'I'm fat and happy' article. Thoughts?
Replies
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She talks of peace and attributes it to being fat while talking of new medication for her bipolar disorder. While I'm not arguing that it's possible to be fat and happy but it strikes me as odd that she doesn't even consider that the meds are helping with the peace of mind.
Happiness is important and should not be tied to your weight. But health is important and obesity is a disease and significantly raises your risk of many other diseases.6 -
VintageFeline wrote: »Really, that article is less about weight and more about finding contentment within yourself regardless of how you're physically packaged. Something we should all aspire to.
I've been content with my physical appearance when fat and am still now that I'm less fat. I hope to be content when I get to goal too.
So yeah, this about finding inner peace and not being reliant on external factors. It could easily apply to jobs, partners, money etc. It just so happens her measure is her weight.
If you are content with your physical appearance what drives to try and lose weight?
(Genuine question, not trying to be snarky)
Health, of course. It's easy to be fat and happy. It's not easy to fat and healthy for long. Loving myself and my life is what has always driven me to weight control.4 -
I think this article is potentially harmful as the author obviously has disordered thinking regarding body image and food, and is attempting to convey a message based on that disordered thinking. While the underlying message of accepting one's self is great, her methodology for deriving that conclusion is harmful imo. Maintaining a size that falls into the healthy category doesn't require starvation or excessive exercise, and her statements of sacrifice and minimal nutrition make it seem that the only way to maintain a healthy size is to severely restrict one's diet and to exercise for hours each, which is false.
Individuals who are obese may potentially read this article and completely give up modifying their lifestyle because the author essentially states that living a healthy size is not realistic, and that can be damaging to their health. Yes, making lifestyle changes is difficult and requires effort and energy initially as we are creatures of habit and lifestyle changes temporarily take us out of our comfort zones until we acclimate. Reasonable changes can be implemented over time and do not require an excessive amount of thought or energy to implement and maintain, as weight loss is not a race. The end result of small changes overtime can yield huge benefits in terms of overall health. I interpreted the author's overall message as one of "don't bother trying, it's too hard and unsustainable", which is very inaccurate.
I think the author's focus should be more on her mental health and less on her weight as I believe her weight to be a symptom of larger issues. I suspect if she addressed the mental health issues her weight would no longer be a focus as she would be in a better state of mind, and would probably lose weight unintentionally by not comfort eating to handle stress. I also think her lack of sleep also has a huge impact on her frame of mind and diet, and if she forced herself to get adequate sleep many other areas of her life would improve. All in all, I don't think she needs to be a spokesperson for body image or diet as she has outstanding unresolved issues at play an should not be in a position to give advice as she is not an authority on the subject matter and remains in an unhealthy state [mentally] herself. She has given up on maintaining a healthy weight because she was trying to do so in unsustainable ways, she has not actually made any progress forward towards a healthy lifestyle, and should not be advocating for other people to just give up as she did.12 -
I thought the article was great, I just hope she is being true to herself. If she is way happier than that is really fantastic.
Not many people are really and truly happy being overweight. For all the reasons given above. For all the reasons we are all on this forum. I have lost count of celebrities who said 'I'm happy fat!' then lost 100lbs and said 'I was pretending to be happy fat'.
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I wasn't able to finish the article because my phone didn't like the web page, but if it continues in the same fashion, then I have no problem with it.
If her point is that attaining a certain weight does not guarantee happiness, then I wholeheartedly agree. Losing weight has its benefits, especially starting from a very high BMI, and can improve quality of life, but it won't fix your life.
I was suicidal at my previous lowest weight. The happiest two years of my life happened when I weighed 300+. I'm now back to my lowest, and I am going to fight and continue on with weight loss and management, but I am not a brand new person with a brand new life. I think people often believe they will be someone different if they lose a lot of weight.
From a health perspective, I am doing much better not being 300+ pounds, but I may never reach normal BMI. That's fine. There are different levels of risk. There's a stark difference from how my body felt at a BMI in the upper 50's and my current still-obese BMI of 30.
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I too appreciate her message that your happiness shouldn't be tied to a dress size or a scale weight. However I also wish she hasn't painted her approach to being thin as the norm, because it is clear she lost weight in a very unhealthy way- body and mind. Her article makes people who count calories sound like obsessive zealots incapable of enjoying life, simply because that was how she felt.
