Lost sex drive?

cassiecalhoun
cassiecalhoun Posts: 12 Member
edited December 1 in Chit-Chat
Okay, I'm married with two kids. Been married for 5 years. Kids are 1 & 3. I haven't had a sex drive in... Over 6 months? All I want is to want sex again. And don't get me wrong, when I do have sex, it's good stuff. I just can't remember the last time I felt like I had to have it.
I'm hoping that eating better /working out will help, but I've not heard anyone mention that as a bonus side effect. I've not gained a lot of weight (currently 135), not super stressed... I don't get it.
Has anyone noticed a boost in that department??

(wasn't too sure which thread would be best for this, so I chose the most open - minded one)
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Replies

  • Tsartele
    Tsartele Posts: 683 Member
    I have lost about 32 lbs and I have noticed that everything seems to work better. I have an increased drive and feel that I am in really good shape. I have been lifting weights and with that comes an increase in testosterone levels which would explain the drive. I am no Dr. but it would make sense that this would work for men and women as you build muscle your T-levels increase. Best of luck,,, your beautiful by the way.. keep doing what ever it is your doing.
  • robs_ready
    robs_ready Posts: 1,488 Member
    It may be different for females, but lifting weights and building muscle has increased drive.
  • LeoZandi
    LeoZandi Posts: 38 Member
    Yes! Though wasn't sure if it was the anti depressants or what!
    cassiecalhoun wrote: »
    Okay, I'm married with two kids. Been married for 5 years. Kids are 1 & 3. I haven't had a sex drive in... Over 6 months? All I want is to want sex again. And don't get me wrong, when I do have sex, it's good stuff. I just can't remember the last time I felt like I had to have it.
    I'm hoping that eating better /working out will help, but I've not heard anyone mention that as a bonus side effect. I've not gained a lot of weight (currently 135), not super stressed... I don't get it.
    Has anyone noticed a boost in that department??

    (wasn't too sure which thread would be best for this, so I chose the most open - minded one)

  • jen_bush
    jen_bush Posts: 679 Member
    I find it that losing weight and being more active increases mine :)
  • cassiecalhoun
    cassiecalhoun Posts: 12 Member
    I really hope it works for me! Like 143tobe, mine used to be super high. Like, I was jokingly called a nympho. And now I'm just like, yeah, okay. Get it over with. And I really hate it because my husband has been working out a little and watching what he eats. He's lost about 20 pounds in the last year or so, and I'm sure my lack of reaction is killing his self esteem.

    I've never been on anti depressants (I'm actually always happy /optimistic --annoyingly so at times, lol!), so I know it's not that.
  • Justpeachy02
    Justpeachy02 Posts: 11,817 Member
    edited May 2016
    I'm 42 when I hit my 40s Mine skyrocketed working out makes it even higher

    Hormones play a huge role too for women hope you find it again
  • sindirella21
    sindirella21 Posts: 60 Member
    Exercise really helped me when this happened to me. There is a lot to be said for fake it til you make it. If you are still enjoying sex then get busy just going through the motions. Eventually, that in itself should increase your drive. If it doesn't, and this is truly a big deal for you, see your doc.
  • PandoraGreen721
    PandoraGreen721 Posts: 450 Member
    edited May 2016
    I would definitely say since beginning to lift last year and getting fitter has "boosted" me in that dept..I have never had a low-drive by any means..but I still noticed a change (though perhaps a lot can be attributed to just gaining more confidence).

    You have two small kids..which can be draining...But I do think being more active and eating better will help..it definitely isn't going to hurt! <3
  • Tsartele
    Tsartele Posts: 683 Member
    cassiecalhoun wrote: »
    I really hope it works for me! Like 143tobe, mine used to be super high. Like, I was jokingly called a nympho. And now I'm just like, yeah, okay. Get it over with. And I really hate it because my husband has been working out a little and watching what he eats. He's lost about 20 pounds in the last year or so, and I'm sure my lack of reaction is killing his self esteem.

    I've never been on anti depressants (I'm actually always happy /optimistic --annoyingly so at times, lol!), so I know it's not that.

    Quite honestly this topic scares the crap out of me. It would be horrible to marry someone and have everything hitting on all cylinders and then comes the baby and boom cold turkey. There is really nothing you as a man can do about it. I really hope you find your mojo again !!
  • ShrinkingKerrie
    ShrinkingKerrie Posts: 338 Member
    Get to the gym, it totally works lol
  • Tsartele
    Tsartele Posts: 683 Member
    Heartlight441 wrote: »
    Ok so maybe veering slightly off topic but this is a great site to discover ways your significant other and you communicate love to each other (as in other ways to show love along with physical sex): http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

    Perhaps increasing intimacy and that sense of closeness can aid the decreasing sex drive? Making time for date nights, communication without any cell phones/tv/music on? etc?

    That is a great book !! It was required reading material for engaged couples at the church I used to go to.
  • sindirella21
    sindirella21 Posts: 60 Member
    Heartlight441 wrote: »
    Ok so maybe veering slightly off topic but this is a great site to discover ways your significant other and you communicate love to each other (as in other ways to show love along with physical sex): http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

    Perhaps increasing intimacy and that sense of closeness can aid the decreasing sex drive? Making time for date nights, communication without any cell phones/tv/music on? etc?

