Too large for a seat, did the venue respond correctly?

Many overweight people don't "choose" to be. Medical conditions, prescriptions, and psychological issues can cause someone to gain weight out of their control.

is there seiously any kind of medical condition that would cause someone to become morbidly obese without making some poor choices alond the way. i would doubt it but if someone can prove me wrong then i will be happy to accept it.

sure, some people maybe more predisposed for storing fat etc etc but im sure it would take more than just a genetic or medical condition to become so large that you cant fit in to a seat.

When all was said and done, it doesn't sound like anyone else's concert experience was too affected by the whole thing. For all we know, any other solutions may have resulted in a big ordeal that REALLY affected others in that section. It may be best that they ushered her off and made her happy elsewhere.

Yes, I do agree with the ending of your statement there.

Many overweight people don't "choose" to be. Medical conditions, prescriptions, and psychological issues can cause someone to gain weight out of their control.

is there seiously any kind of medical condition that would cause someone to become morbidly obese without making some poor choices alond the way. i would doubt it but if someone can prove me wrong then i will be happy to accept it.

Okay I'm getting off the original topic again and I swore that I wouldn't...haha

___* -- Anyone with an eating disorder who is easily triggered should probably not read any further. --*___


Most, if not all, morbidly obese people likely make some poor choices along the way, but I don't feel they ever choose to eat themselves into obesity. This condition is typically triggered by early physical and/or psychological problems that lead us down a rockier road than most, at least as far as our weight is concerned. The seeds for obesity may be planted fairly early in life, when a child does not have the capacity to make good decisions about caring for his or her body.

For many, the path includes an eating disorder of some sort that backfires. It may also include addictions and anxieties that cannot be helped by therapy or medication. These issues often lead to a period of time in which the person falls into a major depressive state. We're not talking feeling sad here -- Imagine slipping into a brain fog on and off for years and you just don't know what you're doing to yourself. You simply no longer have the mental capacity to make proper, reasonable decisions.

It is during these fogs that many food addicts and bulimics gain the majority of their weight. (Yes there is such a thing as an obese bulimic.) Have you ever starved yourself to the point of weakness and then gotten dressed, gotten into your car, went to the store, bought about 4000 calories worth of food and ate it until you were sick or made yourself sick? Imagine doing this without any true awareness of what's going on until it is over.

At times, the fog may lift and the person may realize what's been going on and try to lose weight over and over again. Each time takes a toll on the body and each failure brings with it mental and physical scars. Each failure is a blow to the person's self confidence and each blow feeds the disorder. The cycle continues.

Those of us who are lucky break the cycle.

I couldn't make up my mind to jump into this or not, but thought "why not?" I am considered morbidly obese. (according to the metropolitan scale I'm 180# overweight, thats morbidly obese in anyones book. I only want to lose 145 right now and maybe a bit more later. I am a survivor of physical and emotinal abuse, I am a recovering addict (23 years clean and sober, Damn straight skippy!) :bigsmile: But in no way shape or form with a non-functioning pituitary and all, am I not responsible for my weight. Period end of story no questions asked. Since getting my hormones in balance has weight loss been easier? Hell yes! Was I able to lose weight in the past, hell yes!

I see the OP's dilema and I feel for the women and think the venue did what it thought was best and nobody was really hurt. Would I have felt (we are human and we do feel these things no matter how we hope we would be able to ascend our feelings) a little bummed that I didn't get an upgrade? Probably for a minute or two and then I would have forgotten it and enjoyed myself. As I have had many situations where I did not fit, I have never asked for special acccomodations, I get outside aisle seats so I can keep my rolls to the outside and not cause others inconvenience because of my personal issue.

After reading all the posts it's really not about the OP anymore it's about how we all view ourselves and each other and I am saddened that many of us seem to think we should allow our personal accountability to be dismissed as not important. This is something that is bigger than our weight loss it is a trend in this country and I have to ask when did we become a nation of people who have no responsibility to ourselves and our fellow human beings? Why don't we have to be personally responsible for our health, or at least how we respond to our situations whether they include great health or chronic illness? Lest you think I am not compassionate to folks with chronic diseases, my wife has MS and she deals with bouts of blindness, lack of motor skills, cognitive issues and sometimes she just can't get her legs to work. But don't ever tell her she should not be personally responsible cause it's not her fault and she would kick you with her good leg if she had one. (what I mean by this is she would never categorize herself as a victim) Why don't we have to be accountable? Why should others pay for our lack of accountability? I've never thought about these questions in terms of weight, but sure as heck it applies.

Seriously? This website is about support. How do you know the woman in question is not a member of MFP? You dont. This situation could have easily happened to any woman on here that is obese, at any venue, with any chair. I have seen cheap chairs break under heavy women.

This would have been an embarrassing situation for any one of us. If the OP saw this, then there were lots others that also witnessed it. Can you imagine how that could have traumatized her? We all have issues, we all are here because of our weight, the only difference is how much. I weigh 172 pounds.

No one knows the who what when or why so stop speculating and leave it alone. You are only hurting our own members who need our support. IF I had been morbidly obese and read this rant I would have been very discouraged.

