Craziest food pusher story?
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A lot of cultures equate food to showing love. In most cases, food-pushers aren't doing it to be mean.
My BIL yells at his mom after about the 4th time she offers him something, and I can see her face drop. It hurts her feelings and it breaks my heart to watch. I would much rather say "no thank you" 1,000 times than hurt someone's feelings who means well.
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Why say anything? If they serve you food after you've already said no, and you don't eat it, I'd say it's their problem. And I would venture to guess that after it happens once, they wouldn't do it again (normal people, not necessarily family
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A few of my friends now offer me non-vegan snacks even though they know I went fully plant-based. I don't get pissed or anything, and they also know I've been dieting for quite a while and can't always fit treats in my calories. I believe it's just them being less aware of what's plant-based and what's not.0
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I hate food-pushers, actually I hate anyone who can't respect a polite "no". Seriously no means no. I start off polite but if you keep ignoring polite refusals they get less polite. My mother in law (very overweight and in denial about the calorie density of her meals) and father in law (diabetic, overweight and an apparent death wish) and absolutely awful. Pretty much if you are not currently eating in that house they are convinced you are starving yourself and it just doesn't stop. My husband and I've instituted a your parents your problem rule, so my husband gets a look from me to keep them in line. It's getting harder since from my mother in law I get such comments like "If you are obese what must I be," there's no good response to that and from my father in law comments about what I must think of his sugar/carb consumption, well I think he doesn't like having feet or kidneys or eyesight but there's no way to say that. So I just see them less, it's a shame because they are generally very nice people who I don't mind hanging out with but I'm not damaging my health for their feelings anymore.0
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SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »A lot of cultures equate food to showing love. In most cases, food-pushers aren't doing it to be mean.
My BIL yells at his mom after about the 4th time she offers him something, and I can see her face drop. It hurts her feelings and it breaks my heart to watch. I would much rather say "no thank you" 1,000 times than hurt someone's feelings who means well.
But it's not nice to put someone in a very uncomfortable and awkward position either.0 -
SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »A lot of cultures equate food to showing love. In most cases, food-pushers aren't doing it to be mean.
My BIL yells at his mom after about the 4th time she offers him something, and I can see her face drop. It hurts her feelings and it breaks my heart to watch. I would much rather say "no thank you" 1,000 times than hurt someone's feelings who means well.
But it's not nice to put someone in a very uncomfortable and awkward position either.
Agreed.
I suppose each situation would require a different response. In the case of my MIL, she's just a bit oblivious. It's annoying but I'd rather not have any tension between us so I've found a way to deal with her pushing that doesn't upset her right back.
If it's someone who's pushing just to be a *kitten* then I think stronger words are needed.0 -
It depends on how someone does it.
There's this lady in the office that offers me treats at least once a week...
(Sometimes a couple times a week).
Sometimes I take them, sometimes I don't...
But when I say "no" she respects it and walks away.
She doesn't badger me, or insult me about how skinny I am...
On the other hand there's this lady I work w/ who is constantly saying stuff about how skinny I am, but she won't say it to my face... calling me anorexic to people, making comments on how I must "never eat"... She is very overweight... and has even said on more than one occasion, "I don't care if I die early as long as I get to eat whatever I want"...
and she does, you can tell..
anyway
if she came into my office and started badgering me w/ food, oh h*ll yeah I'd make a nasty comment to her...
So for those of you who think I'm "mean" that's fine, but I'm really not, I just tell it like it is when the time comes...
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DoreenaV1975 wrote: »It depends on how someone does it.
There's this lady in the office that offers me treats at least once a week...
(Sometimes a couple times a week).
Sometimes I take them, sometimes I don't...
But when I say "no" she respects it and walks away.
She doesn't badger me, or insult me about how skinny I am...
On the other hand there's this lady I work w/ who is constantly saying stuff about how skinny I am, but she won't say it to my face... calling me anorexic to people, making comments on how I must "never eat"... She is very overweight... and has even said on more than one occasion, "I don't care if I die early as long as I get to eat whatever I want"...
and she does, you can tell..
anyway
if she came into my office and started badgering me w/ food, oh h*ll yeah I'd make a nasty comment to her...
So for those of you who think I'm "mean" that's fine, but I'm really not, I just tell it like it is when the time comes...
If you'd described that scenario in your previous post, I think you would have gotten a lot more understanding.
If some *kitten* is calling you anorexic and being a total cow, she deserves to be put in her place.1 -
SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »DoreenaV1975 wrote: »It depends on how someone does it.
There's this lady in the office that offers me treats at least once a week...
(Sometimes a couple times a week).