I was probably about the same size as her current pic at my heaviest and my weight now is about the same as her lowest (definitely don't have her abs though!). I have never been happier because I took an approach which was manageable and sustainable rather than overly restricting as she did. I feel her message may discourage some who are considering weight loss via counting calories because they think it won't work, that they will be miserable, etc.5 -
What I took away from the article was that she was unhappy for a long time with her body and life. She has a bipolar disorder. Being thin didn't fix it. Her job didn't fix it. Marriage and divorce didn't fix it. Having kids didn't fix it
Doing intense and overly restrictive things to get thin and stay thin didn't help her mentally. Gaining weight didn't fix her problems either. Getting on medication and getting her head in a better place has made her happier and that is more important than her size to her. She happens to be happier while being a bigger size. She could have been happier at a smaller size if her head was in the right place and she were doing sustainae things.
I get that size or outer appearance doesn't equal happiness or contentment. I don't think the people coming here trying to lose 30 lbs in a month to fit in a dress or wear a bikini on their vacation will believe her at all. They believe happiness is looking a certain way in a bikini no matter what.2 -
I am not sure how I feel about this article. I eat cake, eat pizza and drink wine as long as it is in moderation, but I don't do it every day. Yes I exercise, but I have found what I love to do (lift and to hell with cardio til I die). I think this article is judgmental because she was living a unhealthy lifestyle before and sound like the same now and that's ok? I wish this article was more about being healthy and "fat" not "don't give a $#!+ and fat".
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Yeah the "I'm the one who looks like a mother" got me irritated too. She doesn't look like my mom, who had 4 kids, and she doesn't look like me, I have 4 kids. She doesn't look like the ex of my fiance, who had 5.
Skinny moms are moms, stereotyping "mom" as "fat" is messed up all sorts of ways, and bothers me exactly the same ways as "real women have curves" does.
Other than that, I think it's an OK essay. She's not unhealthy fat, she's active and happy and eating moderately and this is how her body looks, it's good that she is happy with it. I only think it's wrong that she extrapolates that out to say that anyone doing that will be fat, most of us won't, and very very wrong that she uses her experience to build a worldview that says that any thin mom is doing something unhealthy to maintain her body.1 -
If you are content with your physical appearance what drives to try and lose weight?
(Genuine question, not trying to be snarky)
I think I am sexy as can be and I love myself to the fullest.
I want to lose weight because:
1. I love a challenge
2. I want to ride the kiddie rides with my son at Busch Gardens
3. I want to be a stripper or dancer and well they don't do well with plus sizes
I'm also saving money on food costs by not eating out.. I have always enjoyed the gym and finally have the work schedule to go to it.
I have literally been fat since I was a young child. I don't know anything else but this.. and I spent a lot of my youth hating myself, hating my appearance and being low. I listened to others opinions instead of my own and I *am* happy with my looks physically. I am not ugly. I prefer large men and large women sexually. You can be content with your physical appearance but still change it for other reasons.0 -
As I read it i took a few things away.
1) That she didn't enjoy logging her diet and weight.I attained by eating a “plentiful” 1,000 calories a day; by running 35 miles a week (10 on Sunday); by sleeping an average of three hours a day; by counting every bit of food I ate, down to a single cherry tomato; by writing and tracking my weight every day for a year; by running the stairs of the hospital during my 12-hour shifts;
The constant chore of making sure every morsel of food is accounted for is daunting and challenging. And I really get that. I really do. And I understand the countless hours away from family and friends while you're cranking away on your bike, pounding the pavement in your running shoes. Or grunting away as you blister your hands with free wights. I fully understand it.
2) She was sick of denying herself.by losing my period; by denying myself food when I was hungry; by denying myself sleep.
3) she was sick of the unwanted and unwarranted attentionBeing a size 4 made strangers’ heads turn. Repeatedly. It made men in the grocery store hit on me and doctors at the hospital propose torrid affairs.
4) She was sick of the constant self image battleIt made me obsessive about every detail of my body, from my stretch-marked belly to the definition of my bicep.
But she words it perfectlyBut now, I see dramatic changes not only in my body, but also in my mind. There is a stillness, a joy, and a peace I’ve never had. It’s worth 10 pounds. Ten pounds are insignificant when compared to my willingness to let some things go, to sit with my kids, to sleep.
and In my honest opinion ....Sometimes you just need to do you, and be happy about it, and be confident about it. And I don't blame her.5 -
I'd be willing to bet that if she lost weight in a sustainable way and took the new meds, she would be even happier.
To me, if you have to tell people you are happy, you aren't as happy as you think.20 -
The other body you see there, the body of “physical hotness,” I attained by eating a “plentiful” 1,000 calories a day; by running 35 miles a week (10 on Sunday); by sleeping an average of three hours a day; by counting every bit of food I ate, down to a single cherry tomato; by writing and tracking my weight every day for a year; by running the stairs of the hospital during my 12-hour shifts; by losing my period; by denying myself food when I was hungry; by denying myself sleep.
