Lost sex drive?
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cassiecalhoun wrote: »Okay, I'm married with two kids. Been married for 5 years. Kids are 1 & 3. I haven't had a sex drive in... Over 6 months? All I want is to want sex again. And don't get me wrong, when I do have sex, it's good stuff. I just can't remember the last time I felt like I had to have it.
I'm hoping that eating better /working out will help, but I've not heard anyone mention that as a bonus side effect. I've not gained a lot of weight (currently 135), not super stressed... I don't get it.
Has anyone noticed a boost in that department??
(wasn't too sure which thread would be best for this, so I chose the most open - minded one)
I've noticed after every time I train legs I'm really horny after. So I train them twice, sometimes three times a week.0 -
I've been married going on 11 years. We've had many ebbs and flows in regards to our sex life during this time. A lot of just comes with the territory I think...especially where young kids are involved. Mine are 6 and almost 4 and there were a few years in there where it definitely took a back seat to just trying to get some sleep when we could.
Both my wife and I have gone through a health transformation and working out regularly has helped our sex drive...but also just making time for each other. It's easy to get caught up in the juggling act of family life, career, etc. A couple of years ago we really made it a point to just have "us" time...take the kids to grandmas or get a baby sitter and just go out for a nice dinner or get a room for a night or two at one of the nearby resorts, etc...doing these kinds of things has really upped our sex drive...we're really "flowing" as of late.0 -
cassiecalhoun wrote: »Okay, I'm married with two kids. Been married for 5 years. Kids are 1 & 3. I haven't had a sex drive in... Over 6 months? All I want is to want sex again. And don't get me wrong, when I do have sex, it's good stuff. I just can't remember the last time I felt like I had to have it.
I'm hoping that eating better /working out will help, but I've not heard anyone mention that as a bonus side effect. I've not gained a lot of weight (currently 135), not super stressed... I don't get it.
Has anyone noticed a boost in that department??
(wasn't too sure which thread would be best for this, so I chose the most open - minded one)
Losing weight, eating healthy, living healthy. All increased my sex drive. Even my wife who is a bigger beautiful lady has an increase when she worksout more.0 -
You know, it gets better. When my kids were small, I absolutely lost my sex drive, mostly because I was so very exhausted ALL OF THE TIME. It's super hard to feel in the mood or even sexy, when you have little people pulling on you all day. And let's be honest - they are our LIVES. I say that mine are the loves of my life, and they are. Giving anything else to your husband/SO just seems like the most incredible, daunting effort.
My kids are now 25, 22 and 18 and my sex drive and my sex life (with my flat out amazing husband) is INCREDIBLE. I do not however mean to say that it will take 20 years until you feel like getting it on again LOL It tends to come back when you are well rested and have a bit more time. Hang in there. It's coming back
my kids are 23 and almost 21 and nothing works for me. I even lost a good bit of weight and look better and still nothing. so what works for some doesnt work for others and some hit their peaks at different times too.I have nothing but time and get enough sleep most of the time. Im just a sad case lol0 -
arditarose wrote: »My highest weight was around 180-great libido, when I started losing weight it got even better.
When I got down to 128 lbs and was trying to get lean AF, lifting heavy weights and eating LOW fat...I lost my libido completely. I mean I felt horrible. I felt like less of a woman. The combination of training, freaking out about dieting, and low fat intake just killed my libido. I do recommend that women consider their training. stress levels, and macronutrient intake when this happens.
Kind of a relief to hear I'm not the only one who's felt this. My macros/fat intake are fine, but the combination of a (very small!) calorie deficit and training hard saps my energy. The last thing my body wants is sex. It's terrible feeling like I'm putting in so much work to be sexy and then not enjoy the sexy part of it! Especially since you constantly hear that working out is supposed to boost your libido... Not the experience I've had.1 -
I've lost 30 pounds and my sex drive is pretty high.
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Ya know it could be food related, my wife had some wedding cake and her sex drive dropped by about 90%!8
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I'm horny fat, I'm horny thin, I'm horny just as much now as in my teens & twenties. I think it all boils down to individual sex drive.
Talking to my girlfriends some go weeks or months and they and their spouses seem happy and content. I do agree with others, I assume some couples become complacent and it becomes the new normal for them.
