Gained Weight and Lied to BF About It
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butterfli7o wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »EvgeniZyntx wrote: »SoCalMirna wrote: »My BF and I have been working since February to help me lose weight, and overall I had lost about 10 pounds. The last few weeks have been extremely stressful at work and I gained a few pounds. When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me, so I hid it from him, and thought "I can lose those pounds and get back on track without him knowing." 2 pounds turned to 4 pounds turned to 5-6. Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him. And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him to talk about why I gained the weight: work stress, weight loss stress, not caring about myself and putting others first. He has not spoken to me in over 24 hours. Not sure what's going to happen. I guess I just need to dust myself of and try again, but ive been trying for 15 years. Maybe I need therapy...
Yes, you do.
This relationship is in the bin if your bf won't talk to you over a few pounds.
The rest? Therapy at least.
To be fair, I read it as him being upset that she lied to him. And I get that. If she's lying about something so relatively trivial, then what else is she lying to him about?
I'm sorry, but even if I lied to my husband about gaining 5 pounds, my husband wouldn't care. He definitely wouldn't be upset enough to not talk to me. That's not how I'm seeing this situation at all.
Agreed. Saying "I weigh 150 pounds" when you really weigh "155" is NOT A BIG DEAL. If my husband ignored me for 24 hours over that I'd be telling him HE needs to go to counseling. And I'd be PISSED.1 -
EvgeniZyntx wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »butterfli7o wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »EvgeniZyntx wrote: »SoCalMirna wrote: »My BF and I have been working since February to help me lose weight, and overall I had lost about 10 pounds. The last few weeks have been extremely stressful at work and I gained a few pounds. When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me, so I hid it from him, and thought "I can lose those pounds and get back on track without him knowing." 2 pounds turned to 4 pounds turned to 5-6. Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him. And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him to talk about why I gained the weight: work stress, weight loss stress, not caring about myself and putting others first. He has not spoken to me in over 24 hours. Not sure what's going to happen. I guess I just need to dust myself of and try again, but ive been trying for 15 years. Maybe I need therapy...
Yes, you do.
This relationship is in the bin if your bf won't talk to you over a few pounds.
The rest? Therapy at least.
To be fair, I read it as him being upset that she lied to him. And I get that. If she's lying about something so relatively trivial, then what else is she lying to him about?
I'm sorry, but even if I lied to my husband about gaining 5 pounds, my husband wouldn't care. He definitely wouldn't be upset enough to not talk to me. That's not how I'm seeing this situation at all.
I know people for whom it *would* be a big deal to be lied to about it though. Know them very well. And her post gives me no reason to discount that this is a factor, perhaps even the most significant factor.
Why so much discounting my life experiences?
@butterfli7o
If Jof lied to me about his body fat, I'd be really pissed off.
It affect my goals and long term strategy.
Don't discount how lying can affect others.
Why do you let someone else's body fat affect your goals?
My hubs weight and body fat has nothing to do with mine...
I don't understand that at all
My hubs body fat % doesn't affect me....1 -
The main point is to do it yourself not for anyone else, my boyfriend told me I didn't have to lose weight because he already thought I was beautiful - you need someone to lift you up not tear you down!
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AlyssaAnne03 wrote: »EvgeniZyntx wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »butterfli7o wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »EvgeniZyntx wrote: »SoCalMirna wrote: »My BF and I have been working since February to help me lose weight, and overall I had lost about 10 pounds. The last few weeks have been extremely stressful at work and I gained a few pounds. When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me, so I hid it from him, and thought "I can lose those pounds and get back on track without him knowing." 2 pounds turned to 4 pounds turned to 5-6. Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him. And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him to talk about why I gained the weight: work stress, weight loss stress, not caring about myself and putting others first. He has not spoken to me in over 24 hours. Not sure what's going to happen. I guess I just need to dust myself of and try again, but ive been trying for 15 years. Maybe I need therapy...
Yes, you do.
This relationship is in the bin if your bf won't talk to you over a few pounds.
The rest? Therapy at least.
To be fair, I read it as him being upset that she lied to him. And I get that. If she's lying about something so relatively trivial, then what else is she lying to him about?
I'm sorry, but even if I lied to my husband about gaining 5 pounds, my husband wouldn't care. He definitely wouldn't be upset enough to not talk to me. That's not how I'm seeing this situation at all.
I know people for whom it *would* be a big deal to be lied to about it though. Know them very well. And her post gives me no reason to discount that this is a factor, perhaps even the most significant factor.
Why so much discounting my life experiences?
@butterfli7o
If Jof lied to me about his body fat, I'd be really pissed off.
It affect my goals and long term strategy.
Don't discount how lying can affect others.
Why do you let someone else's body fat affect your goals?