^^^^^^ Yeah I would be pretty *kitten* pissy too, her body was probably exhausted . I understand wanting to be fit and healthy ..... but there are a few areas in this paragraph that I do not think are very healthy. but that is just me1 -
some people just want to eat whatever they want whenever they want and that is a lot about that 600 lb show. I don't think you can be happy without discipline in every area of your life. That said I have fat friends who have very successful lives, good husbands but still I know they would be happier with self control in their food intake, you just feel better and look better and don't have all the health problems not to mention self esteem.
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I'd be willing to bet that if she lost weight in a sustainable way and took the new meds, she would be even happier.
To me, if you have to tell people you are happy, you aren't as happy as you think.
Agreed. It's like people on Facebook that have "perfect" relationships and somehow think their news feeds have to know every two seconds. Meanwhile, the compensating is evident. I think people have the right to be happy at a range of weights and I hope she truly is, but what she was doing to be thin isn't necessary.
I'm 5'3" and 111 pounds. I don't workout all day long and I eat 2000+ calories per day. Whatever she was doing, she was doing it wrong. She also said she had a six pack which I don't see in that photo at all. She doesn't look bad, but you can tell she didn't even lift. She was doing whatever it took to be sick, not fit.
Also I'm not a mom and never will be, but moms come in all shapes and sizes. That statement reeked of "real women have curves".5 -
No one can possibly know how someone else feels.
If she says she's happy, why doubt it? Because you wouldn't be happy?
Holding someone else to your standards of what makes you happy, or unhappy, is not necessarily true for anyone else.
Anything is possible, why not take her word for how she feels. She knows herself, the rest of us don't.0 -
From a mental health perspective, she did not treat her body well to manage her bipolar disorder. Severely restricting herself and overexercising, and the impact that can create on her wellbeing, coupled with a lack of sleep-all would set her up for an exacerbation of symptoms. And as someone else mentioned, her improved mood could very well be due to medication.
But overall I agree with others stating that she is not someone who should be considered a "how to" of weight loss or body acceptance. There are others who are more well balanced in their approaches.1 -
goldthistime wrote: »smotheredincheese wrote: »I agree with her on this point: Happiness does not require thinness. Fatness does not presume sadness.
Things are changing for me, I am managing to keep my weight stable no matter how happy or sad I am, but for most of my life you didn't really have to ask me "How've you been?". You could see the answer before asking. If I'd been feeling overwhelmed, my weight was up. If I'd been happy and in control, my weight was down. I have to remind myself that everyone else isn't me, but thin=happy and fat=sad are my automatic thoughts.
Ditto. I can recall almost every happy time in my life and they were when I was thinner, and the sad times when I was heavier. I don't really fluctuate much and never have (10lbs or so with the exception of pregnancy and one year long super thin time), but I base most of my happiness on how I feel about my weight. I hate it.
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »VintageFeline wrote: »Really, that article is less about weight and more about finding contentment within yourself regardless of how you're physically packaged. Something we should all aspire to.
I've been content with my physical appearance when fat and am still now that I'm less fat. I hope to be content when I get to goal too.
So yeah, this about finding inner peace and not being reliant on external factors. It could easily apply to jobs, partners, money etc. It just so happens her measure is her weight.
If you are content with your physical appearance what drives to try and lose weight?
(Genuine question, not trying to be snarky)
Health, of course. It's easy to be fat and happy. It's not easy to fat and healthy for long. Loving myself and my life is what has always driven me to weight control.
I'm not sure that's true, the bit about not easy being fat and healthy for long. I got fat eating whole, minimally processed foods, whole grains, fruits, vegetables, lean meats, superfoods, etc. I enjoy food, obviously. And even while obese, I've had wonderful checkups, including full labs to check hormone and vitamin levels. I had no deficiencies. And cholesterol, blood pressure, hormone levels, etc. were all just as great as when I was 17 and skinny. Until those check ups, I thought that I was headed down a path to illness simply because I was fat. Now, I just want to lose weight for my appearance.
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VintageFeline wrote: »Really, that article is less about weight and more about finding contentment within yourself regardless of how you're physically packaged. Something we should all aspire to.
I've been content with my physical appearance when fat and am still now that I'm less fat. I hope to be content when I get to goal too.
So yeah, this about finding inner peace and not being reliant on external factors. It could easily apply to jobs, partners, money etc. It just so happens her measure is her weight.
If you are content with your physical appearance what drives to try and lose weight?