But when two horn dogs get married...it makes for 25 years of fun! Just saying!
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Your kids are really young and sometimes it's just hard going from mom-mode to sexy-mode. Add in fatigue, busy schedule, not feeling your best weight-wise and it's really easy to lose your sex drive.
But I agree with folks here - as you work out and lose weight and get more of those moments where you catch yourself in the mirror and think, "Wow, I'm hot!" things will likely shift.
You may want to try an herb called Maca - it's south American I believe and it definitely increases sex drive in my experience.0 -
CharlieBeansmomTracey wrote: »well Im 41(42 in aug) and have been working out for almost 4 years and that hasnt helped me at all! I have lost 44 lbs and look better than I did and again nothing. no drive at all.Dont know when I lost mine but all my hormones are where they are supposed to be and its not the birth control I dont think because its the same kind I was on before I lost it.I cant go off them due to fibroids and heavy periods.we have tried lots of things to spice it up and nada. so for some of us women sometimes you lose your drive and nothing will bring it back. I also hate talking to drs about it because the first thing they ask me is if Im depressed and NO,Im not. They say most women hit their peak in their 40s,well this woman hasnt. Um glad my hubby understands it though and we talk about it,its not easy though
A little testosterone supplementation can do wonders - though I know that's not for everyone. There's also an herb I've used called Maca and it definitely had an effect on my drive.0 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Do you believe this is the truth?jajomo0118 wrote: » I'm horny fat, I'm horny thin, I'm horny just as much now as in my teens & twenties. I think it all boils down to individual sex drive.
Talking to my girlfriends some go weeks or months and they and their spouses seem happy and content. I do agree with others, I assume some couples become complacent and it becomes the new normal for them.
But when two horn dogs get married...it makes for 25 years of fun! Just saying!
What truth is that? That I am a horny old fart? Or that it boils down to individual sex drive? 2 -
CharlieBeansmomTracey wrote: »well Im 41(42 in aug) and have been working out for almost 4 years and that hasnt helped me at all! I have lost 44 lbs and look better than I did and again nothing. no drive at all.Dont know when I lost mine but all my hormones are where they are supposed to be and its not the birth control I dont think because its the same kind I was on before I lost it.I cant go off them due to fibroids and heavy periods.we have tried lots of things to spice it up and nada. so for some of us women sometimes you lose your drive and nothing will bring it back. I also hate talking to drs about it because the first thing they ask me is if Im depressed and NO,Im not. They say most women hit their peak in their 40s,well this woman hasnt. Um glad my hubby understands it though and we talk about it,its not easy though
A little testosterone supplementation can do wonders - though I know that's not for everyone. There's also an herb I've used called Maca and it definitely had an effect on my drive.
not going to mess around with hormones when my levels are in the normal range. not a good thing to do IMO. as for the maca there is not enough medical and scientific evidence that supports it works for that reason. maybe its a placebo effect? thanks for trying to help though. I do appreciate it0 -
CharlieBeansmomTracey wrote: »CharlieBeansmomTracey wrote: »well Im 41(42 in aug) and have been working out for almost 4 years and that hasnt helped me at all! I have lost 44 lbs and look better than I did and again nothing. no drive at all.Dont know when I lost mine but all my hormones are where they are supposed to be and its not the birth control I dont think because its the same kind I was on before I lost it.I cant go off them due to fibroids and heavy periods.we have tried lots of things to spice it up and nada. so for some of us women sometimes you lose your drive and nothing will bring it back. I also hate talking to drs about it because the first thing they ask me is if Im depressed and NO,Im not. They say most women hit their peak in their 40s,well this woman hasnt. Um glad my hubby understands it though and we talk about it,its not easy though
A little testosterone supplementation can do wonders - though I know that's not for everyone. There's also an herb I've used called Maca and it definitely had an effect on my drive.
not going to mess around with hormones when my levels are in the normal range. not a good thing to do IMO. as for the maca there is not enough medical and scientific evidence that supports it works for that reason. maybe its a placebo effect? thanks for trying to help though. I do appreciate it
Of course. Not pushing - just saying what has worked for me
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Women get all kinds of gentle advice and tips about low libido. Men just get laughed at. You may now laugh.2
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MissusMoon wrote: »Having kids ages 1-3 was a libido killer for me, no matter what weight I was at, no matter what I was eating. It's an exhausting time and life isn't all that sexy in general.
