We broke up because...

Had a harem already

He has a terrible skip-raiding habit which has led to many infestations including flies, bed bugs and fleas. Got tapeworms from the fleas, cholera from the flies and the crabs are probably from him. He also pretended he was a woman for 5 years so he could eat makeup.

She raised chicks in our apartment

Tried to donate my brain to science, despite my assertion that I was still using it.

Oh you were???

Bragged of his higher education but knew he stole the diplomas from a friend of his sisters, boyfriends mom

She called me names

She was a wildcat and I got scared!

I caught him in my panties...looked better than me..jealous

She put rocks in her pillows and then wanted to have pillow fights

He called my "pillows" the Rocky Mountains!

Wouldn't share her wine

He dumped me

Called my place a dump

Would never get in my tent