Sometimes I take them, sometimes I don't...
But when I say "no" she respects it and walks away.
She doesn't badger me, or insult me about how skinny I am...
On the other hand there's this lady I work w/ who is constantly saying stuff about how skinny I am, but she won't say it to my face... calling me anorexic to people, making comments on how I must "never eat"... She is very overweight... and has even said on more than one occasion, "I don't care if I die early as long as I get to eat whatever I want"...
and she does, you can tell..
anyway
if she came into my office and started badgering me w/ food, oh h*ll yeah I'd make a nasty comment to her...
So for those of you who think I'm "mean" that's fine, but I'm really not, I just tell it like it is when the time comes...
If you'd described that scenario in your previous post, I think you would have gotten a lot more understanding.
If some *kitten* is calling you anorexic and being a total cow, she deserves to be put in her place.
Yeah I realized that after, LOL... but oh well, too late... and in the end I'm still here for "me" so if people don't like me, and I get it... I understand, but I will survive... 0 -
I've been on both extremes (very thin, and now obese), I took "hey your getting too thin, or eat something" as a compliment, I much rather have someone say your getting too thin, then your getting too fat any day- in my personal opinion. Society wants you to be thin "thin is in", I would rather be looked at what looks good to our society, then what doesn't.0
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I've been on both extremes (very thin, and now obese), I took "hey your getting too thin, or eat something" as a compliment, I much rather have someone say your getting too thin, then your getting too fat any day- in my personal opinion. Society wants you to be thin "thin is in", I would rather be looked at what looks good to our society, then what doesn't.
Sigh0 -
Yeah I'd rather be too thin too, but being badgered about it...insulted about it, there's a difference. You can tell when someone is admiring your thinness and when someone is being mean... I realize sometimes it's jealousy, but just because you feel bad about yourself shouldn't be an excuse to try to make me feel bad...
I have feelings too, dammit!!! LOL!0 -
DoreenaV1975 wrote: »Yeah I'd rather be too thin too, but being badgered about it...insulted about it, there's a difference. You can tell when someone is admiring your thinness and when someone is being mean... I realize sometimes it's jealousy, but just because you feel bad about yourself shouldn't be an excuse to try to make me feel bad...
I have feelings too, dammit!!! LOL!
Or maybe they are trying to do it out of the kindest of their heart. Some times it may sound like ill intentions, but a lot of times friends and family means well. Unless their out right saying horrible names.0 -
SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »I've been on both extremes (very thin, and now obese), I took "hey your getting too thin, or eat something" as a compliment, I much rather have someone say your getting too thin, then your getting too fat any day- in my personal opinion. Society wants you to be thin "thin is in", I would rather be looked at what looks good to our society, then what doesn't.
Sigh
Sigh its the truth, many people feel the same way.0 -
I've been on both extremes (very thin, and now obese), I took "hey your getting too thin, or eat something" as a compliment, I much rather have someone say your getting too thin, then your getting too fat any day- in my personal opinion. Society wants you to be thin "thin is in", I would rather be looked at what looks good to our society, then what doesn't.
I agree with this. If someone is having a conversation and then stops to say, "oh nevermind, you're too pretty to understand" are they really insulting you? Do you feel awful that they just called you pretty?
In my experience people just "pick on" one another for all sorts of things. Like maybe they will joke that you weren't even born when something happened, or maybe they will joke you can't remember what happened yesterday now that you are an oldtimer. But in general, people would rather be mocked for being thin than fat, or young than old. I used to have a guy that would tease me I was wealthy. I have no idea where it came from, if we were in the breakroom sometimes with another person he'd make comments that I was too busy taking care of my millions of dollars or something to that effect. When he first started doing it I was sort of offended. But I realized he came from a culture where acquisition of wealth was not only very much a positive but maybe more openly lauded than it is in western cultures. And I'd rather have him teasing me about my imaginary millions than about how fat I am or how old I'm getting, you know? I think when skinny people get teased, it's either meant in a positive/supportive way, or yes sometimes the people are jealous.0 -
Yeah, I KNOW the difference.
And when it's from the people I know are complimenting me I say "thanks"! When it's the other people, yeah I'm not so nice to them...0 -
My gram. She's awesome, but I think you could use her as the food-pusher poster child.