My hubs weight and body fat has nothing to do with mine...
I don't understand that at all
My hubs body fat % doesn't affect me....
Your hubs body fat % doesn't affect me either.... but he isn't Jof.4 -
Girl...if he gets mad at you because you put on 4-6 pounds...it's time to move along. I gained 30lbs in one year and never once did he complain that I wasn't attractive enough or was too fat. He's always been lean and trim and I've always been on the struggling end. However, since I've been working so hard at trying to lose that 30 pounds he's been super supportive going with me to the gym but he would never get mad at me if I had gained weight. So you need to really think if this is the relationship for you! Good luck!0
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Weight loss and gain is a really difficult journey for lots of people, both physically and emotionally. Probably therapy would help you through the emotional and psychological aspects of your weight loss. It sounds like your boyfriend is very very invested in your weight loss, but if you are too frightened to be honest with him because of negative consequences, that will probably hinder progress; having to hide things from others adds to the stress, which, as you pointed out, is a huge factor in weight gain. It is one thing to be very hard on yourself when you put on a few pounds, but to have somebody else putting that pressure on you is a whole other level.
I wonder if therapy as a couple would do you guys some good? I am working on the assumption that you are with your partner because you love him. I could be wrong, you could have come here because you wanted a lot of people to point out that your partner's behaviour sounds unacceptable and upsetting. I can't lie, it kind of does, but I also know that sometimes my partner can be a pig-headed idiot. That doesn't mean I will up and leave him, because I'm also like that sometimes, we're all human.
So, maybe working on it together could be a goal. Either by going to therapy together, in a safe space where you can both be open and honest without outside judgement, but somebody to mediate the conversation. Or, if you feel able, you could be brutally honest with him -- does he realise that you are scared of him? Does he understand that on a weight loss journey, not every single step can be a loss? Sometimes, people gain weight? Would it help him to come to this community, and read people's stories? I, and lots of other people, gain and lose as time goes on. We're not all perfect!
Please take care of yourself, and look after your own needs. If you want some support, I'd love to add you as a friend and talk to you about it. I hope you find a way to feel better about this situation.1 -
So, it sounds like she's in an emotionally abusive relationship. She can't talk to him about her stress probably because he'll get angry or belittle her. If he gets mad at her for being stressed, or not losing weight, you'd be surprised at other trivial things he'll get mad at.
My husband gets angry at me if my son (who's 16) or I have one of his cokes (the soda, not the drug), or if I buy an extra pack of cigarettes, even though he can buy all he wants. Hell, I got yelled at for buying a new $3.00 shirt because my husband just dropped $1000 on a second Xbox one and a second monitor for his computer. To avoid fights, I lie. Not huge lies, but if he asks about a new shirt, I tell him my father bought it for me, because I don't want to be given the third degree and then be blamed because my $3.00 purchase is the reason we're tight on money this week. Because it sure as hell not the $1000 he spent.
By defending the BF, I can assume you've never been in an emotionally abusive relationship. You're lucky. She deserves some one is isn't going to treat he badly and crush her soul. So until you've walked in those shoes, you have no right to judge. Lying becomes a sanity saving defense mechanism.
Hey, are you okay? It seems like this post has brought up some difficult stuff for you, and your own marriage. You're pointing out that OP deserves someone who won't treat her badly, I wonder if you can say the same for yourself? It sounds as though you're unhappy with the way you're being treated? I'll say the same as I said in my other reply: If you want support or to talk to somebody about it, I'd be happy to listen. I know that being in a relationship like this can be totally crushing, and isolating. You don't have to just put up with it all on your own.
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lol is OP dead? did she gain and he finally snapped?
you guys are arguing about all sorts of bull and OP hasn't even replied.
If OP finally decides to reply, you're an idiot for staying in that relationship. Make a choice. Good luck OPie-1 -
Maybe op got charged with assault.
I really hope she went home and deadlifted the boyfriend for reps.
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EvgeniZyntx wrote: »AlyssaAnne03 wrote: »EvgeniZyntx wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »butterfli7o wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »EvgeniZyntx wrote: »SoCalMirna wrote: »My BF and I have been working since February to help me lose weight, and overall I had lost about 10 pounds. The last few weeks have been extremely stressful at work and I gained a few pounds. When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me, so I hid it from him, and thought "I can lose those pounds and get back on track without him knowing." 2 pounds turned to 4 pounds turned to 5-6. Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him. And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him to talk about why I gained the weight: work stress, weight loss stress, not caring about myself and putting others first. He has not spoken to me in over 24 hours. Not sure what's going to happen. I guess I just need to dust myself of and try again, but ive been trying for 15 years. Maybe I need therapy...
Yes, you do.
This relationship is in the bin if your bf won't talk to you over a few pounds.