(Genuine question, not trying to be snarky)
I'm not the person who you are addressing, but I am on the same page as her about being happy fat and smaller. For me, I started losing weight as a by product of wanting to be healthier. I didn't really have a weight loss goal... I picked my goal for MFP based on my vanity and some vague ideas about what I might look like at 164. I was 304 and I'm too vain to admit that I might have been twice as heavy as I "ought" to be, so 152 was too low... 164 was an even 140 loss, so that seemed like a good number. But I honestly never, ever, ever thought I'd see anything under 240 unless I was terminally ill. Really. My REAL goal was to not lose any of the mobility I had and to still be able to get off the floor without help and to continue to be able to fit in my bathtub, and to hopefully improve some of my bloodwork numbers... basically to not gain and and to not lose ground with regard to my health.
But when I started getting stronger and the weight started falling off, I began to get curious about what I was eating, and if I could make improvements to my nutrition. That's when I found MFP. I discovered I didn't eat as much fiber as I thought. Then I realized that I ate more sugar than I realized. Then I realized my protein intake was a little on the low side. Then I started noticing patterns between how much energy I had, how hungry I felt, and what I ate. I tweaked my dietary choices to maximize my energy level and minimize food/sugar cravings. In a year, I had lost 90 pounds!
2 1/2 years ago I discovered Dragon Boating and fell in love with the sport. So now I actually want to reach my original goal, and probably even make it to that 1/2 my size number because I want to be competitive on the boat and I want to be paddling for MANY years to come!
I also have been stunned by how differently I am treated now that I'm smaller. It's bizarre! It seems like people take me much more seriously and with more respect. I honestly didn't see that coming. I didn't realize how much my appearance affected how people treated me.
So now, the work that goes into staying smaller is worth it to me. However, I also realize how easy it would be to weigh 300 pounds again if my life was changed by some catastrophe or another. I am not a person who can stay under 250 without a good bit of planning and personal responsibility. It isn't natural for me.
But that's why I'm losing weight. I like the side effects of being smaller. It's nice not to carry around all those parts of me that I'm not using.4 -
eveandqsmom wrote: »I think the article is misrepresented. It is not the comparison of fat to thin, it is a comparison between being overweight and having an eating disorder. I guess if those were my only two options I'd choose overweight too...but it's unfortunate that she doesn't seem to understand that there is a way to get healthy without killing herself.
I agree whole heartedly with this. I think the article said she got help for her bipolar disorder but I'm wondering if she got help for her disordered eating/exercising patterns. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't remember her saying that.
Point being, it IS possible to be fit and "thin" without starving yourself. I was exactly like her but I'm 28 now. So a bit younger. Back when I was 19-20, I was treated for anorexia. Did the exact same things she did. Over exercised and underate to the extreme. Getting help for my eating disorder allowed me to get my thoughts in check and slowly understand how to eat properly. I was diagnosed bipolar I at 24. My moods and behaviors were always erratic but it came to a head at 24. I blew up in weight shortly after my diagnosis because I wasn't stable yet.
Then... I lost the weight in a healthy manner. I'm in the best shape of my life. My moods are stable and I'm a functioning human being.
That being said, I still remember all I learned from ED treatment. I know I get obsessive about things and was going down that road again. Which is why I'm not counting calories anymore. Focusing on being healthy and eating to fuel my body. If it weren't for my ED treatment, I would have gone down the same disordered eating path. I learned coping mechanisms that I will utilize for my entire life.
There's a huge difference between bipolar treatment and actual ED treatment. Both helped me in different ways. This is why I was wondering if she actually got help for her ED specifically.
Sorry so long!1 -
snowflake930 wrote: »No one can possibly know how someone else feels.
If she says she's happy, why doubt it? Because you wouldn't be happy?
Holding someone else to your standards of what makes you happy, or unhappy, is not necessarily true for anyone else.
Anything is possible, why not take her word for how she feels. She knows herself, the rest of us don't.
Because the OP asked opinions.1 -
I liked the article. I also don't assume that the author is finished and set with where she is. A lot of people evolve in how they relate to their weight, and that she's medicated properly now (or so it seems) is relevant. I wouldn't be surprised if feeling good about herself and comfortable with her body allows her to focus on losing some weight in a more sensible way that is neither as obsessive or fueled by dissatisfaction with herself as described. It wasn't me, since I never was that obsessed with being thin or how I looked, even when I was at my thinnest, but I know and have read lots of people who were able to lose weight in a healthy and sustainable way that made them happy only after getting way from the dieting and focus on body world for a while and accepting themselves as is.3
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This is a woman who only thinks in extremes. You're either obese or anorexic no exceptions in her mind.