Spread positive thoughts, be a positive influence. We all shoulder enough of our own negativity we dont need to spread it to others.

Just my opinion.

BRAVO!!!!!!! My thoughts exactly!:drinker:

This is a very tricky situation. From a business standpoint, they did what was easiest for them. It was easier to move her and her friend than to risk her friend going completely off the handle about it.Their solution quickly diffused a potentially volatile situation, and that is the main job of customer service. They can't please everyone, but turning her away, or making her stand would be a discrimination lawsuit in the making.

I honestly think I would be a little jealous about it though. I hate thinking the worst of anyone, but it is a completely reality that she could have done it on purpose. There are a lot of people out there who do those types of things on purpose! It is not as though people who are overweight don't KNOW it. A lot of times they either don't know what to do to change it, or just don't care. There are a few, and I mean a few, who can't change it.

I often wonder about how society would react if we stopped treating obesity as a "disability" and something to tiptoe around to avoid offending someone or hurting someone's feelings?

Oh and before it can even be said. I'm a horrible person, catty and evil and blah blah blah. I don't care.

this and this!

Can't say anything helpful, so I am going to butt out of this one. I feel for the person. Must have been embarrassing. But.....an overwhelming percentage of the obese are obese of their own choosing.

Interesting points of view here. I would say I am glad that the venue accomodated her, instead of just blowing it off and telling her tough *kitten*. Also, I'd be there to see the concert, and I wouldn't really bother myself with other peoples seat lcoations.

Now from my personal experience, and anybody who has ever been to Fenway Park can probably agree, but unless you are a fifth grader and weigh 80 lbs, those seats are not made to squeeze adult size *kitten* in them, let alone a larger than most size *kitten*! I have paid for seats before and was so uncomfortable, I had to go to the standing room only section, and I was more than ok to do it. It never once would have crossed my mind to complain and get "upgraded". I would be too embarrassed to call any of that extra attention on myself.

Lastly, I 100% agree with venues listing the seat dimensions. I think it is a great idea!!

I am obese, and sometimes venue seats are uncomfortable. I would never dream of complaining though. I would be rather upset I think if I paid money to see an event and someone got better seats because of their choices. I have PCOS so getting fat wasn't a choice I made, however, getting this fat...WAS a choice I made. I ate because I wanted to, or because I was bored. I still struggle, but I'm doing something about it. On the other hand...what are you going to do about it? Complaining will get you no where, and she may have had other issues such as a bad back or knees that kept her from standing that long. Who knows..until you are in their shoes.

Replying to the many posters who have tried to insist that being morbidly obese is not a choice - that is an absolute cop out. YOU have a choice over what you put in your mouth. YOU are responsible for your life, whether you like it or not. Stop blaming all of these outside causes and accept the fact that you are responsible and that where you are at in life is the result of CHOICES you have made along the way. Yes, there are conditions that may make it easier to gain weight, but you CHOOSE whether or not to counteract those conditions. Sorry if I'm not willing to throw you a pity party, but I've gone through hard times in my own life, and I've overcome a lot of things through hard work and committed effort and good choices so I really don't have a lot of sympathy for people who spend the better part of their lives coming up with excuses. I've had to pass up the instant gratification for long term rewards countless times, so again, I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who choose not to and then want everyone to be all politically correct and tiptoe around them because they haven't.

BTW, I have the utmost respect for people with genuine disabilities - someone with MS, or a paraplegic, or an amputee, etc... doesn't have a choice about their condition - compare those conditions to obesity and take note of the difference.

100% Taking responsablility for your own choice is a must for me.... but not that important in our society sadely. I think the reason why people here do not have any patience in this is because everyday, those on MFP make the choice to be commited to a healtier life style. We stop bull ****ting ourself and made a change. I have PCOS and narcolpesy....2 really good reasons to be fat and just site on my bottom and eat nachos but everyday I do my best to be healthy. It's not easy....but it's worth it

Very well said!
Focus on a solution rather than the problem.
The problem belongs to the individual and I'm sure she did not really feel "rewarded" for her obesity.

While I don't necessarily agree with this woman's lack of planning - we all know how large/small 'standard' seating really is - I do understand the management's actions and it was likely better for everyone involved, including those who may have been seated next to this woman in her original location, to move her to the best possible alternate location.

I took my then 13-year old daughter to a concert at the State Fair a few years back. Seated next to her was an extremely large couple - both the man and the woman were very obese, so much so that they leaned away from one another in order to 'fit' into the seating. However, they did not fit, at all. In fact, the man spilled over onto my daughter's seat and leaned in toward her since he could not sit upright next to his equally obese wife. This entire situation completely frightened my daughter - to have some unknown, very large man half-sitting on her seat, leaning over on her. Fortunately, my seat was an aisle seat. I traded places with my daughter and she half-sat on my lap and the aisle seat. Not comfortable for either of us, nor what I paid for! To make it all worse, the couple was exceptionally rude, giving us angry looks for adjusting to move my daughter - as if we were purposely re-adjusting to make some sort of statement about their size - they acted as if we were violating THEIR rights!