The rest? Therapy at least.
To be fair, I read it as him being upset that she lied to him. And I get that. If she's lying about something so relatively trivial, then what else is she lying to him about?
I'm sorry, but even if I lied to my husband about gaining 5 pounds, my husband wouldn't care. He definitely wouldn't be upset enough to not talk to me. That's not how I'm seeing this situation at all.
I know people for whom it *would* be a big deal to be lied to about it though. Know them very well. And her post gives me no reason to discount that this is a factor, perhaps even the most significant factor.
Why so much discounting my life experiences?
@butterfli7o
If Jof lied to me about his body fat, I'd be really pissed off.
It affect my goals and long term strategy.
Don't discount how lying can affect others.
Why do you let someone else's body fat affect your goals?
My hubs weight and body fat has nothing to do with mine...
I don't understand that at all
My hubs body fat % doesn't affect me....
Your hubs body fat % doesn't affect me either.... but he isn't Jof.17.5%2 -
4 pages and OP never came back. Gotta love MFP. :laugh:1
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I said it before and I'll say it again:
NONE of us are living in that house. Everyone is forming an opinion based on this one post. As someone else pointed out we don't know if her lying is an on-going thing. We don't know if he's abusive but everyone is assuming he is based on this one instance that we weren't even there to witness! The OP even stated that he was helping her to lose weight which stands to reason why he would be obviously disappointed that she not only gained but lied about it.
I'm sure any one of us could come up with a story about their SO of something that they did, post that small incident here and get the same responses: leave him! You're better than that blah blah blah blah blah without knowing everything about the relationship. Heck I could come up with half a dozen things just this morning that my husband has done or said to me that would be taken completely out of context.
So yeah, go ahead and tell her to leave him, that she's better of without him without having any back ground information into the whole relationship.
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Sassie_Lassie wrote: »I said it before and I'll say it again:
NONE of us are living in that house. Everyone is forming an opinion based on this one post. As someone else pointed out we don't know if her lying is an on-going thing. We don't know if he's abusive but everyone is assuming he is based on this one instance that we weren't even there to witness! The OP even stated that he was helping her to lose weight which stands to reason why he would be obviously disappointed that she not only gained but lied about it.
I'm sure any one of us could come up with a story about their SO of something that they did, post that small incident here and get the same responses: leave him! You're better than that blah blah blah blah blah without knowing everything about the relationship. Heck I could come up with half a dozen things just this morning that my husband has done or said to me that would be taken completely out of context.
So yeah, go ahead and tell her to leave him, that she's better of without him without having any back ground information into the whole relationship.
Careful. They'll throw you into the apologist and enabler category with posts like this.6 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »Sassie_Lassie wrote: »I said it before and I'll say it again:
NONE of us are living in that house. Everyone is forming an opinion based on this one post. As someone else pointed out we don't know if her lying is an on-going thing. We don't know if he's abusive but everyone is assuming he is based on this one instance that we weren't even there to witness! The OP even stated that he was helping her to lose weight which stands to reason why he would be obviously disappointed that she not only gained but lied about it.
I'm sure any one of us could come up with a story about their SO of something that they did, post that small incident here and get the same responses: leave him! You're better than that blah blah blah blah blah without knowing everything about the relationship. Heck I could come up with half a dozen things just this morning that my husband has done or said to me that would be taken completely out of context.
So yeah, go ahead and tell her to leave him, that she's better of without him without having any back ground information into the whole relationship.
Careful. They'll throw you into the apologist and enabler category with posts like this.
Let 'em. IDGAF.
I love how people judge situations without even knowing everything that's going on. I had a "well meaning" girl come up and give me a hug in a bar and tell me she thought my husband was "being a complete and total jerk" because he "wasn't paying attention to me" when in reality he was having a meeting with someone and I was sitting there listening in. Never mind the fact that she wasn't there the two hours before said meeting took place when the two of us were having dinner and having fun with friends.
If you don't know the entire situation then keep your 'well meaning' comments to yourself. Like I said I could come up with half a dozen things my husband has said to me that would be taken 100% out of context without giving any sort of back ground as to where it came from.
(ETA: This was obviously NOT directed at you @jofjltncb6)4 -
Just wondered if the OP replied to any of these, I can't be arsed to read through all of it xx0
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StephanieJane2 wrote: »Just wondered if the OP replied to any of these, I can't be arsed to read through all of it xxHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.HAHAHA.HA.1
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Sassie_Lassie wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »Sassie_Lassie wrote: »I said it before and I'll say it again:
NONE of us are living in that house. Everyone is forming an opinion based on this one post. As someone else pointed out we don't know if her lying is an on-going thing. We don't know if he's abusive but everyone is assuming he is based on this one instance that we weren't even there to witness! The OP even stated that he was helping her to lose weight which stands to reason why he would be obviously disappointed that she not only gained but lied about it.