As for "try and be fat and happy," noooo thank you. When I was overweight i was miserable. I was depressed, my body perpetually ached, I was constantly tired, constantly sick. My hobby was napping because it was all I ever wanted to do. Then I started eating better, lost quite a few pounds but am certainly not a skinny Minnie, and all those problems I just listed went away. Every. Single. One. So while I think someone can be perfectly content as an overweight person, for me it was not a good time so the blanket statement we should all just let ourselves go kinda irks me. I mean I'm sure (I hope) that's not what she meant but her wording kind of rubs me the wrong way.2 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »VintageFeline wrote: »Really, that article is less about weight and more about finding contentment within yourself regardless of how you're physically packaged. Something we should all aspire to.
I've been content with my physical appearance when fat and am still now that I'm less fat. I hope to be content when I get to goal too.
So yeah, this about finding inner peace and not being reliant on external factors. It could easily apply to jobs, partners, money etc. It just so happens her measure is her weight.
If you are content with your physical appearance what drives to try and lose weight?
(Genuine question, not trying to be snarky)
Health, of course. It's easy to be fat and happy. It's not easy to fat and healthy for long. Loving myself and my life is what has always driven me to weight control.
I'm not sure that's true, the bit about not easy being fat and healthy for long. I got fat eating whole, minimally processed foods, whole grains, fruits, vegetables, lean meats, superfoods, etc. I enjoy food, obviously. And even while obese, I've had wonderful checkups, including full labs to check hormone and vitamin levels. I had no deficiencies. And cholesterol, blood pressure, hormone levels, etc. were all just as great as when I was 17 and skinny. Until those check ups, I thought that I was headed down a path to illness simply because I was fat. Now, I just want to lose weight for my appearance.
This was all true for me, but the truth is that even though lots of people can be fat without having health issues immediately, it creates higher risk of health issues as time goes on. So I lost weight for health reasons as well as appearance (I admit that appearance plus the fact I just feel better and can do more athletically when thin were more significant motivators for me).0 -
I think she is right that just being in shape is not going to magically change all the *kitten* things in your life and guarantee happiness. What I will say though is that for those of us who have eaten our feelings as it were, to combat the things in our lives that cause unhappiness, getting control of that one area seems to be a catalyst for dealing with the root causes.
For many many people, over eating and the resulting obesity isn't the cause of the unhappiness, it's a result.5 -
I like this discussion because for me it is helpful once in a while to ask myself, "Hmm, why am I doing this again?" Without that, I have a tendency to lose my focus when one more social occasion pops up. The answer for me always comes back to feeling so much better when I'm not overeating and when I'm fairly active. Thanks to MFP I know that I don't have to suffer to accomplish these things. That is where I feel for the author of the article. She hasn't figured out that sweet spot yet of moderation, but as others have said, she might still figure it out.2
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BillMcKay1 wrote: »For many many people, over eating and the resulting obesity isn't the cause of the unhappiness, it's a result.
Honestly, for some people,(and I am only speaking for myself) they overeat because they love food, and eating food makes them happy because it tastes great. I Love Food! The result of overindulging may not make us happy, but getting there sure does. I know for a fact that I am not happier at a normal weight than I was when I was obese. I am however, happier, to be able to wear normal sized clothing. I do miss overindulging in foods that I love.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, as the OP was asking for thoughts on this, or Hornsby, doesn't mine count because I may actually think the woman may know herself.
Posters are entitled to doubt the woman, but so am I entitled to think that she knows herself better than anyone and is entitled to the benefit of the doubt.
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I think that it is good to feel good about yourself at what ever weight you are. In my opinion she had an eating disorder. I can't imagine only eating 1000 calories a day or even worse only sleeping 3 hours per night. No wonder she wasn't happy. I do think that getting her bipolar disorder under control probably has more to do with her happiness than her weight. I wasn't necessarily any more or less unhappy when I was heavy than I am now. But I feel a lot better now than I did then. I don't starve myself or deprive myself of things that I like to eat or deprive myself of sleep. I only do exercise that I enjoy and I find that the better shape I am in the more I enjoy exercise. I do think that it is true that if you are fat and unhappy that losing weight isn't going to magically fix the problems that make you unhappy. But being healthier and feeling better can help you to get in a place where you can fix those things.
I also didn't like her comment about being the one who looked like a mother. As if mothers can only look a certain way. Although I do think that she looks like the mother in that picture because she looks older than the other women in the picture, not because of her weight.0 -
I will never agree with people who say they are fat and happy. It's not possible. They just want to be that way and settle because they don't want to try to do anything to not be fat anymore because it's too hard to lose weight. That may sound harsh but I've been there myself and thought that way myself at times. It's never okay to be fat or obese, health-wise mainly, but not good.0
This discussion has been closed.
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