The whole situation reminds me very much of the smoking issue. Folks who smoke get angry and belligerent about being asked not to smoke. However, their smoking completely violates my right NOT to smoke since I'm being forced to breathe it in when they do it in my space. I have no problem if someone wants to smoke. That's their choice. But I do have a problem when it takes away my choice not to smoke.

I don't think there is a good answer here. I feel for the woman - I believe that she must have been very embarrassed, particularly since you say that she made every attempt to actually fit in the seat, she was clearly very self-conscious about it. But I also see the other side - how much it might have affected those around her, so the management's decision to move her was probably best for all parties involved - the woman and the folks who were seated around her. At least all were made comfortable and able to enjoy the show.

I would also like to add a note to those who made mention of handicapped people possbily not having any choice. I have a 27 year old niece who is severely handicapped. She essentially cannot use one side of her body, with an arm and hand that she can not extend and a leg that drags because she can not move it properly. She is also mentally challenged and does struggle with weight, due to her inability to move fully. Yet she still chooses to go to Zumba several times per week and she moves as best she can, with probably more effort and exuberance than over half the class.

It's all about choices. I try very hard to respect an overweight person's choice or a smoker's choice or anyone else's choices, even when I do not understand their choosing and would not make the same choice myself. Where I get upset is when one person's choice takes away the choice of another.

For a bunch of people with weight problems I don't find a lot of you very charitable. There, but for the grace of God, go I.:sick: :sad:

I agree. I have read a lot of people say that if she is that size she probably always has these issues. I am not sure she would? What happens if she DOESNT go out often because of her weight. Also if they were lawn seating I would assume they would be folding chairs anyway, and not something I would have to cram myself into, therefore I wouldn't have called to find dimensions.

The original post says her FRIEND complained, not her. So she was willing to do something else NOT to be singled out.

As someone that has lost a lot of weight, I would feel sorry for her, and then happy she got the upgrade, but then still sorry for her because of how everyone must be looking at her. You have to remember that she was probably STILL humiliated when she got the upgrade because then they had to VISIBLY make accomodations for her in the VIIP section. MORE EXPOSURE.

Maybe she had lost a lot of weight already and was rewarding herself and finally getting out and doing something because she felt better. I am sorry but everyone that would have *****ed about this I can't see as respectable, supportive people that would promote someone being healthy. It is all fine and good to say "Fat *kitten* lose some weight" but honestly, having heard that all my life, it doesn't promote healthy living, only mental stigmas surrounding self-image.

Good for everyone that has lost weight. Now we just need to remember to live as the example, NOT as the elite.

I have mixed feelings about this.

As someone who's been in a similar situation I really do feel for the woman because it is embarrassing as heck and may not have had anything whatsoever to do with lack of planning on her part. Who's to say she was familiar with the venue? Now, i say that not knowing exactly how large she was, but there is a grey area in seating that is really hard to navigate because there is no consistency in seat sizes. I might fit fine in one venue, but not in the next.

Most recently I went to a local event where I figured I would not fit in the seats but I did so with the mindset that I would try, and if I didn't I would ask if there were alternate accommodations that could be made or I would forfeit the cost of the ticket. I went aware. Well, I didn't come close to fitting in the seat and after a discussion they gave me a chair and had me seated in the wheelchair area. Had they had someone in a wheelchair that particular night I'm fairly certain I would have been SOL, and that would have been fine but I was grateful for the accommodation.

Now, rewind a number of years ago when I could still reasonably comfortably fit in economy airplane seats. Working on the assumption that if I could fit in those well enough I should be able to fit in the seats in a newly outfitted theatre. As it turned out, it was a mistaken assumption. There wasn't a chance I was going to fit. So, again a discussion with a staff member, some walkie talkie calls later and both my husband and I were escorted to what I swear were the best seats in the house...think leather recliner seats as compared to theatre seats. Again it was a situation where the seats were empty anyway so they accommodated us. Had they been unable to do so, I would have understood. And according to the woman we spoke with it was the theatre's policy to handle people that way. If seats were available they would move you...and then sell the seat, if they could, that were now empty. I presume all venues, large ones at the very least, have protocols.

Is what they did right? Honestly, yes and no, depending on perspective. They saved the woman further embarrassment by moving her to an area that had room. Does it make the people around her resentful because she got more simply for being too big for the usual seats? Some, yeah, probably, and in a way I don't blame them.

But I wonder how many would feel resentful if the person were in a wheelchair and given the same treatment. Obesity on that level is a handicap, and we don't know why she was that size any more than we know how someone got to the point of being in a wheelchair. Both could be beyond the person's control, or both could be self caused.

The venue did exactly the right thing. But, I'm curious to know how the OP knows she didn't pay for the upgrade? Perhaps she did. It's not like she'd pull out a wad of cash in the middle of a crowd and hand it to some usher. But, even if she didn't, I am glad this woman found some compassion at the concert. I quite think she paid a price much higher than money. I would think that anyone who is on this board would identify with and have some empathy for her....even if fitting into a chair is not an issue for you, we all have our challenges when it comes to weight. I've never had to get a second seat or a belt extender or anything of the sort. But, I certainly don't judge people who do.