    This book did wonders for me in understanding myself and what I needed from someone. Find what makes you love and the rest will follow!!
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,338 Member
    We sometimes go thru stages, and it may pass. BUT If it goes on for too long, I'd suggest talking to your doctor; there may be something going on inside that you can't see, something hormonal. It also could just be age, life and the normal stresses that can affect our desire without us even realizing it. Your kids are very young, and I imagine you are GOGOGOGOGOGO from 7 am until 11 pm daily. The fact that you WANT to, and still enjoy it when you do is a positive sign!
  • chrazyfarmer
    chrazyfarmer Posts: 16 Member
    A lot of the time after having a baby your hormones are all up the creak .... The pill or changing it can make a huge difference ( or going on it ) ... Either way go see your dr and tell him/ her.
    Weight loss obviously helps too ...but it's a chemical problem really . You need to get your body producing the right stuff to get your drive back and your groove on ha.
  • 143tobe
    143tobe Posts: 620 Member
    Yeah, it's easy to say, just work out, or go to the gym. I work out 6 days a week. I LOVE working out. It saves me. Still, nothing is happening downstairs. I think for me having kids is probably the biggest distraction, but I suspect my problem is hormonal. Also, in my relationship with my husband, I was always the one who had to make sex interesting. Since I have no desire to even try anymore, when we do have sex, it's pretty boring. I'd rather be doing pretty much anything else. Not much of an incentive to get the drive back. My poor husband!
  • cassiecalhoun
    cassiecalhoun Posts: 12 Member
    I know it's not because of birth control, as I have paragard, which is hormone free. I went that route thinking maybe it was the birth control messing with me.

    And if it's just as scary to us women to suddenly lose something that was such a part of our daily life. I mean, if there's no sex drive, there's no pressing need to look good all the time. I force myself to take time to get ready these days, because I know it will help.

    I will be checking out the link later once the other boy goes to sleep.
    It's such a relief to know I'm not the only one! Though I'm sorry for those of you who are in this, too!
  • chrazyfarmer
    chrazyfarmer Posts: 16 Member
    It's hard on the relationship as you can't help it but if you don't talk about it with your partner it seems personal to him .. I had issues with my ex ... She looks back and wishes she had recognised it was an issue . She was fine with no sex drive and to just let me have sex if I wanted it. That idea just repulsed me .. it's just mechanical and boring if you know your partner isn't into it ... And just seems wrong ha. She always says that a change in birth control just changed her .
    Who knows... Either way talk lots and seek help or it will devide you and spoil your relationship
  • ballcoach_08
    ballcoach_08 Posts: 716 Member
    jen_bush wrote: »
    I find it that losing weight and being more active increases mine :)
    Agreed! Boost in self confidence when you see your results. Plus the endorphins and hormones can get out of balance. Physical activity can help things get back in balance. Not always, but can get things kick started.
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
    well Im 41(42 in aug) and have been working out for almost 4 years and that hasnt helped me at all! I have lost 44 lbs and look better than I did and again nothing. no drive at all.Dont know when I lost mine but all my hormones are where they are supposed to be and its not the birth control I dont think because its the same kind I was on before I lost it.I cant go off them due to fibroids and heavy periods.we have tried lots of things to spice it up and nada. so for some of us women sometimes you lose your drive and nothing will bring it back. I also hate talking to drs about it because the first thing they ask me is if Im depressed and NO,Im not. They say most women hit their peak in their 40s,well this woman hasnt. Um glad my hubby understands it though and we talk about it,its not easy though
  • JeffreyMGiron
    JeffreyMGiron Posts: 3,582 Member
    Im wondering when ill lose my Sex drive, in the porn industry you have to have it....there are weeks where it just becomes a job and it sucks..
  • kdtesoriero
    kdtesoriero Posts: 141 Member
    I am married, unhappily right now... My sex drive is more intense then ever partly because of my age and partly because of my exercising. It's really bad timing for me!!!
  • ClubSilencio
    ClubSilencio Posts: 2,983 Member
    You should get some lab work done. It's not normal to be young and have no sex drive... especially if you're at a healthy weight, no stress in your life, and not on medication (although you did say hormone-free BC).

    Nip it in the bud now.

    In the meantime, SQUAT. Go deep and heavy if you can.



  • gcibsthom
    gcibsthom Posts: 30,145 Member
    I noticed increased weight = decreased sex drive. Plus lack of cardio exercise lessens the drive, and some meds lower it as well. It's hard to tell personally, since I'm married so I can't remember the last time I had sex....Maybe if I was single I could start having sex again....the drive is high, just nobody to enjoy it with....
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,573 Member
    My highest weight was around 180-great libido, when I started losing weight it got even better.

    When I got down to 128 lbs and was trying to get lean AF, lifting heavy weights and eating LOW fat...I lost my libido completely. I mean I felt horrible. I felt like less of a woman. The combination of training, freaking out about dieting, and low fat intake just killed my libido. I do recommend that women consider their training. stress levels, and macronutrient intake when this happens.
  • Tsartele
    Tsartele Posts: 683 Member
    arditarose wrote: »
    My highest weight was around 180-great libido, when I started losing weight it got even better.

    When I got down to 128 lbs and was trying to get lean AF, lifting heavy weights and eating LOW fat...I lost my libido completely. I mean I felt horrible. I felt like less of a woman. The combination of training, freaking out about dieting, and low fat intake just killed my libido. I do recommend that women consider their training. stress levels, and macronutrient intake when this happens.

    Sounds like your issues were psychological ... more than physical
  • trvshm
    trvshm Posts: 79 Member
    I believe that it helps for sure. Working out increases both men's and woman's testosterone level and confidence. I think that there is both a physical and physiological benefit.
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