I don't get upset with her though. She's in her late 80s and grew up very, very poor. Like, no-food-in-the-house-for-days poor, so she really does have her own reasons for feeling that if she doesn't SEE you eat it, you must not have eaten. Granted, she and my grandfather have had plenty to eat for the last 60 years, but things like that are just bound to shape you so, I politely tell her I just ate and take the beverage she offers and we go from there. Plus, my son and SO are always good for scarfing down her cakes and cookies so I can pawn them off on her. And they don't have any weight issues whatsoever so I don't feel bad. LOL0 -
blues4miles wrote: »I've been on both extremes (very thin, and now obese), I took "hey your getting too thin, or eat something" as a compliment, I much rather have someone say your getting too thin, then your getting too fat any day- in my personal opinion. Society wants you to be thin "thin is in", I would rather be looked at what looks good to our society, then what doesn't.
I agree with this. If someone is having a conversation and then stops to say, "oh nevermind, you're too pretty to understand" are they really insulting you? Do you feel awful that they just called you pretty?
In my experience people just "pick on" one another for all sorts of things. Like maybe they will joke that you weren't even born when something happened, or maybe they will joke you can't remember what happened yesterday now that you are an oldtimer. But in general, people would rather be mocked for being thin than fat, or young than old. I used to have a guy that would tease me I was wealthy. I have no idea where it came from, if we were in the breakroom sometimes with another person he'd make comments that I was too busy taking care of my millions of dollars or something to that effect. When he first started doing it I was sort of offended. But I realized he came from a culture where acquisition of wealth was not only very much a positive but maybe more openly lauded than it is in western cultures. And I'd rather have him teasing me about my imaginary millions than about how fat I am or how old I'm getting, you know? I think when skinny people get teased, it's either meant in a positive/supportive way, or yes sometimes the people are jealous.
LOL I don't know. When my sister and I are having a discussion, I will often stop, pet her head, and say "you're so pretty". In that context, definitely NOT a compliment.0 -
SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »blues4miles wrote: »I've been on both extremes (very thin, and now obese), I took "hey your getting too thin, or eat something" as a compliment, I much rather have someone say your getting too thin, then your getting too fat any day- in my personal opinion. Society wants you to be thin "thin is in", I would rather be looked at what looks good to our society, then what doesn't.
I agree with this. If someone is having a conversation and then stops to say, "oh nevermind, you're too pretty to understand" are they really insulting you? Do you feel awful that they just called you pretty?
In my experience people just "pick on" one another for all sorts of things. Like maybe they will joke that you weren't even born when something happened, or maybe they will joke you can't remember what happened yesterday now that you are an oldtimer. But in general, people would rather be mocked for being thin than fat, or young than old. I used to have a guy that would tease me I was wealthy. I have no idea where it came from, if we were in the breakroom sometimes with another person he'd make comments that I was too busy taking care of my millions of dollars or something to that effect. When he first started doing it I was sort of offended. But I realized he came from a culture where acquisition of wealth was not only very much a positive but maybe more openly lauded than it is in western cultures. And I'd rather have him teasing me about my imaginary millions than about how fat I am or how old I'm getting, you know? I think when skinny people get teased, it's either meant in a positive/supportive way, or yes sometimes the people are jealous.
LOL I don't know. When my sister and I are having a discussion, I will often stop, pet her head, and say "you're so pretty". In that context, definitely NOT a compliment.
My fiance tells me I'm pretty to distract me from when I point out he did something not so smart...1 -
SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage wrote: »blues4miles wrote: »I've been on both extremes (very thin, and now obese), I took "hey your getting too thin, or eat something" as a compliment, I much rather have someone say your getting too thin, then your getting too fat any day- in my personal opinion. Society wants you to be thin "thin is in", I would rather be looked at what looks good to our society, then what doesn't.
I agree with this. If someone is having a conversation and then stops to say, "oh nevermind, you're too pretty to understand" are they really insulting you? Do you feel awful that they just called you pretty?
In my experience people just "pick on" one another for all sorts of things. Like maybe they will joke that you weren't even born when something happened, or maybe they will joke you can't remember what happened yesterday now that you are an oldtimer. But in general, people would rather be mocked for being thin than fat, or young than old. I used to have a guy that would tease me I was wealthy. I have no idea where it came from, if we were in the breakroom sometimes with another person he'd make comments that I was too busy taking care of my millions of dollars or something to that effect. When he first started doing it I was sort of offended. But I realized he came from a culture where acquisition of wealth was not only very much a positive but maybe more openly lauded than it is in western cultures. And I'd rather have him teasing me about my imaginary millions than about how fat I am or how old I'm getting, you know? I think when skinny people get teased, it's either meant in a positive/supportive way, or yes sometimes the people are jealous.
LOL I don't know. When my sister and I are having a discussion, I will often stop, pet her head, and say "you're so pretty". In that context, definitely NOT a compliment.
Bahahahahahahaha! Or if someone says "You're lucky you're pretty" in the context of : "cuz you're not very bright!!"0
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