It gets better.
Exactly. We had sex MUCH less frequently, but when it happened we really needed it. As the kids have gotten older we got more time back for sex and such. Working out has REALLY increased my drive which was already active. Will say, practicing self love can help keep your body active and take the edge off between times you can be together.
And it is natural and normal for sex drive to ean and crest.
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jajomo0118 wrote: » I'm horny fat, I'm horny thin, I'm horny just as much now as in my teens & twenties. I think it all boils down to individual sex drive.
Talking to my girlfriends some go weeks or months and they and their spouses seem happy and content. I do agree with others, I assume some couples become complacent and it becomes the new normal for them.
But when two horn dogs get married...it makes for 25 years of fun! Just saying!
I bet...i need to find my horn dog in life0 -
I think exercise and diet play a huge role in this department, since getting in better shape mine has increased dramatically0
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I'm quite open about the fact that I'm in essentially a sexless marriage and very unhappy about it. I'm the "high libido" person. My spouse has refused to seek any kind of help; every time we've discussed it, he's agreed with me that there's a problem but he's made no attempt to change things. The only time I've had a missing libido was when I had some complications with our youngest child and was in and out of the hospital and on bedrest.
I'd suggest reading "The Sex-Starved Marriage." If you're a Reddit user, there's a subreddit, deadbedrooms, that may help. Most of the posters are the high libido half of a relationship, but I think it's important for the lower libido person to see what happens if you leave the situation unchecked.
FWIW, when I'm training more cardio, my libido is normal for me. When I'm lifting, it skyrockets.
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Like I said before.... After getting married, it's like eating oatmeal. Not that exciting anymore.
I have oatmeal almost every morning. Of course it isn't as fancy or exciting as trying new meals or going out for something really good - those happen occasionally - but it satisfies the immediate needs until those days can come.
You see wut I did thar?
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..Most of the posters are the high libido half of a relationship, but I think it's important for the lower libido person to see what happens if you leave the situation unchecked.
It is pretty typical to see what happens when unchecked. They go to online areas to find other sexually aroused but unsatisfied people for cyber and attention.
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Do you believe this is the truth?jajomo0118 wrote: » I'm horny fat, I'm horny thin, I'm horny just as much now as in my teens & twenties. I think it all boils down to individual sex drive.
Talking to my girlfriends some go weeks or months and they and their spouses seem happy and content. I do agree with others, I assume some couples become complacent and it becomes the new normal for them.
But when two horn dogs get married...it makes for 25 years of fun! Just saying!
Absolute truth in what she says...23 years living in sin with my guy, and we're still all over each other...it may not happen every day thanx to "life" but our heads and bods are still in the game, waiting for our nite off together.....horndogs unite!1 -
If married sex is like eating oatmeal, you're doing it wrong. Or maybe I'm not enjoying oatmeal like I should.
Low sex drive is pretty much to be expected in the year or so following giving birth, particularly if it was a difficult delivery, if breastfeeding, etc. One of the joys of motherhood. I also had problems after going on medication, which got better the longer I was on the Med. Keep communicating with your partner and do talk to your doctor if it's causing serious worry for you. But I think highs and lows are part of any long-term relationship and not necessarily a sign that somethings wrong.1 -
I usually lose mine a couple minutes every day but it comes back pretty quick.1
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Been married for 13 years. We have sex maybe twice a year. I'm just not into it anymore... I know my husband isn't happy but it's just really uncomfortable for me to force myself to do it. Losing weight didn't change anything (except make it harder for him probably).
Honestly though, it doesn't help that I'm a SAHM and with kids over me all day the last thing I want is being touched. And to be fair, I'm not really attracted by my husband anymore either.. so it doesn't really help... but I was never really into sex in the first place, truth be told.0 -
Ironically, menopause brings the same set of "meh-ness". There are plant-based foods that can mimic estrogen: soy and flaxseed come to mind. They are recommended to take the rollercoaster ride of hormones down a notch, but partly why they work is that they build up estrogen, which is usually waning. Soy is easy - either make a smoothie with soy milk; or toss a cube of tofu into a shake (makes it nice and thick).1
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