I'm sure any one of us could come up with a story about their SO of something that they did, post that small incident here and get the same responses: leave him! You're better than that blah blah blah blah blah without knowing everything about the relationship. Heck I could come up with half a dozen things just this morning that my husband has done or said to me that would be taken completely out of context.
So yeah, go ahead and tell her to leave him, that she's better of without him without having any back ground information into the whole relationship.
Careful. They'll throw you into the apologist and enabler category with posts like this.
Let 'em. IDGAF.
I love how people judge situations without even knowing everything that's going on. I had a "well meaning" girl come up and give me a hug in a bar and tell me she thought my husband was "being a complete and total jerk" because he "wasn't paying attention to me" when in reality he was having a meeting with someone and I was sitting there listening in. Never mind the fact that she wasn't there the two hours before said meeting took place when the two of us were having dinner and having fun with friends.
If you don't know the entire situation then keep your 'well meaning' comments to yourself. Like I said I could come up with half a dozen things my husband has said to me that would be taken 100% out of context without giving any sort of back ground as to where it came from.
(ETA: This was obviously NOT directed at you @jofjltncb6)
Just out of curiosity, you are aware how discussion forums work? A poster requesting feedback from the interwebs is not the same as some random giving you a hug. What did you expect here, she'd make a post and no one would say anything because they don't know the whole story? That's some weird *kitten*2 -
SoCalMirna wrote: »My BF and I have been working since February to help me lose weight, and overall I had lost about 10 pounds. The last few weeks have been extremely stressful at work and I gained a few pounds. When I weighed myself I was so scared because I knew my BF would be mad at me, so I hid it from him, and thought "I can lose those pounds and get back on track without him knowing." 2 pounds turned to 4 pounds turned to 5-6. Finally he had me weigh in in front of him and found out I lied to him. And it's sad, because the only reason I lied is because I don't trust him to talk about why I gained the weight: work stress, weight loss stress, not caring about myself and putting others first. He has not spoken to me in over 24 hours. Not sure what's going to happen. I guess I just need to dust myself of and try again, but ive been trying for 15 years. Maybe I need therapy...
This seems an odd relationship (based solely on this post).
Do you want to lose weight? Did you ask him for his help? When you say he would be "mad" at you for gaining do you mean he'd actually be angry, or would he simply be disappointed?
I can understand him getting upset that you've been lying but getting angry over you gaining weight is a little over the top IMO.0 -
Sassie_Lassie wrote: »jofjltncb6 wrote: »Sassie_Lassie wrote: »I said it before and I'll say it again:
NONE of us are living in that house. Everyone is forming an opinion based on this one post. As someone else pointed out we don't know if her lying is an on-going thing. We don't know if he's abusive but everyone is assuming he is based on this one instance that we weren't even there to witness! The OP even stated that he was helping her to lose weight which stands to reason why he would be obviously disappointed that she not only gained but lied about it.
I'm sure any one of us could come up with a story about their SO of something that they did, post that small incident here and get the same responses: leave him! You're better than that blah blah blah blah blah without knowing everything about the relationship. Heck I could come up with half a dozen things just this morning that my husband has done or said to me that would be taken completely out of context.
So yeah, go ahead and tell her to leave him, that she's better of without him without having any back ground information into the whole relationship.
Careful. They'll throw you into the apologist and enabler category with posts like this.
Let 'em. IDGAF.
I love how people judge situations without even knowing everything that's going on. I had a "well meaning" girl come up and give me a hug in a bar and tell me she thought my husband was "being a complete and total jerk" because he "wasn't paying attention to me" when in reality he was having a meeting with someone and I was sitting there listening in. Never mind the fact that she wasn't there the two hours before said meeting took place when the two of us were having dinner and having fun with friends.
If you don't know the entire situation then keep your 'well meaning' comments to yourself. Like I said I could come up with half a dozen things my husband has said to me that would be taken 100% out of context without giving any sort of back ground as to where it came from.
(ETA: This was obviously NOT directed at you @jofjltncb6)
Just out of curiosity, you are aware how discussion forums work? A poster requesting feedback from the interwebs is not the same as some random giving you a hug. What did you expect here, she'd make a post and no one would say anything because they don't know the whole story? That's some weird *kitten*
Actually no, it's not different. The girl in the restaurant assumed my husband was being an *kitten* to me without even knowing anything about what was going on.
Everyone is assuming that the OP is in an abusive relationship without knowing anything about their background. I understand that she went on here to vent but it seems like everyone's initial reaction is to tell them to get rid of their boyfriend, husband what have you. I typically like to get the whole picture of a situation before making a judgement call.0
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