Tough call, I like to think so.
Equating tempting food to alcoholism is like comparing apples to oranges.0
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